Being alone at the Academy is something I though I could get used to. After the whole thing with Christian and Kat, it was like I had no one to talk. There was Sammy… but I couldn't make him choose between me and them, and I was for sure not making a deal about this either.
Who was left then? Grace? Bitch! She fooled me so badly I can't even look at her face without wanting to kill her. There was also Abgail, but the things I had to say I wasn't going tell her for sure. She got better with time, but is still someone I don't trust. What takes me to Ben… Again…
I'm trying to figure him out, but the guy is just so crazy he confuses me. At a point he is there for me as a great friend would be and in the next second he just turns into a five-year-old prank kid. But he was there when Saskia hurt my back, he was there for me, helping me through the whole Christian thing.
The funny part is that I have this same conversation with myself everyday going to the Academy, is like doing my own list of pros and cons in my head, but it seems like I will never be able to make up my mind. Not dancing is worst, gives me more time to thing about all this, and still, I have to go to classes while I watch my ex-boyfriend dance with my ex-friend. Great, right?
I got to the Academy feeling like a zombie, I never felt like I was perfect fitted there, now I almost felt like I never had and never would fit anywhere.
I sat there in the stairs and felt a hand in my shoulder. A guy sat next to me, and without looking I could tell it was Ben.
"Hey." – He said cheerfully.
"Hi Ben." – I said looking down.
"Woke up to the wrong side of the bed this morning or what? Why are you so sad?"
"Come on, you already know."
"What if I want you to tell me again? You know I have terrible memory…"
"Or maybe you're just not paying attention to any of the things I say."
"Ouch, you almost made me feel like a bad friend. You know I wouldn't do that. If I didn't want to hear you I would tell you, trust me."
"Really Ben, is not a big deal, I'm just tired of coming here everyday, watch other people dance while I'm losing time with this recovery thing. It has been like almost two months already. I mean, I've been through that before, but that time I had Christ… It was different."
"You had Christian. I get it, is not just about the dancing."
"Yes it is. I just meant that…"
"Tara come on, I know you. Trust me you will get over this, with or without Christian, you are stronger than you think. Plus, you still can count on me, whenever you need."
"Thanks Ben. You have been great to me."
"I know. I just can't help it. I'm always great!"
We both started laughing but as soon as I saw Christian coming down the hallway, everything went gray again. It was like all the pain came back in a second, coming from nowhere. And although I tried to deny it, I missed him, but I was too much hurt to tell him that.
"Ben… I'm going to the studio; the class starts in a few minutes so I think I'd better go."
I just kept looking at Christian a little hypnotized until Ben answered me, and I'm pretty sure he noticed what was going on. Christian was standing still in the end of the hallway staring me back.
"Ok Tara, I'm sure you are really worried about getting late, go, I'll catch up later."
I nodded yes and went to the studio with my head down.