After the events that had taken place and Alice and I had boarded the train bound for Zurich I was sure everything was going to be fine, sure that we would reach Zurich and meet her mother and finally after all the turmoil we'd been through have a chance to settle down and just be us.
I'd never been one to plan my future of where I'd live, if I'd marry if I'd have kids, I hated organisation much preferring to go wherever life would take me but now…After meeting Alice I'd fallen in love with her, I finally had a reason to live, I'd live for Alice if she wanted to marry, I'd do it. If she wanted kids, I'd do it. I'd live where she wanted and we'd live a happy life in the mountains in Zurich if that's what she wanted and we'd finally live the life we'd deserved…But that never happened.
It never happened because when I woke up on the train ready to get off, Alice didn't, and when I pressed my hand to her heart I couldn't feel a pulse, when I put my ear near her mouth I could no longer here her gentle breathing, when I touched her skin it wasn't all soft and warm, it was cold, she was cold, cold and…dead.
I shook her a little even splashed her with water, I called her name, took her hand in mine, I even kissed her lips expecting there to be the usual taste of strawberries and vanilla, but…nothing, Alice was dead, she'd died to save me and I hadn't saved her, her death was my fault.
I held her close tears streaming down my face at this unbearable agony, those stupid fucking masks had killed her, they'd taken away the one thing I actually cared for in this world leaving me with nothing.
Cruelty didn't even cover it, how could they do this? I'd saved her on the train and done everything defeated Albert, defeated the Meta god I'd done everything and my reward was this?
The train came to a halt and I waited for every passenger to leave the train before I moved Alice.
We or should I say, I was early. We were supposed to meet Alice's uncle Gepetto who planned to take us to Alice's mother's home, Sophie Elliot.
I had fifteen minutes before he would arrive meeting us outside the station and I took a little time carrying Alice to the bench outside and leaning her against me.
I kissed her cheek, her lips, burrowed my face in her platinum blonde hair breathing in the faint smell of her.
I took off her gloves and pressed her cold hand against my warm cheek the tears still streaming down my face.
I put her gloves back on resting her hands on her legs crying all the while.
One lady came up to me.
"Are you alright?" she asked me eying Alice nervously.
Alice didn't look dead her eyes were closed but her face serene as if she was merely sleeping.
I looked at the woman fury and sadness and loss in my eyes and she backed away nervously before hurrying along giving me one backward glance pity in her face.
I didn't care, I didn't care who saw me cry I just wanted somebody to end this pain and bring her back to me.
I needed her in my life my sweet, beautiful Alice who I loved so much I needed her.
I sat there until finally an old man clutching a homemade doll stumbled over to me.
"What is wrong with my Alice? What's happened to her? Please don't tell me she's…" he never finished the sentence his eyes clouding with tears making my heart ache even more.
"You…must be…Alice's…uncle." I choked out staring him in the face.
He nodded solemnly.
" I am Gepetto, Alice's uncle. What happened to her boy? I can tell YOU didn't kill her. Was she sick?" he asked.
I shook my head.
"It was…a curse. She…she…she died to save me." I cried to him.
He nodded once and as I looked into his eyes I could tell by his eyes that he too had loost a loved one, his eyes were filled with pain, torment and suffering feelings which I recognised too well.
"What do we do? I can't… I can't take her home…" I asked helplessly.
Gepetto looked at me.
"I understand, Sophie can't see Alice like this. I'm assume you don't want a public funeral?" he asked.
I shook my head.
"No I…I can't…" I said uselessly.
"I understand." he said and he rested his hand on my shoulder in comfort and I leaned back into his hand needing someone's touch to prove I wasn't alone.
"There's a place, when Alice was young she used to play, under a white blossom tree near the river, that's where she should be buried." he said.
I nodded in response.
"Please…Please…Take me there… I will bury her…Is it far?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"It's walkable even for me." he said.
I carried Alice not stopping even when she started to slide out of my grasp I merely paused to hoist her back up, Gepetto offered me his handkerchief but I refused politely I didn't care that I was covered in sweat and tears, all I cared for was…her.
We reached the place and I lay her down underneath the tree.
I was expecting Gepetto to hug her but he seemed to respect the fact that I was in pieces and let her be comforting me.
"You might want to sit with her…" I warned as we chose the spot for her grave.
"What do you mean boy?" he asked.
I turned to him stricken, "I…I'm a monster…I become a monster…I don't want to make you uncomfortable." I explained through my tears.
He shook his head kindly.
"I could never judge a person who loved my niece so, do what you, become what you become, I'm not here to judge." he said kindly.
I nodded and fused into the strongest, darkest soul I had.
I'd considered the Seraphic Radiance but chose Amon due to my feelings.
If Gepetto was surprised her didn't show it kindly guarding Alice as I ripped apart the ground lining the grave with blossom for her.
Eventually it was ready a dark pit and I suddenly remembered how Alice hated to be dirty.
So I returned to human form and took of my jacket then I sat with her.
Gepetto moved towards the grave.
He'd had his final moments with her and he graciously allowed me mine.
I pulled her close resting her head on my heart remembering the main points in our journey.
When I saved her on the train, when I first spoke to her and she told me her name, when I told her of my mother's death, when we were on the smuggler's boat and she told me she believed in me, when I rescued her from Dehuai, and when we were in Roger Bacon's house when her time began ticking away.
She'd never told me, but I found out on the train when I entered the graveyard.
I'd dared to hope, I even prayed that she'd be okay but then…
I pulled her even closer and wrapped her in my coat after pulling out my mother's cross.
"I'm sorry Alice, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, I'm sorry that I let you die, I broke my promise, forgive me… I'll never give up I'll find you again that I truly do promise." I told her kissing her gently on the lips once more.
Then I carried her and I laid her in the grave took one last look at her before heaving mounds of dirt over her protecting her body.
As a memento I took off my mothers necklace and I hung it on the branch which hung over her grave knotting it tightly.
Gepetto stepped forwards and cats a quick spell warding her grave preventing it from further harm.
Then I looked up at the blue sky and white clouds, her colours before whispering into the wind.
"Goodbye Alice, I'll love you always. I promise…"