By Andrew D. Johnson

The following characters were created by Rumiko Takahashi and Kosuke Fujishima. By the way, they are also fictional. Any resemblance to any actual characters you know or have known, living or dead, means you should probably be committed to a mental hospital.

Ataru was sound asleep once more when he was awoken by what sounded like a lightning storm. But how could that be; it was the middle of winter and there was snow on the ground! Then a car skidded across the street in front of his house. Probably just some driver who had too much sake eggnog, he thought, closing his eyes again and trying to get back to sleep. But only a few moments later, a shrill female voice bellowed into his ear, "WAKE UP!!!!" Jolted upright, he glanced around to see who the culprit might be. Sure enough, there in front of him was another girl in strange robes, with blue triangular and diamond-shaped markings on her cheeks and forehead. She was also rather pretty, but a bit young, only about 15 or so, while her other sisters must have been in their early 20s. She had long black hair branching into two ponytails, and large, energetic brown eyes.

"Well?" she demanded. "It isn't my fault I have to work on Christmas Eve! Now c'mon, let's get this over with!"

"Uhh, I guess you're the Goddess of the Future," Ataru reasoned.

"Yep," she answered, showing her ID. "The name's Skuld. I'm also a master technician and inventor. In fact, we're gonna see my latest project. Oh goody!"

She took him by the hand, and flew him out the window and down to the street below. Parked in front of the Moroboshi house was…an A.M.C. Gremlin from about the '70s. "Well? Get in!"

"Umm, this is your invention? Looks more like the American Motor Company's."

"You unimaginative dumbass!" she scolded him. "This is a time machine! We're gonna travel into your future!"

"Wait, wait, wait," Ataru gasped. "Are you telling me you built a time machine? Out of a Gremlin?"

"The car's slanted rear aides the dispersal of the flux particles which open a passage in the time-space continuum," Skuld explained. "And besides, if you're going to design a time machine out of a car, why not do it with some cuteness? Don't you think this car's so cute?" she cooed, hugging it.

O-kay. This girl claimed to be a genius, yet she seemed to have a rather asinine hang-up on cute things. A few cylinders short of a V-8, he thought. Not wasting any more time, he climbed in. "Okay, I've seen the 'Back to the Future' movies," Ataru said. "I guess you have to speed up to 88 MPH to time-warp."

"Well, since this is a Gremlin," she answered, "I decided on 65. It is a vintage, compact economy car, and all this city mileage is murder on the resale value."

"You mean a crudbucket like this actually has a resale value?" Ataru scoffed.

She whapped him on the head with a mallet she had sticking out of her back pocket. "Don't make me cram a Skuld Bomb down your throat! Now let's go." She pressed some beeping buttons on a control panel to the left of the dash.* "Hmm, Urd took you 10 years into the past, so what say we travel a decade into the future!"

"Yeah, cool!" Ataru gasped. "I'm gonna be a rich rock star with a million groupies, right? Or I'm gonna become the Japanese Hugh Hefner, right?"

Skuld smiled devilishly at him. "Oh, I don't know about that yet. This is the first time I've taken this machine into the future. I actually originally built it so I could give my mom a birth control pill before conceiving Urd, so she wouldn't be born, and eventually get drunk and break the perpetual motion machine I had been working on when I was ten." Her face had been turning angrier as she said that last sentence, and as she finished it she looked like she would explode. "But then Belldandy reminded me that if I gave our mom birth control pills so that Urd wouldn't be conceived, then she and I would also never be born. So I've been using it mostly for trips to the dinosaur era and the samurai period." She lit up once more. "I've been looking forward to going to the future so much! Yippee!"

"Awright already, let's gooooooooooo!" Ataru screamed as Skuld hit the gas after setting the time circuits. The car then rocketed down the city streets.

*Remember, in Japan they drive on the left.

Three bright thunderclaps resounded in the air of Christmas Eve as Skuld's time-traveling A.M. Gremlin screeched into the vacant lot down the street from the Moroboshi house. "Push hard on the door, there's ice on it!" Skuld told Ataru. A bit dazed, he staggered a bit and took a look around at the world of the future.

