Author's Note: I was working on Chapter 5 of "Join Me" when my muse slammed me with this. I had to type it up and get it out of my head.
Edit: The Italics and Bold have been added thanks to having a cooperative computer :)
Content: Bountiful Castiel whumpage in both the physical sense as well as the mental. Leviathans are in this as are Sam, Bobby, and Dean.
WARNING:This is not for those that are easily sickened from gore and the innards of the human body. Also, this story is not for those that are light of heart when it comes to mental angst or feelings of abandonment and hopelessness. Don't say that I didn't warn you, because I just did….
"You need to leave, NOW!" The words left the celestial being as he hunched over, a hand reaching out to grip an object next to him in order to stay on his feet. His breathing became more labored as he struggled to keep the Leviathan at bay, to keep them from getting what they wanted. It had been easier when he'd had all of those souls to help him, but now he didn't have the extra ammunition to use against the dark creatures. He felt something tear inside his vessel and the angel barely held in a cry as he looked up to see both man still standing in front of him. A part of him wanted to lecture them for being idiots and not running. He trembled from a combination of exhaustion and pain as he swallowed thickly. His eyes met with Dean's and the angel felt fear course through him. "Dean…" The word was strained, so very strained and desperate. "They're so strong!" It was almost as though he was sending out a silent plea for help, help that he didn't feel that he deserved.
"Who?" The gruff voice belonged to Bobby Singer and the angel looked towards him, unable to answer for a few moments. It was taxing to use his vessel's voice while simultaneously trying to fight off the ancient ones.
"Leviathan!" That word sounded even more strained and sweat started to form along his vessel's body from the amount of effort he was using.
Something seemed to rip apart his intestines and the angel doubled even more, almost completely reliant on the medical cart next to him in order to stay upright. An arm wrapped itself around his stomach as the angel felt blood start to rise up in his throat. He was losing, losing horribly and he needed to warn Dean….
"I…I can't fight them…" He'd barely managed to gasp the warning before he felt a tidal wave of pain rip through him. His Grace flared resistance , almost as though it was angered by what was happening. His body jerked upright and the angel could feel himself being shoved into the 'back seat'. He wanted to scream, the pain building until he thought that he would explode from it. Grunts were escaping his vessel as he fought to stay in control. Another ruthless surge of pain tore into him and the angel was momentarily distracted. That was all the Leviathan needed in order to beat him down, to rip him away from the controls and into a dark cell.
He felt the creatures flex his muscles with a grim satisfaction coloring their thoughts. A slow, twisted smile pulled back his vessel's lips and he could see the horrified look on Dean Winchester's face.
"Cas?" The desperate hope in the hunter's voice made the Leviathan laugh mockingly at Castiel as they told him to heat up some popcorn and enjoy the show.
"Cas? Cas is.." The Leviathan shrugged mockingly, "dead. We run the show now." A twisted laugh escaped Jimmy Novak's former body as the ancient creatures threw the hunter into a wall without a second thought. Bobby tried to attack the things and Castiel screamed mentally for the Leviathan to leave the old man alone. They ignored him; why would they listen anyways? He felt his hands grasp Bobby's vest before hurling the old hunter through the air and into one of the nearby medical carts.
"Cas? C'mon, I know these bastards are lying," The look in the Winchester's eyes told the angel that the hunter wasn't entirely sure that his words were true. "I know deep down you're in there somewhere, and I'm begging you to smite their unholy asses." The words were a desperate plea to an entity that the hunter believed was dead. Gone forever.
But Castiel was not gone, he was not dead and he could hear the plea. The angel was glad that he had sent Jimmy up to Heaven, to where the man deserved to be when he'd declared himself God. He was glad that the devout man didn't have to go through this horror with him.
The celestial being drew in his flagging power, bolstered his strength slowly as more words started to pass between the Leviathan and his charge. Or former charge…
The angel was sure that Dean was only acting as though he gave a shit about him because he still needed the wayward being to heal Sam. After that he was pretty sure that Dean would kick him out. He didn't like thinking about that possibility but Castiel knew he'd fractured the former friendship that he had shared with the hunter.
He dismissed the thoughts as he prepared himself for what he was about to attempt, knowing that he couldn't afford to be distracted.
The angel waited until the Leviathan were busy engaging in a taunting conversation with Dean before he made his move. He struck the foul creatures with a strong and swift blow, catching them by surprise. The surprise gained him valuable ground as he relentlessly fought for his rightful control of the vessel. This was his body damn it, and he wouldn't just sit back and watch the Leviathan treat his friends like rag dolls.
