WARNING: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material and graphic themes.
DISCLAIMER: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.
A/N: This will be a multi-chapter story, so we hope you stick around and enjoy the ride. We do always appreciate some positive and/or constructive criticism through reviews or PMs!
I managed to pull my arm from under my comforter and open my eyes wide enough to look my phone. I shut off my alarm that I set last night. I groaned at the realization that yet another day of my life was starting while I was still pathetic, lonely, and deeply buried in the closet.
Despite how much I had looked forward to this glorious, life-altering day, I woke up feeling like taking a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. And it was all because of my parents. Well, it was a lot easier to blame them rather than adding more shit to the list of things I hated about Jasper, which had been growing slowly but surely, at the back of my mind for several years.
I'd been living in Forks my entire life, and always been fairly satisfied with it. I didn't mind the pale skin I, and many other people, had as a cause of the constant grey weather. My childhood had been uneventfully normal – below average normality even. My family had over the years become the definition of a lame cliché. My mom was the owner of a clothing store, which featured several of her own clothing lines, in the center of Port Angeles, and my dad had his own lawyer office for people who needed a divorce. His business was quickly increasing my parents' income, which I won't complain about at all, but it meant I had to go to the best university in the state like a good, smart boy so my dad had something new to brag about to his acquaintances and clients. I was almost worried he'd promise me away to some sad, divorced, rich woman's daughter just to earn some money. But that was just the extreme worst case scenario. I hoped.
The only one to break the ice of my monotone life had been my best friend, Rosalie. She and her family – including her awful whore of a brother, Jasper – had moved to Forks when Rose and I were ten years old and Jasper eleven. I had been absolutely fascinated by both of their natural charm and honey-gold hair. But then reality kicked in and I realized what an arrogant attention whore Jasper really was. But Rosalie kept amazing me with her kindness. We easily became the best of friends; our friendship completely platonic through our pre-teen years. But as high school came and passed by, even our parents had started to become suspicious as to why our relationship hadn't naturally grown into more. But the thing just was… I was absolutely one hundred percent gay.
We'd both come to that realization together during the summer after we finished tenth grade.
Rose and I were both lying on our backs, heads to hips, on the floor in my basement on a Wednesday afternoon. It was the only place we could get some peace from both our families and be able to chit-chat freely without the fear of being overheard.
Rosalie let out a sudden melodic laugh, and I turned my head in question. "Jasper just texted me. He said, 'She won't even give me her number!' then drew a crying face. Her name is Mary, he's been trying to get to her all week. Pathetic." She laughed and I chuckled along with her.
"Oh! I almost forgot to tell you; I bought our tickets to the semi-formal dance!" I sat up and clapped my hands together in excitement. I practically jumped at every chance to wear a tux.
"Oh finally!" she sat up too, "And I've been meaning to tell you; I found a really cute dress store that's in a mall in Port Angeles, I was wondering If you'd come with me and check it out...?" She looked up at me with her steely blue eyes through her eyelashes and flashed me her white glistening teeth, as if I could say no to a question like that.
"Of course I'll come," I gave her my brightest smile as I thought about going shopping with Rose. It was difficult, but at the end it was definitely fun. I'd always found the world of girl stuff kind of fascinating. We continued to talk and waited for my mom to come home in order to get a ride to the mall.
"SO! What do you think?" Rosalie twirled around, her shiny blonde her dancing down her back. This was the fifth dress store we'd entered today, and I was starting to feel tired.
"It's beautiful, Rose. The red is really vibrant, but it totally compliments your skin tone."
She huffed, "Edward! This one is blue!"
I looked up at her annoyed expression, "What? Rose, you've tried on about fifty dresses today! At this point all of them look the same to me!"
"Fine, Edward. I'm sorry for fishing for some compliments." She shut the door to the fitting room. I rolled my eyes at my personal drama queen and walked out of the store to wait for her by a bench. I always felt bad when I offended her or didn't pay attention to her. It had always been one of those things I struggled with – paying attention. I was easily distracted, and this was about the one millionth time Rose got annoyed with me because of it.
After spotting her walking up to me I stood up and pulled her into a hug. She was a couple of inches shorter than me, and the perfect height for me to wrap my arms around her shoulders. I liked having her in my arms. In my head I became her protector, and had always done my best to fulfill that role; it made me feel useful. Having my arms wrapped around her had always felt so naturally comfortable. "Hey, I'm sorry for being insensitive."
"You're not," she chided.
"Well, may be a little bit. But you have to know that you are beautiful. And you don't need to fish for compliments because you know you break necks when you walk into a room."
She lifted her head to smirk at me. "I know,"
"So, we're good?"
I smiled and went to pull away so we could continue shopping. She kept her tight hold on me though, and I giggled. "Uhm, wanna let me go now?" I turned back to see her looking at me as if she were considering something strange yet new. I tried to laugh easily to lighten the mood. "What?" I smiled nervously, and tried to wrestle my way out of her grip once again.
"You know, sometimes I think you only come shopping with me because you like looking at the dresses more than watching me try them on." Her tone turned playfully accusing and I suddenly felt uncomfortable in her tight embrace.
My mind started spinning and I feared what she would say next. I wished she would stop talking now, so I wouldn't have to hear the word. I knew she was going to say it now. Rose wasn't the kind of person who would hold back with her thoughts. She was exactly opposite. "W-what do you mean? Of course I like watching you shop. I mean, you're beautiful, any guy would follow-"
"Yes, but Edward!" she cut me off and I realized I was about to start rambling again. That was the second sign that usually occurred whenever I get nervous; the first sign being the extremely embarrassing girly blush that seemed to love invading my face during the worst possible times. Right now I was already past a simple heated up cheek. Fuck.
Her next sentence cleared my head out of its trance though. "I've been rubbing my boobs all over you for the past five minutes! And you don't even seem to notice!"
My heart started beating furiously and my eyes danced around in their sockets, refusing to look at her. I didn't want her to look into my eyes and see the truth all played out in the depths of them, as she seemed to always do.
"Edward, are you gay?"
Fuck. That word. There was no going back now – she'd said my name and the word in the same sentence. I literally started feeling the sweat forming and dripping down my neck. I felt her arms tighten around me when I tried to move away, this time with a lot more force. I suddenly felt confined to my own skin and couldn't stand being in the crowded hall way anymore. I used more effort to pull away from Rose as I turned to make a run for it and heard her gasp in surprise.
