Okay, okay, WHAT. Why am I starting another fanfiction? I can't even consistently update any of the ones I already have started, let alone all of them. When was the last time I updated any of them? I don't even remember.

This was sitting in my documents folder on my laptop. It was mostly finished when I found it, and I liked it enough to spend a few minutes to finish the chapter off, so I figured I'd post it here for the hell of it.

That being said, don't expect an update for this, or anything else, anytime soon. All this is, is a lucky occurrence of luck. I don't even remember when I actually wrote this damn thing in the first place.

The concept behind it I still remember though: To retell Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones while replacing every god damn fucking character in the game with a unique OC.

I'm not a big fan of most original characters.

So obviously the best way to counter this trend is to replace ALL of the characters with original characters. Right? Riiiiiiigggghhhh?

Agree with me dammit!

Okay. I'm done ranting for now. I was going to say more, but then I'd probably just hurt someone's feelings. And despite the fact that I love crushing the feelings of others into dust, I'm in a somewhat agreeable mood today.

So just shut the fuck up and read. I'll spell-check it some other day.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the characters. All of them. They're mine, and you can't have them.


Prologue: The Fall of Renasis?

In an age long past…evil flooded over the land.

It was a good time to be evil, that's for sure.

With mankind on the brink of destruction, they had no other option but to pray to the heavens for help.

Shit happened.

And then stones. Pretty sacred stones at that. All shiny and stuff.

And everyone knows evil hates shiny objects, so a great hero threw the stones at all the evil in the land, sealed it all up, and it was good times…

For some 800 years, the continent of Magvel has been at peace, rather than in pieces. Sure, there would be an occasional argument over some silly landmark or whether this prince would marry that princess, but all of that is just par for the course when it comes to monarchic politics, and none of it ever led to war.

Oh yeah, those stone things. They're still there too apparently.

Anyway,

It is now the year 803. The peace that all of Magvel has known has been swept away. The Grado Empire, led by Emperor Waldo, has just staged an attack on the kingdom of Renasis. Of course, nobody expected it. Why would Grado ever suddenly invade Renasis? They were allies!

Oh, but it happened anyway. Renasis didn't know what hit them. Grado forces swarmed in fast and hard, stealing away Renasis territories one after another. Eventually Grado made its way to Renasis castle, having taken over every other piece of land Renasis owned.

And did I mention the Prince of Renasis went missing?

It's just one of those days, I suppose…

-Renasis Castle-

One of the guards that watched the front gate stormed into the throne room, and hastily approached the king, a worried expression on his face.

"Your Majesty, I bear bad news!" he cried, "Grado has already breached the castle!"

"I understa-"

"It's too late! WE'RE DOOMED! DOOOMED! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DI-"

"Get a hold of yourself generic solider #348! Is this how a member of the Renasis military acts during a crisis!"

"…I apologize Your Majesty. I'll make sure to practice my doomsaying on my own time from now on."

"Good, good. Now return to your report."

"Oh, right! We've lost our whole garrison, and Prince Cyan has gone missing. What are we to do?"

The king of Renasis thought for a short moment, but the only course of action he could come up with made him sick to his stomach.

"What else can we do? Order your men to lay down their arms. We have no choice but to surrender…"

"…Yes…Your Majesty…"

The solider turned and left, grudgingly, to give his troops the orders to give up. At this moment, the Princess of Renasis approached her haggard father.

"Um..." Despite the current going-ons, she still had a small smile playing on her lips. Her hair was turquoise, her eyes were turquoise, and even her clothes were turquoise. The only thing that wasn't turquoise was (thankfully) her skin. Did I mention she looked rather turquoise? Oh yeah, and she was smiling. The smilee is the main point here. Seriously.

"Oh, Teal…" The king still held a small sliver of hope. If Renasis were to fall and him along with it, at least his daughter should have the chance to escape. "Are you still wearing the bracelet I gave you?"

"No." Teal frowned slightly, "It's ugly, so I threw it away years ago."

