What happens when Batman becomes den-mother for a day?
Characters: Batman, Robin, Artemis, Wally, M'gann, Conner, Kaldur
Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice
Bat-sitter: The Party
Batman was not looking forward to babysitting the team. Or as Tornado put it, acting as "den mother". It wasn't that he didn't like the members of The Team; otherwise they wouldn't be there in the first place. It was the fact that they were a bunch of teenagers in the same place, and some of them were metahuman teenagers. That meant that not only were they busy going through puberty, self-identity crises, and a rebellious stage, but they were also doing this with superpowers.
Red Tornado had been put in charge of them for the reason that he would not be deterred by their strange teenage habits, and remain unabashed through all of this. Not that Batman couldn't easily do that, he'd perfected the method of being levelheaded and undaunted in the face of the Joker, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, and many other supervillains. For the most part. How hard could it be to babysit a couple of teenagers? After all, they were superheroes; they should have better behavior than normal teenagers. So why was the leader of the Justice League stepping down to babysitting duty? Because all of the other League members had stared down at the polished surface of the conference table and refused to meet Batman's eyes when he asked who could step in as den mother. Well, he had the time, he might as well try it himself. He had to make sure the teens weren't corrupting Robin anyway.
"Batman, 01," the computer announced.
"Got a mission for us?" Wally piped up, not even giving Batman any time to explain his purpose for being there.
The rest of The Team was assembled in a clump around Batman, eagerly waiting his response.
"No, I'm going to be taking over the job of watching you today," he replied coolly, glancing over all of them.
They must have thought it was a trick or something, because none of them budged, and none of their smiles faltered. "Return to your activities," Batman added uncomfortably, hoping they would leave this time.
They got the hint and went back to whatever secretive things they were doing before Batman had arrived.
Batman wasn't exactly sure what Tornado did as den mother.
But he knew what he would do. He was going to continue to gather information to add to the files of each team member he had at the Batcave.
There was an awful lot of chatter coming from the kitchen, and so Batman decided to investigate. He needed to make sure they weren't illegally downloading music to their music devices- it wouldn't set a good example for Robin. Or browsing on strange websites that attached viruses to the computer. But it was a kitchen; what would they do there besides come close to burning down The Cave?
He hung back in the shadows where no one in the kitchen could see him. He couldn't see them either, but he could hear them.
"Can you give me a kiss?" Artemis asked rather excitedly.
That was strange. Batman didn't know Artemis was having any romantic relationships with anyone on The Team.
Was that… Robin? Were Artemis and Robin secretly having romantic relations behind Batman's back? Were they currently canoodling in the kitchen right now while Batman hid in the shadows eavesdropping so as to gather Intel with ease? Was Artemis corrupting his poor little birdie? He decided to listen some more to make sure he hadn't heard anything wrong.
"Mm, that was good. More please?"
"Hey, I need to save some for Wally, he'll kill me if he finds out I gave you kisses but not him!"
"Please? It's my birthday today!"
What the heck was going on in there?
Batman decided that enough was enough and entered the kitchen. He'd just walked in on Robin and Artemis eating Hershey's kisses. It was chocolate they were sharing, not spit.
"Hey Batman! Want a kiss?" Robin asked, holding up a handful of tinfoil wrapped chocolate drops.
"No thanks," he said, drifting out of the kitchen as stoically as he'd drifted in.
"Suit yourself," Robin said, "More for me!"
Robin had sneaked off into another room, where he thought he'd be safe from the prying eyes of Batman. But he hadn't expected to see Wally in there setting up a stereo system.
"Wally. What the crap are you trying to do?" he asked, looking over the party supplies strewn across the room.
"It's Artemis's birthday today, and I'm throwing her a party," Wally whispered to Robin, winking.
Robin wasted no time on starting to chant, "Wally likes Artemis!", which led to Wally glaring at his best friend intensely, and threatening to pick him up and run outside and leave him on the beach. Robin just laughed and said Batman would never allow that.
"So what are you planning to do anyway?" he asked.
Wally sighed and shook his head, "Rob, we've been over this before. You go tell everyone we're having a party in here, and make sure Artemis doesn't know what this actually is (tell her it's a training exercise- but wear casual clothes), M'gann bakes something edible, Supey helps me set up everything, Wolf doesn't destroy anything, and Kaldur is ready to jam."
Robin raised an eyebrow at the last order, but shrugged and walked off to go tell the others about the party. Hopefully Batman wasn't going to chaperone it though. Actually, knowing Batman, he probably was.
It wasn't long before the party room was ready for Artemis to go in there and be surprised. After all, Robin's instructions were to tell her to go in there for a training exercise- but in casual clothes. Robin had somehow managed to avoid Batman entirely, imagining that The Dark Knight must be keeping to the shadows. No doubt he'd heard about the party by now, he was probably just staying out of the way. After the whole Hershey's Kisses fiasco earlier, Robin wasn't so sure Batman wanted to be near the kids. Or maybe he was just secretly surveying the scene from above.
Robin looked to the rafters in search of two white slits for eyes narrowed down at the party scene below. Nope, nothing.
"She's coming!" M'gann announced in a shout whisper, "Everyone quick! Hide!"
Of course, everyone immediately dived for the couch, but ended up knocking heads. They got up slowly, rubbing their heads in pain until they heard the familiar clacking of Artemis's boots not too far down the hallway.