"Jeez, they still haven't sold this lot yet," the lecherous boy remarked. Just then he noticed why. A familiar, ragged hut sat in a corner of the lot. Cherry was still alive? How old was that sakurambo? As he stood there wondering, an older Sakura came up to the hut and rapped on the door-or at least the rag he used as a door. She was now in her late 30s, nearing the crest of the hill, but was still quite gorgeous.

"Uncle!" she called, "aren't you coming to the Mendo's Christmas party? Shuutaro-san says that although he'd rather not have you in his mansion, you'll probably just sneak in somehow and crash the party. Besides, he feels it's only honorable to repay us for all those exorcisms we performed on him and those other brats."

"Feh!" grunted Cherry as he emerged from the hut. Except for a white, chest-length beard and a Santa hat for the season, the freaky old monk looked as gruesome as ever. "See if I ever exorcise his house again, the insolent youth. He could probably hire the Ghostbusters themselves."

"Who are you to complain about that?" she retorted. "We both own shares in Ghostbusters, Inc., and it hasn't gone down once since Donald Trump was elected president of America."

"Oh, just quit talking and let's go," Cherry muttered.

As the two left, Ataru and Skuld both noticed a light in the sky, descending steadily toward the ground. As it approached, it turned out to be a spaceship! But it was one unlike any Ataru had seen before. The front end had an odd shape with what looked like long ears on top. Almost like a rabbit's head. And at the rear was a bulbous projection like a rabbit's cotton tail. Was this Inaba's ship? A breeze billowed the shrubs, garbage, and Cherry's hut all around the lot and kicked up a thick cloud of dust. Then a mechanical buzzing sounded at the door hatch, and some figures emerged from the bright light within. Sure enough, there were an adult Shinobu and Inaba, dressed in the ceremonial rabbit costumes of the Destiny Production Bureau. But behind them…There were Lum and someone else Ataru couldn't recognize. He was a humanoid like Inaba, also wearing a rabbit suit, but his hair was brown and a bit longer. "Here we are on Earth, Darling," she told her escort.

She was calling this other guy Darling? "Hey Lum, what about me?" Ataru screamed, forgetting that she couldn't hear him.

"Come, children, we'll be late for the party!" called Lum.

"Coming, mommy!" answered two voices. Out of the ship came a boy and a girl, clad in both tiger-striped outfits and wearing rabbit suits. Sticking out from under the bunny hats, Ataru noticed the girl had green hair and looked a lot like a younger version of Lum, while the boy had brown, like the guy she was with…

"What the hell?" gasped Ataru. "Who is that guy?"

Inaba meanwhile laughed at something Shinobu had told him. With their auburn-haired, rabbit-suited daughter in hand, he talked to the guy escorting Lum, who seemed to be a close acquaintance of his. "Ah brother," answered the other guy, "I sure am glad you married an Earth girl, so we could have an opportunity to visit Earth once in a while. It truly is a beautiful planet."

"I do agree. But, umm, didn't your wife used to have a boyfriend from this very city?"

"Yeah," whispered Shinobu into the other man's ear, "but she doesn't like to talk about it." Sure enough, Lum's face had turned from cheerful and bubbly to sour and cold at the sound of Inaba's question.

"Let's just go," she muttered, frowning.

"WHAAAAAAT????" Ataru screamed, furious now. "She-she-she married that rabbit-suited freak? I thought she was gonna become a nun on Charon!"

"Yes, originally, but she met Inaba's brother at the Galactic Record Archives office and it was love at first sight. Okay, maybe a little of it had to do with the fact that she probably would have fallen for Osama bin Laden himself, given her post-breakup depression, but eventually she was enraptured by his kindness. Now, as you can see, they're married with two lovely children."

"Th-then, what's happened to me?" he stammered, feeling rather ill.

"Well, let's head over to your house and find out," Skuld answered.

Meanwhile, Shinobu, Inaba, Lum, and Inaba's brother met up with Megane and his wife or girlfriend, Ataru couldn't tell. "Say," whispered Shinobu so that Lum wouldn't hear, "would you mind if Inaba and I paid a quick visit to Ataru Moroboshi? I haven't seen or heard from him for years, and I would like to at least see how he's doing. I'd also like to introduce him to our daughter, Aya."

