Chapter One-


Damn it, I really hate homework. Seriously, was it really this necessary that we have projects in every subject at the same damn time! There's no way I'll get all of this done by the due dates! I don't have that long for my science one and that's an essay and poster board! What are these people thinking…? Oh for history I need an essay that's five pages long and a presentation… IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT!

"Something wrong dude?" Stan asked sitting next to me at lunch.

"Yeah, this is too fucking much for me!" I say slamming some papers down on the table. He picks them up and looks at them.

"Projects in every class? Damn dude…" He says. We're sixteen now and in different classes. Stan has really changed a lot. I'm still high strung an earnest though…

"It's stressing me out!" I say.

"How long have you had these projects?"

"Two days!"

"Damn and you're already stressed?"


"Well you have some time…"

"There all due the same week so I can't put any off to the side then come back to it!" I say slamming my head on the table. Stan sighs.

"Dude just relax."

"HOW CAN I RELAX!" I yell at him. He doesn't flinch or anything. Over the years he's kind of developed like Craig…though he's not a monotone bitch. He's just really relaxed about shit.

"Play some video games; you got the new x-box so that should be fun."

"But I don't have time for that…"

"Look, you've got two months to do these-."

"Yeah, and if I don't get an A on them-…"



"Dude why do you always do that?" Stan asks. I shake my head. No way I could tell him what happens when my grades aren't A's. He'd try to do something about it and it'd only make things worse… One person knows though…but he swore not to tell anyone…

"Mfm mfmmmf." I look up to see Kenny sitting next to me. Yup. Kenny knows. He's the only person.

"Sup dude?" Stan asks.

"Mfmm nmm." That translates to 'not much'. Somehow I always understand what he's saying even with his hood up. He's not as hostile as he used to be. He takes his hood off a lot now but still keeps it up sometimes like a tradition. Now that he talks more, I found out he's pretty funny. Though out of all of us…Cartman changed the most. He dropped the fat and got muscles instead. Lots of girls like him now. Me…I'm skinny…and short…I really haven't changed at all… Kenny and Stan both have muscles, not as much as Cartman, but still… At least my hair isn't poofy anymore… Stand and Kenny get involved in a conversation and I'm left with my thoughts. Craig and Tweek sit down next to us. Tweek's even changed! He's not as hyped on…well…whatever he was taking before! He's been hanging out with Craig a lot more over the past years. I remember one year we found out Tweek was cutting. Craig did something and they've been real close. Whatever he did made Tweek a lot more comfortable and pleasant to be around. Token is…well…black. Token doesn't talk to us much anymore because he's head of the school football team. Craig…how did he change? Um…well…not at all really. He's still a bastard who gives everyone the middle finger if you say hi to him. He's less monotone with Tweek though. Butters is definitely gay. I don't know if he knows it yet but he is. He hasn't changed at all. Like seriously, he's still picked on by everyone, he's still not keen on saying curse words, and his looks are pretty much the same. He just got taller. That's it. I think he's the type to hear voices in his head cuz I see him talking to himself a lot.

"Keeyle. Keeyle. Keeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyle." I snap out of my thoughts and see Cartman.

"What do you want fat ass?" He's not fat anymore but it's a habit…

"Aw the jew is pissed off." He says smirking. "Did you're boyfriend stand you up on you're date?"

"Shut the FUCK up Cartman!" I yell. He's always making fun of me because I'm so scrawny and he calls me a girl or a fag. His smirk widens.

"Hey guys, faggy fag boy is in denial."

"Shut up fat tub of lard." Stan casually says. Cartman rolls his eyes and does so. I always wondered why if Stan tells Cartman to do something he does it but when I do he doesn't…maybe Stand beat the shit out of him once…who knows…

"Kyenny, did you hear about Wendy and Bebe…" I drift out of the conversation. I don't care. Their both whores. All the girls at this school are. I realize I haven't eaten any lunch. I'm not that hungry. I start researching on my projects and zone out.


I could care less about the conversation Cartman started. I was about to say something to Kyle but I noticed he's studying. He's so damn dedicated to his studies. I think something's wrong at home for him because every time I ask why he has to get straight A's he never answers. Through the years nothing about him has changed really…only his hair is straight now, not curly. I almost could think of him as a girl since he appears so delicate and stuff. When he cries he really does look like a girl. Only Kenny and I have seen him cry. It's always cuz he's stressed out about school or stuff at home. Lost in my thoughts, I barely notice when the bell rings for last period.

