Temporal Tide

Chapter 22

Bella

I regretted this decision.

It had only been five minutes into our run, but I could already feel Edwards looming presence on my back. Obviously, he wanted to talk. Edward probably felt like he'd had a lot sprung on him unjustly. Quite frankly I didn't care about any of that, I didn't owe him any explanations, but he was hovering and wouldn't give me any space.

I should have just waited at the house. Or maybe seen if I could have convinced Tanya to let Fred accompany me.

Anything would be better then this oppressive silence.

I took a moment to pause and scent the air. Sending out my senses, I could smell the musk of wild boar and hear the loud beat of its heart.

Orienting myself, I was off like a shot. The burn in my throat was rising to a fever pitch now that prey was within my grasp.

A group of three adult boars and four or five piglets came into view. Arrowing in on the large male at the head of the pack – without even stopping - I seized the back of its neck and kept going. The boar only had a second to let out an indignant squeal before I aborted its attempt to struggle with a sharp twist of my hand.

Spooked, the rest of the pigs fled, screeching fearfully as they did.

Ignoring them, I carefully positioned the pig so that I could puncture the jugular without getting blood on Tanya's dress. It seemed significant to her, and the last thing I wanted was see her disappointed look if I ruined it.

After some maneuvering, I managed to slash the boars throat with my nail. The hot blood slacked my thirst, even if it didn't taste great.

I hoped someday I would grow to like it the way that most people eventually grew to enjoy beer.

Dropping the remains of my prey, I turned to see Edward in the middle of his own meal, having caught one of the other pigs.

Not waiting for him to finish, I took off in the direction of the nearest stream. After my week-long stay with the Denali's, I'd managed to memorize most of the major landmarks in the area.

Washing my hands and mouth in the cool water, I didn't bother to acknowledge Edward when I heard his footsteps come up beside me.

"You hunt well, I've never seen a newborn who wasn't a messy eater." Edward spoke into the still air; his voice held a hint of melancholy. "It's almost like you were born for this life."

Resisting the impulse to sigh, I continued cleaning my face.

"I wasn't born to this Edward. This was forced on me, just like most people who become vampires. You should know that just as well as I." Standing up, I shook my hands out as I glanced in his direction.

"I understand. Of course." He hesitated, almost stumbling over his words. I wasn't surprised when Edward shoved his fists into his pockets, it was something he always did when he was feeling uncertain. I would probably always remember these little things about him, no matter how much it annoyed me. "I just… wanted to say that it suits you."

I looked away, awkward with the praise.

"Well, as much as I don't want to admit it, you were right. About becoming a vampire, I mean." The words left my mouth almost unwillingly. Edwards head snapped up in surprise, and I hastened to explain before he got any ideas. "Not about being damned. However, if I'd known how horrible the change was, I never would have wanted to be turned. What I experienced in the ballet studio, I thought that was it, I thought I could handle it." My voice grew distant was I recalled the sensation, like acid in my veins and fire licking at my bones.

"I'm sorry you had to experience that, Bella." he murmured, gazing intensely at my face.

I had a feeling he was trying to read my mind. He used to do that sometimes; look at me like I was an enigma. Maybe he thought, if he tried hard enough, he would finally be able to get a glimpse of my thoughts.

"What?" I asked, knowing that he wouldn't stop until he gave voice to his question.

"You haven't mentioned what happened." I quirked my eyebrow. "With Victoria I mean." Edward clarified.

"It's not exactly a pleasant story."

"I know. I know that. It's just, not knowing is almost worse. My mind keeps creating all these scenarios, each one worse than the last. Imagining you in pain is torture, but the wondering is worse."

This wasn't a topic I liked to think about. The last few moments of my mortal life had been violent and painful, and while it probably didn't compare to what some of the Cullen's had experienced, it was still traumatizing.

If my mother where here she would probably parrot back something her therapist had told her like, 'Another person's struggles don't invalidate your own' or 'A burden shared is a burden halved' but I wasn't feeling very 'Eat, Pray, Love' at the moment. Renee was great at giving advice, but never great at following through.

Still - looking at Edwards miserable face - maybe getting it off my chest would help me feel some closure.