"Ataru?" scoffed Megane. "You mean the guy who took his life and flushed it completely down the toilet? Mr. Loser?"

"Megane!" Shinobu yelled, "Ataru-san may have his problems in life, but…"

"Hello, hello, anybody home?" Lum yelled, whacking her on the head with her mallet. "Think, Miyake, think! That lecherous, filthy, SCUMBAG can rot in his own filth for all I care! I don't even remember what I ever saw in him!" Even so, Ataru could see tears running down her cheeks.

"Ah, what say we just go, Lum-chan," said Inaba's brother nervously.

After they left, Ataru was visibly shaken. "Problems in life? What sort of problems do I have in life? Where am I in this future world?"

Skuld pointed across the street to the Tomobiki Cemetery. "Gahh!" he shrieked. "Y-y-you mean I'm dead?"

"No, look up, stupid," Skuld told him. He did, and sure enough, just over the horizon of tombstones he could see the familiar lines of his house. Needless to say, he was quite relieved when they began driving towards there.

The Moroboshi house looked rather older and shabbier now. Ataru's dad still seemed to be driving the same car, and also the house was coated with graffiti. It read words like: "LOSER! FAT BOY! You made Lum-chan cry, now you die! ATARU CARTMAN!" Then the meaning began to sink in. "Wait a second. Are you telling me that after 10 years, I'm still living with my parents??"

"Well, let's just see," Skuld replied. She took him by the hand, and they both flew up to Ataru's room. What he saw inside almost gave him a heart attack anyway, though.

"Oh my God!" he howled. "I-I-I-I'm HUGE!!!!" Sure enough, Ataru lay in his bed, about the size of Elvis in his last years. Since he obviously couldn't fit into any shirts or pants, he was clothed in a Hawaiian- flowered muumuu. Right now he was munching on a bucket of Kantake Fried Chicken and watching a "Love Hina" marathon.

"Oh man, I wish I was that guy," he bubbled, biting into a crispy drumstick. "If I was in charge of a girl's dorm, I'd add a dress code where all girls have to wear thong bikinis for uniforms." He turned reminiscent for a bit. "Hmm, kinda reminds me of a girl I used to know…Who was she? Ah, who cares." He continued wolfing down fried chicken.

The Kotatsu Cat was still there, playing solitaire at Ataru's old kotatsu, when his stomach growled. He turned to Ataru and meowed for some chicken. "No Kotatsu Kitty, that's my fried chicken!" The cat mewed at him again. "No, Mr. Kotatsu Kitty, that's a bad Kotatsu Kitty! You stay nyah!" To which the cat just frowned at him and had another sip of tea. "Mommm!" yelled the future Ataru. "I want some more Cheesy Poofs!"

"Yes, Ataru dear?" she answered. "Oh, we just ran out. I'll get some more for you tomorrow." She left his room and met Ataru's dad in the hallway, where they both collapsed crying into each others' arms. "Oh honey," she groaned, "where did we go wrong? Why did our boy have to dump that alien girl and give up on life?"

"Hey, I'm the one who has to earn the money to provide for him!" answered Mr. Moroboshi.

"Perhaps if we hadn't insulted him all those years, he would have actually found a nice girl and made something of himself," his mom sobbed. "Oh let's face it. No girl except that nice alien could even stand his personality."

"She was the only one as annoying as he could be," his dad responded. "And now I've got to tell the people at work that I'm raising an obese kid!"

"Stop, stop!" Ataru sobbed. "I don't wanna be an obese blimp like that! Heck, I'd rather marry Lum than die a virgin any day, especially a fat, Cartman-like virgin! Please don't let this be my fate, oh great Goddess of the Future!"

"Well see," explained Skuld, "that's the beauty of the future. It is whatever you make it, so you've gotta make it a good one. And I can see you're eager to change your destiny."

"You bet I am!" he sobbed. "Oh please, your Holiness, please take me back to my own time! Let me change my ways!"

