I hope you will like this one-shot about Santana's surgery. It involves both her and Brittany's point-of-view about it. I've wanted to cover this long-forgotten topic for some time, so I hope I did it justice.
If you like this, check out my other stories as well! I will start a new MC-fic later this week, loosely based on my other story 'Making the video'.
Well, enjoy this and please review! If you like it, add me as an author!
* For the flashback scene, I picture this song in the background: 'The Guillemots – Sea out' *
They stare at her, they've always done it.
In the past, she craved it and hated it at the same time. But mostly she just didn't understand it. She felt that she didn't deserve the attention. And she did everything to prove herself that she did.
She's always been deeply concerned about how others look at her. She's desperately wanted to feel wanted by others. She just needed it. She needed them to like what they saw.
Because she never really did.
It's been like that from a very early age. She's always been one of those girls. Those girls who steal their mother's high heel shoes, jewelry and expensive clothes to play dress up with them. Those girls who shaved their legs when they didn't even have proper hair on them. Those girls who put lipstick on their lips even before gym class.
Those girls who put socks into their bras when they shouldn't even have owned a bra.
Because there have been always things she could accept, though reluctantly. She could accept her thick hair which she's inherited from their parents or her pouty lips which earned her a lot of hurtful nicknames. Yes, She didn't like these things, but she could accept them.
But her breasts? No, she just couldn't. They've always been her biggest imperfection.
It didn't really help that she's always been really skinny until her sophomore year. Something she's worked really hard for, but sometimes she just hated it. She didn't want to be fat, but she wanted to have a feminine body at the same time. Slowly her body has started to change, she's got curvier and started to feel more like a woman.
But her breasts? No, they were still not enough. She decided that if nature hasn't changed her, then she had to. She convinced her mother to allow her to do it and she convinced her father to pay for it. She didn't tell anyone else about it, although the only thing she truly wanted in her heart was someone to tell her that she shouldn't do it.
But deep in her heart, she knew it wasn't anyone, it was one person. The one and only person she should have told it.
And when she was lying on top of the operation table waiting for the doctors to cut her open, she kept thinking about that same one and only person she's ever truly craved to be wanted by.
After that summer, there have been only three people who have seen her at least partly naked. Puck barely noticed the change on her body as he's only ever been truly interested in getting off every time when they've slept together. The only thing she got from him was a partly-joking comment about how she could have ordered bigger ones. She's never slept with him after that. Sam's been different; he's never been such a jerk as Puck. Though their relationship only existed for revenge purposes, Santana felt a strange obligation to put out for him. Or at least put out some parts of her for him. But he was so nervous; he couldn't really do anything other than staring at them. Then they agreed to just stop trying at all and never really talked about it.
And of course, there was Brittany.
Santana dreaded to sleep with her after her surgery, but she knew that it was just a matter of time. She tried everything to prevent her from finding out.
But Brittany has always had a way to find out her deepest secrets.
They don't turn on the lights, when they step into Santana's room. The moonlight that glimmers in the room is enough for them. They got used to do it in the dark; it is like an unwritten rule for them, like many other things.
They don't talk, when they slowly start to undress, facing away from each other. When only their underwear covers their bodies, they both wait for the other to make a move.
Brittany slowly turns around and takes a step closer to Santana. She trails her eyes over Santana's body, appreciating her curvier form. Santana feels her eyes boring into her backside and takes a deep breath. She decides that the best way to do this is just to get it over with quickly.
She turns around and quickly steps closer to Brittany to roughly kiss her on the mouth. She presses into her body and puts her arms around her neck to pull her closer while pushing her tongue into her mouth, not even waiting for permission. Brittany reciprocates after a second and grabs Santana's hips to press into her where they both want the most. They are kissing with deep and wet kisses, sometimes biting each other's lips until Brittany starts to trail her hands from Santana's hips to all the way to her ribcage. She softly strokes the skin an inch from her bra with her thumbs, while she pulls her even closer with her hands on her back. Her movement causes Santana to pull away abruptly from their kiss and look into Brittany's eyes for a second, then she suddenly presses into her roughly again, surprising the other girl. She manages to take a few steps forward and push Brittany into the bed. She straddles her hips and takes her wrists to push them into the bed as she starts to kiss her again. She has to be in charge tonight or her plan will fail miserably.