I decided it would be better to get it over with quickly. Like ripping off a band-aid.

"She took me from your meadow." I began, trying to keep my voice as even and clinical as possible. "It wasn't as bad as it could have been, I think I was mostly just a means to an end for her. The end being, making you suffer as much as possible." I gazed pointedly at Edward.

Stricken, his fist clenched and body tensed.

"She didn't torture me as much as I was expecting. She threw me around a bit. Broke my arm. I think other than the change, that was the worst of it." I stated vaguely. Besides the all-consuming pain, my memories of turning were fuzzy. Perhaps my human mind's last attempt to protect me. "I think she watched the whole time. Probably so that she could remember and play it back for you like some messed up snuff film."

I shrugged, scuffing the ground with my foot as I tried to banish the memories.

"How did you end up meeting the Denali's." Edward asked, his voice curiously flat. Slanting him a look, I made it clear with my expression that he had better tread carefully on this subject.

"I remembered you mentioning them once. That they lived in Alaska near Denali National Park. Since I needed help, and I had no way of contacting your family, going to them was the next best thing I could think of. I'm grateful every day that I did." I trailed off, smiling slightly at the memory.

Edwards face twisted, seemingly caught between jealousy and gratitude.

"I see." He muttered, pursing his lips in displeasure as he averted his gaze.

"Do you?" I snapped, not liking his attitude. "What do you 'see' exactly?"

"Nothing." Edward paused, but seemed unable to hold back whatever it was he was thinking. "Just you moved on pretty quickly." he mumbled somewhat petulantly.

I felt a flash of rage and snarled, shoving his chest hard enough to push him back several steps.

"You've got some nerve saying that to me!" I hissed, eyes narrowed and teeth bared. "After you and your family abandoned me, you should consider yourself lucky that I haven't punched your stupid face!"

"I'm just saying you don't seem torn up at all. I tore myself and my family apart when I left you. All I wanted to do was protect you, and you've hooked up with the first vampire who showed you a little bit of attention!" Edward snapped, seemingly unable to help himself.

"Shut up! Shut the hell up!" With a growl, I advanced on him, and thrust an accusing finger into his chest. "You left! What did you expect from me Edward? I gave you my heart and you stomped all over it. Acted like I didn't matter to you at all. I thought you were the One. I wanted to be with you forever, and I was a wreak when you left! But you know what? I got over you. I put myself back together and moved on just like you wanted. So don't give me that sanctimonious bullshit. Did you think I was going to pine forever? We haven't been together for almost a year!"

Edward caught my wrist, and pulled me closer with a pleading expression. His eyes were black.

"But why Tanya? She's going to break your heart, Bella. She's done this over and over again through the centuries. She'll find someone interesting, seduce them, and then abandon them when she loses interest. She's probably punishing me for rejecting her for so many years. She can't love you the way I can. She doesn't know loyalty or fidelity."

For a moment my vision went red, and before I knew it my palm connected with Edwards cheek with a deafening crack. His face snapped to the side, and he released my wrist, shocked.

"You don't get to say that." I seethed, baring my teeth in anger. Edward looked gob-smacked, like he didn't even know who I was. "She's lived for centuries, longer than you or I combined, several times over. Not everyone has puritanical views on sex Edward. You don't get to shame her for not wanting to wait for marriage."

I firmly quashed that little, worried, prick of my heart. There was no way I was going to let Edward see my uncertainty. I was positive that if I showed any doubt, he would latch onto it and never let go.

Edwards face fell and his eyes looked teary. He started to raise his hand, like he was going to cup my cheek, but aborted the motion at the last second.

"Is that why you don't want to be with me anymore? Because I wanted to wait for marriage? I knew you were reluctant to wait, but I thought you had come around to the idea. I didn't want to wait because I don't love you, Bella. I'm already damned, but you weren't. I didn't want to add any sin to your soul. Now, things are different. We're both vampires. We can be together again."

I reeled back, unable to believe that I was hearing. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh, cry, or both. This is what he thought of me? That my love had been so shallow? I paused as a sobering new realization hit me. Had he thought that way the entire time we'd been together? Did he think I'd only been dazzled by his looks?