Why was she surprised? She should be disgusted. Maybe even scared of me. I'd always known this would happen. She was going to find out and break up with me. Hell, we weren't even together in the first place. She was going to smile politely, tell me I was a nice guy, but not the one for her. I knew it. I wanted to slap myself, wishing the hit would switch something off in my head, and make me constantly stare at her boobs. So many things would be easier for me if I could actually do that. I wouldn't lose Rose... maybe it would even bring us closer. However, as much as I hated it, I had to face reality eventually, and it was ugly and scary as hell.
I pushed and shoved my way through the crowd. It kept growing and growing the more I ran and I started to feel claustrophobic. I needed to get out. I needed to be alone. My legs kept carrying me forward as I heard several people grunting and calling out in anger as I pushed through the mob of humans. I heard my name being repeated by Rosalie but it became distant. Finally, I spotted a door that led to the parking lot and I started to run even faster. I flung myself through the door and outside into the open space. I greeted the fresh air and sunlight with bliss, but kept on walking down the sidewalk until I found a bench and threw myself down onto it. It wasn't after I'd brought my hands to my face and felt wetness that I realized tears were streaming down my flushed cheeks.
Fuck! Why was I crying! Shit! I wiped my face frantically with the hem of my shirt and tried to force myself to calm down. My brain was racing at a hundred miles per second and I couldn't make sense of any thoughts going on. My head started to throb and I heard my heart beating in my ears. Then it suddenly leapt into my throat as I heard Rosalie shout my name in concern. I felt her slouch down next to me and my body immediately curled up into a ball, my arms hugging my knees tightly.
"Edward, are you alright?"
I tried to open my mouth and use my voice to tell her that I was fine; that she could leave if she wanted to. But my throat was knotted up and no sound came out. I felt mentally and physically paralyzed. My eyes had dried and I was staring blankly at the cars moving with lightning speed about a yard ahead of us.
"Edward, come on, you're scaring me. Please say something."
I tried to open my mouth again but the first thing that came out was a sob. My face scrunched up as I tried to hold back the rest. I tried to bite my lip hard, to distract myself with the pain, but nothing worked. Then I felt Rosalie scoot close next to me and wrap an arm protectively around my back. I instinctively shivered and felt my body lean into her. We simply sat there looking like idiots. Every few minutes I wanted to stand up and tell her that she should just leave; that I was only embarrassing her in front of strangers. But my mind started to clear up and comprehensive thoughts made their way through my mind.
After what seemed like sitting on the burning bench, a cause of the blaring sun, forever, I realized Rosalie's hand had been rubbing my back gently to sooth me.
The first words that seemed to escape my mouth were, "I'm fine, I'm fine,"
"No, you're not fine; don't even say that you're fine! You looked like you were having a panic attack!"
But as soon as I realized what was going on my mouth just went on a spree. "I'm sorry, so, so-sorry. I shouldn't have- I shouldn't- I mean you, you were just- you're…"
"Shhhh, shh, Edward. It's okay; you don't have to explain anything right now." She kept her gentle strokes on my back and I almost bawled out again at the wonder of why she was being gentle with me. I didn't understand; I used her; I didn't live up to her expectations. Confusion struck me and I found myself frowning. After all those years that we'd spent together, slowly building up our relationship, she found out that I will never be for her what our parents expected of us. How can she sit here alongside me, a crying sixteen year old, and act as if nothing has changed? What if she doesn't understand what's going on? I didn't understand what was going on.
After I'd calmed down again she asked, "Are you alright now? Do you wanna talk about it?"
"No! Do not apologize for anything. Just talk."
"Uhm," I tried to clear up my head to come up with something coherent to say. What was I supposed to do? What should I expect from her? What did she expect from me!
"Fine, do you want me to talk then?"
I thought about that. Yeah, of course I wanted to know what she was thinking. What if she was expecting this to happen! What if she'd planned ahead and knew the perfect words to break me with. "Yeh- Yes, please." I replied, uncertainly.
"Well, I don't know what's going on inside this head of yours, but let me tell you something. If I was right… and you really are gay… then please, please, don't think that you have to be scared of anything. Not even of me. Not anyone, ever. And don't think that it will scare me away either. Because it won't. Do you understand? I've loved you for many years as a best friend; I'm not going to stop loving you now because of a single word. Edward, you were inside the mall just now, trying to make me feel better about myself; telling me I'm beautiful. Even though I didn't even deserve your sympathy, I was just being over dramatic. But you know what? You are the best friend I have ever had. You are not only handsome, but you have a beautiful heart. You are very loving and loyal and always there for me when I need you. And I love that about you. I love you, for who you are, not who you think people want you to be. Okay?" I finally looked up at her to see her face resting in an easy, loving expression. "And that's not going to change just because you don't want to get in my pants." She joked.
I involuntarily let out a laugh and snot flew out of my nose. "Shit," I wiped it away and rolled my eyes at how pathetic I must look.
"You okay now?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I uh… sorry for that. I don't know what happened. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't belie-"
"Hey! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Although, I think we need to go home now and have a longer more efficient talk in privacy." She giggled and I smiled.
"So, you're okay with… I mean, you don't mind me, may be… being…"
"You being gay? You can say it, Edward. It's not a taboo word." She chuckled. She almost seemed too comfortable with it. Oh well, she could easily be. She wasn't the one who'd have to go through everything that was ahead of me now. Because of one single word, my life has now changed forever. I didn't like how my future looked. Though, I still didn't believe it. This must be a dream, it couldn't be real.
I cleared my throat and managed, "Uhm, you don't mind me being… gay?" Even the word itself felt foreign on my tongue.
"Nope, not at all!" Her smile widened. "Actually, I've been thinking about it for a while now. I mean, we are sixteen. Sure, we've been friends since we were ten, but our parents haven't been the only ones wondering why you haven't kissed me yet, or even asked me out."
"Yeah, uh… well I've never… you know,"
"Yeah, trust me honey, I know. We'll start working on that as soon as I get over the fact that one less person in the world will want to touch these lips." She pointed to her own lips and giggled, getting up and dragging me up with her.
I pulled her into a tight hug, feeling as comfortable as I ever had. "Oh and Rose,"
She looked up and I smiled. Leaning down, I pecked her lips for a second and lifted up to see her smiling widely. "Thank you, for everything. You don't know how much I need your support right now, more than ever."
