Common Mistranslation

Even as a Kids Next Door agent, there was something a little boring about the hum-drum-day-to-day duties you were asked to perform. Wake up, eat breakfast, file a report, go fight an adult, save some children, file a report about the adult, watch cartoons, file another report about the cartoon, go to bed, rinse and repeat the next day. Although, there was a slim chance another report had to be filed somewhere in the time between sleep and morning.

Now, there was nothing completely wrong about this schedule, per say. Depending on who you asked, it suited a lot of people just fine. But some days, an operative began hoping for some form of variety to liven things up. And after foiling several wicked plots of the Delightful Children for the fifth week in a row, Sector V was one such sector that was practically begging for a change in pace. Seriously, they'd consider Toiletnator duty just to see what would happen.

On second thought, they weren't that desperate. Yet.

Thankfully, something did in fact pop up that required that certain touch the five had. Even more thankfully, it had nothing to do with the Toiletnator. In fact, it was much better than they could have hoped for. A flashy joint-mission with a fellow KND sector, off in some far off country they had never even heard of? They were off like a rocket before Numbuh 65.3 could even start the debriefing.

So that's where the children were off to this fine day; a foreign land, in a far away place, where the icy winds raged, and clouds blocked out the sun itself. And it tended to be cold. Very cold.

Well, they had requested for something different.

In the northern, snow-packed plains of the small country, a large mass of metal was currently plowing its way through the icy mush and chilly flurries. A mix-matched vehicle with the body of an RV, snow tires of a monster truck, engines of a jet-plane, and a snow plough mounted on the fender. The vehicle was specially designed to traverse the harsh terrain and safely carry the cargo inside.

"All systems check out," Numbuh 2 informed from behind the wheel. The pudgy boy raised a mug of hot coco to his lips, and sighed in content as he focused on the trail ahead. "Should be there in no time."

Off to the side, relaxing in a cubby, Abby rolled her eyes behind her magazine. "Woulda been there already if you had stopped and asked for directions."

The inside of the camper was just what you would expect of a normal RV, only with a few modifications. Abby sat off to the side in a cozy kitchen corner, only the table blinked and flashed with numerous navigational equipment. The oven and sink had been torn out, replaced instead with a small armory filled with various 2x4 technology and clothing suited for the cold climate. Hoagie himself sat up front in the driver's seat, surrounded by familiar levers and switches along with a hot coco dispenser. The sweet, wonderful hot coco dispenser. Best upgrade ever, he would tell himself from time to time.

"I don't need directions, who do you think is driving here?" he scoffed, peeping over his shoulder, looking a tad miffed. Abby said nothing, only waving off the boy as she returned to whatever column she was that had caught her eye. Hoagie sighed, turning back to the trail. Stupid people, always mocking his keen sense of direction. However, that thought was forgotten as he hastily swerved to the right. "ELK!"


Snow and ice flew everywhere as Hoagie avoided the animal that just jumped out of nowhere. The sudden jerk in movement had disastrous effects for those inside the camper. Abby was thrown out of her seat, sent flying straight into the armory. Wally, who had been dozing off in the bunk beds, was awoken from his slumber as gravity and force worked together to slam him into the adjoining wall. And near the back, there was a slight crash, followed by a splash, and someone screaming in shock. And what of Hoagie?

Well, he was mostly fine. Thank goodness his mom hammered lessons of "always wear your seat-belt" into his head.

"Ugh, that was too close," he shakily said. Nervous of what reception he'd meet, he quickly shifted to auto-pilot as he slowly turned to face the rest of the crew. "Um, heh heh, my bad, guys."

Abby slowly rose up, knocking off weapons and blaster that had toppled all over her. She adjusted her cap as he glared down the boy. "Has your licensee been renewed recently?"

"Of course it has! Numbuh 10-2 just hasn't sent back the paperwork."

Wally slowly peeled himself off the floor, his face in a perfect fusion of grogginess and confusion. "Did we die?"

"Oh come on guys, it could've happened to anyone!"

"Make sure it doesn't happen again."

The three looked towards the the bathroom door where the voice had come from. After a moment, the lock clicked, and the door was swung open. Out poured a wave of water, followed by a soggy Numbuh Infinity. Somehow, the KND Diplomat managed to keep a collected presence despite being soaking wet with a strand of toilet paper hanging off his heel. And then there was that smell…

"The natives here are very twitchy when it comes to their elk," the boy rattled off, "and the last thing we need is for you to cause a political incident before we even start the mission."

"Don't sweat it, sir," Hoagie laughed as he turned back to the steering wheel, "political incidents are our specialty!"

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Uh, he was probably talkin' about avoiding political incidents, sir," Abby quickly covered. The last thing they needed to do was upset Infinity, especially since she had no idea if he was still sore about what happened at his bounce house birthday party. Oh Zero, the bounce house birthday party. "Ain't dat right, Numbuh 2?"

Hoagie seemed a tad confused until he caught Abby's intense look. "Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. What did I say?"

Numbuh Infinity's face never wavered, but Abby would bet all her chewy pellets he was rolling his eyes behind those shades. "Personally, had this been an actual assignment requiring diplomacy, I would have requisitioned a sector with a bit more…tact."

