Summary: The REAL reason Unit-02 wasn't in the compatibility tests had nothing to do with Asuka, and everything to do with Shinji's number one fangirl... her mother.
Pairing: Shinji/Kyoko. Yes, that would be Asuka's mom. First pairing of its kind, hell yeah!
Rating: M for crack and smexiness.
If you see
then that would cue the soundtrack.
Ritsuko asked, "Subject status?"
"A bit jittery, but no problems found in the nerve patterns."
Currently, Doctor Akagi was performing cross-compatibility tests on the Evas and their pilots, in an effort towards gathering data for a potential auto-pilot system.
Misato said, "This is his first time in Unit-02, his first time piloting another Eva. It's only natural."
Grumbling from the Operations Director's side, Asuka muttered, "Yeah, I know. Still don't see why the Commander had to give stupid Shinji my Unit-02."
Misato replied, "Just because he's in it now doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be a permanent thing. Right now we're just collecting data for one of Ritsuko's tests, you're all still officially designated to your original Evas."
Mollified for the moment, Asuka turned away with a huff, although still keeping an eye on the screen of Shinji's activities in Unit-02.
Ritsuko asked over the comm, "Shinji, how do you feel in Unit-02's entry plug?"
Pausing a moment, Shinji eventually replied, "It feels kinda… weird."
Shaking his head, he replied, "Not like that. It smells… kinda like Asuka, but different. It's really nice, and the LCL feels warm. Not uncomfortable or anything, kinda the opposite. … I guess it feels like…"
Eager for more data and pleased that the test seemed to be going smoothly thus far, Ritsuko prompted, "Go on, Shinji. What does it feel like? Any impressions you can give us might be helpful in some way later."
Unsure of himself, Shinji eventually decided, "Um, well, I guess it feels kind of like an embrace, sort of. Like there's a spirit inside the Eva that's trying to assure me that I'm not alone, almost sort of clinging to me or something. … I bet you all think I'm stupid or something."
Ritsuko, knowing the truth about the Evas, was within a hair of freaking the hell out at how close the Third Child had come to breaking the masquerade, but managed to keep her composure nearly as well as Gendo Ikari himself would have.
Misato graciously, if unwittingly, gave her friend further time to stabilize as she said, "Actually, I thought it was kind of poetic. Maybe you should think about being some kind of writer later in life."
Ritsuko chose not to comment and instead merely said, "Data received. Reconfirming… pattern green."
"All restraints are nominal."
Ritsuko continued, "Now we'll shift the mutual compatibility test to the second stage. Unit-02, entering second contact."
Misato asked, "How's it look?"
Observing the readings, Ritsuko allowed herself to voice some of her surprise. "Amazing. The sync ratio is higher than both that of Shinji with Unit-01 and that of Asuka with Unit-02, holding steady at 120%. … Wait a second, one-hundred and twenty?"
Alarmed, Asuka found herself unable to speak for the first time in quite a while.
After performing a number of other checks, Ritsuko was able to confirm that the sync reading was not an anomaly – that it actually was that high.
Shrugging, she began to initiate the third connection.
"Commence A-10 nerve connections… Harmonics level plus forty…"
Inside the Entry Plug
As he began to feel himself connecting to the Eva strongly enough that he could make it move, Shinji heard a feminine voice. It reminded him of Asuka's, somewhat, but rather than the obnoxious sarcasm and hostility he'd come to expect from her, this voice was like music to his very soul.
Sultry, inviting, and a million other things of the same sort, the voice warmly crooned, "It's been years and years since I've run across a young man like yourself. So kind, so warm… And judging from all the crap you take from that idiot daughter of mine, you must have the patience of a saint…"
Feeling the source of the voice peer into his mind, Shinji nevertheless also found himself observing memories not his own, as if his mind itself was mingling with that of the Eva's.
Then the spoken words finally registered in his brain and he stammered, "Wait a second, Asuka's your daughter?"
Within the LCL, a feminine silhouette had begun to form, a ghostly shape appearing before Shinji's eyes. While it had not yet begun to take on distinct features, it was clearly a woman with an attractive frame.
The phantasm lifted a hand and gently began to caress Shinji's face, replying, "That's right. Oh dear, I haven't introduced myself, have I? Can we start over again please?"
Confused but deciding to roll with whatever hallucination he was experiencing, Shinji nodded. "I'm Shinji Ikari. I'm normally the pilot of Eva Unit-01."
The liquid ghost before him seemed to smile and nodded a bit. "My name is Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu, the power source of Eva Unit-02. Shinji, it's a dear pleasure to have finally met you."
Eyes widening a bit, Shinji found himself frowning a bit as he asked, "Why? I'm not special or anything. I'm just a coward who doesn't want to fight."
The LCL phantom moved forward, then, and had begun to take a fully human form all of its own, to the point that Shinji now could clearly see her appearance.
Kyoko was indeed a beautiful woman, calling to mind both Asuka's vitality and the faded memories of his own mother's kindness.
The redhead had now become fully corporeal – or perhaps they'd somehow synced so high that Shinji was now merged with the Eva as well – and she embraced the young man before her, whispering in his ear.
