A/N: Well, hello, thank you for taking the time to read this, and please review it! I love writing dialogues and one-shots, so here are some of my creations! A few of the dialogues are prompted from the Brilliant Book of Doctor Who 2012.
Disclaimer: Don't own Doctor Who, as much as I'd like to. And this is also not meant to be a real person fiction, the Royals are just mentioned and do not otherwise react with any fictional characters.
"I love weddings. Do you love weddings, River?"
"Hmm… Depends whose wedding it is, I suppose. My-"
"I love weddings River. I really do."
"… So you've said, sweetie. Numerous times. For the last three hours we've been stood here."
"Yeah, I know, but I just love weddings. Especially Royal weddings."
"Yes, I know, sweetie. Can we go somewhere, now? Or at least storm the palace or something."
"…No, River. We are definitley not storming the palace. This is the marriage between Prince William and Kate Middleton, this wedding will go down in history, and I'm giving you the privilege of watching…"
"I don't really care whose wedding it is, sweetie. We've been outside here for hours and haven't seen a thing, and that man over there keeps looking at my rear…"
"Be patient, River. They'll be coming soon. Promise."
"…Ugh, can we please just try and break into the palace? I'm so bored."
"I thought you liked weddings, River! That is why I brought you here!"
"No! I said nothing about weddings! I suggested the blossoming mountains of Filimon 3! You were the one to go on about flipping weddings."
"Oh, yeah. Maybe it was me."
"Thank you. Can we go now?"
"Look River- they're coming! Wave your flag and cheer! Show your patriotism!"
"Why? You're not even British, Doctor. I'm not strictly British either. So why do I have to be patriotic to a country I'm not even native to?"
"I'm quite good friends with the Royal Family, actually. So I decided to pay my respects."
"No-one's died, Doctor. So you don't need to 'pay your respects'."
"And if you're such good friends with her Majesty, why couldn't you grab us seats in the church where it's all happening?"
"…Rule number one. What exactly did you lie about?"
"Well, I'm not exactly friends with the Royals."
"So what are you? Acquaintances?"
"… What would you say if they've wanted me dead since 1647 when I stood up Liz I at the altar?"
"I would say: Oh Doctor, you bad, bad boy."
"…River, there's the Queen of England! Liz II! Wave your flag!"
"Wait, Doctor, shouldn't you- Stop it! Doctor! Get- Stop! Get your flag out my face! Put it down!"
"Doctor get up, if you needed to hide we shouldn't have come in the first place."
"Doctor, get up, people are giving you funny looks- oh."
"Doctor. One question. What the heck is that frightful thing on your head? No, don't grin at me like that."
"It's called a 'Fascinator' River. All the hip Royals are wearing them. Do you like it?"
"… I really don't know what to say, Doctor. You've left me speechless."
"I never thought I'd see the day, River Song."
"Why exactly is it called a 'Fascinator', do you think?"
"You've got that face on River. I'm sure you've got quite a fascinating reason as to why a 'Fascinator' is called a 'Fascinator.'"
"No, sorry, I don't."
"Then why have you got that face on?"
"… I'm thinking of a simply fascinating way of destroying it."