Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, unfortunately – I'd be rich!


He dragged me into that room, that horrid, beyond-awful smelling room, for the third time. My whole body aches, and my stomach desperately needs food other than the scraps I have been getting. I was…hurt…badly…the last times I have been in here. Very. Badly. I groan in frustration as my bare feet make contact with the slimy, dirty, cold cement floor as he yanks me down into a chair. My arms are cuffed behind me and I have a bag over my eyes – but I can sense another person there. My Mossad training, I presume. When will they just get this over with? I can't take it anymore. Suddenly, the bag was lifted off my head. I am shocked at the sight before me. Tony!, I think. What's he doing here! How long has he been here? What has happened to him? We start talking…he says he has had truth serum? So everything he is saying is true. "Couldn't live without you, I guess." Did he just say that? Truly? And…does this change…does he maybe l-love me like I d-…. No. I must not think like that. He could have meant it in a million different ways…, right?

.Flash-Forward…

We are at a park on a seemingly beautiful spring day. But it is deceiving. I did not know better. Now I do. There is Ray, kneeling down on one knee. "Ziva David, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He looked up at me eagerly. I said yes, teary-eyed and shocked. I guess that is why I could not see the hint of a smirk on his face. Usually I can spot deceit a mile away. I guess I did not want to see it. He stood up and started laughing uncontrollably at me, while I was standing there choking up on my tears, trying to hold them back in the middle of the park. "You thought I was serious! Why would I want to marry you?" He sneered as he bent over, unable to contain his laughter. I know this is not how it happened, but still, he let me down. He did not trust me. He did not appreciate me. He might as well have done what I dream about – the pain might have been easier to handle than a slow-burning betrayal and long nights of being away from him, with only an empty box to meekly attempt to satisfy me. And worst of all- I fell for every little lie he told me – just like in my nightmares.

.Flash-Forward…

We are sitting on a sofa in a room that I do not recognize. I am snuggling into Tony's chest as he watches a James Bond movie, absentmindedly stroking my hair. I love it when he does that. However, I prefer just to watch him instead. He is handsome, with those bright, all-revealing eyes and his hair…oh how I love his hair. His lips…they look…enticing. He then turned to me and kissed me passionately, and before I knew it I was kissing him back, with all the pent-up tension I've felt over the years. I noticed when we finally broke away with a desperate need for air, and he was kissing my jaw. I let out a soft moan, and I could always see a wedding ring round his finger. I look at my left hand, and sure enough, I have the most beautiful, gorgeous diamond ring. I smile as I pull him back up to me, kissing him again, this time harder, with more passion. I feel him smile into the kiss as I put my hands in his hair. He puts his arms around my waist, pulling me onto his lap. We finally break away after our lungs burn with a desperate need for oxygen as he pulls back, just enough so I can clearly see him. "I love you, Mrs. Anthony DiNozzo, my beautiful ninja." I smile at him and caress his cheek as I say, "I love you so much more, Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo" as we lean in to kiss each other again, with all of the pent-up passion that we have accumulated over the years. I feel peaceful and happy – but more importantly, I feel safe. I always feel safe when I am in his arms.

I jerk awake as a ringing sound interrupts my sleep. I shut off my alarm as I look at the clock. 0515. I sigh as I get up from my bed and walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. As I step into the hot shower, I think. I always have those dreams, the same one, over and over again. The one in Somalia, I understand. I still have not fully gotten over it. The one with Ray make sense too. I mean it did not happen that way, but I see why I dream it. He betrayed me. He lied and lied and I did not see it. I should have seen it.

I start to wash my hair with the hot water pouring down my back and that shampoo Tony loves so much. Wait, Tony? That dream I had, that last one. Is it a wish of mine? Do I love Tony DiNozzo? No, I cannot. He is my partner, and a close friend. That is it. We have each other's back. We care for each other's well-being, as partners should. Right? I do not have feelings for him. I could not. I should not. RIGHT?

By the time I get out of the shower and get dressed it is 0600. I go into my kitchen and make some toast and jam and tea. I sit down in front of the TV and surf through channels eating my breakfast. There is nothing good on in the morning, I think. Ah well, I might as well go to work now. I get up and grab my keys, bag, and my jacket. I jump into my car and head off to work. Well, here goes nothing. I cannot love Tony; it must be a figure of my imagination. It must be. It has to be. I cannot deal with another betrayal. I have already had too many of those.