Bat-sitter: Let the Games Begin

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" everyone cheered on as Wally gulped down Gatorade.

He finished his fourth bottle before an angry Batman burst into the kitchen. Everyone immediately quieted down, and Wally choked a little on the mouthful of lemon-lime flavored Gatorade in his mouth.

He quickly stepped in front of the empty Gatorade bottles to hide the evidence.

"I am very disappointed in all of you for displaying such bad behavior. Don't you know he could have choked on that? Do you have any explanation?" Batman reprimanded The Team as they stood staring at their shoes, trying to find some intricate design in the stitching so as to distract themselves from Batman's chiding.

No one answered him, but he didn't expect any of them to be man enough to speak up anyway.

He put fear into the hearts of his enemies (or in this case, ill-behaved children), and he prided himself on that.

"Well, you see, we were really bored. Since there's no mission and we're just kinda hanging out…" Robin tried to defend their actions. Well of course Robin was man enough to stand up to Batman, after all he lived with the man.

Batman sighed and tried to think of an activity to send the kids on. There really wasn't any mission that day; everything was peaceful enough. Well, he supposed he could send the kids to go stop a burglary or something, but Wally would just run over there and be back in about fifteen minutes and beg Batman for something more exciting.

Then Batman almost smiled when he came up with a bright idea that would both keep the kids under control and entertained, "Fine. Then we're going to play- I mean, we'll be doing a training exercise in the art of… stealth."

Everyone perked up immediately. They were about to be trained in the art of stealth by the stealth master himself. Well, aside from Solid Snake in Metal Gear Solid of course, but that was beside the point.

"The instructions are simple. I'll give you three minutes to find a place anywhere in Mount Justice that you can conceal yourself for twenty minutes," Batman started, only to be interrupted by Wally, "You mean hide-and-seek?"

Batman shot a glare at him, "Do not interrupt me while I am speaking. And no, I would not degrade you in that manner that you are too immature." Shoot. The kid was on to him.

"If you can stay concealed for twenty minutes then good for you. But if you can hide yourself and manage to also work together to take the Bat-cookies from the Bat-cookie jar, then you truly are exemplary," Batman added for the fun of it.

Robin eyed the "Bat-cookies" suspiciously, "Hey, aren't those from Alf-"

"Shhhhhh!" Batman hushed him loudly, "Ready, set, go!"

As Batman shut his eyes and clutched the cookie jar tightly, The Team dispersed. Of course, they didn't disperse before M'gann hooked them up to the mental link so they would have means of communicating to figure out how to steal cookies from The Dark Knight without being noticed.


"So Chuckles, how're you holding up in the kitchen cabinets?" Artemis asked. After Wally had told them that he had squeezed himself into one of the cabinets, she couldn't help but tease him about it. She hadn't even thought he could fit in there, but maybe he was scrawnier than she thought. Anyway about six minutes had passed, and she decided by then he'd start squirming.

"I'm fine. Pretty cozy in here actually," came his reply.

She rolled her eyes, "I can hear your discomfort."

Being the practical girl she was, Artemis had chosen a pretty good place to hide. She had crawled into the closet and climbed the shelves until she was on the top shelf to the side, so if someone just opened the door and looked in, she'd be obstructed from view. Her back was leaning on the wall by the door, and her left arm hung down over the shelf, her feet propped up on the shelf as well.

Until the others finished formulating a plan, she'd hang out up there in the pitch-black closet. Jumping down swiftly and quietly wouldn't be a problem. Her dad had made her practice a lot of that when she was younger.

"Hey Artemis?"

"Renegade," Artemis corrected.

"Fine, whatever. But how come you get to be Renegade while I have to be Chuckles?" Wally asked, aggravated.

Artemis stifled her laughter, "Because you always make me laugh… or at least your face does."

"Hey! I heard that!"

"I know."

Even though they were mentally communicating, The Team had still come up with code names for each other, just in case Batman had some kind of Bat-mindreading device in his utility belt. Robin wouldn't say whether he did or not, so they ended up using code names just because they might as well.

"Robin, I know you're in the ventilation system, now come out of there," Batman's voice sounded from right outside the closet door.

Artemis held her breath as she heard a clattering through the ventilation system. That must be Robin crawling through. And Batman must've been talking into the vents, no wonder why his voice slightly echoed.

But now Robin was out of the game, which meant that M'gann had to disconnect him from the mental link.

"Well we just lost our greatest asset," Wally announced.

"Any ideas guys?" M'gann asked.

Conner had already gotten out of the game a few minutes ago, and Kaldur was right after him. Now it was only the Martian, the speedster, and the archer left.

"I could run really fast stealing all the cookies and winning the game," Wally suggested grinning to himself.

"He'd probably catch you," M'gann replied.

"Well what do you think Arty? I mean, Renegade. You're being pretty quiet," Wally said.

Artemis mentally glared at him, and held her breath. She was trying not to get distracted from hiding from Batman. He was way too close for comfort.

The closet door slid open, and someone turned on the lights.

She shrunk back into the corner of the top shelf, her arms now both resting in her lap. Hopefully what people said about guys having worse peripheral vision than girls was true even for the Bat of Gotham himself.

Her heart raced and she swore she was breathing louder than normal. It was probably just the adrenaline getting to her again though. She felt like she was gasping as loudly as a swimmer doing freestyle or a singer singing a song that required a lot of breathing.

Batman turned his head and looked almost right at her, but the cowl must have blocked his vision, or the whole guys and peripheral vision must have come into play since Batman didn't notice her. He turned off the light, but stopped mid-way through closing the door.

A golden string of long blonde hair shimmered in the light from the other room. It fell gently down to the ground and Batman spoke casually, "Artemis. You can crawl down from the shelf now."