"Tact, smact," Wally flouted, now fully awake. "There's a reason we're being sent in to deal with this rather than a buncha pansy dorks in lame suits. We're super experts at this kind of mission. No one knows what to do better than we do," he stated, proudly. He then frowned, a certain question ringing in his mind. "Hey, what are we actually doing 'ere anyway?"

"To put it bluntly, we're on a rescue mission," Numbuh Infinity informed, not even hiding his condescending tone. "Your team is operating on a joint-mission to rescue and escort a very influential ally of ours in this region."

It took a moment for it all to sink in for Wally before he frowned again, a new question waiting on his lips. "Then why are you here? How the crud would you be of any use? What'cha gonna do? Say a buncha smart-alecky mumbo-jumbo?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Hoagie answered, earning a groan from Abby. Yeah, they really needed some work on that whole "tact" thing.

Infinity seemingly ignored him. "I'm here because I am needed to translate between your sector and the local Ubekian Kids Next Door."


"No, U-beki-an. We are currently within Ubeki-beki-beki-stan-stan, a small country in the north. It's relatively unheard of, so it comes of no great shock that you haven't heard of it." Wally gave the boy a disbelieving look, but shrugged it off. "It's on the map, you'd find if you actually looked."

"Yeah," Hoagie added, "If you're looking with a magnifying glass."

Wally only scratched away on the back of his head, maybe hoping the irritation would kick start his brain. "So, why haven't I ever heard of this Ubaca-rock-a-shock-stan before?"

"It isn't exactly renowned for its stability. Their government is a decentralized parliamentary system with three hundred-forty thousand different political parties, including the Hubba-Bubba Cabinet and one llama with a spitting problem. The current government was founded about," he paused to check his watch,"twenty to twenty-five minutes ago after the nation's three hundred and fifth revolution so far this year."

"Man, I'd hate to move to this bonkers country…"

"It's not so bad, I hear the new llama Prime Minister has a natural talent for foreign policy."

"Right…" Wally muttered. It's official, he was never going to get into politics. There was never any real chance of it, but it never hurts to reaffirm your stances every now and then. "So about this rescue mission…"

"We're here to rescue the daughter of a Ubekian royal family," Abby explained simply, "Third-Born Princess Yal'see Tipuan."

"Ugh! A girly-girl Princess? Why can't we ever rescue someone cool?"

Abby shook her head at his excepted response. "Whatever. Point is, she's been captured, and we gotta save her royal behind or things here in 'Beki-stan are gonna go south. Fast."

"Can't be that bad, can it?"

"Most definitely," Infinity confirmed. "One of Ubeki-beki-beki-stan-stan's major exports is none other than ice cream, and the royal family Princess Yal'see hails from controls one of the largest ice cream trading empires in the entire region."

"Whoa, really?"

"Yes, really," Infinity snipped, becoming annoyed with Wally's constant barrage of questions. "Numbuh 2, have we arrived?"

In response to his words, the RV began to drop in speed. The vehicle came to a slow halt, with Hoagie facing the others with a pleased look. "We just hit base camp now, and I totally nailed that parallel parking."

If Hoagie was expecting some sort of praise, he was would be sorely disappointed as Numbuh Infinity brushed him off. The collected operative reached for his coat off to the side, and merely buttoned himself up before heading outside. "The rest of your sector is somewhere within the camp. I kindly ask you to refer to them for any new developments."

Hoagie and Wally only glared at the boy's back as he trotted off. "Gee, what a saint he is."

"You two hush," Abby scolded as she put on her own winter-wear. "He probably still hasn't forgiven us for what happened at his birthday party."

"You mean the one with the bounce house and–"

"Let's just go!" Abby hastily interrupted as she jumped out into the snow. Noting her distaste on the subject, the two decided best not that think anymore on that gruesome, yet oddly hilarious, incident and soon followed lest they get left behind.

The three kids huddled together when they felt just how cold it was outside. The small Kids Next Door base camp consisted of several igloo huts and dozens of children scurrying about, no doubt preparing for the upcoming operation. Looking at their follow operatives, Sector V felt severely under-dressed for the occasion.

"These guys look like walking puffballs," Wally commented as a Ubekian passed by. They might as well have been wearing swimsuits compared to what some of these kids had on.

"C-Can you b-blame them?" Hoagie stuttered. It did not take long for the weather to get to him. "I-It's FREEZING! Give m-me a f-few more seconds, and I b-bet I'll start s-sneezing snot-cicles."

After hearing Hoagie complain, Abby's hand unconsciously started rubbing at her nose. "Wonder how the natives stay warm."

"D-Don't you know? T-They wear flake jackets for protection. Ha ha!"

Abby was far too cold to waste any annoyance over Hoagie's petty wisecrack. The girl shuffled within her coat as she scanned the area for a familiar face. When she saw Numbuh Infinity talking with one of the Ubekian operatives, she sighed, then began trudging over to him. "C'mon, let's go find out where Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 3 are. The sooner we're done with dis, the better."

