The Stink that Binds ch1

A/n: This little fic comes to you courtesy of a plot bunny that Mamadog93 planted in my head…so, all groans, moans and ewwws belong to her twisted little mind. Which I love, adore and want more of;)

Thanks to my amazing team: Bnjwl, Lvtwilight09, Reyes139 and TwiStar Junkie for their um…feedback on this one! My lovely twifey, lvtwilight09, made an awesome banner for this one, it's in my group, theonlykyla fanfiction on fb. Come take a look!

So, um…yeah, here it is;)


I pulled into my parking spot in front of Bath and Body Works for my weekly supply of Twilight Woods candles. They were a necessary staple around our house, and I had lit the last one this morning as Edward dressed for the day.

I sighed as I gathered my purse, and got out of my SUV. My husband- the doctor- had issues…and somehow, someway I had to make him see it for himself, but, I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to do that.

As I breezed into the store, I was greeted by the attendants that all knew me by name. I ran a series of ideas through my mind on how to accomplish my task of alerting Edward to the serious problems that he had.

We had a hospital charity benefit to attend tonight, so maybe I could come up with something by then.

I put ten candles in my basket and headed towards the cash register.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen, you look radiant today." Shirley, the clerk, said with a saccharine drip to her friendly voice.

I sighed, "Thanks, but I feel like a whale today." She laughed as I rubbed my belly, and realized that I was suddenly hungry for a chopped beef sandwich, just before I handed her my credit card.

"But, I appreciate the compliment, Shirley. See ya next week." I said with a smile after she bagged up my purchases, and handed me the bag.

I went back to my car, and put the bag in the back before I headed into The Cleaning Store to pick up my weekly supply of Lysol and Febreeze spray bottles in the industrial sized containers.

Geez, I need to start a spread chart for Edward to show him exactly how much money I've spent on his little issue. Maybe that would open his eyes to what's really going on.

I sighed, and hoped I was right.

I spotted a barbeque restaurant as I drove through town, and pulled in to order me a chopped beef sandwich along with some potato salad. Because, damn, that just sounded good, and when I craved something nowadays I knew better than to ignore it.

I finally pulled into the garage, and shut the door behind me as I waddled into the house, sat down on a barstool, and dug into my food.

It wasn't ten minutes later that I heard the garage door open, and I knew that he was home…the love of my life, the man of my dreams…and Mr. Smelly himself.

I licked the barbeque sauce off my fingers, and stood up from my seat to greet him when I heard him call out to me, "Beautiful Bella, I'm home."

"In here, baby." I said as he rounded the corner to see me. He broke out into a huge grin while he untied his tie, and pulled it off his neck.

"How are my loves today?" Edward asked as he crossed the room, and pulled me into his arms.

"We're good." I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck as much as I could anyway.

He pulled back, and smirked at me, "What is all over your face, love?"

I frowned, and licked my lips, "Oh, probably some barbeque sauce." I shrugged.

"Another craving?" he asked with a quirked brow, and I nodded.

"You know they serve a meal at the benefit, right?" He asked as his grip around my waist tightened, and then I smelled it…that gaseous fume of stench.

My stomach rolled, and took off in a run towards the half bath right off the living room.

Damn, did he save that gas up all day long?

"Bella, are you okay?" He called from the other side of the door.

"Yea, I'll be fine. I guess my food didn't sit well." I called back to him. My stomach was still unable to settle with those fumes, that I was sure still lingered in the air.

"Edward, can you please go get my bags out of the SUV?" I asked as I searched the drawer for a lighter to light the candle that I kept in here.

"Sure, babe, then I'll head up the shower, and start getting ready. We have to be there in two hours." He said as I heard him walk away from the bathroom door.

I sighed, and inhaled the air after the candle had been lit, and the musky fragrance filled the air.

I sat on the toilet, and put my head in my hands.

My gorgeous, perfect, romantic husband…stunk.

His farts were deadly.

Now, how do I alert him to this problem, that was the question.

A/N: So yeah, it's a little over the drabblish mark but not quite a full length chapter…I'll post every day until it's done as I've already written it completely.

Would LOVE to hear what you think;)