Well Shepard, they still won't allow me to see you.
I have been waiting here. Pacing before your door for hours. I can't even say how worried I am.
When I heard over the comm they found your body…I felt like the whole world crushed down on me.
I never told you any of this. But I want you to know.
Asari has to often watch her loved ones die. Such is a price for a long life spawn.
When I was heading to you that night before Ilos. I thought that I have accepted that.
I knew that one day we will part and I will have centuries to live without you.
I knew that there is nothing I can do about it.
I thought I have came to accept that. But I now know that to simply say goodbye is one of the hardest things I have ever done.
When I thought you are dead. Those two years seemed like eternity. I tried to move on but I just couldn't.
I helped Cerberus recover your body. I have given you over willingly knowing what kind of people they are.
I just was not ready to say goodbye.
I am sorry Shepard.
I hope you do not hate me. I have appologized many times over and over again but I still can't stop hating myself.
I was weak Shepard but I desperately wanted to see you one more time.
And you came back. When I first saw you entering my office I could hardly believe.
You were there. Smiling at me as if nothing happened. You said you understand and that you have forgiven everything. I know you mean this. You never lie but I am so sorry Shepard.
At that time when you asked me to go with you and I refused.
It was not only because I had taken upon myself a mission to rescue Ferron. I was afraid. I was afraid to get close to you again. I was not sure how you are feeling. Goddess I was not even sure how I was feeling.
I was so selfish. Only thing I knew was, that I was not ready to face loosing you again.
I am such a coward.
But you do not mind. You came back and helped me. You rescued Ferron. And the only thing I could do in return was to offer you my new sources.
You are so much stronger than I am Shepard.
You faced the Collectors while I cowered behind my information network.
You stood up to Reapers while the only thing I could do was gathering intel.
I know you said many times that everything has been forgiven. But I am still not ready to forgive myself.
That one night back at Normandy.
It brought back so many memories. I can't even say how happy I was. Happy and scared at the same time. Watching you go against all odds. Not knowing if you ever return.
I have always known that you will be diving into the fray and I might loose you again. But still I am not ready for it.
And then after everything you have achieved they locked you up.
Only my contacts helped me during those six months when we couldn't see each other.
I made a promise to myself that if Alliance threatened to do you harm in any way I would save you.
You probably don't know it but I had my assassins all over the place ready to get you out. I am glad it did not come to that.
While I was working on Mars I still kept things in motion but then I saw Reapers hit the Earth and …. I don't even know what I was thinking. Overwhelming fear that you are gone and I wasn't even able to say farewell.
I prayed. I prayed to the Goddess to save you. I never was deep believer Shepard but it is perhaps true that in times of true despair we turn ourselves towards something else than science.
And you survived. You even came here and I finally saw you. After six months of reading the reports you were there in flesh again.
I couldn't even believe it.
This time I promised myself I would fight. And I did. I will always stay at your side. No matter what enemy we have to face or what the odds are.
I am not afraid anymore Shepard.
Our joining at the Normandy. It showed me so many things. Please do not consider this the wrong way. I couldn't stop it. During that time I was able to see your memories. To feel your very soul.
And knowing how much strength and resolve is there. It made me stronger. I will not abandon you again Shepard.
So please. You have to fight this. You have to stand up and fight again.
You are not alone in this fight now Shepard. And you never will.
Thank you for everything. I love you. You made me happy.