"You know I'm always here for you anytime, Eddie. Now, come on, we have a whole lot to talk about. I mean, how long have you known? Or at least, suspected? Do you have a crush on anyone? Does anyone else know? Oh! Do you watch gay porn?"
So, I'm not the kind of gay who's crying and sobbing in the back of the closet anymore, but I was definitely still somewhere in that fucking closet. God, I hated that closet. It felt like it's getting smaller around me by every passing second. Suffice to say, that I still wasn't comfortable with telling the world that I liked to suck dick rather than eat pussy.
I sighed and sat up in bed, feeling slightly dizzy at the high school memories. I went to check the time on my phone in order to make sure I wasn't late for my first class, only to find out that it had merely been nine minutes since my alarm rang. Weird. I wasn't as excited for this day as I felt I should be. My mind was completely awake, and my body was yearning for movement, but my heart was yearning to climb back into bed and curl back in on itself. I wasn't ready to face the place I would be waking up to for at least the next four years.
Before I could make a decision however, I heard the front door of the apartment open and slam shut. I heard footsteps and then someone burst through my bedroom door. I instinctively covered myself with my covers, surprised because I was usually the first one to wake up in this household.
"Rise and shine, Eddie!" Jasper laughed. He sounded like he'd been up for the last four hours; as if it was one in the afternoon rather than seven in the morning. I groaned and flopped back under my pillow as he walked up to my window and pulled back the curtains.
"Go to hell,"
"Stop being such a grouch like always. This is your first day! Quit sulking."
"My day was starting to look fine 'till the minute you walked in here,"
He laughed as if he couldn't care less what I thought of him and went to annoy the rest of the people living here. I was so awfully used to the sound of him laughing. At me, especially. One of his favorite hobbies had always been to mock me, tease me and annoy me. But of course that was only a close second to his favorite hobby of all time: screwing every single creature that was ever given legs to walk on. May be I was exaggerating slightly, but that was exactly how I saw it.
I forced myself to move out of bed to find something to wear. I ducked into my stack of sweaters, and found that picking an outfit for the first day of school was harder than I thought. Grey? Too boring. Red? Too desperate. Blue? Too… blue. After what felt like hours I gave up, closed my eyes, and let faith do the work. My hands came up with the baggy navy blue sweater and the faded jeans I'd matched with it earlier. Thankfully it was a combination that allowed me to blend perfectly with crowds; I didn't like to stand out too much.
"Are you gonna wear that?"
"Yes, Jasper. Is it a problem?"
"I liked the red one you tried on better."
I grimaced and turned to narrow my eyes at him. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to know you're wearing red briefs with white stripes." He smirked.
"Get the fuck out."
"You have a nice ass!" I heard him laugh as he walked off. I wanted to murder him right then and there. It was sickening how open he was about his sexuality. How dare he talk freely about his sex life no matter what gender it involved? Or genders, I should say. Threesomes and gangbangs seemed to be something he enjoyed as well. Bastard. There should be a law against it. Don't flaunt your sexuality into closeted peoples' faces…
I rolled my eyes at my foolishness. I'd tried to convince myself countless times that Jasper was an inconsiderate, egotistical, lazy waste of human flesh. But the truth was, while I sit at home and watch reruns of How I Met Your Mother with Rosalie, Jasper's only dilemma is whether to hit the gay or straight clubs or bars that night. He was Mr. I'm so sexy and I know it, while I was a closeted freak that runs away down the street in his boxers at midnight, at the mere mention of a rimjob. Don't ask.
Deep down I knew I was simply jealous of him, but the day I admit that, is the day you ask me to touch a vagina.
I made my way to the bathroom and immediately cursed under my breath in shock as I spotted Jacob standing in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around his waist and another in his hand, drying his hair.
"Holy crap, Jacob. How many times do I have to tell you; close the fucking door when you're in here." I focused my eyes on my reflection in the mirror as I walked up beside him and started to brush my teeth.
"Why? I thought you liked all of this!"
He spread his arms wide and wrapped them around me. He was at least a head taller than me and about ten times stronger; his arms were packed with fat muscles and I was afraid he was going to dislocate my shoulders. I spit some toothpaste out. "Eugh, no. You're not my type, at all."
"Whatever, you'll come around any day now."
I turned to watch him leave the bathroom while exaggeratingly swaying his hips from side to side. I rolled my eyes. He is the gayest straight man I have ever met.
Jacob is my other best friend, and we'd practically known each other since the day we learned to walk. He'd always been there for me - through everything - and he even accepted me being gay. I'd always liked having Jacob around. He was easy to talk to, and we shared a lot of opinions. The only thing that had separated us a bit through the years was the fact that he was on the football team, and I, to say it mildly, had absolutely no interest in any kind of sports. So when Jacob wasn't hanging out with me he was either out with his football friends, eating or chasing girls. Bad luck with girls was something that had haunted him from the moment he began to show interest in them. He'd tried to get to Rosalie in seventh grade, but she didn't seem to return his feelings. At first it was a touchy subject for him to talk about, but now he'd gotten over himself, and it had become something every one often joked about.
I locked the door after Jacob left and went back to getting ready. I washed my face with ice cold water and brushed my teeth once more, just for the sake of it. I stared at myself in the mirror, feeling like a girl as I studied my skin for any blemishes or likely. I was fairly average height; neither skinny nor extremely ripped like Jacob. I had remarkable green eyes; sometimes the intenseness of the color even scared me whenever I caught myself in the reflection of a mirror. My cheekbones were quite discernible; my nose was straight and my lips only a little too thin. But what strangers usually used to identify me as "the guy with the bronze hair", was simply my pride; I made a big deal out of keeping my hair healthy. If people knew how much time I spend taking care of my hair, they would immediately suspect me to be gay.
After I was satisfied with the way I looked, I hopped into the shower and decided to make it a fast one today; I had no time to conjure up a fantasy and live it out, up in my head.
"Edward, I need to use the bathroom! I'm the girl, which automatically allows me to spend twice as much time out there compared to you." Rosalie whined. After hurrying out of the shower stall and wrapping a towel around my waist, I unlocked the door. God forbid someone get on the wrong side of Rosalie's mood at seven o'clock in the morning.
She hurried in; makeup bag in hand and eyes wide with expectation. Her eager movements turned clumsy as she unpacked all of her girly… stuff. "Are you sure you're gonna make it in time?"
"Stop stressing me. Go make breakfast," She demanded.
I snorted. She was warning me not to make her stressed when she already was grumpier than usual. "I'm not hungry."