Tremulously, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Hurt and fury still raged in my chest, and I couldn't tell if these were my true feelings or if this was just part of the tail end of my newborn volatility. When I'd calmed down enough, I reopened my eyes. When I spoke, I was unable to keep a wounded note from entering my voice.

"So, you're saying that now that I'm also a damned sinful creature you're totally ok with pre-marital sex? I'm already consigned to hellfire, a little bit more sinning won't make a difference?"

Shaking my head, I gave a small incredulous laugh before turning away. I didn't want to be here anymore.

Without a word, I started walking back to the house. Edward scrambled after me, mumbling apologies as he tried to catch up and angle himself in front of me.

"Please Bella, I'm sorry. I just missed you so much, and I can't stand knowing you're not mine."

I didn't stop or slow.

I didn't acknowledge his apologies.

"Bella please, we have to talk about this." Edward grabbed my arm, forcefully bringing me to a stop. Hissing, I ripped my arm away, furious at his presumption.

"Don't touch me." My words were cold. Something in my expression must have alarmed him, because his expression grew desperate.

Dropping to his knees in the mud, unmindful of ruining his clothes, Edward opened his arms in supplication. He tilted his chin up, baring his throat like a pilgrim before his god. Everything about him spoke of raw anguish.

"I would never harm you, Bella. Please, you loved me once. I'm sure we could be happy together. Is there really no way you could love me again?"

Something inside me stilled. Like the world suddenly decided to hold its breath.

I looked straight into the eyes of my former lover, my voice a hushed whisper.

"Perhaps I could. Perhaps I could somehow find a way to forgive you, brush off all the hurts and slights, and love you again."

I leaned in, and gently touched Edwards cheek, noting the way his eyes sparked with hope.

"But Edward, I. don't. want. to." I spoke slowly, emphasizing each word to drive the point home.

His face collapsed.

I withdrew my hand.

All the life seemed to leave him, he curled inward, head drooped as he choked on his grief. It felt cruel, but I couldn't help the small twinge of satisfaction as I turned and left.

Edward did not follow.

I made it back to the house with little fanfare.

Kate was already outside, packing bags into the trunk of their rental car. The garage was open, and I could see the others had prepped at least two additional vehicles for departure. Miscellaneous boxes and luggage were stacked up next to them, so I could tell they'd been busy. One was a Jeep SUV and the other a Mini Van. Considering every vampire I knew had expensive taste in cars, I was surprised to see anything even slightly practical come out of their garage.

As I walked up the steps Fred zipped by me, carrying two boxes, one on each shoulder. He nodded a greeting, beelining for the SUV.

Irina came bustling out after him, her arms full of art tubes. As soon as she saw me, her eyes brightened with a slightly manic light. Alarm bells started ringing in my head.

"Bella. Glad you're back. Alice gave us a call, let us know we have a bit more time to get everything together then we thought. So, we're securing a few sentimental items rather than just the essentials. Please head down into the cellar. Tanya is having trouble deciding what she can't bear to leave behind, and I'm giving her 30 minutes. I'm sure you'll be able to give her some perspective. Chop Chop." Irina ordered as she swept past, swatting my behind as she did. Jumping in surprise, I stared after her slack jawed.

She didn't even pause to look back, but I could hear Kate snickering at me from her spot near the sports car.

Feeling bold, and knowing she would just find it amusing, I flipped Kate off as I walked into the house. The sound of Kate's laughter was a welcome accompaniment.

After a bit of searching, I was able to find the steps down to the cellar from what I'd previously thought was a hall closet.

The Denali's kept their home well maintained, yet despite everything I knew about Irina, I was still sort of expecting the cellar to be damp and musty. In Arizona, cellars are very much out of the norm, and as far as I was aware we didn't have one at Charlies residence in Forks.

It did not prepare me for what I found down there. Gorgeous stone walls, several floor loungers piled high with pillows, and wall to wall book cases filled to the brim with any and all manner of books and scrolls. Some of which were literally kept and displayed in protective glass cases. Soft recessed lighting gave the entire room a mellow, intimate atmosphere.

I nearly died and went to heaven on the spot.

Why didn't I know about this place before! It took practically all of my self-control not to fling myself onto the pillows and just not move for the next few days.

