Things were hazy when she woke up, her vision was blurred and she felt a some what familiar feeling that she had been sedated. A pounding in her head that no medicine could fix was evident and she heard the beeping of a heart monitor. It was her heart monitor. She sat up with a start and looked around. She was in the hospital, but why? Did something happen to Al or Mike or Roe or Nina? No, she would remember if something did. Right? She's remembers everything, she'd remember if one of her friends were hurt. She'd remember, she knows she would. Why can't she remember what landed her in a hospital bed then? She grabbed at her head. What had happened? Her breathing became more labored as she tried to figure out what happened. She hadn't felt this way since her sister had died.
Al's voice calms her fears almost instantly, he's okay. When she looks up, she sees their coworkers behind him. They're all okay. But that still doesn't explain why she's in the hospital with a pounding headache that the drugs aren't fixing and bruises everywhere she's looked. Maybe they'll shed some light on the subject. They have to tell her what is going on, they've always filled her in on everything. They'll keep it up, she knows it. They can be trusted.
"Al, why am I here? What happened to me?"
She sounds more desperate than she was planning on, but it didn't matter; she just wanted to remember. She watches her coworkers make eye contact with Al. He nods his head and they walk in the opposite direction of her room. Why are they walking away? Why aren't they coming in here and sitting around her bed and telling her what the heck happened? Why are they going away? It's her and Al, with no interruptions because he closed the door and she's nearly positive he locked it too. He grabs her hand the second it's in his reach and that's when she knows some thing is seriously wrong here.
"You're starting to freak me out, Al. What happened? Why can't I remember?"
"Maybe your mind is trying to protect you."
She knows she wasn't supposed to hear that, but she did.
"Protect me from what? I'm a big girl, Al, you don't have to protect me anymore."
"What was that back there? Telling him to back off. If I was a guy, you would've been fine with the suspect saying what he did."
"But you aren't a guy, Carrie, you're a kid."
"I've gone through more than most people and you still call me a kid. You're a few years older than me, barely three. Why do you still see me like that?"
"Because if I say you're still a kid, it gives me all the motivation I need to protect you."
"But I'm not that kid anymore, Al. I'm an adult, your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean I can't protect myself."
"I'm sorry, okay? But if anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I would do. That's why I'm protective, I need you to be with me. I can't lose you."
"Carrie, it's bad."
She squeezes his hand.
"I can handle it."
"You were tailing a suspect, I didn't know, you didn't tell me. I would've been there in an instant if I had known, I promise I would've been. You were rounding a corner when he hit you in the head, the temple, it knocked you out, gave you a concussion. He tied you up and…. And….."
He didn't know how to tell her but from the look on her face, she already remembered. He watched as the mixed emotions made their way onto her face. Every realization and pain showed by a grimace or wince. Remembering everything was a blessing but now it would be used against her in the most unnatural way.
"Detective Wells, not so big and bad now, are you?"
She struggled against the ropes that bound her to the bed as her masked attacker talked. She would scream through the gag but she knew it was no use. She remembered where she had followed him, it was too distant for anyone to know. A touch brought her out of her thoughts.
"This is going to be fun…"
She clamped her eyes shut as his eyes traveled up and down the length of her exposed body.
"He raped me."
It comes out as a whisper, a realization. She looks at her wrists, there's rope burns from her struggling. Her arms have bruises so does her chest and abdomen. Al watches helplessly as she examines her body. It's almost like it's a foreign object to her. She feels dirty, disgusting, grimy. She's a cop, she knows to always watch the corners. How did he catch her off guard?
Her legs swing off the bed and she tries to make it to the shower. She wants to run there. She's too weak, her legs collapse underneath her because they can't handle her weight. She lets out a groan in pain. Her fist makes contact with the floor. In anger, in frustration, in pain. How did this happen to her of all people?
Al is by her side in a second. She goes stiff at his contact.
"Where are you trying to go?"
The tears spring out before she fully comprehends what's going on. Images replay in her head. She can feel him touching her. It's like she's reliving the moment. She latches on to Al, because she needs something that's safe and he's it. He's the only solid thing she has right now. She wishes her sister was here, she always knew how to fix everything, but she's gone. Then she wishes for her mother, but in a way her mother is gone was well. Al is all she has. They sit like this for a while. Her sobbing in his arms, him cradling her like a child, rocking her in hopes of calming her.
"I feel dirty, Al. I need to shower, scrub him off of me."
"You can't even stand up, Carrie."
"I'll crawl if I have to, I can't…Help me please."
The last part comes as a tortured whisper that ends with Al carrying her to the shower. She covers herself the best she can, but he still sees most of her. It kills him to see her so bruised, scrapes and cuts fill her body. The scrubbing she does in the shower just causes her to bleed. He doesn't even know if she's done but her picks her out of that shower and helps her put on clothes that Nina grabbed from her apartment.
"When do I get to leave?"
She's tired, her eyes are closed and she lets out this painful moan, but she still manages to ask. This isn't his Carrie. Not the one he dated or the one that started working for him a few months ago. This new Carrie is exhausted and spent and her body has been put through too much. His Carrie was strong and resilient, but this one seems weak and unwilling to fight through this.
"Doctors want to keep you here for another day to keep an eye on that concussion you got."
"I'll come back to work as soon as possible, I promise."
"No, you don't worry about work. Your position will wait for you. You should rest."
He smoothes out her hair as a sigh exits her lips.
"I don't want to rest, Al."
Somehow through the seriousness of all this, he finds at this moment a time to smile, because her eyes are still closed, so he knows eventually she'll rest. His only worry is that sleep without the sedative will be no comfort for her. He doesn't want her to have nightmares. He doesn't want this to have happened to her in the first place.
"I'm right here, Carrie."
"Will you stay with me? I don't want to be alone-that's how he got to me, because I was alone and vulnerable. I don't ever want to be that way again."
Her eyes open to make contact with his. He sees the tears glistening in them and it just breaks him to pieces all over again.
"Of course, I'll stay, I'm not ever going to leave."
He sits beside her and holds her hand. He feels it go limp, that's when he knows she's truly sleeping.
"I wish I could remember it, Al, I wish I could've remembered it when it happened."
She tells him as she turns the sheet around her exposed body and faces him. He wraps his arm around her waist to bring her closer to him. He begins to draw gentle circles on the small of her back.
"You will one day, I promise you."
"Promise me something else?"
"Anything you want."
"Don't ever leave me, stay with me."
"I'll always stay, Carrie. I'll never leave unless you force me to."
"I'm so sorry, Carrie, I wasn't there to protect you like I should've been. I promise I'll catch this guy. I promise, he won't get away with hurting you."
He hears the door open behind him and when he turns he sees his coworkers and friends. Nina is leading them and she's the first one to approach Carrie. They watch as she gently brushes her hair away from her face. He would almost swear that she's about to cry but she holds it in some how. He can see how this would be especially hard for her. It could've been her. Nina was the only one who knew Carrie was going. She feels responsible, she should've stopped her.
"We've gotta find this guy, Al. What's our first step?"
Mike asks in an angry tone. They work homicide and Carrie is definitely still alive, but it doesn't matter. No one will take this case from them, it's theirs.
"We have to wait until the process the DNA, see if any results come up, then we proceed."
"How was she when she woke up?"
"Terrible, Nina. She didn't remember, I had to tell her and then she broke. She showered, said she felt disgusting. I've never seen her like this."
"We've all taken days off. We're going to be here for Carrie."
"We may run out of days off, I don't know how we're going to piece her back together."