"Good." The king turned his attention to the armor-clad figure at his side, not really paying attention to the answer his daughter gave him. "Reynold. Take Teal and get away from here. Head for Frelia, and seek shelter there."

"Uh, uh, Yeah. Yeah! I can do that!" spoke the paladin, "But, uh, Your Majesty…what about you?"

"Me? I'm staying here. Despite our long friendship with Grado, they attack us with such force! I must know the meaning behind it, even if it costs me my life."

"Oh, okay." said Teal.

"Works for me." said Reynold with a shrug.

The princess of Renasis jumped up on Reynold's steed (which he was riding inside of the castle for some reason) and both she and Reynold bolted towards the castle's front gate.

"W-Wait! No!" cried the king, "I was just being dramatic! You were supposed to talk me out of it and let me come with you!"

But unfortunately for the king, neither the princess nor the paladin heard his shouts, for they were already outside. And even worse was that the enemy was already moving in.

"Oh, blast."

Somewhere in a different time, in a different place, a certain blue-haired lord sneezed. But then remembered that he was supposed to be dead, and went back to being a corpse.

But then couldn't decide which game's time-line was currently taking place parallel to the one you're currently reading about, and managed to get himself stuck in limbo.

"I was never good at this whole thinking thing…" he said to nobody in particular.

-Outside Renasis Castle-

Teal and Reynold had just escaped the castle, along with a pegasus knight by the name of Kyle, who was sent as extra protection. You can never be too cautious with the life of a princess after all. They stopped momentarily to gather their wits and decide on the best course of action.

"General Reynold!"

"Huh? Oh yeah! Kyle!" The paladin hadn't even noticed the pegasus knight following him up until now.

"I almost missed you two on your way out. Luckily I was riding my pegasus indoors for some reason!"

"My, how convenient that we both decided to ride our steeds indoors."

"I'm not convenient, I'm prepared! The Shemale of Justice is always prepared!" said Kyle with an overbearing sense of pride.

"…Erm. Right."

Now most pegasus knights were uniformly female, with male pegasus riders being a rather rare occurrence. Although, it was more that most of the males considered riding a frilly, winged horse around with a silly little slim lance around to be too feminine for their many selves.

Kyle was an exception in more ways than one, because he had both male and female parts. And he took pride in this. Unlike other human beings that were born with both male and female body parts (like some sort of divine fuck-up), who would be tormented and looked down upon, Kyle would utterly crush any and all prejudice against his gender issues with his over-blown confidence and pride.

He recently started calling himself the "Shemale of Justice" in an attempt to act as a super-role-model for other people suffering from his…special gift to the world.

Of course, none of this really had anything to do with his decision of becoming a pegasus knight. In reality, he just couldn't decide between shooting a bow and riding a pegasus. In the end he decided make his own life easier and do both at the same time. It marked him as the first pegasus knight in the history of history to ever decide that, "Hey! Instead of being afraid of bows, let's just use bows to kill people with bows before entering the range of said people with bows!" And of course, with the help of gravity, one doesn't even have to be within range of the silly archers down below with their feet still stuck somewhere on the ground.

Now ballistae were another story, but you can't really expect to cover everything by yourself, now can you?

Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes, dialogue.

Reynold continued from where he left off before being disrupted by a giant wall of explanatory text.

"Since you're here Kyle, and you have that super-fast flying taxi of yours, I want you to fly ahead to Frelia."

Reynold paused for a second, unsure of where he was going with this line of talk.

"Uh, it would be a good idea and stuff. And, uh…oh! Yeah! You can tell them we're coming and maybe…maybe…uh. Get reinforcements?"

The insecurity of what Reynold felt while trying to come up with some sort of feasible plan was lost on Kyle, who just saluted, said "Yes, sir! Shemale of Jusice away!", and flew off towards Frelia.

"Uh. Well there it goes."

Teal left out a small giggle. "Yes. It's so cute and adorable. I want one for myself."

"W-W-What?" the paladin turned and faced the princess with disbelief, "You want…oh my."