"Maybe so, but that's not the Shinji Ikari that I can see. I see a handsome, ordinary young man who suddenly finds himself saddled with the weight of the world itself on his back. Even though he doesn't want to, he understands that it's the right thing to do, and so he tries to shoulder that burden all by himself. I see a young man with a kind heart who doesn't want to battle, but nevertheless tries with all his might to protect human life. You might be afraid sometimes, but that's perfectly normal. The important thing is that you don't let your fear stop you from moving forward. That's the definition of a hero, Shinji."
Eyes beginning to water, Shinji replied, "But I'm not a hero, I don't want to be here! I just want to have a normal life!"
Smiling kindly, Kyoko said, "And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that."
Then, she giggled a bit before asking, "Besides, don't you realize how heroic you just sounded? Most real heroes are the guys who don't think about being heroic, it just happens."
Then, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, she added, "I've seen how you are through my syncs with Asuka. You really are, without a doubt, the sweetest guy I've ever met, and that girl of mine is a complete moron not to see it. And… that life that you want… I know that you don't know me very well, but if it's okay… well, I think I'd like to be a part of it."
Dumbstruck, Shinji needed a few minutes to compose himself before he asked, "Um… what?"
"You're a really sweet guy, Shinji, and you deserve to be happy. And I'd like to try to be the person who gives you that happiness. … Wow, I'm usually more straightforward about this kind of thing."
Here, Kyoko hesitated for a moment, before she said, "I'm saying that I think I love you, that you're a wonderful guy, and that I think I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you, provided I can get out of this stupid cyborg. You don't have to give me an answer now, just think it over for a while."
With that, the slim scientist pulled in Shinji for a passionate kiss.
However, as she separated from him, Shinji's brain started working again as he asked, "Hang on a second, Evas work because they have people's souls in them? In that case, who're in Units 01 and 02? What's going on here? And most importantly... why am I not freaking out right now?"
Kyoko kept her expression even as she began to explain, though it was clearly a subject she didn't want to talk about.
"The first several Evas wouldn't activate because they didn't have a soul. The next few after that wouldn't work because the soul inside it didn't have a bond with the pilot. Somebody, then, decided that the pilots' mothers should be used for the fuel. So the soul of Unit-01 is your mother, Yui Ikari. Rei doesn't really have a mother, from what I've been able to gather, so the soul of Unit-00 is a fragment of Naoko Akagi, Ritsuko's mother. That woman had four sides to her, three of which are in the MAGI - woman, mother, and scientist - while the fourth one, which is in Unit-00, was a goddamn internet troll."
Smiling warmly again, she then said, "As for what's going on at this moment, I'm still stuck inside the demigod cyborg Evangelion Unit-02. However, when Gendo scheduled the cross-compatibility tests going on at present, I decided that I just had to meet you face-to-face... well, kinda. So I cranked up our sync ratio to 400, bringing you into the Eva so that we could talk and interact like this."
Seeing Shinji's eyes widen with worry, she placatingly raised her hands and quickly said, "Hey, it's totally cool, though. Yui might be a newb about it, but I've got the sync control thing down pat. I can absolutely reverse the sync overload and get you back into the real world, I promise."
With that, Kyoko gave Shinji another kiss before finally allowing the sync ratio to drop and releasing the Third Child into the world outside Eva once more.
Back in reality…
Ritsuko was freaking out about mental contamination and how a 400 percent sync ratio that suddenly ought to be impossible.
Asuka was freaking out over her Eva eating her idiot butler.
Misato was freaking out over Unit-02 eating her sweet and adorable butler.
PenPen was freaking out because he could telepathically detect that he'd lost his butler, too.
The bridge bunnies were freaking out because they just saw a dude dissolve into tang.
Gendo was mentally freaking out over losing his main pawn, though he disguised it remarkably well.
Fuyutsuki was freaking out because he actually noticed that Gendo was freaking out.
Yui was freaking out because her best friend had just put the moves on her baby, and was trying to strangle Kyoko by means of telepathy, a skill she thankfully did not possess.
Naoko was laughing her ass off at everyone else freaking out and wanted to watch everyone freak out even more when the Third Child eventually got laid inside his head. Or in reality. That would be even funnier, she mused.
Rei blinked. And then…. she blinked once more.
Unit-02 then released Shinji as the sync ratio climbed back down to a stable 120 percent, even ensuring that the Third Child was back in his plugsuit.
Shinji then observed that, for once, he was the only one not freaking out, which made him feel better about himself now that he was the only sane man, if just for the moment.
Upon noticing that Shinji was among them again, everybody stopped freaking out. Except for Yui, Asuka, and Ritsuko. They were still pretty freaked.
Then the alarm activated, indicating an Angel attack.
[cue "Cruel Angel's Thesis"]
Given that he was already inside of Asuka's mom, Shinji deigned not to switch Evas and merely went to the surface in Unit-02.
When they arrived, they observed a black-and-white sphere in the sky. However, before they could do anything, its shadow swallowed up Unit-02.
However, just before Shinji could start going back into freakout mode, Kyoko's melodic voice came into his mind, this time with an excited edge that proved that this woman did indeed have Asuka's genes.
