(A/N) Woo my first SD fanfic! The only thing I have to say about this is that I must've written this when I was high xD Oh, and this also took place in the future. And that I think they should have a genre choice for, "crack".
Let me get one thing straight; my phone has never rang once. I don't even know why the stupid boss made us all get cell phones; we never used them. I didn't call anyone and no one called me. I doubt anyone even knew my number.
But apparently somebody did because during my daily sword training one day, my phone rang.
That stopped me in my tracks. For one, who the hell would call me? And two, who even had my number? I thought about not answering the phone but if it was Xanxus…
Naw, that guy was too busy eating. I was positive of that.
I probably shouldn't have answered it. But it must be human nature to answer the phone when it's ringing, because I did.
"What?" You think I'm rude? Just because I don't say, "Hello" when I answer the phone…
Ah, who am I screwing? I'm rude.
"Squalloooo~" A voice cried out. I groaned. Of all people that could have called me…
"VOI, Bronco! What do you want?" I yelled. I hated how he drew out my name like that. A person I've known for so long; you'd think he'd know by now!
"Squalo, didn't you miss me? We haven't hung out in awhile, so let's go fishing!"
"You randomly call me, just to ask if I want to go fishing?" I shouted.
"Well, you did give me that HUMONGUS fish that one time, so I assumed you liked fishing!" His voice sounded distant, like he was holding the phone far away from his ear.
"You know what, fine. I'll go fishing with you," I sighed, not even trying to point out that that had been Alo, my amazing shark, who had caught that fish. I wondered briefly why I was going along with this. "But just this once!"
"Okay~ See you tomorrow, Squalo~"
"VOI, Dino, who said anything about tomo-?" My complaint was cut off by Dino, who had hung up the phone.
"VOOII!" I shouted angrily and threw my annoyingly unbreakable phone against the wall.
I almost made it to the door with my fishing pole without anyone noticing. I was standing right in front of the door, with my hand on the knob, when I heard that annoying laugh of the self-proclaimed "prince". I groaned.
"Shishi. Going fishing, commander?" That annoying voice teased. I could tell, even before I turned around, that Bel was wearing his creepy pedophile grin. I rolled my eyes and waggled the fishing pole in his face.
"No shit Sherlock," I sneered, pondering on how Bel even got into the Varia with those observation skills of his. A smirk grew onto my face, though, as I spoke my next sentence, I felt immense satisfaction as Bel's grin faded. "I'm going fishing with someone.
"Makes you feel lonely, doesn't it Bel?" I continued as I opened the door. "That you don't have anyone to go fishing with."
I stepped outside and closed the door behind me, just as I heard soft thunks on the door. I grinned wildly.
Somehow, teasing Bel put me in a horrendously good mood. I started laughing hysterically as I slashed my fishing pole back and forth like it was my sword. I almost chopped down a tree as I walked down the Varia HQ pathway. I walked slowly, to make my good mood last as long as possible.
It would only get worse when I met up with the bronco.
Sicily only had one good lake to go fishing in. Sure, there were a lot of lakes around here, but none were suited for fishing. They were all murky, and low on fish; if any. So, the only good lake was where I decided to go; even though I had no idea if the bronco was smart enough to know something like that. He can be pretty dense sometimes; especially if his men are nowhere in sight. Che, how pathetic. But it was his fault for hanging up before we even discussed where, and when for that matter, to go fishing. I could call him, but I didn't feel like it and I didn't have his number anyway.
When I got to the lake, I saw Dino frantically trying to untangle his fishing pole. And failing pretty badly. I sighed. Of all days not to bring Romario. Next I'd be saving his drowning ass…
I silenced my thoughts, not wanting to jinx myself.
"VOI, bronco, can't you even untangle your own fishing pole?"
I demanded, making my presence known (even though I probably already had since I'm just naturally loud). Dino lifted his head and looked at me like I was a saint.
"Squalo!" He grinned and let me take his fishing pole without resistance. I easily untangled it, while sighing in annoyance. Sometimes Dino really reminded me of that Yamamoto brat.
"You need to teach me how to untangle that thing!" Dino laughed as I handed him back his pole.
"I have! Many times! You need to learn how to not get it so damn tangled in the first place!" I retorted. I climbed into Dino's boat that had already been set up and Dino followed; holding his fishing pole like he was marching with it.
Once Dino got the boat revved up, we sailed about fifty yards away from shore. I said absolutely nothing as Dino talked about random crap that I paid no attention to.
"Is this far enough out, Squalo?" Dino asked, stopping the boat.
"Well, damn, you could have asked that before you stopped the boat!" I snapped, leaning over the side of the boat to check the water. Clear, but I could barely see the bottom. Perfect.
Satisfied, I attached my bait and swung out my line. I was watching it bob in the water when I felt something snag in my hair. A vein popped above my eye.
"VOOOOIIIII! You did not just get your line tangled in my hair!" I roared, standing and drawing in my line furiously.
"S-Squalo! You're rocking the boat!" Dino cried, frantically trying to keep the boat from tipping over while holding onto his fishing pole at the same time. I grabbed the line and tried to get it out of my hair, right when I felt Dino's grip on the pole slip.
