A/N: Hello, *waves* Thanks for deciding to read this new little tale titled Turning Page :) Yes, I named this story after the beautiful song from the BD Pt.1 soundtrack. So... I admit I am a bit nervous about this fic. I worry if you all will enjoy it. Don't let that scare you, I just feel that way about my writing, lol. Anyhow, the idea for this story literally popped in my mind one day while I was just chilling at the house. I told myself to just jot the ideas down and don't write it until I complete my other 3 fics. But, well, I couldn't help myself I just had to start writing :) Okay, I won't take up your time yacking. Hope you enjoy the prologue, and I will chat with you more in a bit. Thanks for reading!
***Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the great Stephenie Meyer! But, I am very grateful she allows us to create our own unique worlds with her characters :)
***My beta is the super-wonderful and sweet Serenshadow! I can't thank you enough for all of your support for my writing, your friendship and agreeing to beta a third story for me! Thanks for making this pretty :)
Prologue: Unspoken Words and Fears
I never imagined it was possible to be this blissful.
To feel such warmth in my heart.
To feel so alive and irrevocably in love.
I am head over heels for the man I am lying next to.
The setting couldn't be any more perfect and romantic. He and I enveloped in each other's arms, lying on a thick, soft blanket right beside the fireplace. The orange, red, and a hint of blue flames, added a gentle glow to the semi-dark room.
His velvet toned hum inside my ear makes my body tremble in his embrace. As his biceps hold me tighter to him, my heart flutters excitedly.
The entire outside world seems insignificant; because as far as I'm concerned, only he and I exist. His warm lips press underneath my earlobe tenderly and I giggle, then spin around to face him. Immediately his green eyes mesmerize me, as they did the first time I looked into them. His intoxicating, soothing scent engulfs my lungs and causes my head to spin.
No doubt about it, this man will always take my breath away.
Sometimes I feel none of this is even real.
The two of us, together at last.
After everything we went through to get to this beautiful place, it's finally happened. And I couldn't be more grateful. Though deep down, I fear that in the blink of an eye, I will lose him. And the happiness I finally harbored after so long, will crumble.
"I love you." I whisper so quietly I'm uncertain if he had heard.
A small part of me wishes he didn't.
It's still touchy between us when it comes to expressing our feelings. Well, for one of us anyway.
He draws out a lengthy sigh and his breath caresses the top of my head. He rests his chin against it, purposely avoiding eye-contact. He can't handle seeing the disappointed, heart-broken expression on my face that's there every time he responds to my declaration.
I guess this time would be no different. He never says those three words back. And I wonder if he ever will, if he will ever feel the same way as I do for him.
I prepare myself for the line he will feed me. I should be immune to the words by now.
My heart drops and my chest clenches painfully as he murmurs in his gentle, creamy voice, "You don't know what you're saying."
This time I sigh and though it's pointless to argue, I do so anyway. It's sort of this game we play, at least it feels like one.
"Yes, I do. That's just it. I know exactly what I'm saying. I know how I feel. Edward..." I place my hand against his chest and look up at him.
Dammit, I wish he would quit being a coward and look back at me!
"you feel it too. I know you do. I know you love me."
God, I sound so pathetic! What's next? Me begging him to reveal his affections? If that's what it takes. I just long to hear him say the words, even if only once. I'm desperate to hear them.
"Bella, you know how I feel. I wouldn't...we wouldn't be here, together, if I didn't feel anything for you." His soft lips kiss my forehead and I sigh, nearly melting in his embrace.
He does this on purpose, showers me with physical affections to make up for his lack of verbal ones.
As if that will make it all better.
His beautiful face is inches away from mine and his strong hands are cradling my cheeks. He strokes my skin affectionately and I lean into his touch.
No, no! Not this time! Goddamn him for always getting underneath my skin!
"Edward, if you...I mean...since you won't tell me, then show me. Show me how you feel." I throw him an imploring gaze with lust etched eyes and he inhales sharply.
His eyes linger deeply into mine and a flash of pensiveness crosses his face. He's considering it this time, he's actually thinking it through! Oh don't give your hopes up!
Suddenly the softest, fullest lips capture mine and I moan inside his mouth. Damn he's good, and so smooth! But, if he thinks he's dug himself out this time, then he's sadly mistaken. As our lips continue to tangle slowly and heatedly, I figure now is the time to make my move.
I blindly search for the buttons on his shirt and undo them one by one. Too soon his hand firmly clasps over my wrist. He shakes his head, ends our lip-lock and retreats. I frown at him and feel my eyes water as he casts me a disapproving glare. I hate it when he does that, makes me feel like an ill behaved child and I need disciplining. It hurts being rejected, though I should be used to it by now.
However, each time hurts more than the last time he had. Why doesn't he want me? He knows I love him and only him, always will. I have proved to him time and time again what he means to me. I am ready for the next step in our relationship, I am sure he is too. It's time, isn't it?
"Bella, no, I can't." he whispers in a wistful yet firm voice.
And yet his eyes reveal a different story. He wants this, just as much as I do. His body always reacting to my touch is proof of that.
"Yes, you can. You want me, just as much as I want you. It's okay... don't refuse. Edward, please. I love you, I..."
I feel so needy and guilty, which doesn't make any sense. It isn't a crime to want to make love with your boyfriend, is it?