Numbuh Infinity was focused on a topic of great importance when Abby, Hoagie, and Wally just walked right up to him. Clearly peeved, he apologized to the girl before facing three fifths of his displeasure. "I thought we were clear that you were to report to your sector leader."

"Yeah, but we can't do that if we don't know where he is, doofus," Wally snapped. "What did'ja expect us ta do, walk around like lost idiots?"

To this day, Infinity would never know how he stopped himself from answering that question truthfully. "I see. I suppose I might as well handle some introductions while you're over here." He stepped to the side, allowing them to see the girl he was conversing with. "This is Numbuh 4-Below, second-in-command of the Ubekian sector."

"Hey, how's it going?" Hoagie greeted. Then, something strange happened. Numbuh 4-Below gasped, snarled, then slapped poor Hoagie out of nowhere. "YEOW! W-What is your problem!"

"And that's why you need me to translate," Numbuh Infinity said. "Some words in their language mean different things here. 'Hey' sounds very similar to a certain, eh, derogatory term here in Ubeki."

"Oh…o-oh!" Hoagie forgot about his anger when he was made aware of his faux pas. He twiddled his thumbs as he bowed his head to Numbuh 4-Below. "Uh, sorry about that."


"OW! What did I say THAT time?"

"Just let me do the talking," Infinity groaned. He coughed into his hand before addressing the Ubekian girl. "Utu ma ga-nene. Ju'sr Numbuh 2 got'laj osi. Unu osi."

Numbuh 4-Below scoffed. "Numbuh 2 re'tkiki hu-boon-do."

Hoagie blinked. "What did she say?"

"She says you are an idiot."

Abby chuckled as she teasingly elbowed the boy. "Real smooth there, lover-boy."

Infinity continued on. "Yu'no ka, goi? Go tyu Numbuh 1 and go tyu Numbuh 3?"

"Numbuh 1 halag Numbuh 3 lo'loi pum tu'kani."

"Ah," Infinity nodded. "Numbuh1 and Numbuh 3 are at the north pole, dancing with chicken-dragons."


"Er, um, maybe I mistranslated," Infinity fumbled. "Uh, coul'dal repa'tet?"

Numbuh 4-Below rolled her eyes before pointing to the biggest igloo. "Ini gohal Chu-io, hu-boon-do."

"Well, we better get in there," Hoagie said. The trio then took off to regroup with the rest of there team, Numbuh 4-Below close behind. Numbuh Infinity paused for minute, and sheepishly began to follow. It was just a common translation error. That's all. Won't happen again.

They pushed the flap of the igloo aside, and stepped in to find the entire place what set up like a command tent. Near the back wall was a large map of the area. On it were several key location either highlighted or crossed out, alongside of a doodle of a Rainbow Monkey smiley face. In the center of the igloo was a large table, split into two halves. One side had several Ubekian operatives fussing over a pile of documents, and other carried to faces familiar to the newcomers.

Numbuh Infinity and Numbuh 4-Below moved towards he Ubekian, while the three of sector V greeted their friends. "Sup?"

Nigel looked up from his information at Abby's call. "Ah, good to see you made it in one piece, team. And you picked up Numbuh Infinity as well. Were there any complications I need to know about?"

"Nah," Abby waved off. She wasted no time in grabbing her chair and propping her feet up on the table. "Easiest part of the whole mission, baby. Numbuh 5 was more worried about somebody stoppin' us at the border."

"The ride over, however…" Hoagie trailed off, his eyes narrowing as they landed on Infinity. " Well, between you and me, an angry chihuahua with flees has better roadside manners than Numbuh Infinity."

Nigel spared the diplomat a sideways glance, curious. "He's still mad about his bounce house birthday party?"

Abby suddenly became put off as they ventured back into uneasy territory, "Look, dat's all well and dandy–"

"I still don't get what got 'im so upset," Wally spoke aloud, "Was it the part where we busted the bounce house, or when Numbuh 5 tripped up and smashed the cake all over his mum's–"

"–but we got more important things ta worry about!" she finished gingerly, slapping her hand over Wally's trap before he could finish. Her eyes related the quick message of 'shut-up and never speak of it again' to the blond boy before returning attention to her bald leader. "So, what did we miss?"

Nigel was about to speak before he was interrupted by the bouncing girl at his side.

"Aw, you should have been there Numbuh 5, we had so much fun!" Kuki lightly giggled, eager to relate her exploits up until this point. "The funny sounding kids over there told ghost stories –I think, I couldn't understand a word of what they were saying– we got to eat this chocolate that melts and freezes at the same time, Numbuh 1 drew pictures of the Princess, and I got to pet a baby polar bear!" Suddenly, her face lit up as she reached behind her, producing an odd looking plushie of some sort. "And Numbuh 4-Below was nice enough to give me this! Ooohh, isn't it just adorable? They don't have Rainbow Monkeys here, but this is just as megaly huggarific!"

Wally, true to form, didn't even hide his disgust. "Leave it to you ta be the first one to find the stupidest things in the middle of cold-cruddy nowhere."

"Ahem," Hoagie coughed to garner everyone's attention. "That's super guys, but Numbuh 1 was talking about the Princess?"

