Okay, so there once was a legend about this boy from this forest who saved this princess from this king of evil. Then after that, this fairy who was stalking him for some reason FINALLY left for this reason. If you want to know this story, go check it out for yourself, because I'm not telling that story right now. No, I'm actually telling... THE SEQUEL! The thing that every great story plot HAS to have! This is a a long lost legend that has been buried by all uber nerds because they hated it. They say it was a poor excuse for a sequel, but in truth, they can't handle the AWESOMENESS! I bring you the legend of... Majora's Mask.
Inside the Lost Woods-er- UN-NAMED FOREST, we can see a runaway elf riding a horse with anger issues.
"Man, I'm glad I managed to pass off to gamers everywhere that Navi just RANDOMLY left, instead of letting on I murdered her. Now I'm free!" Unfortunately, Link is about to encounter yet another adventure, the one that makes all uber-nerds cower!
"AW MAN! I just beat up Ganondorf, and that's not enough for you?" Nope. "Well, it better be an awesome adventure!" Would it be awesome to you if it makes uber-nerds afraid? "No one's ratting on my games without them, so hell's yeah!" ...Anyway, the boy's quest starts with a couple of fairies... "Dammit! I just got rid of one, now I have to deal with two more?" Shut up and ride your horse, underling! "Elfist..." ... Ignoring that racist comment, two fairies, a yellow one and a purple one somehow nod their... selves, and sneak up on Epona. SOMEHOW not seeing it, Epona is spooked when the fairies merely TOUCH her, flipping Link off her back.
Link gets annoyed. "Dammit, Epona! I knew I should have bought that saddle!" Link then takes a nap. Somebody had too much Mike's Hard Lemonade. Then a floating mask pops out of nowhere and stares at Link creepily, but it turns out it was just stupid Skull Kid, and that leaves the Nintendo 64's crappy engine to blame. The Skull Kid then pops off the mask, but the camera angle makes sure no one sees the face.
"Har har! You two did great! Now let's rape this elf and call it a day." The Skull Kid says creepily.
"R-rape him? But you know this kid, don't you?" The purple one pipes up.
The Skull Kid rebukes him. "Be quiet, you! You're supposed to be the dumb one!"
"Anyway, let's strip him!" The deranged kid then starts taking the tools from his previous adventure off Link. "Longshot, bow and arrows, slingshot, hammer, bombs..." This process continues until he comes across... "An ocarina? Who has an ocarina these days?" The masked one decides to play it anyway. Somehow, he plays the instrument WITH HIS MASK STILL ON. Again, crappy Nintendo 64 engine. Finally, Link wakes up and discovers his soon-to-be-arch rival playing his instrument.
The imp notices Link and lamely hides the ocarina behind his back. Link steps back nice and easy, then... JUMPS at him. He misses.
"Oh, I miss!" The Skull Kid then learns to ride a horse in one second and gallops away into the fog. The elf grabs onto the kid at the last second and is dragged across the Lost Woods-er- UN-NAMED FOREST, completely forgetting about all his items that he left behind in the woods, until he is dragged to a clearing. Link's hands let go at the last second, and Skull Kid makes his getaway.
"Dammit! I KNEW I should have gotten the extended warranty on that horse!" Link, not wanting to have to pay more rupees to Lon Lon Ranch, runs after them, going through the clearings in order to get his horse back. SOMEHOW, the imp got the horse across all the stumps and jumps (heh, that rhymed). Luckily, Link spent HOURS ON END trying to clear arguably the EASIEST mini-game in OCARINA OF TIME- the Zora diving game. Using his practice, Link does AWESOME side-flips and forward-flips across the stumps, with the words "EPIC LINK MANEUVER" appearing on-screen each time he did so. After completeing the area in a Olympic-like style that would make Mario and Sonic weep, Link enters a wooden cave. Of course, graceful as he was, Link FALLS DOWN AN ENDLESS PIT and DOESN'T SEE IT COMING. As the kid falls, pretty colors and shapes flutter around him, foreshadowing his AWESOME adventure.
Our "hero" lands on a convienently placed giant pink flower. Then... CIRCUS LIGHTS shine on Link like he's a freak or something.
"MWAHAHAHA! Welcome to my lair!"
"Your lair? It looks more a little-kid's playhouse. And the circus lights aren't helping all that much." Link points out.
"Is too my lair! You want a piece of me?"
"No, I just want my horse and ocarina back."
