House of Broken Hearts
Disclaimer: - I don't own Gravitation. Maki Murakami does.
My fingers ache to touch, untested and uncultured, they hold much promise. My heart solemnly vows.
A thrill with one single caress, Forgive my spirit it dares overshadow your melody.
But fear not, for your melody harmonizes my spirit and the pleasure is so intense that there's nothing...but love.
Shuichi closed his eyes as the words flowed out of his heart, the beats filling his body where the deep holes were begging to be filled. He sang with all he had, crooning the words from his soul hoping someone would hear them and come to help him. He couldn't live like this anymore, his heart was breaking into a million pieces and it felt like there was nothing that he could do to save it.
Opening his eyes, he stared at the audience in the small theatre room and his thoughts revisited his life in the past two years.
It all began with smiles, his heart full of love and happiness since the day Yuki had whispered the most precious words to him. 'I'm in love with you.' The memory was etched in his mind forever, a precious jewel he protected with every breath. They had moved into their new penthouse soon after he left the hospital, and life resumed. It was hard getting past the stalker issues. Nightmares, bodyguards, and paranoia were things he'd needed to learn to live with thanks to Yuki's help. Now, they were just another part of this life he'd chosen.
Yuki, however, seemed to have turned into a stranger. He hadn't noticed it at first. The tours had kept him from noting the changes. Leaving for two almost four weeks at a time, coming back and spending time in the studio until late, he'd come home to find Yuki enclosed in the study room typing at his manuscripts. The few hours he was with Yuki would be full of love making and smiles, and then he'd have to leave again. Lost in a cloud of bliss, Shuichi mused, he hadn't seen it coming. Love could be so blinding, he thought.
On a rainy night eight months ago, they'd had the biggest fight ever. He couldn't even remember what it had been about, what he couldn't forget was the slap across his face and the order to leave. Yuki had kicked him out of their house without batting a single eyelash. The look in those golden eyes, Shuichi shuddered, his heart clenching at this awful memory that he couldn't seem to carve out of his head, had chilled him to the bone. It hurt just remembering the pain of that night. The first time Yuki looked at him with hatred instead of love. Things seemed to escalate from there, each fight got more hateful than the next. Now, whenever Yuki got angry, he'd decided it was best if he checked into a hotel until the tide was over. His heart was starting to resemble a delicate piece of china, one scratch and it would shatter. He was starting to prefer staying at the hotel more than that house.
He couldn't remember the last time they'd had a reasonable conversation. Yuki hadn't touched him in a while, and that was even more painful than the fighting. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. How could he fix something he didn't understand? What had he done to make Yuki act this way?
Finishing the song he'd written from words Yuki had read to him softly once, he kept his head bent as he tried to control the tears threatening to slick down his cheeks. He hadn't told Hiro anything, mostly because Hiro was happy now.
His best friend was dating now. The young woman who'd been Yuki's fiancé had come to visit them in Tokyo, and after a long talk with Yuki and Shuichi, she'd agreed to stay over for a few days. She'd met Hiro and they had hit it off right away, and were seeing each other seriously. Shuichi was starting to hear rumors about engagements. He couldn't really spoil such happiness with the sad stories of his life.
Suguru was finishing college in a month and was turning into quite the ladies men. They'd never really been close, and Shuichi didn't feel comfortable telling Suguru the gory details of his private life. The only person he had left was Ryuichi, but his idol had been gone for a year now. He was working in Canada on a prolonged movie shoot that had required he live there. They called each other often, but their conversations were always so filled with other topics, Shuichi didn't know how to broach the subject of his unhappiness. What would he say, 'hey, remember that guy you told me would break my heart? Guess what he did it.' He didn't have the courage to say it. He didn't want to admit it at all because, regardless of their current situation, the years together had only made his feelings for Yuki deeper. It was like an addiction now. He couldn't break away from it. He needed Yuki, like he needed to breathe.
Taking in a deep breath, Shuichi glanced up at the audience and bowed in thanks for their support. He'd long stopped trying to paste a smile on for the audience. Bad Luck's fame had doubled, and his mere presence was sufficient to garner the excitement needed for their performances. Waving at the crowd, he replaced the microphone and walked off stage quickly. Rushing to his dressing room, he closed the door tightly and took in deep breaths trying to control his emotions. He was just beginning to get a hold of his calm when his cell phone buzzed.
Grabbing it from the vanity table, Shuichi glanced at the caller ID and frowned when he saw Mika's number. Tohma's wife never called him without a reason. She preferred to call him when she needed Yuki to do something that included the family. She seemed to have adopted him treating him as part of her family. Yuki found it irritating when they ganged up on him when it came to his health and his relationship with his family and father. But, Shuichi was glad that Mika had accepted his role in Yuki's life so fully. Answering his phone, he stood staring at his red eyes in the mirrors over the vanity table. He was going to need to fix his face before he left the room.
"Shuichi," Mika said with a solemn tone. "Is the concert over?"