"But I am! So go make me some breakfast!" She spun around and pouted her lip. "Please, Edward?"
"You're unbelievable," I chuckled as I made my way to the kitchen. It mystified me how she could make me do anything for her just by pouting her lip and batting her eyelashes at me.
On my way to the kitchen I spotted Jasper sprawled across the couch in the living room watching TV with a plate of sandwiches in his lap. That playful smirk was literally always dancing on his lips. Since we'd come to live in Seattle, he hadn't stopped going on and on about how wonderful it was to not be a freshman anymore. Something about that fact that he was a year older than Rose, Jake and I seemed to make him think he overpowered us.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I started regretting the decision I made that allowed Rose to give him a key to our place. I walked up and grabbed the plate from him. She would like these.
"I came to pick you little kiddies up. Don't wanna get lost on your first day now, do ya?" He smirked and managed to grab another sandwich before I managed to dodge him.
"You have so much faith in us," I grumbled and he laughed at me. Again.
The buildings of the University of Washington were overwhelming. The façade of the buildings were red and white with a million windows, and probably four stories tall. I kept close to Rosalie and Jacob, worried I would get lost if I let them out of sight for a single second. Jasper had run off as soon as a huge group of his friends were whistling and waving at him. I wasn't even surprised that he was popular here as well as in high school back in Forks. Rosalie had her chin lifted arrogantly, knowing she looked good in her first day outfit which she'd been discussing with me for the past two months. It was thought through to the tiniest details. Jacob on the other hand looked exactly like he did a year ago when his body had finished going through his 'man' transformation, except for the fact that he'd spread his arms out a little more. He probably thought it made him look more buff. It had the reversed effect though, but I wasn't going to tell him. Watching him make a fool of himself was way more fun.
"I have art class with Mr. Smith in the west building, which is this way," Rose said and pointed. Jasper must have tattooed instructions of how to find her way around this place to her brain, because I knew exactly how bad she was at following a map or even a GPS. "See you, boys."
Jacob glanced at me. "I'm lost, dude."
I grabbed the map from his hand, and tried to ignore the fact that we looked stupid as fuck as we stood there pointing at a map like tourists finding their way through Disney Land. "This way," I mumbled and walked in the direction of the north building.
The clock was haunting me as it stared back in my face.
Today was Thursday and the last day of my lectures this week. It was a relieving thought to know that my weekend started as soon as the clock struck two. My last class was psychology with Ms. Trupp. Disregarding the fact that her lipstick smudged onto her teeth and that she squeezed herself into a flowery tight dress almost every day, which really did nothing at all to improve her over all look, I liked her. As far as I knew she was single, and I could easily picture her as the weird old lady in the one bedroom apartment with five cats. But apart from all of that, she was surprisingly kind and friendly, which was more than you could say about the rest of the professors. The difference between high school teachers and college teachers was very obvious. They simply didn't care whether I took notes or fell asleep, or even if I showed up at all. The new found freedom was exhilarating.
I hadn't made a lot of new friends yet, but I'd never been an outgoing guy to begin with. I constantly feared people would notice something different about me; that I liked gushing about girly TV shows and fashion rather than watching a game with a beer in hand. But Rosalie had made a lot of acquaintances, and she'd always invited them out with us for lunch. I didn't remember a lot of their names, because I really hadn't found any of them very interesting.
But I did remember two guys named Brady and Emmett. Brady was clearly gay. Rosalie had looked intently at me while she introduced us to each other, as if she was trying to tell me something through mind telepathy. I brushed her off, because I certainly wasn't attracted to Brady. He wasn't my type, mostly because I wasn't attracted to guys more feminine than myself. Brady had curly dark hair with matching brown eyes and an attractive skin tone that almost looked like it glowed. He wasn't tall at all, and in the three times I'd seen him this week, I hadn't seen him in anything else but tight V-necks and jeans in various colors, but I liked it. He intrigued me – not because he was gay, but because there was something about him that made me eager to be in his company.
Emmett on the other hand was one of the biggest guys I had ever met. If I tried to, I was sure my arms wouldn't even reach around him. He had short dark hair and his eye color seemed to be different every day depending on the lighting, so I settled on hazel. He had one of those wonderful booming, yet soft, laughs, and I found him very funny. He wasn't egoistical in any way, and didn't have the need to be the center of attention 24/7, as certain other people did. He was fine with witty comments every now and then. But I didn't like Emmett nearly as much as Rose seemed to. She constantly smiled and beamed at him, unable to even consider taking her eyes off of him. I had never seen Rose so fascinated with any guy before, and I thought it was quite amusing. But the best part of it definitely was that Emmett seemed totally oblivious to how into him Rose was. It would be fun to watch Rosalie fight for his attention, because as far as I knew, this was the first time she didn't get exactly what she wanted the moment she set her eyes on it.
Jacob spend most of his time running after girls, saying something about the hot older university chicks being far more exciting to chase after, and definitely worth it. Though, from what he'd told me, he hadn't even gotten a single number. But after all this was only the first week, I was certain he would find a worthy girl before school ended this year. At least the rejections didn't bother him, and he was constantly out and chasing.
I rubbed my face roughly with my hands and looked up at the smartboard where Ms. Trupp was awkwardly drawing the left side of a brain. This class would end in ten minutes, and my body was aching to get up from this chair that I'd been sitting in for two hours. I counted the last minutes and immediately rose up when Ms. Trupp said, "Class dismissed" followed by a genuine smile, where most other teachers would've glared at us while we collected our stuff and left. I was about to leave the lecture hall when I felt a hand on my shoulder and nearly jumped at the physical contact from a stranger.
"Hey Edward," Brady grinned, when I turned around.
"Oh, hey, Brady," I smiled back nervously. I wasn't at all used to talking to other gay guys in a public place - was there some kind of code I was supposed to use? No, I was being stupid. But I still felt as if hanging around a gay guy will immediately classify me as gay as well. I could just imagine all eyes turning to look at me in surprise, and horror.
Brady, however, didn't notice my hesitation as we started walking along the flow of the students out of the hall. "Wanna go grab a coffee?"
"Sure," I smiled at the idea of being in the company of a new person for a change. Sure, I didn't like forcing myself onto people and making myself stand out at school, but that didn't mean that I would mind having a new friend that didn't mind me being shy.
We made our way off campus and around the block to the nearest coffee shop. Brady started to talk about the lecture we just had, and how it fascinated him. I was completely fine with him leading the conversation, and thankful that he noticed and accepted I wasn't a really chatty guy.