They keep kissing with wet, open-mouthed sloppy kisses, sometimes taking a break to pant hot air into each other's mouth, until Brittany pushes her hips into Santana's searching for more contact. Santana lets out a little moan then she pulls away from Brittany a bit to slide more upwards on the bed, pulling Brittany with herself by her hands. When they settle back again, Santana adjusts her position to sit on Brittany's right thigh while she leans down to kiss her again. Brittany grabs her hips and pulls her closer; causing her thigh to press into Santana's soaked panties. Santana starts grinding down on Brittany's thigh as she pushes her own left thigh between Brittany's legs. They rock into each other while they keep kissing feverishly. Their movements are rushed with want and need; they are both desperate to get the other one. They start to pant heavily after a few minutes and Santana pulls away from Brittany's thigh to take off her panties. When she finishes, she quickly grabs Brittany's and almost rips it off aching for the contact between their bodies. She settles back on Brittany's thigh and grinds into her again, her wetness coating Brittany's soft skin. They both let out loud sighs and moans, while Santana grabs Brittany's other knee and bends it. Brittany just stares at her in confusion in the darkness, while Santana slowly pulls away from her thigh and puts her leg under Brittany's bent knee while keeping her other leg on top of Brittany's thigh.
Realization comes down hard on Brittany, who gasps a little and her chest starts to rise and fall more quickly in anticipation. Now their cores are just inches apart and they can almost feel each other's body heat and wetness through the thick air that already smells like them.
Santana slowly grabs Brittany's bent knee and pulls her closer, finally pressing their most intimate parts together. They both throw their head back and let out loud grunts at the contact. They start to rock into each other, covering their bodies with each other's juices. It is Santana's favorite position, she can keep up her façade by not kissing or stroking Brittany's body, but still have the most intimate experience with her. She thinks it's pretty fucked up, but she just can't let herself do it any other way now.
Their movements become frantic, as they desperately want and need more of each other to get closer to the edge. Santana already feels herself getting close, but of course, Brittany has to ruin her plan by getting off quickly like this.
Brittany doesn't want it to happen this way. Though she loves to come into Santana's most intimate body part, but she just misses her too much to continue this way. She misses the feel of her body against hers, her smooth skin and her perfect curves. She misses her gentle touches and her soft kisses.
She pulls away suddenly from Santana, causing the other girl to let out a wince and gets on her knees on the bed, while leaning in to finally kiss Santana again. She presses into her with her torso, while settling her hands on her waist gently. Her kiss is so soft and desperate at the same time, Santana can taste the longing on her lips.
Santana's walls come down hard the moment they part their lips and breathe each other in.
Brittany feels her relaxing as she presses more into her and pushes her on the bed. She settles on top of Santana, lying between her legs and hovering over her. She kisses her a few times while she gently caresses the soft skin on her waist, moving upwards ever so slightly.
Santana kisses her back, but she feels frozen lying under Brittany. She is terrified of the moment Brittany will see her. And she can't do anything against it, because she misses this just as much as Brittany. She needs this.
Brittany pulls away after a minute and stares into Santana's eyes through the dark. She can't see her eyes properly, but Santana lifts her hands off the bed to signal her to take the next step. The next step closer to her own disaster.
Brittany carefully takes her hands to Santana's back, trying to prevent the girl from scaring away again. Santana tilts her head to the side and shuts her eyes, while Brittany unclasps her bra. Brittany grabs the straps, while Santana presses into the bed to keep herself from crumbling. Her heart is beating so quickly, she thinks it might escape and run away through her ribcage. Seconds pass by as Brittany ever so slowly starts to pull down the straps and everything that comes with it, including Santana's last hope to prevent this from really happening.
They both freeze for what feels like an eternity, when Brittany finally reveals Santana's secret. Santana feels her eyes tearing up, but she grabs the sheets with her fists aside her body to keep herself grounded and not break down entirely. Brittany still doesn't move and Santana dreads the second she will. She dreads it, because she knows it will be painful either way.
Brittany just stares at her for minutes, trying to understand. But she doesn't look at Santana's breasts, she looks at her face. Her face that reveals all of her secrets to her, always. Santana knows she wants her to look into her eyes, but she just can't. She can't, because she is so afraid of what she will see in there.