He shuts his eyes tight and takes a deep, long breath. "Bella, please. Don't."
"Why? You have never given a reason that has made any sense!"
"According to you. But to me it makes perfect sense. Bella, I'm doing the right thing. Any other man would be selfish and thoughtless. They would take you up on your offer, take advantage of you-"
"And I wish you would! That's exactly what I want you to do. To take me, I'm yours."
I use my free hand and attempt to roll up my shirt, but his hand stops my actions once again. I glare at him, frustrated. "Edward, why are you doing this? Why do you keep pushing me away? Why don't you want me?" I lower my head, unwilling to gaze in his eyes.
My chin suddenly lifts up and my eyes meet intense jades that display such sorrow and emotion, it practically guts me.
"You seriously believe I don't desire you? Trust me, I do. My pushing you away isn't intentional. But you were aware that being a part of my life meant things were going to be challenging. That it was going to take some time for me to adjust. Bella, I don't want to hurt you, nor mean to. Yet...on occasion I wonder, always wonder if... you're better off without me."
I shake my head, disagreeing and exhale shakily. I have heard this speech before in the past, many times. I understood why he said those things, at the time. However, now, those explanations are growing tiresome.
He's still frightened, I get it. I am a little scared myself. But, we have come this far and aren't we worth fighting for? When will he finally let his guard down and break the walls protecting his heart?
I take a deep breath and pray he will believe what I'm about to say.
"I am not better off without you. I am a better woman because of you."
He shakes his head, frowning over my choice of words yet I didn't let his reaction discourage me. I couldn't, I just have to help him see reason.
"Don't hurt me. Don't push me away, Edward." I place my hands against his cheeks and he exhales gently, shutting his lids and leaning into the palms of my hands. "I will never leave you. I am right here. I am yours, forever. And I want to be tied to you in every way possible."
Intense pools of green gaze into my browns and my heart shatters when I spot the faintest trace of wetness trapped in them.
"Bella," he murmurs, his voice husky and trembling. "You shouldn't promise me that. Hell, I can't promise you that. Both you and I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Don't...make this complicated."
I wonder if he even realizes it anymore, how much he's keeping me at arm's length.
Because of her, always her. No matter what, she will always drive a wedge between us.
I'm not trying, nor want to replace her. I just want to love him, for him to love me. For us to build a happy life together. Is that so much to ask? To desire?
"I'm not making it complicated. I just want..."
"Shh, I know baby, I know. But, isn't this enough? This moment, you and I right here, right now." Edward gently removes my hands off his face, circles his arms over my back and pulls me close to him.
His eyes waver on mine as a torn, sad look etches on his beautiful face. God, he's breath-taking; and still dealing with so much grief and heartache. All I long to do is take it away from him and carry it for him, so he will no longer suffer.
I finally nod in answer and whisper, "For now, it is."
He chuckles bitterly, places the lightest kiss on my forehead and buries his face underneath my neck.
A lengthy moment of silence follows and with each passing second, I grow more and more anxious. But then, those unsettling feelings are put to rest when Edward's mouth kisses my neck tenderly. I moan quietly and melt against his body, basking over the shivers that race along my spine.
As his satin feeling lips leave trails of heat down my throat, I struggle with keeping my emotions in check. I try not to dwell or give the fears I'm harboring a second thought.
But I can't help it.
I fear that he may never fall deeply in love with me.
I fear that he will leave me, and never return.
But above all, my greatest fear is that there may not be enough room in his heart for her, and myself.
I refuse to lose him. I love him more than my own existence.
Edward is my life now.
A/N: Whoa, I know, interesting beginning right? haa. I personally love the small mystery and romance of it all :) So, I have this feeling some of you may have some questions, especially after reading this line: Because of her, always her.
Okay, let me assure you guys right now, this ISN'T a fic about Bella being the other woman, or about cheating! So, I had to clear that up. But, that's all I am going to tell you right now. *wink* Anyhow this fic will be dramaish/angsty, but not too heavy. I want to also fill you in on a few other things. The first few chaps will move pretty slowly, you will see why. Let's just say, it's necessary. However, it will pick up pretty quickly soon enough! I will warn you when. Edward also doesn't make much of an appearance in chapter one, or does he? Things take a bit of time to progress between him and Bella, again you will understand why soon enough! I do plan on having a Epov chap pretty soon, probably after chapter two or three. Speaking of the next chapter, chapter one goes back a few months prior to this prologue. Just to give you a heads up! It will be posted very soon, I have it just about ready to go :) Just need to look it over, tweak it to my liking, and send it to my beta. I'm hoping another day or so tops. Then after that, I will try to post weekly, until the pre-written chaps I have are no more :( Regrettably this fic may not have a regular posting schedule. However, I will do my best :)
Okay, that's about it for now. I do hope you will stick with me on this journey, it will be a bumpy one at times! But I am very much a HEA girl! So, with that, feel free to leave a review, say hello :) I do love hearing from my readers and reply to each review! You can also add my page on FB: Vampgirl79Fanfiction. I love making new friends and talking about my fics, or anything Twilight related! I am also on Twitter: Vampgirl792011. Till next time, I will have Chapter one posted very soon!
**Thanks for reading lovelies, xo, Leslie