It was several hours later when Spock awoke, no longer fevered and finally sated. He and Jim had managed to make it out of the bathroom and back to Jim's bed, both wrapped in their robes and spooning comfortably. He pressed a kiss to the back of his…Holy Surak, they were bonded now. Jim…He had never stopped to hope, not even once, that this vibrant being lying beside him would ever conceive to love him in return. He had craved Jim's presence, yearned for it, almost immediately after the start of their mission and like any logical, well-trained Vulcan, he'd ruthlessly ignored the feelings his incorrigible Captain elicited from within. Until it became impossible to do so and he had found himself informing his logical choice of mate the very illogic of his emotions.
Nyota was intelligent, compassionate, logical, dependable…predictable. She was everything any Vulcan could ask for in a mate, but Spock could not stop the growing sense of incompletion between them at their lack of physical intimacy. They had tried stimulating him using 'foreplay' and it had worked to an extent, but everywhere Spock put his hands it felt awkward and he found Nyota's touch either too soft or too hesitant to be fully arousing. The meld had been his suggestion—a way for them to find a rhythm as was common among new bondmates and she had agreed, enthusiastically in fact. However, their minds were not compatible, just as it had been with T'Pring, his childhood intended and he began to fear, despite Nyota's reassurances to the contrary, that there was something within himself that was defective.
It wasn't until Spock caught himself, in Jim's quarters following a game of chess, watching the human cross the room to the replicator. Spock's eyes had been glued onto Jim's posterior, watching avidly as the two perfectly rounded mounds rose and fell with every step. When his organ had begun to respond to the visual alone, the Vulcan knew then that he was in trouble and he politely excused himself, immediately seeking Nyota's counsel. As relieving as it was to know that he was capable of physical intimacy, harboring such attractions toward one's Captain was completely inappropriate and Spock had resolved to push the inconvenient feelings aside.
If it happened that Spock began spending the majority of his off duty hours in Jim's company, attraction had very little to do with it. The relationship between the Captain and First Officer of a starship was key in the smooth and efficient running of the vessel. It was only logical, now that Spock had more free time due to the end of his previous romantic engagement, for him to use that time to build a stronger working relationship with Jim. If that working relationship included breakfast, lunch, dinner, nightly games of chess and frequent coinciding shore leave activities, well, that was merely an example of getting one's efforts repaid. It had absolutely nothing at all, whatsoever, to do with the fact that Spock enjoyed being with his Captain—listening to the sultry cadence of Jim's voice, watching full pink lips close over various eating utensils, calloused fingers twirl a rook between index and thumb as that brilliant mind worked out another unorthodox chess move, and drinking in the sight of Jim's bare back, all sinewy muscle, as it arched and curved while strong arms and legs tackled an unclimbed mountain on Theta Omicron.
Of course, one could only lie to oneself for so long before the truth would make itself undeniable. Dorian VII, in the midst of a brutal war, had tested the new crew of the Enterprise on an entirely different level. The beings that inhabited the planet were telepathic and when Jim, along with a well-trained security team and an Andorian diplomat representing the federation had beamed down to begin the prearranged treaty talks, all manner of chaos had erupted. Jim had been taken by the opposing faction, the diplomat and security personnel murdered. The Captain's kidnappers had thought to ransom him for the promised aid of the treaty instead of compromising with the other faction and while in their custody, Jim's mind had been probed for secret information until he was all but a vegetable when they finally retrieved him.
Spock had neck-pinched Dr. McCoy, who was wasting precious time by arguing, and initiated a mind meld post haste. He had never been inside the Captain's mind before and he found himself drinking in the sights and sounds of his friend's tangled thoughts and emotions. Fear and determination the most prevalent among them. You can't have it! Jim's voice sounded around them and Spock reached out to the tendril of thought from which it originated.
Be calm, he had urged, it is Spock, Captain. I am here to retrieve you.
Slowly, Jim's consciousness began to swirl around Spock and as recognition began to dawn within the human's mind, he saw it. Little golden strands reaching out to him from the vortex of swirling thoughts and emotions and they sang to him…called him forth like a lost sailor to a siren of old Terran Greek mythology. T'hy'la. Just as Jim's awareness began to emerge from his self-conscious, Spock retreated. How could this be? Yes, he had been experiencing sexual attraction and intellectual stimulation with Jim, but to find a mind so compatible that it almost seemed made for the specific purpose of joining with his own…to actually feel the ancient, pre-surakian call of T'hy'la within Jim's mind was…overwhelming not to mention inconceivable. Such a bond had not been forged in thousands of years and to Spock's knowledge, Jim wasn't even inclined toward male partners. What a cruel joke, indeed, to know the potential of thing and also its absolute impossibility.