"Huh?" she gave the general a small quizzical smile "Does Reynold not like pegasi…?"

"Wha- oh! OH! You were talking about the pegasus!" Reynold let out the breath he didn't even realize he was holding.

"…What did you think I was referring to exactly?"

"Oh, uh…nothing! Nothing at all!" the paladin quickly regained his composure "A-anyway, princess, we really need to get g-OHMYGODISTHATAWYVERN?"

Unfortunately for Reynold, a wyvern was indeed rapidly approaching. Or rather three of them. And being winged creatures, they were approaching rather quickly.

"Ack! Princess, we must flee from here!" Reynold pleaded.

"Huh? But you're a big scary paladin, Reynold! Protect me."

"WHAT? I can't fight three of them!"

Teal just gave Reynold an innocent smile. "Protect me."

"I'll protect you by running away!"

She climbed off of the horse. "Protect me." she repeated.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" By now the squad of wyverns had already closed in on the two. The antics of the princess were interesting enough to warrant taking a break from their murderous intent just long enough to watch events unfold for a bit.

"Making you protect me, silly." The smile never left her face.

"What is she? Crazy?" one of the riders muttered in awe.

"She's kind of creepy, actually…" responded one of the others.

"B-but! I forgot my lance in the castle! How am I supposed to fight a wyvern rider with a sword! It's impossible! Because…because…WEAPONS TRIANGLE!" Reynold was starting to panic. Things were going badly.

'You're so strange, Reynold. All you have to do is stab it until all of its blood has soaked into the ground." She left out another giggle.

"WHAT KIND OF SICK LOGIC IS THAT?"

Teal just smiled at him again. "You can do it. I believe in you."

"Uh…w-well."

Reynold seriously doubted anything good was to come of charging a wyvern head on with a dinky little sword, but he didn't have many other options if the princess wasn't going to cooperate.

He steeled himself before charging forward, his sword raised into the sky.

"FOR RENAAAASSSIIIIIIIIII-" He made it to the foot of the wyvern. The wyvern's rider stretched, yawned, and threw a javelin.

"Ahhh…" The javelin pierced Reynold straight through the chest.

"Oh…" said teal, holding back yet another giggle, "Looks like you couldn't do it after all."

"Ugh! Ret-retreaaaat!" gasped the paladin, as he turned his horse around and willed himself to get away.

Reynold pointed his horse over towards where Teal was waiting. She hopped up quickly.

"I guess I can let you try your idea no- oh. Reynold, you silly. How do you expect to command a horse to flee if you're unconscious from blood-loss?" Teal smiled and took the horse's reins. "I guess it's up to me then. Let's go, Mr. Horsey."

Teal and the unconscious Reynold galloped away from the castle into the nearby valley.

The small band of wyverns didn't follow.

"Hey, boss! What gives?" asked one of the riders, "We aren't going to follow them and finish the job?"

The leader gave a disinterested glance backwards at the rider. "You can if you want, but we've been off the clock as of five minutes ago. I'm just going to go get drunk in some tavern."

"Oh! Well whaddaya know! Our shift IS over! Let's get the hell outta here."

"Sounds good to me." replied the third rider.

And so the wyverns left in the opposite direction as the princess and her paladin. They were soon replaced by the next shift of bad guys - a group of axe-wielders. Really ugly ones at that. Yuck!

After putting a significant distance between herself and the nasty bad guys, Teal stopped to…well she stopped. Who needs a reason to take a breather? Honestly.

After a few minutes of waiting around, checking to make sure she didn't misplace anything, and that Reynold was still unconscious and bleeding to death behind her, she went about the most effective way she could think of as to reawaken her fallen paladin.

And by most effective, I mean she just kicked his limp body off of the horse, face first into the dirt.

"OOF! U-ugh." Reynold struggled to stand back up, his chest wound burning and his mouth now full of earth. "What in the world made you think that would work princess?"

"Well it did, didn't it?" she beamed.

"Well…I suppose." He groaned.