"Shoot. Guys I'm out. Looks like you're on your own," Artemis sent her final mental message. And then she was disconnected.


It didn't take long before Wally turned himself in. Apparently he was getting bored, but Artemis knew it was really because he was in pain from sitting in such a cramped space for such a long time. M'gann never tried to steal the cookies from the cookie jar, and Batman eventually found her by listening very, very carefully - he heard her shuffle slightly and pointed her out. Therefore, Batman won.

He was about to assign the kids to another activity- The Quiet Game. But they all ran off to the living room when Wally announced, "Netflix finally sent over Harry Potter! The second part of the Deathly Hallows!"

Everyone had scrambled onto the couch, but there was only room for four, and they ended up kicking Wally and Robin off onto the floor. Wally deemed this unfair since he was the one who ordered the movie, but M'gann offered to make the popcorn, and he calmed down after that.

Batman was sitting down in the shadows somewhere to make sure the kids didn't get bored of the movie and decide to go set fires to something. Obviously Batman didn't understand the enthralling nature of Harry Potter if he thought setting fire to something was more exciting.

The beginning of the movie started with the kids on the edge of the couch in anticipation (or in Wally and Robin's case, on the edge of the carpet), excited to see what was going to happen. M'gann was naturally a fangirl of Harry Potter, but Conner and Kaldur had never seen it before in their lives.

Artemis was probably the biggest closet fan of Harry Potter, and Wally loved it almost as much as he loved making up scientific pick-up lines that included binary fission.

Conner and Kaldur were pretty confused, not only on the characters and the plotline, but about the way they talked. "Muggles" and "snogging" were unfamiliar terms to them.

But no one wanted to divert their attention away from the movie to explain.

The movie went by in mostly excited silence, until the end- the epic battle between Voldemort and the arisen Harry Potter.

Artemis couldn't help herself and had to exclaim, "So did Voldemort just decompose into… skin flakes? Ew! Does that mean that every time you breathe, you breathe in pieces of decomposed nose-less Voldemort?"

Everyone stared at her blankly, and she shrugged, "It's true. Just look at that withered skin flying around in the air."

Wally could never look at his Voldemort action figure in the same way again. And somehow, he got into the habit of holding his breath every time he walked past it.


According to some notes Batman found up in Tornado's secret lair (Batman knows everything), if the kids still hadn't gone home by 7pm, it was time to feed them.

But Batman knew nothing about cooking.

So he called Alfred.

"Yes Master Wayne?"

"I have to cook dinner for six kids… and I don't know how to cook."

"How many boys are there?"

"Four. And I need to eat too."

"I suggest you buy ramen and Easy Mac in bulk and cook that."

And so Batman sent M'gann to the grocery store. After all, she went to school in this place. The residents of Happy Harbor wouldn't find it strange to see a local high school girl shopping at a local grocery store. But they would find it strange to see a man dressed in a batsuit in a grocery store. Or he would be attacked by paparazzi. And Batman did not like paparazzi.

When M'gann got back, Batman stared at the ramen and Easy Mac, puzzled.

"There are instructions on the back," M'gann said supportively.

Wally leaned down to whisper to Robin, "Now I know where you get your cooking skills from." Robin responded with a quick elbow jab to the gut.

Nevertheless, after three failed attempts at making ramen, Batman finally got the hang of it, and was just glad he'd listened to Alfred and bought the food in bulk.

Otherwise he would've run out of food just from the failed attempts.

And so everyone sat down at the table, each situated with a bowl of ramen and plate of Easy Mac, microwaved by Batman himself.

It was silent until someone let out some built-up intestinal gases.

"Wow it smells terrible. Who knew Artemis could be so disgusting?" Wally asked loudly.

She glared at him, "Whoever smelt it, dealt it."

Robin smirked, "And whoever rhymed, did the crime."

"How ironic," M'gann commented.

Artemis and Wally launched into one of their daily debates about trivial matters- this time, about who had farted.

Batman only sat there, wondering why he hadn't just assigned someone to babysit The Team. After all, he was supposedly the leader of the Justice League.


And the story comes to a conclusion.

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this! I know I enjoyed writing it!

Oh and since it seems like a lot of you enjoyed the "kissing" scene in the first chapter, here's some random background info- it was actually inspired by English class when a boy brought Hershey Kisses to class, and another boy said, "Hey can I have a kiss?" The teacher looked so uncomfortable until she realized what was going on!

And the hide-and-seek (I mean 'stealth' training) was an idea from ZS!

Love, Safirel

(Before I go...)

gwlrdtir: I'm glad you loved it!

orangevbnin: Thanks! I enjoyed completing the challenge :)

Rowanfall: I try :) I mean, you've got to love the bromance going on between Robin and Wally! It's just so adorable when guys are best friends!

Chibi Lauryn: Oh thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!

DiSTRiCtxx13xxTrIbUtE: I know right? I guess us teenagers just have weird minds... :P By the way I like your pen name- guessing you're a fan of the Hunger Games? :)

wallyxartemisyjlover: I love that you loved it :D

ZS: That was a really great idea! I hope you liked how I used it :)

Keepmovingforward2: Thanks!

Ansa88: Haha sorry! I'm glad you thought it was funny! I don't know why, but I do agree- hormones suck. Especially all the mood swings. Later on you're just like, "And I was mad about that ?"

candi711: Thank you!

ARL15: Thanks :)

GIRLWONDER: Haha you've got to love their choice of hiding places! Ahh Batman... bet he's a closet fan of Mission Impossible movies

That Kid: Thank you! Chanting Kaldur is pretty cool.

Essence: Thanks! Seems like there are a few Kaldur fans here :)

EvrAnge: Thank you!

Tagalong: Haha thanks! Charmin seems to try to solve our lack of toilet paper problems, but I say Batman has more creative ideas.