Shinji could practically see Kyoko's look of wonder, and then excitement as an idea struck her, and then of triumphant glee.
"Honey, leave this one to me."
Concerned and yet awed at the confidence in her voice – but none of the smugness that so often wormed its way into Asuka's – Shinji asked, "Really? Are you sure that you know how to win?"
Proud and very excited, and yet not arrogant, Kyoko said, "No point in hiding it now, I'M THE WORLD'S MASTER OF AT FIELD THEORY! Naoko had the computer programming skills, Yui had the knowledge of genetics, but neither of them could ever hold the slightest candle to me in the realm of spacey-wacey psuedoscience!"
Thus reassured, Shinji allowed Kyoko to take full control over the cyborg quasideity.
Then, hundreds upon thousands of equations scrolled before his eyes, faster than he could see.
After about three seconds, Unit-02 folded its arms across its chest, giving the impression of a smirk beneath its helmet.
And that is when all hell broke loose, thousands of motes of light appeared everywhere on Unit-02… and then every square inch of the crimson Eva shot a laser into the void, and each laser split into a hundred other lasers, and when they hit the vast nothingness each point of impact exploded like a supernova, and there was just Unit-02 in a white room with the Core.
At this, Kyoko shouted, "Now's our chance for an all-out attack!"
Inspired by the amazing spectacle he had just witnessed, Shinji took partial control back, their sync ratio climbing to over 200 percent.
As one, the duo shouted, "SUPER! INAZUMA! KIIIIICK!"
Unit-02 promptly leapt higher into the void and flew at the crimson gem like a rocket, before doing a frontflip and shattering it into so much cheap jewelery with a single kick.
With this taken care of, Unit-02 promptly forced the now-dead Angel to give birth to it, and the cyborg war machine reappeared in the real world bathed in blood.
Shinji and Kyoko's sync rate cranked back to 400 for a moment so that the redhead could give her potential boyfriend another passionate kiss, her spiritual hormones ignited by the battle that had just taken place.
Shinji decided that he was also fond of Kyoko and, despite the weirdness of it all, wanted to give their relationship a chance.
The next thing he knew, he had become a man.
With the audio feed still active, giving everyone at HQ exact knowledge of what – or rather, how they were doing (each other).
Asuka blanched at the thought of that idiot in psychological bed with the soul of her Unit-02, then blanched even further as she realized that those well-satisfied moans sounded disturbingly familiar.
Misato found herself trying to imagine herself in the other woman's place.
As did Ritsuko. And Maya.
Shigeru and Makoto, however, tried to imagine themselves in Shinji's place. It didn't work very well.
Gendo felt an awkward sort of pride upon hearing firsthand evidence of his son's prowess. Clearly, Shinji had inherited something from his father after all.
Fuyutsuki was in a coma, being far too old for this crap.
Yui was desperately trying to achieve a berserker state so she could get out there and gruesomely murder the skank who dared to corrupt her innocent baby… but kept getting distracted by the – apparently very good – sex coming over communications. Damn her inner pervert.
Naoko was laughing her ass off, wondering how next she might get a chance to drive people insane for her amusement.
And Rei…. Rei just stood there and blinked again.
Then everybody just realized that Shinji just boned the soul of EVA-02.
Then they wondered what precisely was wrong with that thought, before it dawned on them and as one, Makoto, Maya, Shigeru, Asuka, and Misato turned to the Commander and stared at him.
Gendo's defense was simple.
He placed his interlaced hands before his face, donned his extra-shiny glasses, and flatly said, "What."
Um…. Yeah. Not sure what more I can say about this one…. Other than review, if only to count the Shout Outs.
Asuka had tried to fight valiantly in Unit-00, and she'd been so close at success… except that Naoko kept trying to molest her.
Rei wasn't allowed in Unit-01, as every time she synced with it, she'd start screaming "MUWAHAHAHAHA, YOUR ASS IS MINE NOW, KYOKO!"
Which meant that Shinji and Unit-02 were alone on the battlefield, facing the mightiest Angel to yet appear.
The Arm of God.
The Angel charged up a massive optic blast, and fired.
However, Unit-02 simply summoned its AT Field and rendered the attack useless, while Kyoko faked a yawn as she said, "No sell."
Furious at being taken so lightly, Zeruel shot out an appendage at Unit-02, expecting to completely separate the head from the body.
Instead, Unit-02 leapt into the air and, with a 400 percent sync ratio, lightly touched down upon the paper-thin arm without causing it to bend in the least.
The crimson crusader then seemed to vanish for a moment, before suddenly appearing directly in front of Zeruel in mid-air and drop-kicking it in the face.
Then, just before the Angel could do anything to retaliate, Kyoko fashioned the Eva's AT Field into a bass guitar, and began rushing at the alien star god.
As one, Shinji and Kyoko yelled, "DISAPPEAR… INTO… THE LIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"
And lo, Evangelion Unit-02 smote down Zeruel's face with the guitar, and upon impact, the Angel began dissolving into tiny motes of light in a very pretty display.
[cue "Ride On Shooting Star", FLCL]