Second for the Ideas file. This is a potential scene for my Harry Potter-Adkins story. I really don't like how things are handled; however, I realize I wrote this in the same style as the original Southern Bred. It's been sitting in the cloud, waiting for a bit over a year, now.

HPA- Troll scene

Harry moved with the rest of Gryffindor toward their common room, as his mind ran over all the information from the day. Professor Quirrel was faking it, he knew; his voice held that tembre of a failed actor- nearly true, but not quite. He knew Dumbledore knew also; rather than cast the reviving spell on Quirrel, he left him alone to go deal with both the troll and making certain the protections on the third floor stayed strong. There was one thing he was forgetting, though. He turned to ask Hermione-
Hermione.
Oh bugger.
Harry sidled up to Dean. "Hey, keep the red-haired nuisance busy until y'all get back to the common room, I gotta go get Hermione."
"You'll owe me for this." Said Dean. He did not look enthusiastic.
Harry nodded and slipped back before veering off at the first tapestry shortcut. He paused and pulled up a mental map. Five floors between dungeon and the third floor. Quirrel, or whoever was pulling the strings, would be smart enough to loose the troll on the far end, near the stairwell to the charms classroom. Second floor had two sets of bathrooms in the general vicinity of both places. The second was closest to the secondary staircase running up to Ravenclaw tower and the charms room, making it the logical choice for Hermione.
Harry pulled out a toy-like skateboard and pulsed his magic through the ring. "Enlarge." It expanded back to its full size, which he then dropped, flipped upright, and with a rushing step, launched down the narrow route on it.
Seven minutes to gather everyone orderly and make their way up to the third floor under Gryffindor tower. Add, say, another five minutes for Quirrel to get the troll into place and run up to the great hall: twelve minutes. On the oft chance that it immediately began making its way up, there was a good chance it was already past the ground floor and maybe even the first, which meant that there was an even greater chance that Hermione was on borrowed time.
There was the exit. He shifted to his rear foot and ground to a stop, grabbed the board and burst out the hidden door. He jogged over to the stairs and looked and listened. Nothing. He sighed and took the stairs down two at a time, thankful that Murphy wasn't focusing on him at the moment.
He walked over to the womens bathroom and pushed open the door. Hearing Hermione's sniffles down at the far end, he made his way down and knocked on the door. "Hey, you decent in there?"
Hermione stopped and was quiet for a moment. "Harry? What are you doing in here? This is the girls loo!"
"Yes Harry. I'm here because you've been gone for three hours now, and that's more than enough time for you to start thinking and stop reacting, and I would hope this is the girls bathroom; you guys have scented candles near the sinks."
Hermione giggled softly at the last point. "Give me a moment to get myself together and I'll come out."
Harry pulled out his pocket watch. "You've got two minutes starting...now."
A minute forty-five later, Hermione unlatched the door and stepped out. "Sorry if I worried you. It was just that Ron brought up some things I wish had stayed buried about how things were before meeting you and the others."
Harry nodded. "Trust me, I understand. Had you stuck around another minute, you'd've seen me finding out how hollow that thick skull of his is." He grinned at her questioning look. "Very hollow."
He extended an arm to her. "Shall we?" She took his arm with a curt nod.
They exited the bathroom and stopped, staring at a groutesquely large gray-green potbelly a foot away. Their eyes slowly tracked up to the tiny bulbous head attached to the top. It was looking down at them through beady black eyes, not recognizing what was in front of it. It scratched its belly with the hand not holding the tree trunk club.
Hermione leaned over toward Harry, "Was there, perchance, another reason you came to find me?" She asked him calmly.
Harry calmly responded. "There may have been something I was attempting to avoid having to bring up until we were safely away from here."
"Any plans?"
"Yeah. How good is your levitation spell?" Harry dug into one of his pockets slowly.
"Good enough to piss Weasley off, remember?"
"Funny, I thought that was your helpful nature that pissed him off." He pulled out a penny and held it on his open palm. "Levitate this over toward the stairs, please."
"Why can't you do it? Wingardium Leviosa." Hermione asked as she pulled her wand out and flicked and swished it. The penny lifted and floated to their side.
Harry pulled out his wand. "Because I'm going to be busy focusing on the other half of the equation. Engorgo. Illusio." The penny grew to the size of a softball and was cloaked in an image of a troll. It bellowed a challenge, jerking the actual troll from its stupor.
Harry's voice held a distracted timbre. "Hermione, raise the penny to the top of the club and swing it into our troll's head."
Their troll finally decided that the pale pink little squishy things should be crushed, and lifted his own club. Hermione jerked the penny forward and let it bounce off the trolls head. To her eyes, it was as if the troll image clubbed the living beast, who looked to barely feel it.
Between the roar and the fake swing, the real troll turned its attention and rage upon the illusion. With a loud yell in response, it charged the fake down the hall, through the stone banister, and into the open stairwell, where it plumeted quickly. Without a word, Harry canceled all spells, caught the coin as it fell, grabbed Hermione's hand, and dashed for the secret passage he had taken not five minutes earlier. As they climbed the stairs two at a time, they heard the shocked exclamations from below as the faculty located the body three floors below.
Once sequestered away within the tunnel, Harry came to a stop and leaned against the wall to catch his breath. Hermione sat down across from him, breathing hard.
"You cannot seriously continue to sit and tell the others and I that you are just a normal first year student like us. The illusion spell alone, I know, isn't learned until our fourth year." Hermione took a deep breath and pushed on. "Just who are you, Harry Adkins?"
Harry shrugged. "I'm just a boy in way over my head." He stood and offered her a hand up. "Give me a day or two to check something and I'll see about letting you and the others in on what I can."
Hermione accepted the assist and nodded reluctantly.
"Let's hurry." Harry said. "The professors are likely going to get food brought up to the common rooms."
As they walked the tunnel, Harry filled Herminone in on what had occurred, including his observations of Quirrel's actions.

And this, kids, is what TVTropes calls a minor Gary Stu. Also, notice the odd way that Hermione acts. Downers, anyone?
If I wrote professionally at this level, I'd ask to be killed by papercut using the Twilight series to do the deed.