To love someone…to have them in every way but that which is most fulfilling—it was a hard thing to carry. And carry it he did, for nearly a year in silence until his accident. Spock remembered awakening in Sickbay and watching Jim walk through that door, his heart hammering and his entire being reacting as a whole the presence of his T'hy'la. It was no wonder his amnesic self had not seen the logic in denying his yearning. To wake up, here, in Jim's bed, body sated and satisfied, heart full and humming in his side, witness to the realization of so many fantasies and dreams was—to borrow a phrase—awesome.
He pulled his bondmate—yes, he liked the sound of that—into his arms, burying his nose in the juncture of Jim's neck and shoulder reverently inhaling sandalwood, lavender and human masculinity. "I know that you are awake, Ashaya," Spock whispered into a rounded ear, pressing a kiss the blonde hair at his mate's temple.
Jim turned around to meet the amused brown eyes of his… "Did we get married in a bathtub last night, or was I suffering from a mind-sex induced hallucination?"
Gentle fingers skirted over Jim's cheeks, forehead and jaw, and Spock's eyes seemed to smile as he said; "It was no hallucination. We are bonded, T'hy'la."
"T'hy'la," Jim repeated, remembering what Uhura had told him…God, how long had they been at it, anyway? Shaking his head, he continued on with his initial thought, "Is that what we are?"
"It is." He paused, then, "You know what it means?" Spock's sounded just this side of surprised.
"Yeah, Uhura told me a few days after you…" he looked away, not wanting to think about it, "she said you told her I was your T'hy'la. She's the reason I was coming to disrupt your meditation before I busted into your room and thank God I did." Spock looked like he was about to say something, but Jim interrupted, "By the way, what the hell were you thinking?"
Color rose from Spock's neck to his cheeks and ears, "The Pon Farr that from which I was suffering was unnatural, an unforeseen result of my accident." He hooked an arm under Jim's shoulders and pulled him to his chest, until he was leaning over his bondmate, threading fingers through wheat hair, "Forgive me for causing you pain, James. I feared I might…damage you…irreparably."
Jim sighed, pushing upward onto his elbows for a chaste kiss, "I understand, but why not just tell me? We could have taken precautions—"
"If it had occurred as a normal Pon Farr does, I would have agreed, however," Spock shook his head, "Almost from the moment I regained my last unrecovered memory, I began feeling the flames of Plak Tow licking within my consciousness. The temptation to plunder your body—to simply take what I wanted—as I held you in my arms five nights ago was nearly irresistible and the second I left your presence, I was overcome. I very narrowly avoided raping you that evening."
"Spock," Jim whispered fervently, feeling the all-consuming fear that Spock had experienced through their newly formed bond, "If we're going to be married, then you need to understand something—your problems are my problems. Your pain is my pain. I can't literally feel it now and you had better never try to hide it from me again. I love you too much to lose you to your own version of stupidity."
"I will not," Spock promised, sending waves of answering love and devotion through the link, before thinking better of it. "Are you certain you are comfortable with this?"
"What?" Jim smiled, eyes dancing with affection and heart pounding with the vastness of Spock's emotions, "Feeling pieces of you float in and out of my mind?" He reached up to trail a hand over the curve of a well-toned Vulcan ass, "I'm more than comfortable with it, in fact, it actually makes me want more of you inside me."
"Is that so?" Spock lifted a wicked brow, fingers dipping into the cleft of Jim's backside, "Are you certain you are not too tired?"
"Come on," Jim urged, his cock rising with interest, "we have a whole other day set aside for your Pon Farr and I want to spend every second of it making love to you."
"Yes," Spock whispered into the air between their parted lips, an entire year of pent up desire and silent longing weighing heavily upon him. Had he not suffered this accident and lost his reasons for placing distance between them, how long would they have both gone on suffering in silence? Positioning himself between golden thighs, the head of his cock slowly breeching the quivering pucker of Jim's hole, Spock gazed into loving blue eyes, "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. Let us waste no more time."
Okay, so…that's the end. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to leave a review.