"You shall get neither of those things, because they are mine now! Mwahahaha!"
"Why are you wearing that creepy mask? It's not Halloween, is it?"
"This mask gives me ancient powers, and NO it's not-"
"I usually go as Santa Claus every year. You think everybody's tired of it?"
"... Are you feeling okay?"
"Because I think it's a statement that we are tired of being called elves, when we're really-"
"JUST SHUT UP! I'm gonna curse you!" The Skull Kid then makes his creepy mask turn into a picture of the ocean after the BP oil spill, and turns Link into a monster.
"NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" Link then has a weird dream of deku scrubs touching him in inappropriate places. Finally, the nightmare's over... or has it just begun? To answer that, Link comes back to reality to find himself feeling strange. When he looks at himself...
"NO! I'm HIDEOUS! My nose and mouth are the same body parts now! MY WORST NIGHTMARE!" Link says in a weird voice.
The imp finds this hilarious. "PFFF HA HA HA HA HA HA! TOO FUNNY! Now, you shall stay here and become part of the circus FOREVER!" The creature then laughs as he floats inside a door.
"You said they weren't circus lights!" Deku Link panics.
The mad deku then tries to pursue Skull Kid, until the yellow one decides to abuse the plant, but gets cocky and forgets to follow her master until it's too late. She gets mad and blames Link.
"You moron! Now I'm stuck with you with no way to get out!" She nags.
"Navi? NOOOO! You're back from the dead!" Link shouts in agony.
"My name is Tatl, not Navi. And what do you mean, "dead"?" The yellow one says.
"AHHH! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" Tatl slaps Link... somehow.
"Come on, Skull Kid always forgets to lock the doors." You and your new "friend" then walk through the door, making Skull Kid look like an idiot for saying Link will be trapped here forever. More like less than one minute. Outside the circus room, a deku scrub and fairy find the "lair" trickier than previously thought.
"More of the pretty pink flowers? He's not really shooting for a "lair" vibe, is he?" Deku Link points out.
"Oh, shut up, and dive into the flowers like a man... that did not come out right." Tatl says.
Deku Li- you know what? I'm too lazy to say Link's full name right now, so I'm just gonna call him Bob. Bob the deku scrub. Bob, not happy at all about his new name, goes flower diving. He is then shot high.
"But I don't feel any different." Not THAT kind of high, Bob! Gosh, are ALL the story characters I work with DRUNK? "... Maybe." Bob, who WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION, misses the door up ahead and instead lands on a tall tree stump with a chest on it. Bob opens it, starting the famous music that put at least one 3D game into everyone's hands. The music hits the peak then... dah dah dah DAHHHH! You got the Deku nuts! They are the standard weapon everyone of the deku kin must carry.
"SWEET! Now my mouth/nose has a purpose!" Unfortunately, his happiness is short-lived, upon discovering he just uses the nuts like he did in his elf form: going ninja-style. Then Bob discovers he can use the nuts in the air too, but this just horrifies him more when he discovers HOW he uses them: he poops them out of his butt.
Bob tries to embrace it. "BUTT BOMBS AWAY!" This makes Tatl crack up.
Finally, Bob reachs the end of the room and discovers a weird looking tree next to the door.
"WHAT is THAT?" Bob asks.
"Please help me, I'm a failed-recycled character. I was the Deku Seed in Ocarina of Time, and now I'm stuck here! You have to help-" The poor seed's plea was never granted, though, due to Bob and Tatl leaving before the poor guy could finish.
After that, Bob and Tatl come to a strange room that inverts itself before turning into the basement of the... YET TO BE NAMED BUILDING. Bob recalls that hallway was also recycled from the Forest Temple in Ocarina of Time. The two climb up the stairs until they are stopped by a guy THAT'S EVEN CREEPIER THAN THE SKULL KID: THE HAPPY MASK SALESMAN! This is not a recycled character, no, but it's the EXACT same one from Hyrule.
"GAH! You're stalking me, aren't you?" Bob shouts in fear.
"... Maybe. But, I wanted to ask you if you could get that mask from that imp in the woods. Do that, and I'll un-curse you!"
"... Okay, bye now." Bob remarks.
"Now, I have to leave in three days time, so if you could- oh. They already left. Oh well, the clock under them on-screen shall guide them. Now, would you like a hug, Mr. Narrator?" Uhh... Oh, look at the time! I guess that's all for this chapter! "Oh, come on, don't you want a hug?" Get away from me!