Robin leapt behind the speakers. M'gann quickly turned invisible. Superboy lifted up the couch, placed himself underneath it, and put it back on top of himself. He was in plain sight though. It's not hard missing a guy with a couch on top of him. Kaldur chose to hide behind a cluster of colorful balloons, not exactly concealed well, but none of them really were (except for Miss Invisibility and Mr. Stealthy). Wally however, was left with only a floor lamp to stand behind. The thin frame of it definitely couldn't hide him. But alas, he stuck his head underneath the lampshade and hugged the neck of the lamp, hoping it would look like the lamp had been designed to look like a teenage boy hiding in a lamp.
Artemis walked into the room, and slowly tilted her head and squinted at the boy under the couch, just to make sure her eyes weren't fooling her. She'd thought Robin said it was a training exercise. She looked around the room to see Kaldur in the balloons, Kid Doofus in the floor lamp, and a faint distortion in the shape of a teenage girl on top of the couch. No doubt Robin was behind the sound system. No matter how small he was, even if his hair and the speakers were both black, speakers did not have hairy tops. What kind of training exercise was this supposed to be?
Slowly, Wally lowered himself out from under the lampshade, peeking to see if Artemis had yet arrived. As she turned to leave he jumped out and yelled, "Surprise!"
Kaldur tried to do the same, but was too tangled in the mess of balloon strings that his "surprise" came out sounding strangled, while Conner made M'gann let out a loud shriek by moving the couch before warning her. She did fly to catch herself though, and wasn't hurt. Robin successfully got out from behind the speakers, but sneezed as he said "surprise" since he'd breathed in so much dust from his hiding spot.
Artemis couldn't help herself and burst out laughing at the scene playing out in front of her.
Batman knew the teens were throwing a party. He also knew what teenagers did at parties. He'd seen enough movies.
But hopefully these kids were well behaved enough to know better than to spike the drinks or do illegal or immoral things.
Nevertheless, it was his responsibility as den mother to check up on them. So he did.
He stood by the door, listening to the loud music coming out of the room. It wasn't anything familiar, but all the kids seemed to know how to dance to it. The lyrics were all garbled the way they were sung though, but it had a strong beat. Batman was still confused as to what fun teenagers found out of putting on loud music in the dark with flashing lights and jumping around in clumps. Glow sticks were scattered around the room, and every so often someone would accidentally step on a balloon, sending a resonating pop around the room.
Batman waited for a while until they all calmed down. The music was turned off, but that was because Wally stepped up to the stage to talk.
"Okay guys, time for a little karaoke! Kaldur and I are up first!" Wally announced, more chipper than ever.
Kaldur seemed puzzled by being volunteered to sing in front of everyone without his consent, but he walked up to the platform anyway, looking down at the four friends staring up at them.
Kaldur had been in the choir in Atlantis as a young child, maybe around eight or nine, so he did know how to carry a tune. But he didn't expect what song Wally decided upon.
"Nothin' on You?" Kaldur asked, looking suspiciously at the screen that displayed the words.
Wally grinned, "Yup, you do the rapping and I'll do the singing."
"What makes you think I can rap?"
Wally flushed, "Well, you know, how um... the song's starting! Beautiful girls, all over the world…"
Kaldur's eyes were as wide as saucers as Wally continued singing. He was not sure how he could possibly figure out how to rap. After all, it wasn't a form of singing they did in Atlantis. Maybe it was similar to chanting?
"…they might say hi, and I might say hey. But you shouldn't worry…"
Kaldur smirked to himself noticing how off-key Wally was singing. He looked out to the others to see if they noticed as well. Robin gave him a knowing glance and Artemis was silently chuckling to herself.
Wally suddenly elbowed Kaldur in the rib. He looked back up on the karaoke screen. The lyrics had changed from green to blue. He assumed the blue was supposed to be his rapping, so he chanted it, "Not, not, not, nothing on you…"
Everyone started laughing. They'd never heard Nothin' On You chanted and sung off key so strangely.
Batman decided to leave the kids to their fun. They weren't doing anything particularly harmful. He went off to mind his own business.
"ARGH!" a loud cry came from the bathroom.
Batman had noticed Superboy going in there earlier. He didn't want to investigate, but he knew someone would have to. He didn't think any of the kids would want to. After all, Superboy had been in there for nearly fifteen minutes.
Batman sighed and knocked on the door, "Are you okay Superboy?"
"…There's no toilet paper."
Batman could've sworn that he'd put in a new roll of toilet paper in earlier that day, but these were super powered genius kids. Even if they didn't seem like it sometimes. For all he knew, Wally took the roll away for one of his experiments. Or maybe Robin took it to use it as a measuring tool to calculate the square feet in the cave. M'gann could've taken it to wrap up her stuffed animals and pretend they were mummies, Kaldur could've used it to dry himself after a swim, or Artemis could've made a makeshift target dummy out of it. Well, the last two weren't as plausible, but Batman couldn't be sure what these kids were up to half the time.
So the sign was born. From then on, there was a sign above the toilet paper that read:
Number One- do not use more than four squares of toilet paper.
Number Two- do not use more than ten squares of toilet paper.
For the den-mother change up challenge on the YJ Challenges forum.
I know that most of the events were seemingly unrelated, but this is my attempt at writing something humorous.
And yes, this will be a two-shot. So there will be another chapter. :D
I hope you enjoyed this first part of it, and please review to tell me your favorite parts or leave any suggestions for the next chapter! I love hearing what you think about my work :)