"Yeah," Shuichi said quietly. There was something off about her tone. "What's up?"
"I need you to come to the hospital. Have K drive you, Eiri's in a bit of trouble."
"Yuki," Shuichi gasped. His heart squeezing tightly, he thought it would stop entirely. Gripping the edge of the vanity table, Shuichi let out a small breath to calm down. Yuki was hurt. "Was it an accident?"
"Just come to the hospital, Shuichi, and don't drive," Mika ordered. She hung up and Shuichi stood staring at the phone for a moment. Why was this happening to them right now?
The door opened abruptly and K was standing there with wide eyes. Mika must have called him too. "Shu-chan, come on."
He came into the room and wrapped an arm around Shuichi's shoulders. Grabbing a jacket that was on a couch, K led the way out.
At the hospital, Shuichi was shown to the private wing Tohma always reserved for his high profile clients. Yuki was considered the highest priority, so it wasn't surprising that he was in a secure private ward. Shuichi couldn't stop shaking as he stood in the hall waiting for the nurse to locate Mika. Why was Yuki here? Did he drink and drive too fast again? An accident on the road would mean wild press releases, he hadn't heard any yet.
"Shu-chan," K said.
Shuichi glanced at him and he nodded down the corridor. Mika was standing there beckoning them forward. He took the steps on heavy feet. By the time he was standing beside Mika's elegant frame, he was ready to pass out. She smiled encouragingly at him, before she herded him into the private room. Yuki was lying on the hospital bed with IV lines running into his left arm. His eyes were closed indicating that he was sleeping. There was nothing to indicate an accident. No wounds or bandages, frowning, Shuichi turned to Mika.
"What's wrong with Yuki?" he asked. It must have been strange to her that he didn't run to Yuki's side immediately. The truth was he was a bit wary of doing that these days. Ever since the slap, he tried to measure his urges according to Yuki's mood. He hoped that Mika would assume he was in shock.
"He has acute ulcers," Mika said quietly. "I found him passed out in the living room at your house. Was he alright this morning?"
Shuichi's eyes glazed with tears. He didn't know. He didn't know because last night they had fought bitterly and Shuichi had left to go stay over at his hotel room. This morning he'd woken up early and headed for work without a single thought of going home. He'd been so angry at Yuki. Pressing a hand to his eyes, he tried to keep the tears from falling.
"I left early," Shuichi lied quietly. He moved closer to the bed and stared at the beautiful blonde haired man lying so still on the hospital bed. He knew the texture of that hair, how soft it was against his cheek when Yuki hugged him. "He seemed fine when I saw him."
"Shuichi," Mika said gently. "Is Yuki stressed? Why does he have ulcers? The only other time this has happened was when he came back from New York. Are you guys okay?"
Shuichi closed his eyes at that question. His fingers hovering over Yuki's, he couldn't touch him just incase he woke up and glared at him with those golden eyes. That glare was becoming something to fear. He couldn't find the warm Yuki he'd seen there before. Clenching his fingers tightly, Shuichi took a step back from the bed. Ulcers were caused by stress, he knew that much. If Yuki was sick because of stress, then the only explanation was that he was making him sick. Their relationship was killing Yuki.
He gasped and pressed a hand to his mouth trying to stop the sobs that were forcing their way out. He couldn't breath. Turning away from Mika, he rushed for the door. He couldn't be here anymore. He really couldn't. Yuki was sick because of him, and he hadn't known. Was this what they were reduced to?
He kept running and didn't stop until he was outside in the cool spring weather. He ran across the green lawn and finally stopped at a bench set by a small artificial lake. Falling on to it, he sat there trembling, his head buried in his hands as he cried tears of sorrow for the happy ever after that was turning out to be a complete nightmare. Where had they gone wrong?
Yuki woke up to find his sister peering at him from a chair she'd pulled close to his hospital bed. Her eyes were unblinking as she pinned him with that familiar golden gaze. He was in for a tirade, he supposed, he'd been ignoring her calls lately. Also, the fact that he was in a hospital bed was probably going to earn him an hour extra on that tirade. Settling his head onto the pillows, he waited patiently.
"I'm not going to yell at you," Mika said quietly, her tone curious.
Usually by now she would be losing her mind over his being in a hospital bed. What could make her look so calm? Frowning, he turned his head to study her carefully.
"You have more serious issues to deal with," Mika continued. "Shu-chan was just here, he seems very upset. What's happening between the two of you?"
"None of your business," Yuki replied. He'd forgotten about his lover momentarily. They'd fought last night and Shuichi had left with tears running down his cheeks. He'd probably run to Ryuichi's apartment, a thought that pushed him closer to the edge of a cliff he was trying to escape. "What time is it?"
"Almost six o'clock in the evening. They sedated you," Mika provided. "Don't worry, he hasn't returned since he ran out of here. Eiri, have you told him about your past?"
"No," Yuki replied with a small shake of his head. He'd thought about it, but the love Shuichi gave him so easily was hard to give up. "It's not an issue."
