Ryan Dunn sat at the table, rubbing his eyes wearily. He couldn't remember what had gone on the night before, and the only thing to help was a giant hickey on the side of his neck.
"Fucking hell," he groaned, as his hangover flooded over him. His head felt like Jess Margera was pounding it his bass drum.
"You look healthy," Bam Margera commented sarcastically as he tood a seat opposite his friend.
"Dude, call an ambulance. I think I'm dying here."
Bam laughed. He'd been pretty wasted the night before, but remembered a lot. The memory of Ryan's half-assed striptease on the pool table at the bar was hilarious, and luckily he'd got it on film.
"How'd I get this?" Ryan pointed to the bruise on his neck.
"You mean you don't remember?" Bam grinned. "Some random girl gave it to you."
"Was her name Taylor?" Ryan had noticed a name and phone number written on his packet of cigarettes.
"That's her. She's just moved in next door. Her and Jenn are becoming quite close."
Ryan closed his eyes and tried to muster up a mental image of Taylor. After a few seconds he gave up, his head throbbing.
"What else happened last night?"
"Man, wouldn't you like to know?" Bam laughed again. "I'm sure you'll find out sooner or later."
Just then, Brandon DiCamillo walked in. The sight of Ryan brought back his own memories of what happened, causing him to laugh hysterically.
"What's so fucking funny?" Ryan growled, as pain shot to his temples.
As Rake and Raab entered the room, they had the same reaction. Finally having enough, Ryan stood and walked to the door.
"Where are you going, Fatboy?" Bam called after him.
"Fuck you clowns," Ryan replied, sending them all into fits of laughter.
Outside, Ryan sat on the porch step and lit a cigarette. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember what had happened the night before, and that pissed him off.
"Hi," a pair of legs said cheerily. "You look rough."
Looking up, Ryan discovered the legs belonged to a tall brunette wearing ripped jeans and an Offspring T-shirt.
"Oh, thanks." Ryan didn't exactly love being insulted by strangers. "I hadn't noticed."
"Ah, sarcasm," the girl sat down. "The weapon of the hungover. Well, remember, noise defeats the hungover and I can make a hell of a lot of noise."
For the first time, Ryan properly looked at the girl's face and felt a glimmer of recognition.
"Were you at the bar last night?"
The girl smiled. "Sure was. Great show."
Her comment puzzled Ryan. Having no clue about what happened, he didn't know anything about a show.
"Care to elaborate? My mind's a little fuzzy."
The girl smiled, obviously revelling in the power she had over him.
"Look, if you're just going to play mind games, I can go back in there and take shit from those guys."
"Lighten up," she whispered. "I'm just trying to make sure I get the details right.
"Okay, so I walk into the bar, and you're drinking like a fish. I hook up with the people I'm supposed to meet and we sit and watch as you climb up on top of the pool table and take your clothes off.
"You're down to your boxers when all of a sudden, some other guy jumps on the table and gives you a big kiss right on the lips. With some tongue I think."
Ryan sat still, unable to process the information.
"I kissed a guy?" He was in shock. "What else?"
"I don't know. The two of you left pretty sharp after that!"
Ryan felt numb with shock. He thanked the girl and started to walk inside. Realising he didn't know her name, he turned to ask her, but she was gone.
Back inside, Ryan felt nervous. He had no idea who he'd kissed, it could even have been someone in the house. He wasn't sure who he could talk to about it.
"Are you okay?" A hand rested on his shoulder. "You look dead."
Panicked by the physical contact, Ryan squirmed away. "Rake, I need you to tell me exactly what happened last night."
"Okay," Rake began. "We'd just finished filming and we'd gone down to the bar for a few drinks. For some reason, you decided to REALLY drink.
"Anyway, at one point you decided to show the ladies your dancing skills, so you climbed on the pool table and started taking your clothes off. It was bad, dude."
"uh-huh" Ryan pressed. "And then?"
"You got off the table. The next thing I know you're getting make up put on you by two girls. And that's all I remember."
Ryan's head was swimming. Now there were two stories, both as bad as each other.
Thanking Rake, he wandered into the kitchen and met Brandon, who was drinking orange juice.
"Bran," Ryan began, sitting down. "Tell me what happened last night."
"Well, we'd gone to the bar for a bit of fun, and you downed a lot of drink.
"Anyway," he continued. "You decide to impress some girls with a striptease, so you climb on the pool table and do your shit. Afterwards, you get down and this hooker offers to give you a blowjob for $20. I turn around and see you walking out the door with her."
"Fuck!" Ryan exclaimed. All he knew for sure was he'd stripteased on the bar's pool table. He had no clue about what happened after that, who Taylor was and whether or not she'd given him the hickey. "Okay, thanks Brandon."
Next Ryan met Bam in the livingroom.
Okay, he thought to himself. Bam will clear everything up.
"Bam, what the fuck happened last night? I've been given three different explanations and I'm fucking confused."
"Okay, so you stripteased on the bar, which I have on film I hope you know." Bam watched Ryan grimace before continuing. "And then, there was this guy dressed as a clown or something and you went over and punched him for no reason. Then you stumble out of the bar. When I found you, some dog was pissing on you."
"Bam, that didn't help." Ryan found the keys for his car. "I need to get out of here for a while."
After driving around West Chester for hours, Ryan was still no closer to uncovering the mystery of what happened the previous night. He pulled into Bam's driveway, walked to the front door and rang the doorbell.
"Dude, you're back," Bam let him in. "We're in the kitchen."
Ryan followed Bam to the kitchen and was greeted by laughter. In front of him sat Rake, Raab, Brandon, Jenn and the mysterious girl from the front porch.
"Remember anything yet?" She asked, winking at Jenn.
"No, and I've fucking had it. Someone tell me what happened or I'll go insane."
The brunette scribbled something on a bit of paper and handed it to him. On it was two words: "I'm Taylor". Ryan looked up at her.
"Okay, now I'm really confused," he grinned.
Taylor stepped forward and kissed him on the lips. "And maybe one day, I'll tell you what really happened."