"Kyle we gotta go." I say shaking him slightly. He nods and closes his books. We all go to our last class. Mine is art. I kind of like art. I have a talent for it. I can paint and draw really well. I can also write poetry but that's beside the point. Currently we're painting a picture to describe someone in our lives that's important to us right now. Everyone's is going to be so easy to guess but I have a more complicated way of doing these things. I don't go straight for the obvious thing; I like to make people think about whom or what it's about. My painting is about Kyle, who is difficult in himself. He's my best friend so why not? I continue painting with various shades of deep blues, grays, and blacks. It may sound depressing but it's sort of meant to be…Kyle isn't all happy go lucky right now and the painting changes with his mood so it's dark right now. I really lose myself in painting. It's a nice feeling. Even my sister isn't a total bitch anymore because she took up boxing as a hobby. It suits her so well it's freighting. At the end of class I put my painting away and go to my locker. Kyle's locker is the one next to mine to the right.

"How was fifth class?" I ask.

"Fine. How about you…?" He asks.


On the walk home, Cartman was begging Kyle to let him borrow his x-box and Kyle said no over and over again. Kenny was texting someone and I just walked in silence. We dropped off Cartman then Kenny. Soon it was just me and Kyle.

"Do you need any help on you're projects?" I ask.

"No, I gotta do them by myself."

"Do you think anyone actually follows that rule?" I ask chuckling some. He shoots me a look that makes my smile drop. It's got something to do with home…I know it…

"Never mind…" I mumble looking at the ground. Thank god tomorrow is Friday.

Ah, Friday! The weekend is just around the corner. Me and the guys always skip after lunch on Fridays. Its lunch time right now and I'm waiting for Kyle to show up but he's not showing up…

"Where's the jew?" Cartman asks.

"I don't know…"

"Oh he's in the study hall, fellas." Butters says. I honestly don't know when he got here.


"Something about his projects…"

I sigh. He really is dedicated to his school work…

"Oh." Is all I say. Cartman laughs.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

"Stupid jew-."

"Shut the hell up tubby."

He does so. I smile to myself. I like having that intimidating feel on him. If only you knew what happened…oh, it's not important to go through the story now but I'll tell you later. Butters walks off talking to himself. I swear he's crazy. I notice Kenny's eyes follow Butters for a moment then snap back to me.

"Wanna go without Kyle or go get him?" He asks.

"I'll go get him…" I walk into study hall. "Dude, it's time to go."


"Why not?"


"Did you even eat lunch?"


"Aren't you hungry?"


"So you aren't skipping?"


I know there's no getting him out of 'study mode' once he's in it. I walk back to the guys and say we can go without him. We leave and go to KFC. It's weird without Kyle. I always talk to him since everyone else has their pairs they stick to. Craig and Tweek, Cartman and Kenny, Butters and himself, and I have no one…

"Oh damn it! Sorry!" I hear Tweek say suddenly. I look over from the corner of my eyes. Cartman and Kenny pay no attention. Craig sighs and helps Tweek wipe up the gravy he spilled. There's something odd about this scene. Something I don't think about until it processes in my brain. Then it hits me. Slowly, but it hits me. Craig's hand is on Tweek's thigh. Tweek isn't jumpy or anything with Craig making physical contact. I realize this isn't the first time. When Tweek freaked out the other day in art Craig calmed him down with physical contact. No words. Tweek was completely relaxed this way. 'Craig and Tweek are gay…?' Am I the first to notice this? Am I the only one to figure it out? How long has this been going on? I'm thinking to myself all the possibilities of how they told each other or how long it's been, what stage their in with the relationship, what it's like to kiss a guy- wait, wait. I didn't just think that. Did I….? No, I didn't. No way I could have. For the first time I notice how without trying Kenny's lips always form a fox like grin that seems seductive and teasing. I know there's something wrong with me.

"Hey I don't feel well, I'm going home." I say.



"See ya."

I leave but don't go home. I go star bucks to get some coffee. Coffee is relaxing to me- unlike it is to Tweek. Thinking about Tweek gets me to thinking about Craig and thinking about Craig makes me think about them being gay and thinking about them being gay makes me think of them in a bedroom and them in a bedroom with no clothes on- HOLD ON! No, no, no, no, no! I'm not thinking about this! I take out my sketch pad and try to draw out my frustrations. It always works. But now I'm left with confusion. What is it like to kiss a guy…?