After he got his coffee and I'd ordered my favorite caramel latte with cream, we decided to sit at one of the tables that were set up on the side of the store. "So do you have any plans for the weekend? I'm assuming you don't have any classes on Friday…"
"Yeah, you're right, I don't. Tonight I'm probably gunna end up eating some ice cream and watch a movie by myself," I mumbled. "As for the rest of the weekend, I guess I don't really have concrete plans yet."
"Why are you all alone tonight?" he inquired.
"Because Jacob is going to a bar with Jasper and Rosalie has a night class," I shrugged. "That leaves me to myself."
"Why aren't you joining Jacob and Jasper?" Yeah, why don't you join the two horny guys going to a straight bar, Edward? I could sense that Brady knew exactly why, and I feared he was going to keep pushing the subject further than I was comfortable.
"I don't feel like going to a bar tonight."
"Oh really?" He smirked, raising an eyebrow.
I stayed quiet and started to fidget with my latte cup because this was starting to feel more like an interrogation than a friendly chat.
"Well then," He continued. "I'm kind of busy tonight, but if you could be free tomorrow night and join me somewhere, that would be cool…"
I figured spending a night with Brady would be interesting. He seemed rather enthusiastic and friendly, and I could already sense I would have fun with him. "Sure, that sounds great. What are we gonna do?"
"There's this place I like to go to every now and then. It's not far from here,"
"What kind of place?"
"Well, I guess you can call it a club." He winked.
A club. I wondered what kind of club he was referring to. I didn't even bother asking for more details about it, knowing exactly what kind of club Brady would invite me to. But I didn't reject his offer. I quickly made up my mind that it was time for me to explore the community that I was a part of. And truth be told, I was tired of taking care of my own cock with my own hand every morning in the shower.
With lube in one hand, a towel in the other, and a hard on in my pants, I raised the thermostat, and locked the door to my room. I stripped into nothing and walked over to my bed and settled in. I didn't even bother with turning on the porn because I knew it wouldn't help the slightest anyway. I just relaxed onto my back and poured the lube onto my hand to warm it up a bit. I closed my eyes as I started to stroke myself slowly, my hands remembering the routine that they go through at least once a week.
Not having porn to guide me did not bother me at all. I had a pretty vivid imagination. Today I decided to start thinking about that one fantasy that seemed to work every single time. I pictured Bradley Cooper naked and my cock twitched.
God, he's SO hot.
I conjured up the image of both of us naked standing in a hotel penthouse. There were panorama windows lined up across an entire wall and the curtains were drawn open to display the city of Paris. It was night time, the scene was romantically beautiful, and I could even see the twinkling lights of the Eiffel tower in the horizon. Suddenly though, as I watched the cars that looked like ants travel across the floor of the city, I felt Bradley walk up to me and press his body along my entire backside. His cock found and nestled into my ass crack perfectly and I sighed in content, leaning my head back onto his shoulder.
His lips sought out my ear and he whispered, "Do you want me to fuck you now, baby?"
There was a hint of roughness in his voice that excited me and I moaned a, "Yes, please," as he reached around my body to gently hold my cock.
I started to pick up the pace on my real dick as my eyes seemed to be glued together in desperation for keeping dream Bradley alive for as long as possible.
Suddenly I was being pushed forward and he pressed me into the glass wall. I gasped in surprise as he started to leave wet kisses across my shoulder blades. His hands let go of my hip and cock and I whimpered when his left hand kneaded my ass cheeks apart as he immediately entered two fingers into my tight hole.
I groaned at the sudden intrusion and moaned out loud while starting to thrust up into my own hand rapidly.
I'd been begging Bradley to fuck me but was still surprised when his cock began to outline my ass crack and linger on my hole as if it was his home. He began to push his way in. I rested my forehead on the cool glass as I loved the feeling of him filling me up. He continued to push his long piece into me without hesitance.
I lifted my ass completely off my bed and gently touched my asshole with the tip of my finger. I moaned at the thought of someone actually entering me and thought about the day when I could live out my fantasy in real life. Or something that was at least a tenth as good as this. I imagined myself being fucked forcefully against the windows that overlooked the entire city and started to feel my balls tightening against the base of my cock. I continued to tighten my hand and stroke roughly as I thrusted frantically.
"Ugh, more, Brad…"
"Yeah? You like that, baby?"
"Oh, fuck yeah!" He continued to pound into my from behind. If he hadn't had such a strong grasp on my body, I would have tumbled to the ground as my knees had long since stopped functioning. We moaned, groaned, and shouted each other's names as we came at the same time; his hand jerking me off onto the glass and my ass milking his long hard cock.
I started to push myself through my orgasm as I felt it nearing. The feeling had always surprised me. The complete moment of bliss was indescribable. My cock erupted and squirted all over my thighs, stomach, and duvet cover, even though I'd aimed for the towel.
I continued to stroke myself through my orgasm as I thought about being completely sated and spent after a long and hard fuck from a real lover. After five minutes of nothingness, my brain returned to life and I gently cleaned up my now softening dick and tried to brush off my jizz from the places that it had managed to fly to.
After throwing my towel with the pile of clothes I'd started earlier I put myself under the warm covers and cuddled with myself, knowing that sleep was going to take over any moment now.
My body seemed to sense the exact moment I needed to wake up to get ready for work. Sensing that the sun was shining brightly through the creases in my dark blue curtains, I managed to open my eyes to greet the world. When I finally gathered energy to get out of bed instead of brooding about my life, I made breakfast for myself. Jacob had a class this morning and Rosalie was out investigating the shopping malls with her new girlfriends. I had the apartment to myself, and I made sure to enjoy the silence and peace to its fullest. Not that I didn't like living with them, but I also liked to be alone every once in a while. Yeah, people may call me lame, but isolating myself from the world for a few hours every week seemed to help me coping with life.
After having a hurried breakfast, I took a shower with plenty of time on the clock and made sure to wash ever part of my body thoroughly. I dried myself, and threw on my uniform. The weather was warm considering the fact that we were in mid-September already, but I guess I shouldn't have been complaining because the weather back home in Forks wasn't that much better.
I grabbed my wallet, keys, phone, left the apartment and decided to walk the few blocks that I need to get to Starbucks; I needed to do more investigation to the city that was now my home. Even though Rose, Jacob and I had lived in our apartment for a month now, the city was so big that we still hadn't gotten accustomed to it. It was almost ten in the morning, not yet time for lunch, so the streets were fairly calm and I managed to stay in peace until I reached the nearest Starbucks to my apartment.