"Thank you, Numbuh 2. Good to know someone is focused on the task at hand," Nigel grumbled, sending a pointed glare in Kuki's direction. The girl only smiled and ignored him, whether she was aware of him or not. "While we are just now acting on it, I had already been anticipating Princess Yal'see's abduction. Now that I've gathered all possible information, I've managed to find out where she's being held, and the motive behind such a nefarious plot."

"Numbuh 5's guessing it's got somethin' to do with her family's ice cream business."

"You couldn't be anymore correct, Numbuh 5. As you might all know, Princess Yal'see comes from a powerful ice cream trading family here in this country. Her pro-kid agenda, along with her allegiance with the Kids Next Door, has insured ice cream is fairly sold to kids all across the region. Unfortunately, this has made her family a target of the Tasty Taste Ice Cream corporation."

"You mean those loser adults who only sell ice cream to other adults? Figures. They always hafta try and ruin anything good for us kids!"

"Precisely, Numbuh 4." The blond jumped at the voice different to Nigel's, and looked up to see Numbuh Infinity, along with the rest of the Ubekian sector, had gathered around Sector V's end of the table. "Thankfully, relations between the Tipuan family and Tasty Taste are tense, all due in part to Mr. Boss offending the heads of the family during a meeting to buy them out."

"What did he say to make them so mad?"

"He said, 'hello'."

Numbuh 2 nervous cast a glance over towards Numbuh 4-Below, remembering his earlier screw-up. The girl growled in return, causing him to quickly shift his eyes away. "I take it there was a, uh, mistranslation?"

"Yes, and Tasty Taste have been tripping over themselves to make up for it ever since," Nigel said as he opened up file. "But wretched, adult businessmen like that never back down easily. Right now, Princess Yal'see is the only thing keeping her family from kicking our forces out of here. So as you can imagine, Tasty Taste want her taken care of. And they have!" He flipped through the documents, pulling out a picture of their enemy. "Meet First-Born Prince Yul'sha Tipuan."

Abby scrunched her nose at the image of the royally dressed lad. "A teenager? Numbuh 5 shoulda known."

"I have solid evidence that Prince Yul'sha is eating out of the pockets of Tasty Taste. So just like the butt-kissing adult sympathizer he is, he's agreed to hold his own sister hostage. That's why we have to save her, ASA-NOW!"

"But what's with all the urgency?" Hoagie asked. "Things here have been a bit more rushed then your standard rescue operation."

"We don't have the luxury of time," Infinity intervened, "There's a reason the Prince waited until now to imprison his sister. I've learned from the Ubekian operatives here that the Tipuan family is holding a summit with other families and tribes. Without the Princess there to speak on our behalf, the Prince will no doubt try to undermine the Kids Next Door's importance in the area; breaking off our alliance, and allowing Tasty Taste to move in and fill in the gap."

"Go-tus ka no-nu," a bulky Ubekian raged, slamming his fist on the table, "Yul'sha iuah kuyra, ini go'nom ta'chi'ka kak!"

Kuki was amused by his accent. "There they go telling ghost stories again!"

"No," Infinity tersely said, "he said the prince is a big stupid-head, and we shall rain down flaming eggs on his monkey-turkey leg."

Abby rose a skeptic brow. "Really? He said that?"

"Well, no, but I'm sure whatever he did say was very insulting!"

"Numbuh Infinity," Nigel spoke, starting to question the boy's claim as a translator. "Can you manage to translate between our teams to form a solid plan?"

"O-Of course!" he answered. Regaining his composure, he turned to the Ubekian. "Opa neiw jal so'gani?"

"Uk," the Ubekian leader nodded. He leaned over the map, motioning towards a fortress that was heavily circled. "Re'shali kuin hal du-gan. El nino kas uga rout jun'bur."

"He says he's ordered his forces to mobilize just outside the compound the Princess is being held in. They can manage a frontal assault, but he's not confident they can completely break through."

"That's where we'll come in," Nigel supplied. "Tell him if he can draw most of their forces out, my team will have a clear window to get in through the back. With precise action, we can get the Princess out of there during chaos."

Infinity turned back to the Ubekians, "Toiu Sector V go-roa ta'nuk. Pol-see ba, Yal'see neki, no kin."

This seemed to satisfy the children. "Uk."

"It's settled then," Nigel said as he stood, "We're getting the Princess out of there and making sure she speaks at that summit."

Wally smashed his fists together. "'Bout time. All this sitting around and planning crud is for the nerds."

"Al Naor Maka!" the Ubekian shouted, "Hu'chu No-opa!"

Sector V shared a collective blink, then looked to Infinity expectantly. The diplomat sighed, but indulged them. "He said, Kids Next Door, Battle Stations."

This was followed by a collective, "Oooooh."

Far from the KND base camp, nestled in the nook of snow tussled valley, was a rugged fortress of metal and stone. A compound composed of traditional Ubekian buildings stood tall in the center, being patrolled vigorously by large men suited in heavy armor and toting glinting steel swords. The Prince's personal royal brigade, no doubt.

Tall, bricked walls shielded the inner compound from the outside world, along with guards standing right outside the main gate. One such guard was minding his own business, briefly daydreaming about the warm shores of Hawaii, when something caught his immediate attention.

