How could it be possible to be in love with someone you hardly know? How is it possible I feel this way yet not even sure if this is something I should act on or even go there, I mean it could be worse, now it is worse. I can't. I simply and won't. I mean my father would just….he would just have a such a field day. He might even send me. NO he WOULD send me to one of those camps, like a concentration camp maybe that fixes broken sons. Son's who are failures in their eyes and lives altogether. Yet I have this desire, this want, this urge to just swoop him into my arms, kiss him passionately and give him all my love that I know he deserves so very much.
Aright why is this so bloody complicated, I mean I should be into chicks right, I mean look at Maddie right, she is such a sweet, well cute, all round nice girl who would be able to make any man happy, yet she does nothing for me in the way of love or desire.
But Luke on the other hand, well, his smile, his laughter, his all round view on life its just, just, god even words aren't even enough to describe. It like he has this hold on me, and I just need, no I want to have, that I feel and cherish when I am around him.
I simply can't be myself, my heart beats a million miles an hour, its like everything else is blanked out when he is next to me or in a room, cause my eyes can only see him. They want to be with him. My body tingles every time he touches me. I come alive with these sensations I have never had or even felt before. it's a feeling I want to keep and not feel like the worthless shit I am supposed to be for my father. Arrggghh what a bloody bigot he is. What would he know is good for me huh, remind me again please, cause there is no way I am joining the army just to prove I can be a "man". I am already a Man thank you daddy dear.
Hmm maybe this would be easier if I just tried to forget…..Nope no hope, he has me hook, line and sinker, and I am drowning fast, so I need to find land soon and do something to stop all this nonsense and come to my own senses.
"Earth to Noah…Noah…..oi…..Mr Noah…..Mayer, god what does it take hmmm" Luke asked himself as he was desperately trying to get Noah attention "Mr Director…For god's sake, NOAH" Luke yelled out as Noah came out of his thoughts and looks up at Luke, who is smiling "Hey, hey Luke sorry, I was, was deep in thought" Noah replied as his thoughts were still playing in his head, over and over again maybe I should just tell him - no I can't, he might not, but then again he did tell me he liked me, yeah, liked me like that "so what's up, what's on your mind then Mayer?" Luke said sitting down next to me looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes god I could just soo lost in those eyes, the passion, the love, the … god I could just hold him right now.
"Um nothing, nothing, just some personal things I am thinking of, things that I need to think before I try to do anything more or just even do the wrong thing if you know what I mean?" god why did I just say that? Honestly I just cannot believe I just said that, god am I blonde or what? I soo just want to run away right now and never come back - NO - just get a grip Mayer, look he is looking at me, oh crap, I said the wrong thing, please, please don't take it the wrong way I thought to myself
"Umm no I don't think I can, but then again, it is good to think about things and escape, and I am sorry I did disturb you, I didn't meant to but we need to go through this schedule for tomorrow's shoot ok?' Luke said looking at me, to me and then to clip board he is holding "um yeah sure, what's up exactly, I have tomorrow memorized so it should be a problem, might get things finished quickly maybe?" god I am doing it again, do I have foot in mouth disease? Seriously Mayer just shut up with the blurting, really get a grip.
I look at Luke who has a strange look on his face as if he is offended, god that was the last thing I ever wanted to do to you, Luke. Before I could even reply I notice someone walking through the office door "Noah son, where the hell have you been, we where supposed to be meeting at Als' about 40 minutes ago. You know I hate it when people run late, especially my own flesh and blood" my father said gazing at me with an evil look "Im sorry dad, I just….I…I Just got caught up here and Luke and Myself where running through everything for tomorrow cause we have a very full and hectic day, so please, if you could just leave us alone, I should be with you in about - oh maybe 5 years when I give a damn" oh shit, why did I just say that, that's not good at all.
"excuse me son, what did you just say, no forget it, now you can see why it's important you joining the Army and become the man I know you are, son, instead of the rebellious, self righteous little shit you think you are, cause your not" my father said, almost spitting the words at myself and Luke "anyway, why would you want to spend your time with faggot boy over there, he is nothing but a pervert, someone who definitely should not be on this earth at all" god my father is an arsehole, I am really getting sick of this shit, ok I think its time Noah, its now or never.
"Well if that's the way you think daddy dear, well then guess what - I AM FAGGOT, PERVERT, QUEER, FUDGE PACKER whatever you want to call it and I should have done this a very, very long time ago, I just don't know why I never got the guts to do it before now, so pay attention dad, cause im only confirming this for you, and letting Luke know how I exactly feel for him" CRAP I soo cannot believe I just said that out loud.
I look at Luke and I place my hand behind his head "this…..this is all I want Luke" and with that I kiss him, at first slowly to see if he know this IS exactly what I want, I want him, so I continue the kiss, Placing my tongue within his mouth and playing with his tongue as they meet. I closed my eyes and could feel the sparks flying off us both. I fell like all the butterflies are flying around my stomach, Making my legs go weak at the knees. god he is sch a awesome kisser, he is such the keeper that's for sure.
I open my eyes as we finish our kiss and look into Luke's brown eyes, I whisper to him "I want you Luke, you are all I want or ever need, I love you with all my heart, I have never felt this way for anyone, and its driving me crazy" I say as Luke kisses me back "Of course Noah, god I feel exactly the same, I….I just thought you weren't interested?" Luke asks me looking straight into my eyes "Oohh I am Luke, its just thanks to hime that I finally snapped. I would never let anyone talk to you like that and I certainly would never let anyone hurt you especially that piece of shit there" I pointed to my father, who by now was very angry, as he slowly started to move into our direction.
"No son of mine will ever be GAY you understand you pervert, how could you let him suck you into his dirty world Noah, this isn't you" Winston cried out "well im sorry dad but its is me, and my world - no our world thank you and its not dirty, its better than what I have at the moment that's for sure" I said as security came in and where now trying to work out what is happening. I am glad that they are removing my father, cause I so never want to see him again ever!
I look back at Luke who is looking at me "Are you sure Noah this is what you want" he asks "never more sure of anything in my Life my Luke" I said as I looked into his Brown eyes and held his hand. I slowly moved into to kiss him again, to seal the deal and prove my undivided love for my man.
And that my friends is how Luke and I started our long and loving relationship. I have never looked back since!