As soon as I came to Seattle, I'd gone out and applied for many side jobs that I needed to keep up with the rent I shared with my two best friends. Two weeks later, Starbucks hired me and since then I'd been spoiling myself with coffee and sugar filled treats to pass my time.
I walked in through the back door and started making myself my favorite cinnamon latte.
Just then, Jessica walked in and smiled as she noticed me. Crap.
"Hey, Edward, we missed you last week,"
"Yea, I uh, had some personal business to attend to," honestly I was just feeling down that day and just called in sick.
"That's too bad, I hope everything is okay?"
"Yup, perfect. Thanks,"
She smiled and walked up to me to give me an unexpected hug. I awkwardly patted her back with one hand.
"You know I'm always here right, if you ever need anything,"
"Yeap, I know. Seriously, thanks."
She smiled wickedly and as she turned she lightly grazed my crotch with the back of her hand. I cowered back into the counter and took deep breaths. She walked back out to the front and I continued my work.
Something about this girl was so weird. She wasn't just the occasional flirty chick that seemed to annoy you, rather a mysterious human that I could never understand. Her eyes were big and blue, a nice contrast to her black hair and brows and the freckles on her nose and cheeks, and the image of her creepy smile was suspiciously stuck in my head. She seemed unusual. And for me, a gay man, to notice this, says something about her atypical aura.
The store seemed to be exceptionally busy today so I just stuck around the back storage area, organizing random boxes, as I waited for my shift to end. Just when I seemed to be getting lost in my own thoughts, my phone rang and I went to pick it up without even looking at the caller ID. Very few people called me anyways.
"Hey Eddie," Jacob answered. It must have been after two in the afternoon because that's was when his lecture ended.
"Hi," He said, I could hear the heavy traffic through my phone and guessed he was doing something outdoors.
"Where are you?"
"On my way to the apartment," He answered. "You're not home?"
"No, I'm working, remember,"
"Stay there, I'll be right over." He hung up before I got my chance to protest.
Since my shift also ended at two, I started to clean up the area as much as I could and gathered my things. I waited in the front at a table where Jacob and I liked to sit and watch people through the large windows.
The next few hours seemed to go by in a haze. Jacob and I talked for a long time at Starbucks, longer than I thought we would. By the time we decided to get up and leave, it was already dinner time, and I knew Brady would be knocking on our door in about two hours, to pick me up like we planned. I told Jacob about my plans for the night and it seemed that after I told him, he couldn't stop smiling and smirking at me. "May be this Brady guy will help you grow some balls," He'd chuckled while patting me on the back, clearly implying that he thought it was time for me to get out of the closet. He might be right.
Jacob himself seemed to have changed these past few weeks we'd lived in Seattle - enough for me to notice. He was glowing and I suspected it to be the drastic change of location. Though I knew he liked to live in Forks, near his dad and the reservation he grew up in, I also knew he was yearning for a change, and Seattle seemed to be perfect for him. I was a bit disappointed that I didn't possess the glow in my eyes myself, but it only confirmed my suspicions; I would've rather stayed in Forks. But it was definitely an uplifting thought that I was going to spend my evening with Brady.
Normally I would be extremely negative about the thought of going to a club or a bar with some guy completely aware of what he thought was the mutual agenda; chasing girls. I would usually end up reluctantly leaving the bar with a girl under my arm to please the guy I'd gone with, so he also could leave the bar with a girl, without feeling bad for leaving me behind. When a girl and I would have made our way outside, I'd reject her rudely – a couple of times girls had even slapped me for leading them on. But the difference between that and what was going to happen tonight was huge. Although Brady hadn't directly said it was a gay club, I think it was safe to think so, considering he mentioned it was one of his favorite places to go. I wasn't disappointed that he left me clueless, I might even had a chance to expand my experience, which would be easy, because my experience in any kind of sexual contact with another guy – even just a kiss – was so pathetic and depressing, it made me want to jump off of the nearest bridge.
When Jacob and I got home, Rosalie was feverishly brushing her hair and complaining about how it wouldn't stay the way she wanted it to. I offered her my help, while Jacob warmed some lasagna I'd made yesterday, and she finally gave in. She was satisfied when I'd spent fifteen minutes combing and styling it with all kinds of products until it was how she wanted it.
She twirled in front of the mirror and smiled brightly at her own appearance. Girls. "Oh Edward, what would I do without you! You're a lifesaver,"
I chuckled. "No problem."
"Not really. It was a huge problem!" She grinned. The frustration that seemed to be tormenting her before was completely gone and she sparkled with happiness. I was really praying this Emmett guy wouldn't disappoint her. "So what are you doing tonight?"
"Going to a club with Brady," I muttered, unable to smile a little while saying it.
"Brady?" She squealed, raising her eyebrows. "You're spending the night with Brady?"
"Yea, I just said that!"
She ignored my bitter reply, and her smile turned wider. "Do you like him?"
"No! Rose, no! He's not my type," I defended. "He's just a friend."
"Okay, well maybe he has some more interesting friends…" I could easily sense by the tone of her voice that she wasn't even expecting me to come home tonight. Jeez, she was getting way ahead of herself.
"I wonder what kind of club it is," She giggled.
Someone knocked the on door and Rosalie practically sprang up from the sofa, grabbing her purse, her keys and her nicest jacket. She'd really gone all in. She pecked my cheek and shortly hugged Jacob, before she disappeared through the door shouting "Bye guys!" on her way out.
I went to change my outfit and make myself ready, since Brady would show up within the next thirty minutes.
"I like the grey jeans," Jacob said teasingly.
"Get out," I mumbled, as I stripped down to my underwear. I hadn't even noticed he'd followed me. But I wasn't surprised. This was one of the first time he'd ever had the chance to tease me about going out to actually get somewhat laid.
"Oh, you wanna do this in the bathroom instead?" He laughed.
"You're so gay, Jake," I said. "Are you sure you're not just pretending to be rejected by all these girls?"
He grinned. "Well, actually, I met a girl last night and she's coming over later. It's the perfect opportunity since all of you are out."
"Really…?" I chuckled, having a hard time believing what he'd just told me. But I drew out the word in exaggeration.
"Fuck you, Edward,"
"You made your intentions pretty clear, Jake, no need to refresh them."
