"So anyway, y'all during our half hour break I discovered a way for us to settle our differences, and actually get something done in one of these stupid meetings," a very brash American stated. He left out the part that the meeting's recess was due to issues caused by him.
A very grumpy Englishman groaned. "So, now we're going to listen to another one of your obnoxious ideas instead of actually getting back to work?" He grumbled again. "Brilliant, America, I wish I was the idiot that proposed not working to fix our not working problem. Seriously-"
A very flashy Frenchman cut the Englishman's sarcasm off. "There's nothing wrong with not working. Unless you're thinking of another sort of working." He said the last part lower and more seductive.
The American laughed. "While we were on break, I Googled 'How does a smart person and some not so smart persons learn to work together?' After finding several websites for drugs, alcohol, assisted suicide, porn, and chainsaws I found a some useful advice." He held up a pack of pink index cards. "We're all going take these cards, and anonymously write down our issues with each other. Then I'm going to pull them out of a hat, and read them out loud. After that we will-"
"What good would that do?" a very tired Chinese man asked, cutting the American off. "We can all recognize each others handwriting."
A very eerie Russian smiled. "I think the way you dot your I's is cute."
"That won't be a problem," the American stated ignoring the Russian's creepy statement, "I'm going to read the index cards out loud, so you guys won't see what's written on them."
The Englishman brought his hand to his face. "Why in God's name would we let you know our issues with each other?"
The American chuckled. "Duh, I'm the hero. And the hero is heroic enough to see all sides without taking a side."
"That really doesn't describe you," the Russian stated.
The Chinese man nodded in agreement. "Agreed."
"Now take your index cards and write down your issues with each other." The American handed out some pens, and out the pink index cards. "I'll go first," he said when he was done handing out the pens, and cards. "This one will be for England." He picked up his pen, and wrote, "Stop bringing scones into these meetings, nobody freaking likes those crap cakes", onto one of his pick index card.
"Doesn't saying who the card's for before you write it ruin the point?" the Chinese man asked, as the Englishman glared at the very brash American.
"No, it doesn't ruin the point at all," the Englishman said darkly, still glaring at the American. "This index card is going to be for America." He picked up one of his pick cards, and wrote, "Stop eating in these meetings, fatass. Did you really have to eat the scones I brought for myself last meeting?", on his card.
The American smiled, and threw the pink index card, he just wrote on, into the hat. "Great, I'm glad that you getting into the sprite." He picked up another index card. "This is one going to be for you, Russia!" After saying this he wrote, "Commie", onto the card.
The Russian glared eerily, as the Englishman kept writing more cards to go to the American. "In that case, this card is going to be for you." He picked up one of his pink index cards and wrote, "Find a new insult for me," on it.
The American threw his newly finished index card into the hat. "Hurray, now I'm going to write one for France." He picked up another card and wrote, "I have a personal bubble," onto it.
The Frenchman smiled. "This one is going to be for you, Amérique." He picked up one of his cards and wrote, "If you didn't talk so much I would have more free time with Angleterre", onto it.
"These all have your name on it, America." The Englishman smiled, and threw his small stack of pink index cards into the hat.
The American picked up another one of his pink index cards. "China's turn." He smiled and wrote, "I don't approve of eating dog", on it.
The Chinese man sighed, and picked up one of his pink index cards. He then wrote, "You still owe me money", onto it. After writing this he threw it into the hat, and picked up another card.
The Englishman was really enjoying himself. He had written, "Chew with your mouth closed", "Learn how to use a world map," and "Stop singing in the shower. I don't think you realize how terrible you sound", onto some of his cards. All of these were going to the American. He was going to write more for that very brash American, but then he realized that he used almost half his deck complaining about him, and was nearly out of insults.
Idealess he looked around the room. The very flashy Frenchman seductively winked at him. He then picked up one of his cards, addressing the front to Frog, and wrote, "Stop winking at me," onto it. After did writing this, he smiled darkly, and threw the index card into the hat. "That one was for you, Frog."
