A/N: Okay, I'm not really sure what I'm doing but here you go.
"I love you."
It takes a few seconds for you to even comprehend the words that had just tumbled out of your mouth, and when you do your breath hitches in your throat because oh shit you just confessed to him fuck fuck fuck you werent supposed to yet, you're not ready for what he might say, what he might think, fuck.
You wanted, more than ever now, to be able to hide behind your usual facade, one of the many unhealthy habits that your Bro has engraved into you, the one you've always relied on to keep others out of your thoughts. But you can't. You're a deer in the middle of the road- eyes transfixed on the headlights of an oncoming car and you really can't think worth shit right now.
He takes a few agonizing seconds to respond, his deep blue eyes so wide with raw shock and you held your breath without even realizing it until he finally responded, and when he did it felt like the air was kicked out of you.
He snorted, and laughed. "Oh my god, Dave. for a second there I thought you were serious," he mused, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth as he giggled like the adorkable little thing he was, and it made your chest swell even though what he said cut you like a knife.
You planned to agree with him, to tell him that yeah, you were kidding, haha the joke's on you, Egbert, no homo, but panic settled in you as you opened your mouth to speak, but no words formed, and you closed it, unsettled. Your face burned with embarrassment and anger and sadness and love for him that you could never and probably will never find any words to properly describe and you legitimately hate yourself for staying so silent and having to watch the energy drain right from his face as almost a full minute passes over the course of your silence.
The bucktoothed grin that stretched his face faded slowly, an eerily blank expression overcoming it.
It was so weird to hear the usually peppy John Egbert's voice so bland and monotone compared to his usual quirky speech patterns, it made you even more uncomfortable than you were already. You turned your head, averting your gaze from him because oh god you're losing your cool and you cannot stand this one bit. You also cannot believe that just a little crush like this (don't lie, you ass, you're head over heels for the dork) could make you so flustered that you probably had an uncanny resemblance to a certain fruit that rhymes with potato if you say it that way- wow shut up, Dave. You take note that you have the worst methods of distracting yourself.
"Dave," John's voice persists, a sudden warning tone shooting daggers through what was left of your cool. You actually jump at his usage of your name, oh my god you did not just do that, but you did. Butterflies swarm through your stomach, and you find yourself burning up, and this is just the worst you need to get out of here.
... Even though you say that, you honestly couldn't. You were holding onto one little strand of hope that maybe- just maybe- everything would be okay, that maybe he would like you back, that you wouldn't have to let go of a friendship because your best bro felt uncomfortable that you were in love with him. Your chances were slim, but somehow you were still hopeful. Somehow, you held onto the fact that you loved him and were able to find hope in that.
A few more eternities pass, and it's just too quiet for comfort. You are a huge, fidgeting mess right now and you're sure that nothing you could say would even sound at all coherent to John, so you wait for him to speak. You wait for him to tell you what he's thinking.
You wait for him like you always have.
A/N: Okay, still not sure what I'm doing but I'll do my best to update.