A/N: Well y'all know the deal. Warnings: Yuri, shoji-ai, swearing, self-hurt/harm, possible lemon in later chapters. Never written Temari, so leave tips in reviews if you know how to write her better xDD or if you notice something I can do better. Thanks. Enjoy guys!
'Dead star shine
Light up the sky
I'm all out of breath
My walls are closing in
Days go by
Give me a sign
Come back to the end
The shepherd of the damned
I can feel you falling away'
Again and again. The same thing, every time. Hurt, pain, disappointment, anger, resentment, fear, control.
Tears welled in her eyes, slowly beginning to fall down her pale cheeks as she walked stiff backed to her room.
Those emotions were the most common in the Hyuga household.
They were taught from a young age that the most important thing is control. Control of themself, control of their emotions, control of others.
Naturally, Hiashi controlled his children, what he thought was quite effective, same for the rest of the house, including the lesser branch.
As usual, he was angry with and disappointed with his heiress, Hinata. His first daughter. She was weak.
Hanabi, his second daughter, resented her older sibling. Simply because she was weak and she was the one that was to be the heiress and receive all of Father's riches and companies.
Neji, a servant of the lesser branch, more or less a body guard. He was beneath those of the main branch. He too, resented Hinata. She was more of lesser branch than he! He was strong and confident. Smart. She was simply a weak girl. He stood in the shadows of Hiashi's office, ready to do what was asked. He had seen what had transpired between Hinata and Hiashi.
A week ago, she had informed him of her wish to go to the public Konoha University and study medicine. At first, when she told him a few months ago after graduating high school, he had dismissed the idea as children's folly.
Then she had came in and told him that she was leaving for the university in a few days.
He was furious. He yelled about how no child of his was going to be a nurse, they were a well-known and respected business family. He went on to rant about heir reputation and how she would ruin it by dirtying her hands on the unclean and sick.
Throughout his rant, however, she remained utterly silent, no emotion showing on her face. Her eyes blank.
She was using the Hyuga control. She had learned it, their strength as well. She was finally exhibiting their prized characteristics. Yet she was in defiance of him. Defiance. A Hyuga. His own daughter no less. Defying him and all that he had ever worked for.
At last though, he dismissed her, still seething with rage.
Tears didn't begin to fall until she was near her room. She sat on her bed and drew her knees to her chest. Her back against the headboard of her bed, her long, pale arms covered by a long sleeved black shirt folded around her knees, hugging them to her chest, her eyes closed as the tears still flowed. Her small frame shook as she cried, her cheeks becoming flushed, her face soaked with tears as became her shirt.
But she had done it. She had finally done it. She had stood up to him. No matter what he said, he couldn't and wouldn't sway her. Nothing he could do, could make her rethink or back down. Nothing.
There was nothing for her a in his business. Nothing for her at the place she was supposed to call a home.
More times than she ever cared to count, that feeling of nothingness and loneliness had driven her to her blade. A network of scars crisscrossed both of her arms. So she always wore long sleeves. She didn't cut for attention, she cut to feel. Of course, some part of her wanted to flaunt her scars, to show what was going on. She knew she needed help, she just didn't know who to tell. Who to turn to.
She knew people of course, but nobody really knew her or she them. She wanted someone to notice. Someone to help her.
At times, she got desperately scared. She didn't know who to turn to. Sometimes, the urge to cut, to feel the blade, was so strong. She feared she would cut to deep. She hadn't yet, but what if she did? The thought haunted her, the cutting began as a release at first. Still was, mostly. But other times, it was so much more. it was almost like a physical need.
Her sobs had ceased, yet a tear still trickled down every few minutes. She ached for the blade. But she was scared of what she would do if she picked it up and pressed it to her skin.
She sat, looking over at the dresser drawer with the blade. Fighting the urge to pick up the blade and go into the bathroom.
'Just one,' one side of her argued. 'No,' the other argued back. She felt torn. She wanted it, needed it, but her fear was so strong.
And so, she sat, torn, for a few hours, sleep finally claiming her exhausted mind and body.
- Temari -
"I'm going out!" she yelled into the house before slamming the door harder than she intended and hopped into her ruby red convertible.
She sped off into the night seconds later.
Gaara was being extremely over protective. Even though he was the youngest, he often acted as her and Kankuro's parent.
It annoyed her to no end, he always wanted to know when she would be home, where she was going, who with, what she was going to do.
Most of the time, she went to a club or bar. Sitting by herself or dancing with random people, depending on her mood. Tonight though, would be one by herself in the dark corner of a bar. She was nineteen years old. Living with her two brothers. No significant other. A waitressing job during the day.
Honestly, she wanted more out of life. For the last couple of months, she had been contemplating enrolling at the public university. Get a major in cosmetology or something.
Now sitting at her favorite table in the bar, she took a swig of her drink. Maybe she would. It wouldn't hurt. Maybe it would give her purpose.
She took another drink. Enrolling in school would certainly make Gaara happy. Who knew, it might even make her happy.
Chuckling softly to herself, she finished her drink and left a tip on the table, deciding to go for a short drive to enjoy the night air before returning to the house.
'No longer the lost
No longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive
If you show me the way
Forever - and ever
the scars will remain
I'm falling apart
Leave me here forever in the dark'