Notes: And yet another Les Mis/Disney parody, this time featuring poor Marius as he gets trolled by the universe and Les Amis. There will be slash of the Joly/Bossuet nature and eventually Enjolras/Grantaire, so if this offends you, please back away from the fic.

This was written from a prompt by a friend on Tumblr who requested Les Amis as Disney princesses.

I regret nothing.

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince by the name of Marius Pontmercy lived in a lavish kingdom. All was well, until one day, the people rose in revolution.

Not knowing what to do, the king turned to his trusted advisor, who implored him to send his son off on a journey to rescue nine princesses.

"Once the young Prince Marius rescues them, then peace will reign in your kingdom once more."

And so Marius went to rescue the first princess.

He was to attend a ball and find the most beautiful girl, dance with her, and kiss her before the stroke of midnight. He found her, but before he could gather up the nerve to ask her to dance, it was midnight, and she was gone. He chased after her as best as he could, but all he found of her was one glass slipper.

With the help of the city guard, he went to the house of each guest of the ball to try on the slipper. One of the guards gave him a dubious look but just rolled with it; surely Prince Marius would be able to recognize the girl with just one look. Surely Prince Marius realized that many women could fit into that shoe, not just the first one. But he said nothing and let the prince go about his search his own way.

They went to house after house throughout the day, but no luck. Finally, they wound up at one house whose two daughters were obviously much too ugly to have been the princess Marius sought, but Marius insisted that they try the shoe on anyway.

To nobody's surprise and yet Marius's exasperation, no luck. Or all the luck.

They were about to leave when a drunken voice slurred, "Wait! I need to try it on, too!"

Marius stopped, turned, and with a bemused expression stated, "You, sir, are not a woman."

"Please do not mind him," said the mother frantically. "He's just our housekeeper. And a rather useless one at that."

"Let me try on the shoe!"

"This shoe is made of glass, and your foot will not fit."

"Let me!"

Marius shot a glance at the guard, and the guard shrugged. The mother sighed. "Oh, please, Prince Marius, let him try it on. He will not shut up until you do."

Despite the man's large foot, the shoe fit.

Marius was speechless.

The man grinned. "Ha! I knew it! That spell might have gone away at midnight, but the shoe will always fit my feet! I was wondering where the other one had gone off too. Thank you, good monsieur!"

"Er... wait. Were you... a woman... last night?"

"Well, I'm a woman every night, as soon as the sun goes down and the spell disappears at the stroke of midnight. I was told I could break the spell if I kissed my one true love, which is what I was doing at the ball, but alas, he was not there."


"But I suppose I shall try again another night. Thank you, Prince Marius!"

Then Marius remembered what his father's advisor had said, and he gulped. Was he, perhaps, this man's one true love? He had to kiss him, and yet... he had to kiss all the princesses.

It made no sense, but he went for it.

"Wha-what are you doing?" cried the man, blinking at him in confusion.

"I... you were the most beautiful woman at the ball last night and I-"

"You thought I was beautiful?"

"And I'm on this journey to save the kingdom and I thought that maybe... I don't know..."

"A journey? May I come with you?"

"Excuse me?"

The man smiled. "I think part of the reason I have not had any luck finding my one true love is that I am stuck here, cleaning and cooking for these ungrateful women when I could be out looking for the man I love! Please, let me come with you!"

Marius glanced at the guard again, who only shrugged again. Marius sighed.

"Very well. And you are...?"