He snorted and left my room, which finally gave me some peace to consider what to wear. I wasn't flamboyantly gay, obviously since I wasn't even out yet. But this was a gay club, and I could be as obvious as I wanted to, but I'd known all along that it wasn't really me, so I chose something I would've chosen on a normal night out.
Brady on the other hand surprised me as I opened the door and let him in. He was wearing an eye catching pink shirt with images of red lips, of all different size, printed on the front, and a pair of the skinniest jeans I'd ever seen. He already had a small physique, so I wondered where he'd even gotten such small jeans. From a kids' clothing store may be? But he still looked pretty good – if his twink-like appearance had been my type, I'd definitely be interested. I was forced to admit that the pink color against that gorgeous honey colored skin of his looked absolutely amazing. I was sort of jealous.
"Hey, beautiful," Brady grinned and pulled me in for an unexpected hug.
I blushed involuntarily. "Hi, Brady,"
"Are you ready to go?"
"Absolutely," a real smile played across my face as I turned to Jacob. "Will you be ok?"
"I'm not a baby, Edward. Go have fun with your friend." He seemed to be very busy with some soccer game that was on TV.
"Well, good luck with that girl then."
"Thanks, and have fun tonight." He said and Brady and I exited the apartment, closing the door behind us.
When we'd gotten downstairs to the busy evening street, Brady mentioned that the club wasn't far from here, and that we could make it in around fifteen minutes if we walked. I didn't even notice how many streets we traveled because Brady was very entertaining throughout the entire walk. He babbled about some guy he'd apparently friend zoned without noticing. He also told me about how he came out at a very young age and that his parents were totally cool with him being gay. He didn't have any siblings and had lived his entire life in New York. He enjoyed watching shows on Broadway and shopping for all sorts of different styles, which was something his mom had always loved to do with him.
Again, I was jealous of him. I wished my parents weren't as conservative as they were, and that I could easily tell them about my sexuality and not be fearful of their reactions. He didn't ask once about me being gay, and didn't even come near the topic. Neither did he ask if I had any past relationships or how my parents were feeling about homosexuals. It was comforting, and I sensed it took a lot of effort for him to keep his obvious curiosity down. I appreciated it more than he could imagine, because I really wasn't ready yet to share all my thoughts and experiences as a gay closeted guy.
The sign above the door for the club was in neon yellow that said "Rumours" and I spotted it when we were about a block away. The outside walls were black and the entrance was a big white door. Brady silently handed me a fake ID, grabbed my hand, and walked towards the entrance. The bouncer looked at us for a few seconds and nodded once to let us know we were good to go inside.
Once inside, I felt like I'd entered a completely different world. The music was booming and people were dancing all over the place, being as far away from the dance floor as possible did not seem to stop them from jumping up and down with the music. I didn't necessarily feel uncomfortable, but I didn't feel as if I was completely in my element either. I anxiously looked over at Brady, and he smiled brightly at me, his teeth gleaming in the reflection of the strobe lights. It was a crowded place, and I scanned the crowd through quickly, noticing a lot of leather clad men. It was a pretty large place, obviously popular. The beat of the music was fast and it would take a little while for my ears to get used to how loud it was, especially combined with the endless chatter and laughter of two hundred people. The ambience of the place had a dim atmosphere, but I could still see the silhouettes moving or dancing here and there, and if you got close enough, even facial expressions. The bar took the most of the space in the club, where a massive amount of people were fighting for a seat at a bar stool or even just space enough to flirt with the bartender.
I forced myself to relax because I knew Brady had brought me here to have fun, not be a sore burden. This was a gay club, the kind of place where people like me went. Why couldn't I enjoy it? It was a place where I could be myself I not worry about who knew about me and who didn't, because we were all the same.
Brady was eagerly pushing us through, aiming for a booth he'd set his eyes on close to both the dance floor and the bar. He laughed loudly when he felt my hand tighten around his, when I noticed the appraising glances I got as we passed through the crowd. When we reached the table I started to notice the three guys hovering at it. They must be Brady's friends.
"Hello my lovelies," He purred, confirming my suspicion.
"Hey babe," A blonde one replied, apparently on the behalf of all of them. "Who's this gorgeous one you brought with you?"
"This is my new friend, Edward," Brady looked up at me, smirking as he noticed my cheeks reddening.
"Hello Edward, nice to meet you," The blonde one smiled. "I'm Riley. This is Tyler and Mike." Tyler had very short dark hair and dark skin, while Mike had extremely blue eyes, light skin and light brown hair. None of them interested me the slightest. Not even Riley, who was already trying to get my attention by winking and twirling his hair as he spoke.
"Hey," I replied and smiled politely. Riley scooted down the bench and made room for me. I carefully sat down, eyeing Brady all the while. He smiled reassuringly at me and grabbed my hand again, stroking my palm in circles, and sitting on the other side of me. He knew this was a lot for me to take in.
The guys were easy to talk to, and I opened up after a little while, enjoying the feeling of letting go of my fears. Riley offered to buy me a drink, and since I didn't have the guts to say no, because I was afraid of sending the wrong signals, I accepted his request.
Brady leaned in to whisper in my ear, when Riley left to get our drinks. "Don't worry, honey. Riley just likes to make the new ones feel welcome. Nobody's gunna force you to anything."
I flashed him a smile, and assured him I was completely at ease. Riley came back quickly with the colorful drinks.
"Guess who I just saw!" He gushed as he was close enough for us to hear.
"Brad Pitt?" Tyler suggested sarcastically.
Riley ignored the comment. "Embry fucking Call!"
"Really?" Brady said, surprise coloring his voice. "He didn't tell me he'd be here tonight!"
"Whatever, he's welcome any fucking time," Riley swooned a little bit and the other guys nodded in agreement. It made me extremely curious as to whom this guy was, but they didn't linger at the subject of the mysterious Embry Call for long – at any subject at all, really.
Brady wasn't able to sit still in his seat for more than five minutes. He kept mentioning that he wanted to dance, and it seemed he usually got his way with people. When everybody else suggested that he go dancing with me, because I was the new guy, I groaned in my head and prayed to be back at home where I was most comfortable. I tried to pull my hand away multiple times, but for a little guy he was quite strong. He got me pulled half-way to the dance floor, when suddenly he froze when he noticed something behind me. His expression suddenly turned excited and I arched an eyebrow in wonder. I glanced over my shoulder only to spot a tall guy with a broad chest and quite big arms walking up to us. I immediately froze in my spot, though I had no idea why.