There, not even ten meters away, were two small children having some petty snowball fight. The innocence of youth never ceased to amaze him. Still, the Prince had been very specific in describing what would happen to them if the Princess was harmed, so he was not going to take any chances. That meant the two children were extremely too close for his liking.

Muttering, he stomped through the snow, approaching the children. The moment his mouth opened to tell them off, he found it would soon be filled with bone chilling slush. The guard sputtered in shock as the culprits ran off into the distance. There was a tiny little voice in his head that warned him against chasing after them; telling him countless time he had a job to do and didn't need to waste any time on harmless children. What was to be gained by pursuing them? Absolutely nothing.

Sadly, common sense is a dying breed.

He stomped up the hill. He stomped up that hill with extreme conviction. Nobody throws a snowball at him and gets away with it! As he peaked over the rather steep incline, his arm snapped out, preparing to give the children a very firm lecturing. Two little pipsqueaks tossing snowballs up and down in their hands didn't intimidate him…

…The legions of children behind them, wielding odd looking weapons, catapults and spears, however, were a completely different story. One he highly doubted was going to end well for him.

Wait, were those ravenous looking polar bears some of the kids were mounted on?

Yeah. This was definitely not going to end well.

Inside the compound, everything was relatively peaceful. The Princess was secure in her room, the guards had not seen hide or tail of a bandit or rebel skirmish since they got there, the hot coco was warm, and there was even something worth watching on the breakroom television. Life was good. A few guards mingling outside were even calling this post the easiest job they had ever been assigned.

They would soon begin to rethink that as a giant snowball dropped from the sky, demolishing an entire platoon in no time flat. There was an uncomfortable silence, but that was soon broken by sounds of battle outside the walls, and the furious roars of polar bears.

It had gone from being "the best assignment ever", to "the worst job of all time" in less than a second. Though that time was impressive, it didn't hold a candle to the world record.

The guard from before managed to scramble back inside the compound gates before they closed, thanking his speed and his father's drive to push him to his limits when he was younger. His uniform was in tatters; half of it being covered in mustard, and another half been torn apart from a polar bear that got a little close for comfort. He was lucky to have survived at all.

But there was no time for pause. The odd army of children was approaching, and if they didn't divert all attention to it, they would easily overtake the compound in no time. The guard ran through fort, alerting everyone of the impending enemy. The guards were quick to assemble, and soon began pouring forces out beyond the walls to combat this new threat. The Princess had to remain secure at all costs.

Our favorite guard reached the back courtyard, motioning everyone to get off their hind ends and help repel the attack.

During his frenzied state, a brief notion crossed his mind. They were sending almost everyone to the front line, and as more guards rushed past him, he couldn't help but notice how empty the back gate was. An empty back gate, meant an undefended back gate. Surely the children weren't trying to…

No. No that was ridiculous. Sure, the children had formed some small militia, began attacking in full force –with polar bears– but they weren't smart enough to take advantage of an open backdoor. That would be giving them too much credit.

Cue the monster-truck/RV hybrid suddenly plowing through the back gate.

Seriously. What the heck was going on today?

The guard and his remaining comrades jumped out of the way as the machine charged through, skidding to a halt right smack dab in the middle of the courtyard. They didn't have long to let this oddity sink in, for the roof of the RV extended. A mounted turret slowly rose into view, a chubby boy not foreign to his land sitting behind the trigger.

Hoagie smirked as his loosened his fingers. Once he was certain the tanks were full, his hands gripped the controls, and his smirk slowly grew into a grin that would make any certified madman proud. "Hey fellas! I don't know about you guys, but I think it's getting a little chili in here!"

The guards couldn't understand a word of what came out of Hoagie mouth, but they were pretty sure whatever he was saying was pretty lame.

Without warning, molten hot streams of Hoagie's Aunt's famous award winning chili con carne spewed from the turret nozzles. The small force of men was easily overcome by the attack, with some falling flat on the backs or running around blindly with piping hot chili in their eyes. The pilot just laughed it his skill. Those video game marathon were really paying off.

While Hoagie manned the turret, the doors of the RV opened, and seven other small bodies stormed out into the fray.

"Let's go!" Nigel ordered, his teammates rushing past him. As Abby, Wally, and Kuki advanced towards the backdoor of the main building, Nigel turned back towards Numbuh Infinity and 4-Below. "Numbuh 4-Below, make sure Numbuh Infinity and Numbuh 2 keep the RV secure for getaway. We'll be in and out before they know what hit them!"

The girl nodded while taking out an advancing guard with her M.U.S.K.E.T. "H'anak lo'pa sel, chu no ga'oko non, Numbuh 1."

"She said, may you praise the mad god, and eat smelly foot cheese," Infinity translated. Then he realized what he just said. "W-Wait, that's not right."

"Yeah, you work on that," Nigel said wryly. The boy equipped dual-wield S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R's, and joined his team on the offense.

"G-Good luck!" Infinity yelled after confirming with 4-Below. "She said good luck! I know what I'm doing!"

