"I feel relieved," I told Dash.
He was proud of me for what I had done. I had never thought I would be this courage but I did.
"See, told you you could deal with it," he said.
I frowned. It was only the beginning. Things were just getting started.
"Slut," a girl whispered while she was walking in front of me. I didn't answer, I was so shocked I couldn't react the way I wanted to.
Dash stood up and caught up with the girl, "Watch your words. And looking at how you're dressed, you are the slut. Reed is being strong and nice not a slut. You should apologize," he told her. I couldn't believe he was doing this for me. But it was embarrassing. The girl, a blond tall one looked at me. With this bitch look I just hated.
"I would, but I don't say sorry to sluts," she laughed before leaving.
Dash was shocked I could tell. He was surprised too. He stayed there doing nothing.
"Dash..." I called. He looked at me and came sit next to me. "Don't worry," I told him "It ain't that bad. Besides, I don't care like I said earlier. I have to be strong for Thomas. He wouldn't want me to be broken."
"You are right. I see you know him even better than I did," he sighed.
"Did?" I noticed. So he believed Thomas was dead too.
"Yes, he ain't there anymore."
"Not for now."
"What? You think he is still alive? Reed, look at all the proofs cops got." He sighed. "Maybe Thomas had very debatable ideas, but he would never do something like that. He'd never let us think that he's dead if he's not."
"I know. But I can't help but think that I would've felt it if he really did die, don't you think? And I felt nothing. Nothing at all. I was a bit worried, and that's it! I should've known something was wrong. I should've acted differently. I should've told him I loved him, I should've ..."
"Reed, calm down," Dash voice calmly interrupted me.
I took a deep breath.
"It ain't about Thomas still being alive, right? You feel guilty," he affirmed.
I sighed and avoided his look. Guilty. Maybe. Maybe I felt guilty. I was lost; I couldn't even tell. I shrugged, "I have no idea."
Dash smiled, a sad one. "It is normal, Reed, but you have nothing to do with this."
"I wish you were right," I whispered.
"How is that? You wish I were right? I am right. Reed you didn't do anything to hurt him! You weren't even there!" Dash argued.
"But I did hurt him. Many times," I replied.
He sighed. "You might have hurt him but not physically," he corrected.
I didn't answer because he was right and there was nothing more to say. I looked at Dash. He was handsome with his blue shirt. Noelle was lucky to have a guy like him. He was a real listener.
"I should go," I told Dash.
"Why?" he asked.
"I feel like I need to explain this to Josh," I mumbled. I did. I couldn't forget the look he had given to me. Dirty look with disgust in the eyes and rejection.
"You shouldn't," Dash suggested.
"He needs to handle it on his own. He is confused enough like this, so don't confuse him even more. It wouldn't be fair for him," Dash continued.
"Maybe you are right," I whispered. I looked away. I had hanged out with Dash for the rest of the day, skipping classes, just like him. It wasn't so good for his reputation with teachers but he didn't seem to matter. Neither did I.
After awhile, Dash and I left the secret place where we met. It wasn't secret at all but it was better for us if no one found out. Because we'd probably both be dead.
I walked to my room with a certain sadness. Constance was in the salon with Witt. They were kissing and I suddenly felt sick. I wanted to be there, with Thomas. I wanted to kiss him and be able to hug him so hard. A tear started to slip on my left cheek. I wiped it off. I didn't need this. I had to focus on the future baby. Which wasn't easy.
I noticed girls of my house leaving the room as I walked in. Sure, I hadn't a good reputation and now it was even worse. People didn't want to be seen with me. Like they would catch my disease or something. People just didn't understand what it was like: they couldn't understand.
I caught Constance's eyes but she looked away and continued to kiss her boyfriend like she had never seen me. It really did hurt me. I thought she was my friend and she was just acting like everyone in this school. I felt betrayed. Everything I had ever told her. I trusted her, I counted on her, she was like my solid base here at Easton. And now she was ignoring me. And I knew it wasn't unconsciously.
The atmosphere was awkward. No one was in the piece except for Witt and Constance but I really felt like hitting her right now. So I just left the house. If I couldn't even count on my roommate, like my best friend here, I couldn't count on anyone. Anyone except Dash maybe.
I walked straight to Ketlar. I knocked at Josh's door. He opened after a few seconds. He looked surprised to see me. But he immediately took his angry face before letting me in.
"I want to talk to you," I started.
"Go on," he said. He was being rude and I couldn't blame him but this was one of the last thing I needed.
"I was planning on telling you," I said.
He looked at me. And I saw ignorance in his eyes like he didn't care anymore.
"But you didn't and I learned it at the same time everyone else did. I feel betrayed. I thought I was your friend and you don't tell me half of the things going on in your life. I didn't even know you had sex with him!" he cried.
I frowned. "I don't really wanna talk about sex with you, Josh. It ain't something I wanna tell everyone. But if I'm pregnant from Thomas, we must have had sex."
"I don't wanna hear this," he stopped me.
I stopped the words that were about to come out of my mouth.
"I don't even know how Dash can hang out with you this much, knowing you hid so many things," he continued.
"Actually, he knew I was pregnant. I told him before telling everyone else," I dropped.
And by the way he looked at me, I knew I should've kept my mouth shut.