"It is," Mika countered. "He's blaming himself for you being in here, I saw it today. Its obvious things are not going too well between you two, why haven't you tried to fix it?"
Yuki closed his eyes as he tried to remember why he'd been yelling at Shuichi last night. It had been something to do with dinner; Shuichi had missed it again because of his late hours at the studio. They couldn't seem to have a single conversation lately without shouting at each other. Shuichi was tiptoeing around him and seeing it, was irritating the hell out of him. Opening his eyes, he turned to look at Mika.
"We're better off apart," Yuki announced quietly. "The longer we stay together, the worse things are going to be for him. I can't be responsible for that. At some point, Shuichi is going to get tired of living like this, and he will leave."
"How is that better," Mika asked with a sigh. "You've changed, these past two years, you may not see it, but I do. You smile more, you show up for family gatherings, your writing is happier, and you tolerate other people more than you used to. Shuichi is the reason for those changes. There is no way I'm watching you return to the sorry man you were before you met him."
"Don't interfere in this," Yuki said with a hard tone. "I mean it Mika. Leave it alone."
"I won't," Mika said sharply. Standing up, she touched his forehead out of habit. Having children of her own had turned her maternal. She now had two, a girl and a boy. Tohma was over the moon from it. Mika had turned into a fabulous mother. She managed to mother the children as well as everyone else in her family. She seemed to make a mental note as she picked up her bag; he assumed she would be talking to the nurses as she left. "Since you're not going to do anything about this, I will."
Yuki watched her leave with fast strides and let out a groan as the door closed. Alone, he pulled himself higher on the bed, and turned his head to stare out the window into the darkening day. The truth was that a little part of him hoped that Mika would go through with her threat. He hated being the person he was with Shuichi. How could he love a person so much and still see the worst things in his life in him at the same time? It didn't make sense. He was starting to feel like he was going mad with every waking moment. He loved Shuichi, he hated Shuichi; Yuki shook his head.
No, he loved Shuichi, it was what he represented that he hated. Closing his eyes, he let out a shaky breath. The only solution to their current problem was if one of them walked away. He didn't have the strength, when he wasn't losing his mind over his past; Shuichi remained the best part of him. He worried about him constantly, which was the main reason why he was in this hospital. What could he do? Shuichi was going to have to do all the work, after all Yuki thought sullenly. He just didn't have the courage to end this farce of a relationship.
Shuichi stared at the glass the bartender had put before him marveling at the extremes he was taking to fix his frustration. He hated getting drunk but it was the only way he could sleep these days. Otherwise, he spent so much time thinking about his current situation, he was starting to worry for his sanity. Yuki was in hospital because of him. That thought alone drove him to take the glass and toss the burning liquid down his throat. Closing his eyes as it went down, he winced as he placed the glass down again.
"Drinking is not good for your voice," Mika said next to him.
Her presence would have startled him at another time. Right now though, he didn't give it a thought because he was used to the Seguchi way of things. They had such a knack with things, situations and people. How Mika had known where he was staying was a mystery he'd leave for another day.
"How's Yuki?" he asked out of habit. It was as if his mind couldn't leave it alone. He couldn't stop caring about the man even when things got so difficult.
"Eiri is fine," Mika answered, sliding onto a stool beside him. "The doctor will release him tomorrow afternoon. Before that, I think we should talk."
"About what," Shuichi asked, playing with his empty glass.
"About why you and Eiri are having such a bad time," Mika said. When his gaze slid to hers, she smiled and patted his shoulder. "You can't hide much from me, Shu-chan. Your reaction to Yuki's illness was clue enough."
Shuichi looked away and hoped that she wasn't going to start another tirade of how he was good for Yuki. He was starting to miss the Mika who'd wanted him out of Yuki's life. That way, he could just blame it on her when he walked away. Now, he had no excuse, and his heart wouldn't allow blasphemous thoughts like leaving Yuki.
"Yuki has a secret," Mika said quietly. "He hasn't told you because he doesn't like talking about it. But, things have come to this, so, I'm going to tell you the secret. I ask for only one thing."
Shuichi frowned and turned on his seat to stare at her. "What is that?"
"Don't leave him," Mika said. "Hear me out, and choose to stay by his side, even though he keeps pushing you away."
Shuichi wondered what was worse. The curiosity Mika was rousing in him, or the pain in his heart at the thought that Yuki was really trying to push him away. Did Yuki really want to see him gone this much? He should have just said it, Shuichi wondered bitterly. Saying it out loud would be better than fighting each other over stupid things like coming home late. Shuichi took in a deep breath and signaled the bartender who poured him another shot of whisky.
What secret was this that would make Yuki act like such a mad man anyway? Staring at his drink, Shuichi cleared his throat and said to Mika.
Welcome to the second part of Whirlwind in My Life. I've tried to write it so that it can stand on its own, hope it's not confusing for all those who haven't read the first story. Anyway, tell me what you think, I'm looking forward to hearing from you.