"Uhm..." I looked back at Brady, displaying confusion on my face because I was at a loss of words.
"Oh. My. God. Edward, you have to meet him! He's about the damn hottest thing that ever walked into this club." He reached over in attempt to sooth my hair down but I rolled my eyes because I knew nothing was going to help that mess that's called my hair. Brady huffed in defeat and said, "Whatever, it looks sexy that way anyways."
I turned my head, confused as ever, as this mysterious guy walked up to us and greeted Brady with a peck on the lips. "Hey, beautiful," he smiled down at him briefly then turned to smile at me, "Are you gunna introduce me to this beauty you've found?"
Seeing the guy up closer like this allowed me to finally make out the features of his beautiful face. He had high cheekbones, a wide smile, the sexiest, fullest lips I had ever seen, and deep brown eyes. His hair was cut short, but still long enough to pull in. I felt my jaw fall, but I quickly snapped it shut, when I realized how stupid I must have looked.
The blush that had seemed to sneak its way upon my cheeks suddenly flamed up, no matter how hard I tried to make it leave.
"Edward, this is my best friend, Embry. Embry, this is Edward, I met him at school." Brady beamed in satisfaction as he introduced us and I wondered if he had planned this from before. I put those weird thoughts to the back of my head as I smiled and shook Embry's outstretched hand.
"Very nice to meet you, Edward," he grinned and shook my hand slowly and held onto it for longer than usual. He had quite big hands, surprisingly warm.
"Edward is a psychology geek, kind of like you. I mean seriously, I have never seen someone talk so excitedly and animatedly about the human brain!"
"Oh really, that seems interesting," Embry looked at me for reassurance.
"Nah, it's pretty geeky, like Brady said."
"No, it's not geeky at all. I myself have taken two or three psychology related courses over the years; I'm studying to be a lawyer." He said.
Brady decided that the dancing could wait and he managed to grab us a table so we could all sit down and get to know each other. As Embry, Brady and I continued to talk, I became more and more comfortable with being myself. I wasn't afraid of letting out the inner gay me, seeing as Embry seemed to have guessed that about me already. Plus, I had a strong feeling that Brady wasn't the type of guy to go start a rumor at school that would reveal my sexual preferences to the entire campus.
I watched them as they controlled most of the conversation and pondered why my heart was still racing so fast. I had been attracted to a guy occasionally since I had come out to myself two years ago. But this guy simply took my breath away. His perfectly carved out face was beautiful when he smiled and laughed, carefree and horribly innocent. I wondered if I'd ever allow myself to fall for a guy when I was still in the closet. Isn't that kind of like cheating on them? Like, you're with them in bed, but outside in the real world, you pretend to be someone else?
I didn't like those thoughts. But the thought of being with Embry still intrigued me and I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I had a sort of relationship with a guy. But then again, James was also in the closet so it was a win/win situation for both of us.
For a while, Brady and Embry seemed to be perfectly content with simply participating in light conversation with me. While we talked, my eyes wandered aimlessly scanning the crowds of unfamiliar bodies that were very closely packed into a dancing mop, all in different stages of undress. I kind of admired every single person in this room because of what they were doing. Sure, they were simply dancing in a club, but that meant that each and every single one of them had gone through some sort of self-realization and acceptance of themselves. Most of them may have been completely out of the closet, and the large number of people gathered from one city in one gay club amazed me.
"Hey sugar, where'd ya zone off to?" I looked back to Embry who had been trying to get my attention for a few seconds.
"Oh, sorry, just fascinated by this crowd… I've never… uh, been… to a club before," I shrugged feebly in embarrassment and looked down.
"Hey, you got nothing to be embarrassed of," he picked up my chin with his forefinger and I looked up into his deep brown eyes. I'd never met someone as intriguing as this guy.
I smiled in gratitude at his kindness and steered the conversation away from me, "So tell me guys, what's going on between you two? You seem pretty… close." I smiled, remembering their kiss in the beginning of the night.
Brady started to giggle and Embry smiled down at him. "Okay, okay! Let me tell him," Brady giggled some more, then proceeded, "You see, Embry has a thing for twinks," Embry huffed but smirked at the same time, "We met right in this very bar, as a matter of fact; exactly a year ago. I was dancing over there with one of my guy friends, minding my own business, when this pretty hunk over here comes over and wraps himself around my body. Of course, I'm not surprised, this had happened quite a few times before. But then he started talking and he admitted that he'd been stalking me for a month!"
"I did not! I was just admiring your beauty from afar. And what am I supposed to do when I knew you come here every Friday?" Embry chuckled and I saw Brady roll his eyes
"Well, I'd managed to hold him back for about two weeks, before he had pressed all my buttons and I exploded. I mean, you try and resist this hot piece of sex on legs, and see what happens!"
I laughed along with the two of them but emphasized, "Exploded?"
This time Embry replied, "He dragged me to the back room in and blew me like the best I'd ever gotten! Think I came in about two seconds too."
Brady giggled and twirled his hair. "Then I took him home and fucked him till the next day. It was pretty fucking hot, if you ask me." He leaned forward as if to tell me a secret and whispered loudly enough for Embry to hear, "He even took my virginity!" he started giggling some more and Embry chuckled and rubbed his back lovingly.
I looked in amazement at two people who had blindly put trust in each other and gotten a great magical outcome. "So what happened to make you guys become best friends?"
"Well, we fucked for about a third of the year. I was burning off some pent up energy, if you know what I'm talking about," Brady winked, and continued, "But eventually we figured out that we definitely loved each other but only as friends. I mean the sex was great but, we didn't have that connection that you would have with a lover. You know? We've been living our lives freely, and at the same time stayed as the best of friends ever since then."
We stopped talking for a couple of minutes to sip on our drinks, them thinking about old times, and me wondering what it felt like to have a lover. I'd always thought of myself as growing up and finding the perfect dream man; losing my virginity in a romantic setting and making love to him every night after that. But now I wondered if there really was such simple life out there.
Because Embry and Brady started arguing about who was to blame from them ending their 'relationship', I was able to space out and focus on the people that surrounded us.
One moment I was wondering how it felt to wear such leather pants, and the other my heart had leapt to my stomach at the sight of someone entering the front door to the club. Fuck. I should have been more careful. I should have thought about the possibility of seeing Jasper in a gay bar. I didn't trust that guy one bit. What if he told everybody?
Fuck. My. Life.