The Leviathans wavered, stunned by the determination that the celestial being was attacking them with before falling back slowly. And then the angel seized control of the vessel with a satisfied expression adorning his face before it quickly turned to one of pain. His insides felt like they were shredded and he didn't doubt that they were.
"Cas?" The word left the young man's lips as if it tasted of sweet honey.
"De'n." The angel slurred, body trembling again.
"Son of a bitch," The older Winchester muttered, "they said you were dead."
Castiel merely grunted in response, his brow furrowed with concentration as he continued his inward struggle with the Leviathan.
"Sh't your ey's." The angel gasped, waiting for Dean to do as he'd commanded. He saw a flicker of distrust flash through the green eyes and that hurt even more then what the Leviathan were doing to him. After what felt like forever, the hunter closed his eyes, turning to face the ground s he did.
A sigh of relief escaped Castiel before he built his Grace up, letting the holy substance start to leak out of his eyes. His mouth opened slowly, the brilliant light streaming from it as well before it flared like one would expect from a bomb.
Castiel felt the power explode, felt it as the Leviathans were torn to shreds inside of him before he felt the flesh of his own stomach start to split. It continued to split from his groin up to his chest and it went deep enough to expose his vessel's organs as the Leviathan were forced out his body. The angel could feel every excruciating second of it as he fought to keep in the scream that his true form wanted to set loose. If he gave into that then Dean and Bobby would never hear another thing again.
The power wore itself out, and the Grace retreated from his reach after it had finished destroying the Leviathan. Castiel suddenly found himself aware of one thing and one thing only after his power abandoned him and that thing was pain. Pain and the blood that was welling up his throat and obstructing his airway as his innards remained exposed to the air. The intestines were indeed shredded and the angel could feel everything. The harsh air bit at his organs, sending shafts of freezing pain racing along their exposed nerves simultaneously. The only reason he was still alive was the fact that his grace was still in him. It was using its power to focus on keeping the organs going, to keep the blood seemingly replenished as it spilled in crimson streams out of his body. That was all it could do though, to drained to actually go about healing the ghastly injury.
And so it was that the angel remained, curled on his side with his shaking hands attempting to hold his abdomen together as the pain assaulted him in unforgiving waves.
Des-deserve….this…His thoughts were scattered as he tried to think through the pain, de-'-ve…..d'e. The angel wasn't afraid to admit that he deserved to die, that he deserved every ounce of pain ripping through his body. He deserved it and he deserved so much more then what he was getting.
Oxygen was eluding his burning lungs cruelly. It would give him brief respites during which it would fill the aching organs before it would desert him once more. He was well aware that he was gasping for air in a similar manner that one would expect from a fish out of water.
A coppery liquid filled his mouth, forcing him to let it out and the angel felt an agonizing heave shudder through his stomach organ before some sort of substance forced its way through the copious amount of blood that clogged his airways and throat. He gagged, eyes squeezing shut miserably and he was aware of the fact that silence had filled the room. A bolt of fear shot through him when his stomach refused to quit trying to purge itself and the angel let out a ragged moan from the pain that the organ created and shot into his already ailing system. A selfish part of him wanted it all to end, for it to be over…. But I deserve it.
The angel could hear two sets of footsteps walking away and his heart broke.
A sob welled up in his chest as he realized that he was alone. That the two hunters had left him here, defenseless and hurting miserably. He knew that Dean was infuriated with him and he didn't blame the hunter, but…this…
This tore him to shreds as fear added its horrid flavor to the already boiling pot of emotions. His legs twitched before they slowly moved closer to his body. He was so cold. Castiel shivered from the freezing sensation and tried to curl up into even more of a ball before pain burned its way through him in an even bigger surge. The angel gasped, cheek pressing into the cold, hard ground beneath him as he tried his best to remain conscious. He felt a scream build up from deep in the back of his throat and it gurgled pitifully past the clogging blood and through parted lips.
Tears streaked unashamedly down his face as he bit his lip and shuddered. It hurt so much…physically and emotionally.
This must have been why angels weren't supposed to feel any emotion. Perhaps the superiors had known the crippling effect that it had on its soldiers and had in return drilled them into not feeling anything. It made more sense now. There were some emotions however that the angel enjoyed experiencing. One of those was the sense of belonging, that he mattered and that someone gave a shit about his welfare for reasons other then the fact that they needed him alive in order to use him. That one was gone now, leaving in its wake a sense of emptiness, a sense of despair that threatened to consume him.