Sector V was on the move as they made their way to the building. Once he had gained enough ground, Wally planted himself down and began firing his heavy weapon. It didn't matter how many guards came his way, it only took one solid bowling ball each time to take them down. He grit his teeth as he hurried to reload, for it seemed they kept coming back quicker than before.

Thankfully, before they could swarm him, Abby came up from behind, trapping a squad of men with a net from her T.A.N.G.L.E.R. The foes struggled against their bindings, but they were too cramped and tight to formulate any escape. Abby motioned for Wally to follow, and the two slowly moved forward, clearing the way.

Nigel slid under a guard, before leaping up and taking him down from behind. From his crouched position, he quickly rose his S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R's and swatted away two idiots who thought they were clever. Before the bald lad could get on his feet, he was suddenly dog-piled by a group of desperate soldiers. They assumed they had him, but one click of his heels, and he rocketed up from the trap, shaking off anyone who tried to hold on afterwords. With that taken care of, he quickly moved up to catch up with the others.

While all this was going own, Kuki was performing her own measures to help the team out.

"And there. It's perfect!" Kuki cheered, extremely giddy that her masterpiece was finished. The bubbly raven haired cutie had done the impossible and managed to build…a life size snow sculpture of Joaquin, one of the hamsters.

It made sense when you thought about it. Maybe.

"I need to take pictures! First of one by itself, then one with all of us, then one of with all of us and the Princess, and then–heeey! Uh oh," Kuki gasped when an angry guard sliced through her sculpture. The girl quickly got up and scampered away, the guards taking chase.

The little girl weaved around, and hopped over several attempts by the guards to put her down. For once, she was fully aware of how close they were to taking a few inches off the top with every swing. Yet, this fact didn't seem to trouble her at all. Kuki only rolled out of the way, and took refuge inside a guard tower that happened to be left open. Taking the child for the idiot, the men rushed inside blindly, swinging their swords and releasing their battle cries.

However, once the final guard entered the tower, Kuki twisted around the door and immediately slammed it shut; lowering the wooden bar to lock the brutes inside. The girl only dusted off her hands, and skipped off to join her friends while the guards hopelessly beat against the door.

"Alright everyone, get into position," Nigel ordered as he pressed himself against the wall. Abby immediately came to his side, hunkering down to sheathe her T.A.N.G.L.E.R and beginning prepping another 2x4 invention. Kuki finally appeared to cover the wall opposite of Nigel, and Wally knelt down in front of the door, aiming his weapon. Once he was certain everything was in place, he nodded in Abby's direction. "Now or never, Numbuh 5."

"Got'cha, boss," Abby responded. The girl reached into her coat, and pulled out a grenade. The small weapon was an overstuffed ice-cream sandwich with tiny, blinking ice-packs ducked taped to the base of it. Abby expertly tore the wires connecting to the ice-packs, causing the grenade to let off an icy mist. She counted the three in her head, and swung her arm back. "GO!"

Kids Next Door: C.R.E.A.M.I.E.

Creamy. Refreshment. Explodes. And. Makes. Iced. Enemies.

"Fire in the hole!" Wally shouted, launching the largest bowling ball he had at the door. The ball crashed through the wooden structure, leaving the doorway wide open. Once it was clear, the boy rolled next to take cover next to Kuki, while Abby quickly chucked the C.R.E.A.M.I.E grenade inside. The four held their heads low, and waited.

Sure enough, a crackling explosion followed, cutting off any screams from those caught in the blast. Taking that as their signal, the children rushed inside to complete their mission.

Inside the building was a frozen, ice-cream wonderland. The C.R.E.A.M.I.E grenade went off without a hitch, turning the floor into a slick, icy surface. Any guard that was unlucky enough to get caught in the radius of the explosion was instantly turned into a strawberry, ice-cream statue. As oddly marvelous the sight was, the kids did not have time to take pride in it. The explosion had instantly roused guards from the rest of the building and brought them to their position. The men charged into battle, some slipping up on the slippy floor the moment they entered the room.

"Take this, ya stupid Eskimos!" Wally roared as he fired another shot. The bowling ball flew true through the air, and the gaggle of guards it sailed towards could not move away in time. The moment the shot connected and sent the entire group flying, Wally pumped his fist, boasting his efforts. "Strrrrr-ike!"

"Numbuh 5," Nigel called over the battle. "Numbuh 4 and I will hold the ground floor. You and Numbuh 3 get up stairs and get the Princess out of here!"

"Sounds like a plan, man," Abby agreed. She and Nigel tossed their respective weapons towards each other; the bald boy now using the T.A.N.G.L.E.R for crowd control and Abby now having twin S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R.'s for something a little more up close and personal. "Let's go, Numbuh 3!"

"Coming!" Kuki hummed merrily. She did a quick twirl around two dizzy guards, breaking away from her figure eight formation and staking over to the stairs to meet with her teammates. "Bye guys!" As soon as the brightly dressed girl left, the guards fell over, the room spinning all around them.

"Ku nas!" a guard called as he rallied his comrades. There had been startling disturbances around the base, one right after the other. But when they heard the resonating explosion downstairs, they know they had to spring to action.

Once the squad had formed behind him, the guard turned to charge in downstairs and take the intruders from their back flank. They would never expect that. Kind of like how he didn't expect the foot getting acquainted with his face.