"Well, okay. You seem to have learned your lesson." And she led him back to the time machine, and the two soon arrived at Ataru's home in the present time. Skuld bid him "Merry Christmas", and was soon on her way.

Ataru had set his clock radio early, so he might be able to sneak a look at his presents. He awoke at 6 AM that morning to the sound of "Sweet Cherry Pie" by Warrant. Rubbing his eyes, he stood up and looked out the window. "What day is it?" he yawned.

"Whoy sah, todie is Christmiss Die," answered a little Cockney boy dressed in ragged clothing.

"Christmas Day?" he gasped. "Yahoo! A chance for a new start!" He joyfully ran down the hall announcing to his parents, "Wake up, everyone, today is Christmas Day!"

The Moroboshi parents groggily headed down the stairs. "Ataru-chan, we were up rather late last night. Don't you think it would be polite to let us sleep a bit more?"

"Sorry guys, but there's something I have to do early this morning."

As they sat by the tree opening presents, Lum and Ten flew in. "Sorry to interrupt you this morning, but there was something I had to do." Her eyes and face were blotchy and red from crying.

Ataru instantly ran up to her and embraced her tightly. "Oh Lum-chan, I'm so sorry about how I yelled at you last night! But…I dreamed that three spirits who claimed to be goddesses showed me the error of my ways! Now I've discovered that you are truly the best thing ever to happen to me! I LOVE YOU, LUM-CHAN!!!"

Tears began running down Lum's cheeks again, but this time out of happiness. "Oh Darling," she sobbed. "I-I had a similar dream, one in which the spirits convinced me to treat you a little less harshly and to be less possessive. They told me that love and marriage are based on trust and respect, not captivity. I-I promise I won't hurt you any more, Darling."

Ataru's parents broke down crying themselves. "Something must have been at work last night," Mrs. Moroboshi said. "We too were instructed to be a bit more respectful, Ataru-chan."

"W-we're not sorry we had you," Mr. Moroboshi continued, smiling.

"And now," Ataru announced. He knelt and presented the rings from the felt box to the beautiful alien girl. "Lum Invader, will you marry me?"

"Oh Darling," Lum cooed, squeezing him tight. "Yes! As soon as we get out of high school!" She then planted a firm kiss on his face.

Where his dad would have cracked a joke about how he would never finish school, he then just chimed in, "Congratulations, son! Just work hard to pass your classes this year, eh?" He then gave his son an encouraging nudge.

"Well," Ten happily commented, "this sure seems like a nice way to end this story! But something's missing…"

"Yeah," Ataru muttered. "Something doesn't seem right."

"Something seems…unfinished," Lum added.

Outside, a meteor landed on a small boy clad in an orange hooded overcoat, killing him instantly. "No, not that," Ataru said. "That's not even in the right show!"

"Oh, I remember!" tiny Ten shouted. "Kami-sama bless us everyone!"

Meanwhile, over in Chiba Prefecture, a college student named Keiichi was opening his presents. His girlfriend Belldandy, Goddess of the Present was still asleep, Skuld was tucking away some eggnog ice cream, and Urd was chugging a liter bottle of Holiday Special eggnog sake. "Jeez," he asked them. "You gals are acting like you haven't recharged in about a month. What did you do last night?"

"Well, let's just say, a goddesses' work is never done," Urd slurred between gulps. "You got anymore Demon Dance in the cupboard, K1?"

Author's Note: I note a lot of people found this story rather unpopular. But I in no way meant to attach it to the worlds of "Urusei Yatsura" and "Oh My Goddess". I just wanted to disguise it as another popular story, as did Scrooge McDuck and the Disney gang, the Animaniacs, and many other cartoon and TV characters. I was originally thinking of doing a crossover between either "OMG" and "Back to the Future" or perhaps "UY" and "It's a Wonderful Life", but then I thought this version might make more sense. Maybe I might attempt the above two ideas someday. But now that I'm done, all I can say is that I'm sorry some people just didn't care for it, and I give thanks to those who read and actually liked it. Okay, so I give thanks to everyone who read it.