Nobody would care if he died in the drab room. No one cared that he was still alive, that he could feel everything as he struggled to breath properly. Not a single being cared that he was curled up in an ever growing pool of blood, that he was hurting. It was his fault though, his fault that he was considered as important as a dead carcass of an animal on the side of the road. Then again, they at least were given sympathetic and pity filled glances before they were cleaned up.
Would anyone clean him up?
The angel would have snorted at the notion had he been able to do so. If his remains were cleaned up then it would by a person that had seen to many dead bodies to care anymore. It wouldn't be by anyone he knew or cared about.
Another strong tremor wracked its way through his body and a soft whimper escaped his lips as he felt his innards move with the force of the tremor. The celestial being tried to roll over, tried to make it so that he was facing the doorway. A small part of him still held onto the foolish notion that his adopted family would come back for him. That they did care enough to at least keep him company before leaving him. Right now he would welcome all of the harsh, hurtful words that they could sling at him. He would embrace the callous words with a sense of relief. Relief that they cared enough to scream at him while he lay there. That they cared enough to at least look at him and bid him farewell before leaving him alone.
His body shifted slightly, and the angel found himself almost on his back now. Sobs of pain tore through him as his back thudded against the hard ground. He fought to keep his hands where they wore, tried his damnedest to hold his split flesh together. To keep the 'fault line' from widening. Warm blood washed itself over his hands and he swallowed thickly before coughing as the blood rushed back out of his mouth and down his throat. The jarring movements of the coughs were enough to make him mentally plead for it all to end.
He kept repeating the mantra that he deserved this and that he needed to suck it up and get through it. For whatever reason, his Grace wouldn't allow him to sink into the soothing clutches of the darkness that sought to embrace him. Not that he deserved the relief.
Back bad, he mentally informed himself in a detached manner. He needed to move onto his side. The angel tried to brace himself for the pain that he knew would assault him before he clumsily and rather slowly managed to go onto his side. At least now he was facing the door. The angel stared blankly at the empty hallway beyond the doors, broken heart yearning to see at least one of his 'family' members striding towards him. It stayed empty. How long had it been? The angel didn't have a way of knowing, clocks were absent in this room and his instinctive measuring was screwed up from the trauma his body was suffering from. Bile spilled from his mouth as he felt himself convulse from the pain his stomach caused while expelling the substance. Brows furrowed, the angel reached out with as much of his Grace as he could spare, trying to locate the youngest Winchester. After a few tense moments the celestial being managed to find him.
Castiel probed deep into the young hunter's mind, going straight to the wall he had destroyed. He was such a freaking bastard for causing the youngest Winchester so much pain. The angel didn't dwell on the guilty thoughts that sought to distract him, to concerned with mending what he'd broken.
He managed to pour the spare Grace into Samuel Winchester's mind, filling in the hole, and all of the cracks that branched out from the destruction, with it. Once the angel was satisfied that he'd fixed it as well as he could at the moment, he withdrew from Sam's mind and returned to his own. The process of fixing Sam left him exhausted, and his vessel tried to pant even more then it already had been from the sudden exertion.
A small, tentative smile graced his lips as he thought about how he'd just fixed up Sam's broken mind and he couldn't help but feel happy over the action.
On the other hand, Dean no longer had any use for him which meant that he wouldn't be coming back for him. He was a traitor and now the enemy…had to be…right? That didn't stop the pain, didn't stop the emotionally charged tears from leaking down his face…
Dean Winchester was tired. Hell, he was more then tired, he was exhausted. All the hunter wanted to do was lay down and take a very long nap. He needed to find Sammy and make sure that his little brother wasn't hurt. That he wasn't hurting himself through his hallucinations. That was the chief concern on his mind as he traipsed through the empty hallways.
A small voice in the back of his head was screaming at him to turn around and go back the way he'd come. To go back to the being he'd left lying motionless on the floor. The voice was telling him that he was a cold-hearted bastard for leaving the angel in a pool of his own blood.
Son of a bitch deserves it, Dean tried to convince himself. He wasn't doing a very good job at that though and he glanced back to where he knew the celestial being was. Damn it all, he hadn't even checked the angel over to see how exactly he was hurt. Hadn't bothered to look and see why Castiel was curled into a fetal position on the floor with his blood pooling around him. The angel was still alive, of that he was sure. He'd heard the labored and painstakingly weak breaths that he'd been breathing. And he'd left him. Had walked away without even showing that he acknowledged the angel's presence. /P
Guilt churned in his stomach as he heard Sam talking to someone that only he could most likely see. Just as the younger Winchester came into sight he stopped talking and a slightly confused look adorned his face. "Cas?"