The Frenchman smiled. Then picked up one of his index cards, and wrote, "You have a gorgeous buttocks", onto it. After writing this he grinned, and threw it into the hat. "That was for you, Angleterre".
The Russian looked up from his very brash America card writing insults. "These don't have to be all for America?"
The American chuckled. "Nope."
"This one will be for you, China." After saying this the very eerie Russian chuckled darkly, then wrote, "Become one with Mother Russia", on a card addressed to China.
The Chinese man felt uncomfortable. Then wrote, "You're scary," onto a card addressed to Russia.
The very grumpy Englishman had just finished writing, "When I said hold my English tea bags, I didn't mean grab my crotch", onto one of his index cards. He threw it into the hat, and then remembered something he found unsettling about the very tired Chinese man. He took out a card and wrote, "Your tea is wrong", on it. "That one's going to you, China," he said putting the card into the hat.
The Chinese man sighed picked up a card and wrote, "When you drink you should remember to keep your mouth shut, and your legs shut", on a card addressed to England. After writing it he threw it into the hat.
Finally, after everybody had finished writing insults to everybody in the room on all their pink index cards, the hat was full.
"Alright dudes, now that Mr. Hat-Face is full, I will now read out loud the complains." The American pulled out a card at random. "This is one is for China," he stated reading the front of the card.
The Chinese man sighed. He wasn't expecting the first card to be a complaint about him. He thought the first ten or so cards would have been addressed to America.
"If you didn't have long hair I probably wouldn't have confused you for a girl," the very brash American read off the card. "Now, how does that make you feel?" he asked turning to the very annoyed Chinese man.
The American cut him off before he could finish. "Good, I'm glad that you're expressing your emotions." He took another card out of the hat. "Oh looky, this one is for greasy frenchy fries!" He turned the card, addressed to France, over and laughed when he read it.
The Frenchman raised an eyebrow. "What does it say?"
"I've been showering with my clothes on for the past eight days. Did you really have to break into my hotel room, and hide in my shower... naked?" the American said reading off the card. "Dude, that's hilarious!"
"Hey, it could have been your shower!"
The American smiled, and ignored the person who obviously wrote the card. "Dude, I want to read another one addressed to France." He dug around in the hat, and found another card addressed to the very flashy Frenchman. "You're not as fabulous as you think you are," he read off the new card. "That one wasn't as funny."
"Read a card addressed to England. One of those should be hilarious," the Frenchman said annoyed from what was written on the card.
"Okay!" the American agreed. The Englishman glared at the Frenchman, but the American didn't notice and found a card addressed to England anyway. "I think you should use those tweezers I gave you," the American said reading off the card.
The Englishman frowned. "Read another card addressed to Frog."
The American dug around the hat until he found one addressed to France. "I wish that you could be censored," he read off a card.
"Now read one about England," the Frenchman stated.
"Isn't picking people to torment ruining the point of this activity?" the Chinese man asked.
The American sighed, and dropped the card addressed to England he just drew out of the hat back into the hat. "Yeah, you're right these cards should be drawn out at random." He put his hand back into the hat, and drew out a new card. "Hey, this card is addressed to me."
"This will be interesting," the Russian stated as the American turned the card over.
"You have a weakness for large qualities food," the American read off the card. "That doesn't really make sense. Large qualities of food have a weakness for me." He tossed the card aside and pulled out another one. "Hey, this one is addressed to Russia!"
The Russian darkened. "Read it."
"Your height is intimidating," the American read off the card. "Boring," he stated tossing the card aside. He drew out another card. "Hey, this is one I wrote to England!"
"Aren't these supposed to be anonymous?"
The American ignored the Chinese man's question. "What the hell is a flying mint bunny?" he said reading off the card.
This question made the very grumpy Englishman snap. "Leave flying mint bunny out of this!" He jumped on the table and chocked the very brash American.
Because of this behavior, the meeting wasn't able to continue as planned. Which is a real shame, since the next part of their activity was for them to take blue index cards and write compliments to everybody. This was just another unproductive day for the Allies.
Random idea that came to be when I was in the shower.
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