My Dirty Little Secret

Ninjakat: Well, this is going to be my first Beelzebub fanfiction. I am aiming it to be as funny as I can possibly make it, so yeah.

Oga: You're going to fail. Epically.

Ninjakat: -Mumbles- Thanks for being so supportive…

Oga: You're welcome.

Hilda: -Rolls eyes- You're an idiot

Oga: what did you just say you bitch?

Hilda: -Starts to speak but is interrupted by Ninjakat-

Ninjakat: She said on with the chapter!

(Third person)

Oga Tatsumi, a famous street fighter, has got himself into a tough situation. The 16 year old found himself crouching in front of a cardboard box that held a green haired boy in the nude, the baby looked at Oga and squealed in joy. "What the…" Oga said as he stared at the baby, the baby slowly crawled towards Oga with a pleading expression on his face. Oga picked him up and said, "Who are you? Why the hell were you in that cardboard box?" The baby's eyes started filling up with tears, then he started crying loudly. Oga stood up and held him at arm's length, "Shut up!" He yelled, "I don't like cry babies!" The baby stopped crying and just stared at Oga, who sighed in relief. A couple seconds later, the baby started crying louder.

-Earlier that day-

(Oga's point of view)

I was surrounded, I couldn't even count how many men were surrounding me, they all held some sort of blunt weapon, but they won't be needing it. They charged, I hit each one with every chance I got, and dodged ones that were about to hit me. "Super punch!" I yelled as I hit the guy closest to me in the face, he flew back, gathering more men with him. "Super kick!" I yelled as I kicked the next guy closest, which pretty much gave me the same result as the super punch.

Finally, it was just me and Toujou. "Look who still uses lame moves," He said as he crossed his arms, "What's it to 'ya you bastard?" I said as I cracked my knuckles. Toujou gave me a lopsided smile and said, "I'll show you a real move." He jumped into the air and I was blinded by the sun's light, before I had time to adjust, Toujou came down on me and did a round house kick on my face. I flew like a skipping stone, three skips and I stopped. I stood up, angry.

"I call that, 'The Blinding Kick,' How's that for a move?" I started sprinting towards him and said, "I think it's fuckin' stupid!" As I got closer, I ran faster, and I barely hit his arm. Tojo whirled around and fell to the ground, I saw this window of opportunity and I took his legs and started spinning. When I reached maximum speed, I threw him far and he hit a building. He ground in pain and fell to the ground, I smiled in victory.

I walked out of the scene, stepping on defeated men on purpose. As I reached the end of the lot, Aoi ran up to me, she was wearing a black tank, blue shorts, and black converse. "Oga! Again you go and solve your problem with violence! What the hell is wrong with you?" She said hysterically, I put my face closer to hers and gave her a scowl, "Who said I had a problem?" I saw her face heat up, from the heat maybe, then she said," E-E-Every-y one h-has a pr-prob-blem!" I rolled my eyes on her patheticness. I wasn't sure if that is a word but whatever.

"Don't roll your eyes and her!" Cried Nene as she stomped over to me in a yellow tube top, black shorts and brown slippers. She swung her hand to my face to slap me but I grabbed her wrist like it was nothing, "I'll roll my eyes at whoever I want, right now, I just want to go." I needed to just sit down and watch TV or something, but then I saw Furichi running up to me.

"Oga!" He cried, I took one last glance at him and turned the other direction, surely I could find a shortcut. "Wait!" He cried as he caught up to me, I ignored Creepichi and continued on my way. "Listen Oga! There's going to be a tournament!" Now this got my attention. I stop walking and turned to face out of breath Creepichi, "Tournament for what?" I asked, "TO see who's the best fighter on the streets!" He replied.

I was lost in thought for a few moments when I asked, "What's 1st prize?"

"Money, lots of it. And you get to be recognized as the best wherever you go!"

I stroke my invisible beard and asked, "When is this?" Creepichi smiled and said, "Exactly one month from now!" I nodded my head and started walking away, "Wait, where are you going?" He called, "None of your business, pedophile." Creepichi sank to his knees and said, "I'm not…a pedophile…"

Now here I was, holding this green haired baby. I had to find its owner. I went back to my place, a simple two story house with a front yard and backyard. I grabbed my camera that was sitting on my table in my room, and took a picture of the baby. Then I put the picture on my computer and started printing out found fliers by the dozen. "We'll get you back to your family in no time," I told the baby, he looked down.

I grabbed the baby and went outside, placing the fliers everywhere we went. When all the fliers were gone, I sighed in relief, "Someone from your family is bound to see one of these," I told him, he made a gurgling noise. "You hungry?" I asked him, his eyes lit up in excitement as he said, "AAi Buuu" I raised my eyebrow and took that as a yes.

When I turned around, all the fliers were gone. "Whhhaaat?" I said out loud, I started looking for the bastard who took them down, but I heard the baby's stomach growl, loudly. I sighed and said, "Alright, we'll grab dinner first, then kick that bastard's ass."

I walked towards a stand that sold burgers, I bought two and gave one to the baby who looked at it curiously. We sat down at a table and I placed the baby on top of it, he watched me eat the burger, then he looked at his burger and started eating it. "Like it?" I asked with my mouth full, the baby squealed in delight and chomped his burger down.

I took him back home because he was getting tired, and I set him down on my bed. I changed into comfortable clothes and walked downstairs into the living room to watch TV. As I was halfway through my show, a blonde woman kicked my door down. "Where is he?" She shrieked, stomping up to me in her black boots, her short black dress flying back, "Where is he?" She repeated.

"A-are you the baby's mother?" I asked, she startled me and I moved to the wall like it could protect me. Which is funny, I've fought and won countless battle but this blonde woman randomly shows up and startles me. The blonde woman stopped walking towards me and said, "So he's here then? Where is he? Don't make me decapitate you!" I gulped and said, "He's upstairs!" She narrowed her eyes, "He's…..Upstairs? Alone I presume? Are you out of your fucking mind?" I took a step forward and said, "Says the lady who kicked my door down! By the way, you have to pay for that."

"Fuck you, bitch," She said as she ran upstairs, I followed her. The baby was sound asleep, but woke up when the woman came into the room. The woman's face softened as the baby started crying, "Oh… young master… I'm so sorry I woke you…" She walked over to him and cradled him in her arms. "Master?" I asked with my brow raised, the woman nodded her head, "Yes, Kaiser de Emperana Beelzebub IV" I raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?" "That's his name, mine is Hildegarde." I slightly tilted my head to the side, "And where are you guys from exactly?"

Hilda, who I decided to call since her name is as complicated as Beelze's, sighed and said, "London. Now I have to ask what your name is."

"Call me Oga, best street fighter on this planet."

"Alright Oga, biggest piece of shit on this planet, do me a favor and take care of the young master for a couple weeks."

"Why should I?"

"You found him."

"So? You know him!"

"I'm afraid I can't take him with me, but I really want to though, but I have no other choice."

"But you're his mother!"

"Have you not heard me calling him my young master? I'm his caretaker! But I love him like he is my own son… just- take care of him for a while, I will be back regularly.

Before I could have anytime to protest, she left in a blink of an eye. Beelze looked at me happily, then extended his arms out towards me. I sighed and picked him up, "I have no idea how to take care of babies…" I mumbled. That's when he pissed on me.


Ninjakat: My first chapters are always short, so don't worry, they extend with time.

Beelze: DDaaaabbuuu!

Ninjakat: You're so cute!

Oga: You won't be calling him cute if he pissed on you!

Ninjakat: Oh stop being such a pansy! R&R if you care!