"Hiya!" Abby grunted as she landed from her flying kick. The guards reacted to their captain's quick defeat beside sprinting forward and bringing their swords down. The lithe girl was able to maneuver out of their line of attack, their swords imbedding themselves in the floor. Abby didn't waste a second, and brought up her S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R's to gift the two with a round of splitting headaches. "Heh heh, too slow, suckas."

While Abby chuckled to herself, one lone guard held his breath as he silently approached her. Once he was close enough, he raised the blunt end of his sword in order to knock the brat unconscious. And he would have, had Kuki not jumped out in front of him.

"Ah ha!" Kuki laughed with a wicked grin, spraying streams of silly string into the guards eyes.

"Ahhhhh!" he cried in agony. He dropped his weapon and flitted about frantically, shocking the girls somewhat. The poor man continued to scream and rub at his eyes, the searing pain reducing him to blindness. Eventually, he tripped over the body of one of his fallen comrades, and proceeded to fall out an open window. "Ahhhhhhhhh!"

"Oops…" Kuki gasped. Slightly guilty, Kuki stuck her head out the window and called out to comfort the guard who had his face buried in the snow below. "Sorry!"

"Forget him," Abby barked. The girls then faced the extravagant doorway the guards did a horrible job of defending. The two shared a silent nod, then proceeded to kick the door down and hold up their weapons. "FREEZE!…Eh? "

"Mar nekel, Ms. Nesbitt?" said the guard seated at a tiny, pink table in front of them, dressed in a frilly outfit, handing out cups of imaginary tea to a group of stuffed animals. Before he could continue the charade, he finally took note of the two new arrivals. "…"

"…" There was an awkward silence as Abby lowered her weapon. "Um."

"Oh my gosh! A tea party!" Kuki squealed, seated at the table in a flash. The guard was so stunned at how quick she moved, he didn't have time to form a rational thought. Kuki, however, had already manged to get into character and was passing plates around between the dolls. "Would you like more cupcakes, Mr. Floppy-bottms? Oh, of course I didn't forget about you, Ms. Doe-Eyes, it's just that you told us you were on a new slim, eat-nothing-but-dirt diet. Now where is the–Mrs. Raggle Muffin! That's just terrible! Hehehehe!"

"Well," Abby commented as she strode up to the table, "Dat didn't take long."

The guard looked between the two girls, no idea as to what was even going on anymore. "Eh?"

Abby looked up to the man, slightly –well, a lot more than slightly– put off by his dress-code. "Er, Princess Yal'see?" she asked hesitantly. The guard frowned at the mention, and his hand went to his sword.


The tiny little noise from the other side of the room was enough to put a halt to all activity. The three looked over from the tea party to see a young girl standing in the doorway. A short, blonde haired child with a pony-tail regarded them all carefully. Her regal fur dress and sliver tiara gave away her royal status, and all she held at the moment was a stuffed doll in her left hand, a plastic tea kettle in her right hand, and a confused expression on her face.

Princess blinked cutely at the two new girls. More servants to play, perhaps? She tilted her head slightly as she addressed them, "Eh, ma ne'l su?"

"Ah, you're Princess Yal'see," Abby said, enlightened. She turned back to the guard and gave him a dry look. "And you're just a weirdo."

"I finally get to meet the Princess!" Kuki cheered as she ran up to the royal daughter, bouncing on her heels as her mouth ran a mile a minute. "Hi! I'm Numbuh 3! It's soo nice to meet you! What's it like being a Princess? It must be hard running a kingdom, but I bet you get to do lots of super fun things; like ride ponies, dance with princes, and attend fancy parties where everyone raises their pinkies! Heey, speaking of parties, will you come to my birthday party? Oh please, it'd be so fun! We could even make it a pretend royal slumber party, except we don't have to pretend because you're–"

"Numbuh 3, why don't ya, uh, get back to the party. The tea's getting cold," Abby reasoned as she tried to calm to girl down. Kuki blinked, then gasped as she remembered she left the tea party unsupervised. Abby shook her head, then looked to the shaking Princess. "Don't worry girl, we're here to rescue you. That was Numbuh 3 being Numbuh 3. I'm Numbuh 5, second-in-command of Sector V." She noted the Princess still looked nervous, then realized she problem understand a word of what she was saying. "Uh, we're the Kids Next Door? Kids Next Door?"

"Keys nest doo?" the Princess slowly repeated in broken English. Her eyes filled with some comprehension as he roughly translated. "Al Naor Maka?"

"Uh, sure. Let's go with dat," Abby shrugged. Her eyes never leaving the Princess, she raised her S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R and quickly dispatched the guard with a cheap shot. "We'll explain it to ya later, just come with us, alright?"

"Uh, uk?" the Princess nodded slowly, a bit shocked at how the girl just knocked out the guard. Abby said nothing as she escorted the Princess out of the room…then returned five seconds later to drag Kuki away from the tea party.

"Numbuh 1!" Abby yelled as her group descended the stairs. "We got her!"

