Hermione works at the Ministry, and has just received word through owl that a Marriage law has matched her with none other than her arch-enemy, Sirius Black. She rushes home from work immediately, and the following apocalypse ensues.
As the front door of Grimmauld Place slammed shut with an almighty bang, the occupants of its newly refurbished kitchen stiffened. Once a place of darkness now converted into light, Molly Weasley couldn't help but sigh at the effort she put into brightening the place up...any minute now the place would go up in flames.
"Do you think she knows?" Remus Lupin shouted conspiratorially over the wailing of Walburga Blacks portrait.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU INSUFFERABLE GAUDY USELESS OLD HAG!" Hermione Grangers usually more dulcet tones screeched throughout the house.
"Oh, I think it's safe to say she knows." Sirius muttered irritably, running a hand through dishevelled locks and finishing his glass of whiskey in one gulp.
No one was entirely sure how Hermione managed to silence the wailings of the deceased but ever present Black family matriarch. However, angry crimson sparks were flying from her wand as she barged in through the kitchen door. They were still igniting when she marched up to the current Minister for Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt and pointed it at his chest.
"I have put up with inadept toad professors, have been petrified by a Basilisk, broken into Gringotts and released a very ill tempered dragon without complaint. I spent a year on the run, sharing a smelly tent with two teenage boys, have been at the mercy of the most despicable and vile creature's to walk this earth and drank Bellatrix Lestrange flavoured polyjuice potion, all for the good of the Ministry and magical society." A deadly hush resounded after this statement, before a furious Hermione continued in a deathly quiet voice. "But if you even attempt to tell me I have to marry him, I will bring down a reign of terror so horrifying that even Voldemort couldn't plot in his wildest nightmares."
Dead silence still held fast in the kitchen, nothing heard but Hermione's panting breath and the electricity crackling around her. Harry and Ron looked on, sure that they had never seen their friend so livid before. Molly Weasley shared anxious looks with her husband, while Mad Eye Moody just sat back and folded his arms.
Kingsley Shacklebolt was still gaping at his young colleague's outburst. Just when the tension was becoming too much to handle, Sirius Black did the one thing that Remus Lupin had been praying he wouldn't- he opened his mouth.
"You're not the only one getting the raw end of the deal here love."
Hermione threw him a scathing look. To onlookers, it seemed as if she was trying to set flames to him with her glare alone.
"Now Hermione, please be reasonable. You are not the only person that this affects." Kingsley held his hands up in front of him, hoping she would stop seeing him as a threat if she noticed he was unarmed. She didn't.
"Be reasonable? Be Reasonable! A marriage to Draco Malfoy would be more reasonable than this! At least with a marriage to him, there'd be a chance of both of us surviving through the ceremony!" Hermione was oblivious to all others in the room, focusing all her ire the Minister for Magic.
"I told you this is what would happen. You might as well just put both of us up on trial for murder now and save those useless quill pushers down at that farce of a government some time." Sirius growled at the Minister.
"Sirius, will you please be quiet for five minutes and let the grownups sort this out." Hermione hissed at him, turning around in an effort to silence him with a glare.
It would figure that the one person who seemed to feed off of her anger, and more than likely ignite it rather than flee from it, would be the one person whom society was trying to tie her too.
"Now see here kitten. I'm not in a bloody rush to saunter down the aisle myself, especially with the prospect of spending the rest of my life being ordered around like some house elf." If Sirius hadn't already hit a nerve with the house elf comment, he hammered the damage home when he slammed his glass on the table and bounced his shin of the bench in the process.
"Sweet fucking Merlin!" He roared in anger, a growl rumbling up from his throat.
Hermione however, had her eyes fixed on the half empty bottle of whiskey beside his glass.
"You cannot be serious!" The words slipped from her mouth before she even thought of their consequences. Everyone else simply cringed and prayed that Sirius' survival instincts would kick in. "And don't even bother!" She quickly turned to Sirius, warning him off that stupid pun joke he kept running with.
"I'm not entirely in the laughing mood today love." He glared at her, still rubbing his shin. He refilled his glass and took another swig from it.
"Do you see this? It's half bloody twelve in the day! You're trying to force me to marry a man with the moral compass of a politician. He has no concept of the word responsibility and no desire to find out either." The shouting and roaring of the young muggle born with had even pulled Kreacher out from his cubby hole. "He can't even commit to a pair of shoes for longer than a week, never mind a marriage!"
"I-" Everyone turned their heads in Sirius' direction when he shot up from his seat, interested in seeing how he would refute the claims about his personality that even he himself knew to be true.
"Well at least I don't lie and sneak around behind people's backs." He hissed at Hermione, anger flashing through his ruggedly handsome features.
"Well maybe you should try it sometime. It would give the rest of us a reprieve from hearing about your tacky escapades, coming home wearing last night's clothes and smelling like the floor of a brothel." Hermione turned to face Sirius fully, both of them glaring at each other and ignorant of everyone else in the room.
"As opposed to sneaking in after a long night of painting the town red with famous Quidditch players and foreign dignitaries while leaving everyone else to think you're working late?"Although the gasps of those in the kitchen could be heard over the furious seething of both Hermione and Sirius, neither party paid attention to them.
"Just because I don't advertise my previous relationships with everyone in the house does not mean I'm sneaking around. Of course you wouldn't know about that, because the longest standing relationship you've ever had is between your arse and a bar stool!" Hermione's cheeks were becoming increasingly flushed as she leant up towards Sirius' towering figure.