"Now be a good pally. Get on back up here and take control of the horsey."

"…Can't I just rest for a second, princess? My chest is killing me. Quite literally I fear."

"Oh you'll live. It's just a big gaping infected stab wound! Brother has survived plenty of them at least. That's why I stopped using lances and switched to something easier to stab with!"

"W-WHAT?" Is she saying what I think she's saying?

The princess looked at Reynold inquisitively. "Did I say something strange, Reynold?"

"H-huh? I, uh, no! NO! Not at all! I totally wasn't thinking that you tried to murder your brother! No way!"

"Oh Reynold." She giggled "You can be so ridiculous sometimes."

Oh thank goodn-

"Of course I tried to murder him!" Teal waved this fact off as if it was common knowledge, "I can't very well take over the world if Brother becomes the next king of Renasis, now can I?"

"…I…see…" was all Reynold could manage to squeak out.

"Oh! Now look at where all this babbling has gone, Reynold!" She looked back the way they had come. A trio of big, burly, ugly (like super duper extremely ugly times a hundred or so), ax-wielding thugs were casually skipping their way toward the two like frilly school girls. "You spent so much time complaining that these flamboyantly homosexual lumberjack men have managed to catch up to us!"

"Princess, I think they're charging us…"

"Well that's some pretty girly running then!" she stifled a laugh with her hand, "Not even I run like that."

Reynold climbed back up on his horse as fast as he could manage. "Princess, I think we should get out of here! We're in no conditi- "

"Oh, but you look just fine!" she gave him another one of those smiles he was beginning to dread, "So just take your trusty sword and go show them what for!"

"B-But! WEAPONS TRIANGLE!"

"Yes. You're at an advantage this time. What about it?"

"Oh. Damn." It would have been better to leave without a weapon at all!

"Oh come now, Reynold. You can take a couple of lumberjacks, can't you?"

"W-well." Reynold started, unsure of himself, but then brightened considerably after a moment, "Well, I guess you're right! I can handle some stupid axe-freaks!"

Reynold turned his horse around, and prepared himself for the Fighter coming towards him.

"CHAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-"

"Oh! But don't overdo it! You're still bleedi-"

"-RRRRRRRRG—GAH!" Reynold's wounds pulsed with pain, and he stumbled off of his horse before ever making it to his enemy. He hit the ground with a heavy thud. His sword landed on the dirt next to him—with a much softer thud.

"Oh, Reynold…" Teal sighed, "You're not very good at this whole protecting thing are you?"

The Fighter, slightly confused at the sudden turn of events, just shrugged and switched his target to the princess.

This seems too easy, the Fighter thought to himself. But whatever gets me paid I guess.

"Oh well." A girlish smile graced Teal's face as the Fighter advanced on her position. She drew her rapier. Reynold could have sworn that he saw her innocent smile twist into something sinister and slightly psychotic at the moment right before he blacked out.

Ah, but he was probably just imagining things. Probably.

Roughly 30 minutes later

"Heeeeyyy Reynoooolllddd." Teal was poking away at Reynold's body with a stick when he finally came to again.

"Wha- ow! Hey! Stop it!"

"Huh? Oh, you're awake Reynold! That's good. I don't have to leave you here to rot after all."

Suddenly Reynold remembered the predicament they were in before he so graciously decided to take a nap in the middle of combat.

"PRINCESS! ARE YOU INJURED?"

"I'm fine, silly." she giggled, "You're the one that's practically dead!"

Now that his eyes had focused, Reynold realized that he was sitting among various lumberjack-like appendages. The ground was largely stained red, as was the princess's clothes. Although being turquoise, the clothes were more brownish-looking than red.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?" Reynold suddenly felt sick again.

"What do you mean, Reynold?" Teal tilted her head inquisitively "All I did was protect myself from the nasty lumberjack guys. I mean, you obviously weren't going to do it for me."

"YOU CALL THIS SELF-DEFENSE?"

Teal giggled. "What else would you call it?"

"SLAUGHTER!"

