He was looking at me with this look that I hated to see. The look that always made me feel guilty or bad about him. Stop looking at me like this, please… Will ya? But I didn't say it out loud. He tried to come near to me, but I instinctively took a step back. He understood that I didn't want to be close to him anymore, and he looked at his feet. The only thing I wanted to do was to hug him and kiss him until we both couldn't breath anymore, but I didn't.
"What do you want to tell me?" he asked.
I didn't know how to tell him. But I decided to go straight to the point, "Remember the night we had sex?"
He nodded, "How can I forget?"
"Well… I don't know how to tell you but … I think I might be pregnant," I added quickly. I couldn't face him.
He stayed silent for so long that I thought he was gone. I looked up to see him and realized he was doing the same. He seemed surprised, uncertain, stunned, completely taken off guard.
"You are what?" he said.
"I might be pregnant," I repeated with a lower voice. He didn't answer. He didn't even say a thing, like he didn't know what to say or how to react to this. Surprise was written all over his face. And something else but I couldn't name it. I was looking at him, waiting for an answer that didn't seem to be on its way. "Of course, if I really am, I'll take care of the problem," I added.
"Take care of it? You mean you'll have an abortion?" he exclaimed. He didn't seem to agree with his words, but he didn't seem to be okay with the fact that he might be a father, just like he didn't truly want me to have the abortion, but he didn't truly want to deal with a kid either. "I really don't know what to say," he finally admitted.
I sighed. He got closer to me, and this time I didn't take a step back. He put his fingers on my chin to make me look at him in the eyes. In these blue eyes I tried so hard to avoid. I tried to resist, but he didn't give up. And I finally met his eyes. "You'll be okay. It'll be fine during the abortion," he assured.
I looked at him. He couldn't really be saying this. "So I was right when I thought you didn't truly love me," I said, backing off. I looked away and made his hand go off my chin. He wasn't supposed to touch me anymore. "And I was right about you and Ariana," I added. I felt so betrayed. I really did. I didn't want to cry in front of him so I hold my tears back. I had to be strong. I had to show him that he didn't have any kind of power over me. Not anymore.
"What? No you are wrong. I loved you and still do," he said.
"Yeah, I believe you," I mumbled.
"I swear," he said.
"I don't fucking care, Thomas!" I cried. "How could you do this to me? I think I deserved the truth and you lied! I hate you, I really do. I don't even know how I could love you! You are a jerk. I hope you'll be happy with your girl because I ain't gonna be one of 'em anytime soon. I just wanted to tell you for the baby because I thought you might be supportive. Guess I was wrong," I added. I was so pissed right now it wasn't the time to try arguing with me.
"It's your hormones," he said.
"Yeah, you can thank them because otherwise, it would have been worse," I replied. I was being a jerk myself but I didn't even care. I wanted to break his heart the way he broke mine.
"You don't really think what you're saying," he explained. He hadn't understood a single thing at all, did he?
"Oh no I really do," I riposted. I didn't want to look at him, I knew he would look at me with this face that he knew I just couldn't resist. And I needed to be strong tonight. I couldn't be weak. "Anyway, why do you care?" I said. "It's not like I'm gonna be a problem." I knew he was looking at me. In a way I was, too, but I wasn't looking in his eyes. I was looking lower.
"You know I care, Reed," he whispered.
"Yeah, I can see this. You care so much that you have new girlfriend Ariana to help you getting over me," I replied. I was stuck on this. I couldn't believe this. I couldn't be with the Billings girls knowing this. So she loved him. It made sense now. It explained why she didn't want me around him. And the way they were looking at each other. I'd been just a fun game for Thomas. When I thought I was more, I just wasn't.
"I ain't with Ariana," he told me.
"I don't care."
"You're a very bad liar."
I avoided his look, "I don't even know why I came here to talk to you."
"Because you still care. Reed, why don't we forget the past? I can't stop thinking about you."
"If you hadn't been with Ariana like five minutes ago, I would've believe you. But this, it's just more than what I can take," I said.
"Me and Ariana, we had a secret story, I couldn't tell you because I was ashamed of it. I mean, the girl is a freak and I had to see her tonight to clear things up," he explained.
"That wasn't the only thing you were cleaning," I replied.
"I'm telling you, Reed. I love you, now. Since I have met you, you're the only one I see. I made mistakes, but I still think we can work it out, don't you think?"
I couldn't forget Ariana, "She was holding your hand!" I reminded him.
He sighed. "Forget about her," he said. "She's everything you're not, and since I love you, I can't be with her. I just had to tell her that I'll do everything I can to get you back."
"I don't know if you can get me back, Thomas," I whispered.
"Why? I'll do whatever it takes," he promised.
"I think it's better for both of us if we are apart," I said, slowly.
In fact, I just wouldn't survive if he broke my heart another time. I knew I loved him too much to be safe. It was better if we had separated lives. It sounded bright to do this. But even I couldn't follow my brain. It told me to slap him and go. My heart was telling me something else. To make him suffer. So hard. I wanted him to feel the pain I was feeling at this moment.
Thank you billings girl, for the lovely review! xx