I stopped what I was doing, the pole dangling in the air from my head, and looked behind me. Dino had fallen into the water and was thrashing around wildly. He was struggling to keep his head above water and I would have laughed if I hadn't been thinking the obvious.
Dammit, I knew I'd jinx myself.
"VOI, bronco, what are you doing?" I shouted, just to clarify.
"Squalo!" Dino gasped as his head sank underwater and popped up again. "I can't swim!"
As if to prove his point, he sank underwater. After a few seconds, his head still hadn't resurfaced.
Then I started to panic.
I looked around the tiny boat for anything that I could use as a lifesaver. The fishing pole caught in my hair whacked against the sides of the boat as I turned my head every which way before untangling itself and falling onto the engine.
Finding nothing, I realized I had to go in after him. Taking off my heavy Varia jacket, I took a deep breath and jumped into the water.
Once I was underwater, I looked around until I saw a tuft of blonde. I dived towards it and grabbed, lifting up Dino's whole head. I started kicking upwards; struggling since Dino was wearing his heavy fur-collared coat that had sucked up gallons of water.
When we reached the surface, I threw Dino into the boat and climbed in after him. Checking his pulse to make sure he was still alive, I revved the engine and headed back to shore.
No. I did not have to perform CPR on this idiot.
Once we had reached shore, I'd thrown Dino onto the sand and taken off his water-logged jacket. I pushed down on his stomach, pumping water out of his system. Even though the fountain of water had sprayed out of his slightly parted lips, Dino was still not conscious. I finally accepted the fact that I had to do CPR.
I pushed down on his chest thirty times and then prepared to blow air into his lungs. However, I hesitated.
There was something seriously wrong with this. When did a member of the Varia ever save anyone? We were an assassination squad, for crying out loud! We weren't made to save people!
But this was Dino. And he was… well, I'm not sure what he was to me other than a damn bronco. But I knew one thing for certain: he wasn't a target.
To calm myself, I swore at the boss (just for the hell of it) and put my mouth to Dino's. By the second puff of air, I saw his eyes flutter open and then felt his entire body stiffen.
"S-Squalo?" Wondering if he'd been paralyzed, I leaned back and observed him. His entire face was covered in a dark red blush and I finally realized what had made Dino talk in that tone of voice and what he'd thought I was doing.
"V-VOOIIIII!" I stood up and backed away from him. Somehow, I was blushing like crazy and I didn't like it. "You better not be getting the wrong idea, bronco! I was just performing CPR!"
Dino's facial expression was a mix between comprehension, relief, and… disappointment? He sat up and laughed at himself.
"O-oh. Haha, that makes more sense than…" He cut off as if he was embarrassed to finish his sentence. I tsked and sat down cross-legged, holding my ankles.
"Like I'd ever do something like that!" I snorted. Dino appeared to be thinking, looking like he wasn't sure if he should say what he wanted to.
"B-but wouldn't you, Squalo?" I gaped at him, wondering if he was being serious.
"We are talking about the same thing here, right?" I asked, wondering if I'd misunderstood something. No way did the bronco think I would ever do something like that. I was Superbia Squalo for crying out loud! I was pride, pride, pride, swords, and Varia. That was it! There was nothing else. Even if the bronco and I used to be friends, doesn't mean that he can just assume things like that!
"W-well, I was talking about this." Dino looked confused as he leaned over and kissed me.
I was so shocked by the kiss that I blanched, releasing a huge burp that felt like an explosion between our lips. The burp was so loud and powerful that it ripped Dino back; almost sending him flying into the water again.
My brain shut down as I sat there with my mouth still agape and my lips tingling from the feeling of being violated. The only though that ran through my head was, "Damn it Xanxus, I knew we shouldn't have had steak tacos and Dr. Pepper for lunch."
Sudden loud laughter broke me out of my stupor. Dino lay on his side, clutching his stomach as he laughed his guts out. Tears ran from his eyes as he tried to speak.
"I-if you wanted me to get off, you could've just said so! You didn't have to-!" He never finished as a whole new set of laughter erupted from him.
I waited for it to quiet down to giggles. I waited for that to quiet down to silence. Then I opened my mouth, filled my lungs with as much air as possible, and shouted.
"YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID SO INSTEAD OF FALLING IN A DAMN LAKE!"
Anyone walking by the lake that day would not have heard the usual sound of calm fishing. They would have heard thrashing, splashing, and plenty of, "VOOIII!"s. They would have felt their eardrums burst as they hurried along; not wanting to get involved with whatever the hell was happening.
It was the most interesting fishing trip of my life.
Bel didn't seem like he'd moved an inch since I'd gone fishing. For, when I walked back into Varia Headquarters with a huge smirk plastered on my face, Bel was standing exactly where I'd left him.
"Having a conversation with the door?" I asked, closing it behind me. Bel snapped out of whatever he'd been in and let his creepy smirk climb onto his face.
"Catch anything, Commander?" Bel laughed, ignoring my comment. He obviously noted my empty hands.
"Yeah. I caught a seahorse." Bel's grin faded as his brain processed the information. He realized in about 0.5 seconds that it was impossible to catch a seahorse in Sicily. My smirk grew even bigger as I laughed at my own pun and headed for my training room.
Horses shmorses. I had a bronco to catch tomorrow.