Why the hell was Sam calling for the angel? Dean shook his head before taking a cautious step towards Sammy, sensing that Bobby was going to stay where he was. The next thing that came out of his little brother's mouth was something that Dean had never even dreamt of hearing.
"Thank you Cas." A slow, soft smile graced Sam's face as he sighed, visibly relaxing. When his eyes opened once more they were clear and focused. Not scared, cloudy and shifty the way they had been mere seconds ago. "Dean?"
At the sound of his name Dean closed the distance between them and looked up at his little brother with concerned eyes. "Hey Sammy," The older hunter forced a smile, unsure of whether or not his sibling was talking to an 'apparition' of him or not. He didn't seem to be, he was looking right at him and his demeanor told Dean that he was here.
"Dean…I'm all fixed up." The smiled widened as Sam looked at him. "Castiel fixed me."
"What do you mean he 'fixed you'?"
"The wall, Dean…he fixed it with his Grace. I can feel it…its so strong…and pure…" Sam told him, tone wondering as he looked down at his older brother.
Dean's eyebrows rose at his and he looked over at Bobby questioning gaze. The older man shrugged, as unsure of what to make of this as Dean was. In a decidedly non-girly way, Dean turned to face his brother again before he pulled the moose into a hug. Thank goodness… was the only thought flowing through his brain. Thank goodness.
After waiting a small amount of time to see if Castiel had really fixed Sam or not, Dean decided that they'd best head back to the room. He didn't really want to go see the angel, yet he knew that he needed to. Regardless of if he really wanted to strangle the dick or not for breaking Sam in the first place. The young hunter couldn't help but think that things would never be the same between himself and Castiel again, that their friendship was permanently fractured.
That is, if one could truly call it a friendship. Friends didn't lie, didn't go behind each other's backs. They didn't order Death himself to kill the other and they most certainly did not target each other's weaknesses. But most of all, friends didn't break little brothers.
He'd been an idiot and so had Cas, they'd both made mistakes and Dean regretted the ones he'd made. Especially when it came to putting any amount of trust into any angel. Regardless if said angel was constantly saving his ass.
Dean preoccupied himself with his thoughts as the trio tiredly made their way back through the maze of hallways.
The first thing Dean noticed when they approached the entrance to the room was the amount of red that stained the floor. To much red, far to much red for a human body to lose and still be alive. The second thing the hunter noticed was the low whimper like sound that emanated from the trench-coated lump on the floor. Castiel was still alive, somehow and Dean felt a surge of relief at that. It was true that he was still pissed at Cas for what he'd done but the hunter hadn't wanted the celestial being to die. The limp figure stirred before a shudder rippled through the torn flesh. And then Castiel was trying to crawl towards them, fighting to make sure that they wouldn't just leave him here to die. The angel stopped moving, and Dean saw him clench his jaw as he rode out was unmistakably a wave of pain. "D'n."
Oh God, Dean looked down at the heap of flesh that was Castiel, Oh sweet Lord. The hunter watched as Castiel's arms shook and then gave out. Dean caught him before the angel hit the floor, he felt his friend stiffen from pain and then the angel snuggled closer to him. "Cas?" He tilted the angel's face up so that he could see it better. Sweat soaked hair clung to the angel's forehead as he coughed wetly, body trembling as another whimper ripped its way out of him. The sound was garbled and wet, evidence that the angel's throat was indeed clogged with blood. "Jesus," Dean whispered as he soothingly ran his fingers through the angel's hair. The hunter wanted to tell the angel that everything would be ok, that he, Bobby and Sam would make things all better, but he couldn't. He tried to, but the words got stuck in his throat. The angel was fucking clinging to him as if he was terrified of something.
Oh God, he thought I was leaving, hell, that I had left him….
Hadn't he considered doing just that? Dean swallowed thickly as he looked down at the shivering angel. "Cas, if you can hear me, I want you to know that we'll figure this out, ok buddy?"
He felt the angel nod ever so slightly before going still again. "Cas, I'm going to turn you over, ok buddy?" The angel grabbed his arm, eyes alarmed. "No?" Dean looked down before swallowing thickly when he saw the hand that the angel had used to grasp his arm. "Sweet Jesus, Cas? What did you do."
There was no reply from the angel was blood trickled out of his mouth and Dean carefully began to roll his friend over. An agonized cry tore itself from the angel's abused throat and the celestial being clenched his jaw while banging a palm against the ground in an effort to control some of the pain.