"It does in fact count as sneaking around when you jaunt off to Paris for a romantic weekend and tell everyone else that it's a business trip." The muscle in Sirius' jaw was twitching violently, his boiling blood pumping furiously through his veins. Hermione gasped, hardly able to believe that he would actually bring it up in front of everyone.
She wasn't even quite sure how he had found out, but she assumed after the fight they had over it, he would have no desire to bring it up again. Apparently, she was wrong.
"What Viktor and I decided to do during our time together was none of anyone else's concern." Her clipped tones only served to highlight the gasps that echoed throughout the kitchen once more.
While Harry and Ron focused on what they were learning about the female member of their trio than they may care to, the rest of the kitchen were learning that Sirius' aggravation with Hermione has not always been what it seemed.
"I was talking about Oliver Wood." The flash of jealousy that sparked through his eyes was impossible to miss. Molly Weasley shared a worried glance with the table, wringing her hands on her apron and wondering if they had let things get too out of hand.
Sirius and Hermione's fights were legendary within The Order and its shared social groupings. However, nothing had ever been said that had any lasting repercussions. The situation was hastily heading towards that direction, and they all knew they were powerless to stop it.
"Oh you are impossible!"
"That makes two of us love!"
"Just because I bother to take the time to get to know someone before jumping into bed with them, doesn't mean I'm willing to entertain-"
"Oh don't give me that bullshit. Just because I cut to the chase rather than spending months wining and dining the people I sleep with-"
"- everyone! And I know this may come as a shock to you, but not everyone goes out with the sole intention of shagging at least one person before the night's out, in fact-"
"-like those other gormless imbeciles-"
And on and on it went, both of them roaring and shouting at the same time, neither listening to a word the other said.
The onlookers watched on with baited breath.
Hermione's hair was frazzled, her chest heaving from the exertion of trying to shout over Sirius' growling roars while he simply threw his arms around in the air, his usual aristocratic grace still evident even in the height of fury with his elegant movements.
Neither noticed how they were being pulled towards the other like gravity, attracting each other and surrounding them in a fiery sphere of anger.
"- I didn't bring them home, but at least I didn't use them and then throw them away like you-"
"-because you couldn't get rid of them fast enough when you realised they couldn't handle you and-"
"- when you go around willing to shag anything with a pretty face and a pulse, you know-"
"-you might not want to hear it kitten, but you know it was well as I do that-"
"-you're a complete arsehole and you're never going to realise that you're-"
"-still looking for something-"
Nothing, not even years of fighting and bickering, of trying to outdo one another with sarcastic exchanges and sharing nothing but disdain for the other party since they had known each other could have prepared Hermione Granger and Sirius Black for the miracle that had just occurred.
When they both ended their arguments, sharing the same finality on the word 'more' uttered from both pairs of lips at the same time, it became evident that they were preaching the same message to each other.
What once had been regarded as silence was now comparable with the sound at the end of the universe. Not even a shriek of surprise erupted from the occupants of the kitchen; all eyes were trained on the panting forms of Sirius and Hermione. They were staring at each other as if they had only recognised the other for the first time.
The fury and anger in the sphere that had encased them evaporated, transforming into a strange calm of excitement as the pair looked into the others eyes; Sirius getting lost in the amazing portals of golden caramel light, while Hermione fell into pools of smoky mercury.
"Are you quite finished?" Sirius spoke softly down to her, his gentle velvet voice now husky from all his shouting.
"Yes." She whispered breathily, without hesitation.
"Good." He muttered.
No one was more surprised than Hermione, when Sirius' strong arm quickly wrapped around her waist and pulled her small figure against his chest. She gasped when she could feel the pounding of his heart against her chest, and almost stopped breathing when his soft lips descended onto hers.
Time stopped as his hand wound into the curls at the nape of her neck, holding her lips against his own as he tried to devour her, mind, body and soul with a kiss that shattered her world. His tongue swept against her lower lip, asking for entrance when suddenly she felt all her inhibitions leave her. She threw her arms around his shoulders, clutching at him like she was drowning, and he was her last foothold. His tongue swept against her own, and just when she felt her knees go weak beneath her, his arm was there, holding onto her just as tightly as she clutched to him.
To her at that moment, it seemed as if all the rows, all the bickering and taunting, yelling and screaming had been leading up to this moment; building a tension and atmosphere up for this one moment of sheer perfection.
Slowly, and oh so sweetly she felt his lips slow in his assault of her own, the pressure breaking down as they separated from one another. Opening her eyes timidly, Hermione looked up to see the brilliant sparkling eyes of Sirius gazing into her own, and for the first time in her life she felt like she was complete. She no longer needed to search for more.
She vaguely registered the expressions of shock and horror (the latter being from Molly and Ron Weasley), but couldn't bring herself to care. Moving as gently as if she were the most precious item of porcelain he had ever held, Sirius removed his hand from her neck and entwined it around her waist with his other.
"I don't think this whole marriage thing would be so bad after all kitten." He smiled his mischievous smile down at her. Tensions broke around the kitchen as its occupants began laughing, while Hermione simply bit her lower lip and looked up at the man that had entrenched himself in her heart for the rest of his life with just one mid blowing kiss.
He leaned down to rest his forehead against hers, paying no attention to others around him. She could feel the perspiration from his forehead against her own. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he would always fight for her as strongly as he fought against her, and she couldn't ask for anything more.
"If this is what kissing is like, imagine what make-up sex would be like?" Laughter stopped, gulps were heard and tensions rose in the kitchen once more.
And that is how Hermione Granger and Sirius Black's first fight as a couple began.
Thanks for reading everyone :D