When I managed to tear my eyes away from the bookshelves, I spotted Tanya further in. Her back was to me, and she was holding two leatherbound books - one in each hand - and looking between them like she was torn on which to choose.

As she moved, her hair tumbled over her shoulder and down her back. Smooth and gently curling, it suddenly reminded me of pink champagne. My fingers itched with the sudden impulse to slide into her hair, breathe in her scent, and forget all about everything outside of this little room.

I must have made some small sound because Tanya paused, cocked her head slightly, and gave me a considering look over her shoulder. I'm not sure how, but she must have known what I was thinking, because a slow self-satisfied smile took residence on her face.

She turned back to the books and scrolls to began carefully packing them into a sturdy wooden box.

"How did it go?"

"About as well as expected." I muttered somewhat reluctantly, walking up beside her. Pulling a fragile looking book off the shelf, I held it out to Tanya. Glancing at the cover she shook her head.

"You can put that one back. Its valuable, but not important enough to take. Here, let me pull them down and you can put them carefully in the box."

Setting it back, I switched places with Tatyana as she scanned the shelves. Most of the spines lacked any sort of writing, or indication what they were about, so I had no idea how Tanya knew which ones to choose.

As her fingers traced the binding she sometimes lingered, and I'd watch her expression for a hint of what she was feeling as she did. Due to our perfect memories, it seemed likely she knew what was what from sight alone.

We got into a rhythm, and after a minute she broached the subject again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, voice just a little too casual. I could tell she was trying to be considerate and not push, but the tone betrayed her investment in my answer.

"It's nothing, just Edward being a jerk. For some reason he seems to think I should fall back into his arms now that I'm a vampire."

"I remember you telling me about him, back at the waterfall; your 'brooding vampire lover'. I never imagined he was Edward." Tanya laughed somewhat bitterly as she pretended to examine a book she pulled out. "I used to be so jealous and angry with your mystery lover. Jealous that he got to experience your love, and angry that he dared abandon you. Many times, I imagined finding him and tearing him to pieces."

I blinked, a little surprised by the revelation. Although, perhaps I shouldn't have been, reflecting on how she had initially acted toward Kate. Still, imagining this version of Tanya – so wise and mature – as jealous seemed ludicrous. What could she possibly ever have to be jealous about? In all the ways that mattered, she was without peer.

Rising from my place on the floor, I gently took the book from Tanya and placed it back. Nuzzling her cheek with my nose, I placed a soft kiss against the side of her mouth.

"You have nothing to worry about. You outshine Edward by leaps and bounds. In a world where you exist, I would never choose him."

Burying her fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck, Tanya took a moment to regain her composure.

"I apologize. I'm not usually so easily riled. It's just…" Tanya paused, and seemed to struggle to say her next words. "Honestly, we all sort of felt mild annoyance for Edward. He is very conservative, and has expressed disapproval of my sister and I's lifestyles on more than one occasion.

"If he had respectfully decided to retain his chastity for his mate, we would have respected that. Unfortunately, any indulgence in cardinal sin outside of marriage was met with disdain. To my shame, my sisters and I decided to make a game of seeing if any of us could get him to abandon his lofty 'ideals'." The way Tanya spoke so casually about trying to seduce my old boyfriend made me tense.

Against my will, my mind flashed back to Edwards words in the forest.

'She doesn't know loyalty or fidelity.'

Pulling back slightly, I did my best to compose my emotions. Jealously and insecurity were bubbling in my chest. It wasn't fair to Tanya to have this reaction; we'd never defined our relationship. I hated that Edward was still able to make me doubt so easily.

Tanya, noticing my reaction, shot me a concerned look.

"It's nothing," the words felt stilted in my mouth.

Raising her eyebrow, her expression clearly said she didn't believe me.

I hesitated to say anything but - watching Tatyana's expression grow more and more concerned - I realized that if I wanted whatever was between us to grow, I couldn't let my feelings fester.

"When I spoke with Edward, he wasn't very complimentary about you. He said that you would break my heart, that you seduced people and moved on once you were bored. That you'd done this many times over the years, and that you might have seduced me to punish him for rejecting you." My voice was delicate, but I couldn't keep the slight waver of trepidation from entering my voice.

