-Don't Say It's Over Now-
AN: Based off the Tyler Hilton song 'Jenny.' Hope you enjoy, this is my first R/I story.
I was hanging up the last of my dry cleaning when she came in the room. Our eyes met for a quick second before she looked away.
"I'm gonna leave, Maura."
"Oh? Where are you going, I might come along if you don't expect to be out too late."
"No, Maura. I'm gonna leave."
It's then that I notice the bag she's holding in her left hand, her overnight bag. She still won't look at me, though the way she told me she was going to leave, it sounded so casual, almost like she's practiced it before. Now that I take a moment to really look at her, I realize she's anything but casual in her meaning.
I'm not blind. I know these past few months, after the 'incident,' as I like to call it, with my father, have been anything but easy. Our relationship's been strained, and maybe having her move in with me was rushing things, trying to fix things we didn't know how to at the time. We've lost ourselves, the both of us, these past few months. This in-between place we keep falling in and out of, it's not helping matters any, we just don't know what do anymore. It's hard to be around her sometimes, and when I won't talk to her I know it hurts her. It's not fair to either one of us, when our love, something we used to hold so dear, has turned into this strange passive war between us, neither knowing when the next blow is going to come. But we keep fighting, because we love each other. That has never changed. I just fear that we are losing ourselves, losing sight of that more and more. I don't want this to be over.
She moves to leave the room when I finally speak, wanting to stop her.
"Jane. Please, stop. Turn around, look at me."
She doesn't turn, but she doesn't leave, either. So I speak, hoping she's listening.
"I know things haven't been easy between us recently. I know that a lot of it is on me, that I've been taking out my feeling on you. And you let me. I know you purposefully do it, because you think you deserve it, but Jane, you don't. You don't deserve it. I know we're broken, but I want to fix us. Please, don't leave. Don't leave what we've got, even if it doesn't seem like it's there, our love is still present in this room. My love for you has never gone away, and I know your love for me is just as strong as ever, that's probably why your leaving, isn't it? Because you think I deserve better, someone who won't hurt me, who won't let me down. But you've done none of those things, Jane. So please, don't leave. Don't give up everything we have, everything we used to have and can have again, please. I know it won't be easy, trust me I know. Please Jane, after all we've been through, don't say it's over now."
All I can do is stand there and stare at her as I wait for her to make a decision. I think back on the past since I've known Jane; from the moment we met I've felt something I never have with any other person. The only way I can explain it is comparable to a high. Never having been high I can only guess, which I loathe to do, but that's the only thing that comes to mind. There simply is nothing like the high I get when I'm with her. It's like I'm truly alive. When we're apart and I crash back down, that's how I know; it's like a guarantee to what I'm feeling. I feel like I try so hard to be the best for her, to be worthy of her love. And then my insecurities rear their ugly heads and I feel like the only thing she sees is just the worst in me, my incessant Google-speak, as she refers to it, my quirks, my need for order. These things that drive her into annoyance.
All I know is that I don't want this to be over. I don't want to give this up. I know that love isn't easy, isn't like those romantic comedies I'm fond of watching. I just need her to turn around. If only it were so easy. But I know her, and she knows me, we know each other so well, so completely, that to be apart, the very idea is devastating. I know each and every scar on her body, and she knows all the ones I hold inside. These tear that have started to make their way down my face are real, as are hers, she is struggling, she thinks she's doing what's best, that's my Jane. Things have been hard before, and she's stayed because this love is about more than how we feel, it's who we are. I just hope that this isn't the end, that we can weather this storm as well.
I reach out to her one last time.
"Jane, please, just turn around. Don't leave what we have, don't give up all that we have, all that we are, all that we could have. I know it won't always be easy, I know sometimes love hurts, but I promise you Jane, our love is real and it is so powerful. So please, just turn around. Don't say that after all we've been through, that this is the end. Please Jane, turn around, don't end say it's over now."
I wait. For what seems like forever, before she takes a breath. And I wait.
And she turns around.