I could remember the fire as it coursed through my veins that night. The pain. The unbearable and unimaginable pain. I screamed in agony as I felt that venomous lava flow from the bites littering my neck and my arms. It travelled, that fire, to every inch of my being. Not a single cell was spared. It travelled to my head, my chest, my stomach, my legs. Down, down, down it went until it reached the very soles of my feet. I kept screaming and screaming but my strained voice fell on deaf ears. No one put out the flames.
I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know if I had been there for hours, days or weeks but it seemed endless. Carlisle told me that in reality I had been in that state for only three days. My heart beat would soar each time a new wave of fire ran through my body. My pulse was no longer a pulse but a speeding force to be reckoned with. Until just as the fire faded away to slow burning embers, the speeding force came to an abrupt halt. The slow embers died. The pulse died.
I remember waking up and feeling that painful ache in my throat. It was a thirst that felt like no matter how much I tried it would remain unquenched. One thing I knew for certain was that that this thirst wasn't for water. No, it was a thirst for something sweeter, thicker, more velvety and darker. Something which had much more sustenance than mere ordinary water.
But I resisted that temptation. Carlisle helped me by explaining what I had become, why I had become this. I was wronged by those who should never have wronged me and Carlisle was there to save me. But am I saved? Maybe. But it doesn't feel like it. I feel trapped. A glitch in time. An anomaly. Never ageing, never moving forward. Stuck in the body of an 18 year old but carrying the memories of things which have happened in the past 79 years.
Ignoring the thirst, there was only one other thing on my mind at the time. Revenge. Believe me it was sweet as it was painful. Hmmm... that's how I would describe her as well. Sweet but oh so very painful. Sweet because she never gives up trying to worm her way into my non- beating heart but painful because in my heart is where she actually belongs but I can't allow here to reside there. She's not mine. She's his.
The night I was changed everything I ever wanted was ripped from me and I was forced to live an existence seen as monstrous by others and by myself. Why can't she see us as that? What is wrong with her? Does she have no sense of self preservation whatsoever? Does she not see how dangerous we are to her? How dangerous he is to her?
All the lies I have to tell her. Make her believe that I hate her. How I have to hide how I feel because everyone believes that she's Edward's salvation but I know she exists to be my saviour.
He has been lonely longer than me and I know how that feels. The long days and nights which blend into one another as the sun sets and rises. A continuous monotonous circle where there's no sense of time just a feeling of light and dark and then light again. On and on and on.
She gives him purpose. Helps him break that circle. While I watch them with a secretive eye to make sure he doesn't break her.
She should break away from us. Away from monster and demons and things that go bump in the night. Things that shouldn't exist. But she loves him. A reason I don't do anything. She loves him.
And it hurts and I ache.
Emmett. A blessing in the disguise of a boulder. A constant companion. My very own Amelia Pond. He secretly loves it when I call him that.
When I was first changed, Carlisle had hoped that I would be Edward's mate. I said it back then and I still say it now. Never in a million years. So when I found Emmett nearly mauled to death, he looked into my eyes with so much hope and awe that that one look caused a bond. There's a saying that when our souls are made, they mingle freely with each other, create relationships and bonds. Then those souls are put into vessels, bodies if you will. Some souls never meet again but the fortunate ones do and that instant connection can be felt soul deep. Emmett must have been my soul brother.
I changed him because I couldn't let him die. My soul wouldn't let him die.
When I had nearly reached my boiling point with Carlisle's insistence of me and Edward being together, me and Emmett came up with the conspiracy of the century. We pretended to be mates. And the pretence was never given up. Even when Alice and Jasper joined the family. To them all me and Emmett are True mates, Soul mates.
So when Bella came along, Emmett could see the changes in me and he just knew. He was there when the ache was too much, when the distance was/is too much. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. In front of the family he becomes the 'jokester' and someone who doesn't take things seriously but I know that deep down he has more understanding of emotions, well my emotions anyway, than Jasper and he's the one with the empathy gift! Soul deep bond I tell you.
And there's the girl with another soul deep bond. For my soul it's deep. For hers? Not really.
Isabella Swan. Clumsy, selfless, beautiful, annoying, sweet, kind, torturous and oblivious Isabella swan.
Guess life can be a bigger bitch than me.