A/N: So, I wrote this to take a small break from another story I'm working on. I've been meaning to write it for awhile, actually. I have one more Karneval fic planned after this one, a chaptered one (Yogi/Gareki) that'll be A LOT more happy than this XD" It'll probably be more crack than anything...
Also thanks to user Province for translating this fic into Chinese! Hugs and kisses to you!
It was fairly obvious Yogi didn't have a chance in the world.
He never had, and never would. This was the killer fact to his dying fiction. It was the harsh truth to his hopeful lie. It was the lie he told himself to ease the ache he felt in his heart. He used it to cover the empty hole; the void in his chest that longed to be filled. He loaded it with the false fantasy that he had an inkling of a chance, yet it only proved to gouge him even further. He was on the verge of giving up. In fact, he decided he might already be to that point. He saw no point in hurting himself any further. He wasn't a masochist and had no desire to be one. He didn't enjoy the pain of an unrequited love, nor did he love the barren feeling these outlooks had left him with.
He wandered over to the nearest wall and laid his back to rest against it. He brushed his blonde bangs out of his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. Everything in his world was painted gray and black. Everything seemed so monotonous and bleak. Only the lies he kept for his own enjoyment brought vague color into his life. Even then, they weren't vibrant or enjoyable. They only offered him slight comfort from such a disagreeable reality based solely on disappointments and aggravation. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered. Out in the hallway, he could hear familiar voices. At the very sound of one voice, he felt his whole world come to a standstill. That one voice made him remember why he tried. He raised his head up and watched the door expectantly. Everything became dulled as his senses were focused solely on the sound of one person. He shouldn't be doing this to himself, but he just couldn't bring himself to stop. This was his reminder. This was his pain.
He watched them enter the door. Gareki entered first, his usual deadpanned expression present on his flawless face. Yogi's world started to move again, no longer at a stalemate. His honest heart picked up its pace when Gareki's eyes made contact with the his for a mere second. A second later, Yogi's bliss fell short. Nai had been following Gareki around per usual, his curious and innocent expression fixated solely on Gareki was he walked around the tiny room. The teen sat down on the couch adjacent to Yogi, Nai following close behind. Nai was the opposing factor. In his lies, Nai no longer existed, because Yogi couldn't compete with him for Gareki's affection. He knew this. Tried to accept it. It was too difficult. Instead, he fed himself false hopes and dishonesty. Maybe he was a masochist after all. Still, Yogi couldn't bring himself to hate Nai. He found hating himself to be much more agreeable.
Nai was sitting beside Gareki much like Yogi wished he could do. Gareki was so mysterious, so perfect. He was different; he was hard to understand. He kept his past a secret, his emotions hidden, and everything about him masked. Yogi wanted to know more, to understand. He wanted the other to open up to him. He wanted to hold him, cherish him, and tell him how much he meant to him. He found no matter how much he wanted it, he'd never get it. That was another fact to his fictional lies.
Now, Gareki was scolding the smaller boy over something. Nai looked up at Gareki with a guilty and pitiably look in his eyes. Yogi tore his eyes away from the painful scene. It was always the same. He didn't know why he bothered with such torture. His life was trapped in static. Everything was false and full of holes.
And he could accept that. He would accept that. He had to accept it.
He rocked off the wall and began to make his way towards the door. He glanced over his shoulder at Gareki once more before leaving. The brunette glanced up at him, not even his eyes letting through a flicker of emotion. Yogi offered him a feign smile and a small wave while wondering just what went on in that head of his. Nai waved to him wildly as he left, not even questioning where he was going or why he so suddenly left. Yogi grinned once more for Nai before turning back to face the front. As he stepped out into the hallway, his smile fell. Even those were fake and meaningless now. His shoulders felt heavy, matching his heart. The darkness of the hallway accommodated his mood quite well. He forced his feet to trudge forward so he could lie down in his room for the remainder of the evening.
He didn't have a chance in the world. His future was fixed. There was never any competition. Nai had already won the prize.
He didn't have a chance in the world.
A bitter smile crossed his lips as he fought the tears that threatened to spill over.
He didn't have a chance in the world.
The truth left no room for chances.
He was trapped in static.
His static reality made of bitter smiles and lies.
It was all he had left to hold on to.
Because he didn't have a chance in the world.