"Excellent!" he lightly praised before netting another group of brave guards. When Wally started playing defense, Nigel reached for his head-set. "Numbuh 2, status report."

"Guys, we need to make like a turkey on Thanksgiving, and make ourselves scarce!" came the rushed reply over the line, "These adults are getting wise to our little distraction out front, and I'm down to a only few quarts of chili. If we don't get out of here now, we're gonna get swarmed!"

"Fire up the engines, Numbuh 2. Numbuh 4! We've got the Princess, we're leaving!"

"Why so soon? I can take on these losers all day!" Wally chuckled. With a feral grin, he centered his sights on a poor unsuspecting guards coming out of the main hall. But his dreams of making the guards an extinct species was squashed when he heard the tell-tale, click-click of an empty ammo cartridge. "Ah crud," he whined. The boy reluctantly dropped his weapon, and high tailed it out of there with the rest of them.

The children broke out into a mad dash when they re-entered the courtyard, Princes Yal'see following along like a lost puppy. The entire plaza had been reduced to an all-out war zone as more and more royal guards flooded into the area. Fed up with how slow she was moving, Wally lift the Princess over his shoulder, and ran to their getaway ride like his tiny, ten year-old life depending on it. The others were quick to follow his example.

"Hurry up!" Numbuh Infinity called out, meeting them halfway. The diplomat showed surprising skill with a S.P.I.C.E.R as he covered Sector V while they escaped. Once they were a jog away from the ride, he fell in step with them. "Where is Princess Yal'see?"

"Right here, are ya blind?" Wally growled from the rear. He grunted as the girl fussed again. This "save the princess cliché" thing was getting real old, real quick. "Tell 'er what's going on so she'll stop squrimin'!"

"Oh, yes, of course!" Infinity backpedaled so he was in Yal'see's line of sight, then he began to translate the situation best he could while under fire. "Baki manu somi. We'k, Al Naor Maka, sal demo chitty chitty b'anga b'anga."

"B'ANGA B'ANGA?" the Princess screeched. Then, in an amazing two seconds flat, the Princess went from meek and nervous, to wild and and rabid. She increased her efforts to escape Wally's grasp ten-fold; kicking his face, punching his shoulder, to even biting at his hair.

"OW! Geez lady!" he yelped. "YEEOW! WHAT THE CRUD DID YOU SAY?"

"I-I only said we were the Kids Next Door, and we were rescuing her to take her back to the Tipuan summit! At least, I that's what I meant to say…"

Abby resisted the urge to slap some sense into the boy. "Where did you get your translator license? At the bottom of a Rainbow Munchie cereal box?"

Nigel's brow picked up an irritable twitch as he noticed the guards getting more desperate. They must have found out the Princess was in there company. "We'll straighten it out later, get her in the RV!"

From his seat in the turret, Hoagie chewed his bottom lip on concentration. These Ubekian soldiers didn't let up. Unfortunately for them, neither did he. But then fortunately for them, his chili ammo tanks chose that exact moment to run out of hot spicy soup. Upon seeing his friends getting overwhelmed, he lowered himself into the RV and scampered around to find some way to help them.

"Boss, Numbuh 5's not sure about you, but seeing the inside of a Ubekian prison is NOT on her bucket list!"

"Num-buh Four!" Nigel stressed, his collected visage slipping with each passing second they were not on back in the safety of the RV. "Move your butt!"

"What does it look like I'm doin'? It's this prissy brat's fault!" Wally raged, struggling to keep Princess Yal'see under control. "Hey, how much trouble do ya think I'd get in for knocking out a princess?"

"Yal'see!" one of the guards called out. The man motioned for the Princess as he and his subordinates approached the RV. "Cala mek! Cala MEK!"

"Uk!" The Princess glared at Wally, ramming her elbow into his noggin. The action was enough for him to lose his grip on her as he rubbed at his newest bump. Once she was free, she did the unthinkable and ran towards the guards.

"Why that stupid little pomp-tail of a–HEY!" he sputtered, realizing that she was getting away. "Are you NUTS?"

"Princess Yal'see!" Nigel yelled as he, Numbuh 4-Below, and Wally took off after her. "Come back!"

Back in the RV, Hoagie ran out the door, holding up an extra C.R.E.A.M.I.E grenade he found. "Everybody, take cover!"

Kuki glanced to where Princes Yal'see was on the field, saw what Hoagie was doing, and a rare look of panic spread over her face. Before it became too late, she attempted to stop him. "Numbuh 2, wait! DON'T–"

But her warning was worthless in the end. Before Hoagie had a chance to think his actions through, the grenade was already sailing through the air. Time seemed to slow down as it neared the ground. Princess Yal'see had just reached the squad of royal guards when the C.R.E.A.M.I.E grenade landed a foot shy in front of her. The young girl paused, having no idea what the strange item was. But the three operatives coming up behind did. All too well. They made a desperate leap for the princess, hoping to reach her before the grenade–


A thank you to XxTheUnspokenTruthxX, whose messages gave me the motivation to write like a monster these last few hours.

Two or three parter. There's a lot more done, but I'm holding off for the ending. Expect the conclusion soon.

How long 'soon' is depends on your faith in me. XD

Buh-bye, now~