Author's Note: Don't take this one too seriously. I wrote this late one night when I was feeling rather silly. I found it on my blog and figured that someone else might find it amusing too. No hard feelings, okay?

Disclaimer: Not even touching it.

One day Gary got picked up by Dr Rosen and dropped off at the office. Some hours later, at lunch time, he realized that his lunch had been stolen. He decided to hunt down the thief who ate his lunch and used Rachel's super eyes to follow a trail of crumbs to Bill's office.

"AHA!" Said Gary. "I knew it was you, you THIEF."

Then Gary decided to get his revenge on Bill. So when Bill wasn't looking sometime later, Gary stole his car keys and laughed all evil-like. It was really cute but he was trying to sound menacing. "Take that Bill," Gary cackled as he snuck out of the office and went into the parking lot. "You steal my lunch, I steal your car."

Gary took Bill's car for a joy ride. He first went to McDonalds and used the money he'd also stolen from BIll's wallet (Bill wasn't looking) and got himself a double cheeseburger and an oreo McFlurry and then ordered an M&M McFlurry for dessert and then he sped off again in search of what to do. He was a good driver cuz he'd memorized a driver's manual from the DMV he got for Christmas. He thought about hitting Vegas but decided against it since it was kind of a long drive from New York and he'd be kind of bored without anyone to talk to. So he decided to take a drive to Bill's house and see what else he could find there and take for revenge. Gary parked the car in the driveway and opened the door to the house and walked in. Bill's wife was there cooking dinner cuz that's what all women do apparently and Gary smiled an evil smile. He had an idea.

"HA! You steal my lunch, I steal your wife!"

So then Gary and Bill's wife had an affair (shh, it's a secret) and then Gary took some of her dinner to go and left the house. He drove to the drive-in theatre to eat his dinner while he watched the new Step Up movie and then he decided that he'd had enough fun (he and Bill's wife had done a giant floor puzzle and it had taken them hours to complete) and he should return to the office so he could rub it in Bill's face. So Gary tossed the empty tupper container and drove to Queens where he found Bill and the team waiting for him outside, BIll looking angry and everyone else concerned.

"Gary, where ya been? We been lookin' for ya, ya had us worried. You missed 9:30."

"Ya, Gary. You're too beautiful a boy to go off wandering by yourself! You had us worried sick, we thought we'd never get to see your innocent face again."

"Well, check it out bitches," he said, exiting the car and showing everyone the flashy jumpsuit he was now wearing. (He'd picked it up in Vegas. He'd decided to go after all.) He turned in a circle to show off his outfit.

"Whoooa," the team oohed and aahed.

"Damn Gary, where'd ya get your clothes at?" Hicks asked. Gary thought Hicks was so cool. Now Gary was the cool one. And Hicks was the Gary. "Hey maybe we could go shopping together sometime."

"No can do my man," Gary rejected. "I have a date tomorrow with Bill's wife. Gotta finish what we started."

"WHICH IS WHAT?" Bill demanded.

"The second floor puzzle," Gary answered. "Relax, B."


"Yeah, as in next time B more careful and don't eat my lunch."


(Thank God.)