She gave Reynold an innocent smile. "Maybe."

"…Maybe…MAYBE?"

Teal prodded an ear lying inconspicuously on the ground with her foot. "Hmmm." Teal suddenly looked up at Reynold with a wide grin. "I guess I was having too much fun and got carried away."

"…Fun." Reynold was frankly disturbed.

"Oh! Oh yeah!" Teal reached into a pouch hanging from the horse's saddle. "You should probably use this Vulnerary, Reynold." She handed Reynold a small bottle of medicine. "That is unless you want to die. That's okay too!"

"…We had a Vulnerary the whole time?"

"Of course, silly! More than one in fact!"

"You have to be kidding me."

Teal just smiled at him. Reynold poured the bottle's contents on his wounds.

"OW! OW!" Reynold screamed in pain, "THIS ISN'T MEDICINE! IT BURNS!"

Teal giggled. "Oh. Silly me! I gave you the rubbing alcohol! Here, use this one instead."

"..." Reynold wordlessly exchanged the bottle of rubbing alcohol with the Vulnerary.

This girl is a demon! I swear she's trying to kill me! He thought to himself momentarily, before focusing on the problem at hand.

"W-well I…uh…We need to get moving! Yeah! Kyle is waiting for us and all that!" Reynold attempted to climb up onto his horse, his previous injuries forgotten. Of course, attempt was all he did. "Uh, princess."

"Yes Reynold?"

"Where's our horse?"

Teal pointed somewhere behind the paladin. "You wouldn't wake up, and I got hungry, so I took the liberty of making food out of it." As the princess said this, Reynold turned around to find a pile of relatively large bones, and a sizable amount of blood.

He thought he was going to be sick again.

"I dried some of the meat out so we could take it with us." Teal reached into one of their bags for a second and pulled out a piece of dried horse meat. "You were out for awhile. Want some?"

Reynold was sick.

Teal giggled. "Guess not."

After Reynold regained his composure, he realized a crucial issue. "Princess, what are we going to do without a horse?"

Teal thought for a moment before responding with "I guess you're going to have to walk to Frelia."

"What do you mean by 'you're' exactly…?"

"Exactly what it sounds like silly!"

"But what about you?"

"You're going to carry me of course." Teal smiled at him.

"Wh-WHAT?"

"Now get down on your hands and knees."

Reynold blinked at that. "Uh."

"My horsey is gone, so now you have to be my replacement horsey Reynold."

Reynold stood in silence, waiting for the princess to tell him that she was joking.

"You're kidding right?"

Teal just smiled.

Reynold got down on his hands and knees. 'Why me?' he thought briefly. Just briefly. Because Teal jumped up onto his back, and her weight in addition to his injuries caused him to collapse in pain. "GUH!"

Teal laughed at his expense. "Oh, I guess I forgot about your injuries." Reynold struggled to get up. "You should probably be careful Reynold. If your wound re-opens and you lose anymore blood, you'll probably die."

"D-DIE?" I'm going to die!

"Yeah, probably." Teal frowned. "And then I'd have to walk."

Somehow, despite all odds, Reynold managed to get moving with the princess riding on his back.

"We need to get you a saddle Reynold. You're not very comfy."

Reynold just stayed silent, trying to think about something other than his current predicament.

"Reynold. You don't make any clippie-cloppy noise like a horsey does. Go 'Clippity-Clop' while you're moving so you sound like a horsey."

"What? No!"

Teal pouted. "Why nooooooooot?"

"I'll look even stupider than I do already!"

"Oh come on, Reynold! I'll give you a carrot if you do it."

"I don't want a carrot!"

Teal reached into her bag and pulled out a riding crop. "If rewards won't work I guess I'll have to use punishment."

"Ack! No! Clippity-Clop! Clippity-Clop!"

"Yaaay~"

Reynold and the princess continued slowly towards Frellia.

"Clippity-Clop"

Very slowly.

"Clippity-Clop"

Like seriously.

"Clippity-Clop"

They neared the border of Frelia.