Tanya's expression smoothed out as she listened, but there was still a glint in her eye that looked dangerous. Despite that, when she spoke her voice was still quiet and comforting.

"Thank you for telling me. I keep forgetting that there are things we have talked about in my past, that you have not yet experienced. I should have known that my romantic history would come up at some point. Especially since my sisters and I are known in our circles as the source of modern myths about Succubi."

The way Tanya lowered her chin, and looked up at me from beneath her lashes made me believe she was capable of everything in the legends and more. It was too easy to imagine Tanya luring a man to his death with a gaze that captivating.

Never the less, I did my best to focus back on our conversation.

"We've been getting closer, from my perspective. We haven't talked about what we mean to each other, or where we see things going." Taking a fortifying breath, I looked Tanya straight in the eye. "Did he speak the truth?"

Tanya sighed, closed her eyes and then looked at the ceiling. When she finally spoke, it was with a muted, factual tone.

"Seduction was our main method of hunting when we were young. Often, we would entice men into secluded places before killing them. Sometimes, if he was particularly attractive, we might indulge a few of our other base instincts."

My chest felt like a vice was squeezing around my heart, but I tried to keep it from showing on my face. I hated the thought. Hated it. Something inside me gnashed its teeth just at the implication.

"I see." I mumbled, trying to keep my composure. Tanya's gaze settled on me, and I could see her expression gentle.

"It was only ever physical, and often instinctual. Frankly, it was hard to see men as anything but food for a long time. I think, because my sisters and I all suffered at the hands of men to one degree or another, acknowledging the good ones was difficult."

"Are we in an open relationship?" I asked, wondering if I really wanted to know the answer. I didn't have any issue with people who willingly practiced polygamy, but I knew it wasn't something I was interested in.

Tatyana gently caressed my jaw line as she studied me. It felt a little unfair, because I felt like this version of her could see right through me. Probably came from all the time she'd had with me that I had yet to experience.

"What kind of relationship would you like to have Mari?"

Struggling not to pout, I took a moment to construct an answer.

"I want to be lovers." I whispered shyly. "I want us to belong together. I want to hold your hand, and kiss your lips, and be around you all the time." The words poured from my heart and into the space between us like a promise.

I was still afraid; I wasn't sure that feeling would ever fade. I hoped one day it would. Yet, despite my fear, I wanted Tanya. I wanted to be the one to make her smile, and I wasn't about to throw that away.

Tanya clasped my hand and raised my right arm before placing a kiss against the scar on my forearm.

"I want that too." Tatyana murmured, speaking the words directly against my skin. I felt a thrill at the slight rasp in her voice; her eyes half-lidded and inviting.

"I – I also don't like to share." I stated, looking Tanya directly in the eye. Then, reluctantly, I went on. "However, I know that wouldn't be fair to you. I can't realistically expect you to remain alone for the years or decades between my appearances. Someday I hope to control this gift, but from what I've gleaned, it won't be for a long time from your perspective."

Entwining our fingers, Tanya squeezed my hand gently, as if encouraging me to continue.

"So… I'll just ask that when we're together we're together, and when we're apart – no matter what else happens – we are faithful to each other here." I spoke, gently tapping the place over her heart.

What really mattered was the feelings between us, and the desire to remain together through thick and thin. Edward had shown me that he was not a man I could rely on. I hoped, and trusted, that Tanya would not be the same.

"I accept." Tanya breathed, leaning in to kiss my mouth, her lips were so tender my knees almost gave way. Over and over, Tanya kissed me until I felt drunk with its sweetness. "In a thousand years, I have never desired the love of anyone but you, and I doubt I ever will." She confessed, like a secret she'd kept close to her breast. "Please, never doubt my sincerity."

With those words, I felt the vice-like pressure in my chest ease, and I allowed a real smile to creep its way across my face.

"Ok. I'll hold you to that." I teased, and leaned in to steal a kiss.

We stayed that way until Irina came to collect us.

Sorry for the wait. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what parts you enjoyed from the talk with Edward and the conversation with Tanya. I thrive on your feedback.