Without hands to hold it together, the angel's midsection opened up, revealing the destroyed intestines and the other organs as well. Dean fought the urge to puke as he looked at the angel horrified.
Dean opened his eyes as soon as the light had died down and the wails of agony from the Leviathan had ceased to be. His green eyes quickly searched the area around him. Bobby was stirring and Dean was relieved to see that the older hunter had woken up without any urging. Looking down at the floor he could see a figure curled up in a fetal position. Castiel was seemingly motionless on the ground. Then he saw the angel's back shudder and a flash of concern welled through him before he squashed it. Castiel could fend for himself. He had done so for thousands of years before meeting Dean and could do so now as well. The hunter had more important people that needed his attention and to be frank, Dean Winchester wanted to hate the angel. He wanted to feel no emotions about seeing him lying so still, only to shudder every now and then. But he couldn't bring himself to do so. He wanted to flip the angel over, to see what was wrong and to offer words of comfort. But the oldest of the Winchester boys didn't do what the voice was screaming at him to do. Instead, he simply walked over to Bobby, exchanged a few words and walked away, leaving Castiel where he was without acknowledging him.
"Oh man…" Dean looked down at his friend, "Cas, I'm sorry buddy… I didn't know…" He looked up when he sensed Bobby come over followed closely by Sam. "Easy Cas, just going to get a better look buddy."
The angel tensed slightly, mind clouded by the pain that was consuming him and he watched warily as Bobby carefully peeled back the blood drenched clothes. Sam made a small noise of disgust in the back of his throat when the innards were exposed completely to their view.
"Damn boy," Bobby breathed, his eyes wide as he did his best to keep from getting sick. Not much could unsettle the old hunter but this…. This was a whole new level of wrong.
It wasn't the injury that shocked the three men and that made them feel horrible about what they'd been thinking of doing to Castiel. No, it was the words that the angel wheezed next that truly horrified them.
"Dean….. I…." Blood spilled over the angel's lips and he instinctively tried to swallow before he wound up gagging. Tears filled his eyes from the pain and the angel struggled to get his composure so that he could speak clearly. "deserve…this…"
And Dean Winchester felt like a hole had been ripped through his own gut as he looked down at the broken shell of an angel that lay cradled in his arms.
Author's Note: Well, you can't say that I didn't warn you guys XP I did and I was quite serious about it XP So um, just to show you the contrast of what I had been writing and this you're going to be treated with a spoiler…
Join Me- Chapter 5: Of Pie and (finish title later)
Dean Winchester glanced up and down the aisle with an indecisive sigh while his fingers drummed against the shopping cart idly. There were so many flavors to choose from and the young man was tempted to just buy them all. He would if he didn't fear the wrath of the man called Bobby Singer. He was positive that the older hunter would not be amused if Dean came back with a year's worth of pies cradled in his arms. Then there was the matter of where he'd put it in order to store it. It wasn't like he could eat it all in one go and the hunter wasn't even sure if his friend would even like pie. Or a particular flavor…which was why he was tempted to buy all of the flavors. He grunted before biting his lip and grabbing several pies and put them into the shopping cart. After he'd crossed that particular dilemma, the hunter found the shopping trip to be extremely easy. He grabbed several packages of gauze, Neosporin, pain killers, disinfectants and a variety of other medical related things. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a mother of three look at him strangely but he ignored the stare. It probably looked like he was getting enough supplies to fix up an army and in a way he was. Only, it was technically a three-man and a celestial army. Team Free Will. Medical supplies picked up, Dean headed over to the meat section and continued to make his round through the Harris Teeter.
It all totaled out to a price well over two-hundred dollars but the hunter knew it would all be worth it if he could get his friend to eat some pie. A quick glance at his cell phone told him that he had no messages waiting for him and the young man let out a sigh of relief. No messages meant that Castiel hadn't had any complications. He carefully settled the bags into the back of one of Bobby's old beaters, (there was no way in hell that he was using his baby for a grocery run), and got in.
When he got back to Bobby's house Dean whistled as he gingerly removed the bags of pie. Sam was in the kitchen reading something and Dean quietly tip-toed past him, trying to sneak as much of the pie as he could into the freezer before either Sam or Bobby could see just how much he'd gotten.
End of Spoiler
So yeah, now you can see how random and how strong the !WhumpCas muse was…. To make me go from what I just spoiled you with to what you just read ….
Anyways, please leave me a review, You guys have no idea how happy I get when I open my email to see Reviews sitting in my inbox.