Brittany pulls off the bra entirely of Santana and then she sets her hands on either side of her face and turns it upwards from the bed. She ever so slowly leans closer to her while hording her cheeks gently in her hands. She stops an inch away from Santana's left breast, so Santana can feel her hot breath on her, making her skin tingle. Brittany takes in the sight: it almost looks the same, just a bit bigger. The same soft skin, the same perfect dark nipple, the same beating and loving heart under the surface. There's only one thing that Brittany thinks is not perfect there. It's the barely visible little scar on the underside of Santana's breast.
She wants to convey all of her emotions to Santana, as she slowly leans in and presses the softest kiss on the scar.
The second her lips come in contact with Santana's skin, the girl under her lets out a heart-wrenching sob. The sound makes Brittany pull away from her and take in her miserable state. She's trying to choke back her sobs while she's gripping at the sheets with her tiny fists. She looks so fragile, so vulnerable Brittany has never seen her.
"I'm so sorry" Santana whispers barely audible between her hard sobs while she crosses her arms around her torso to hide her naked chest again. Brittany presses a soft kiss into her forehead while she starts stroking her hair to calm her down.
"Me, too" She whispers back to Santana and then a single tear escapes from her eyes and drops on Santana's cheek, mingling their tears, their blame, their regrets, their sadness, their misery.
They shed tears and whispers sorry-s while they kiss and touch each other for hours. Every move they make causes pleasure and pain at the same time. They feel closer and still more apart from each other than ever.
It was one of the first times Santana felt that they've made love to each other. Of course, she wouldn't have admitted it at that time, but she felt it. And Brittany felt it too.
They've never talked about the whole thing after that night. It's not that they didn't think about it, but it became one of their unwritten rules. There were a lot of times, when Brittany just stopped to stare at her scars when they had sex, but Santana always ruined her moment with her eager mouth or her eager fingers. And Brittany knew exactly not to ask.
It's been a long time now since that night happened. They've confessed their love each other, they've broken each other's hearts and they've managed to find a way back to love again many times.
And it's been a few months now, that they became officially a couple.
But it was not something that changed them. They've gone through so much over their years as friends and then lovers that getting into a relationship meant different things for them than for other couples.
Some things have changed of course. They've been more open about their issues, fears and feeling with each other. They've always talked about them and they've learned how to handle them.
But they've never talked about Santana's surgery until this very day.
They stare at her, they've always done it. She's gotten used to it now, so she doesn't really pay attention to it as she quickly makes her way to the dvd section in the mall. 'They' move on a wide scale, mostly younger boys with raging hormones, but sometimes older men, even older men with wives and kids. A few women also, older ones envying her body and younger ones, jealous of all the unwanted attention she gets from boys. And a few women simply because they like her secretly. They all do it shamelessly, not even pretending not to or hiding themselves when she catches their eyes lingering on her body. It makes her feel sick sometimes, but mostly she just doesn't give a fuck.
So she walks to the dvd-s, trying to find some films Brittany will like. It's Tuesday again, which means that Brittany stayed in the school after their last period to do her job as Senior Class President, leaving Santana to spend her afternoon alone. Earlier, Santana promised to pick up some films for their movie night later tonight so she thinks it might not hurt to check out what they have to offer as she was already here in the mall. She slowly scans the shelves with her eyes, trying to find something with an interesting title or cover. She picks up a horror for Brittany and a drama with hot girls for herself, then she decides to check out the older films' section, too. She picks up some from the shelves and flips them over to read the highlights on the other side. Nothing really catches her attention, but after a few minutes, a title suddenly catches her eyes. It's called 'The Stepford wives' and Santana vaguely remembers reading about it on imdb. Yeah she's such a big dork, she checks out the films there before she watches them. It has an interesting summary and the cover photo shows Nicole Kidman with her pale skin, blonde hair and blue eyes, exactly her type. Well she doesn't really have a type, but Brittany is exactly like that, so yeah, if the film itself sucks, she will just concentrate on that aspect.
After she steps into her room, she throws her things on the floor and immediately puts the dvd into her laptop. This way she might finish the film before Brittany gets there. The film turns out pretty great, it's basically men turning their wives into perfect robots and she watches it with great interest. The feminist in herself is raging through the film, but the enjoyable sight of the blonde actresses makes it all good.
After she's finished, the topic of the film makes her think about a lot of things. She thinks about what it means to be perfect, what it means to love someone and how people who're supposed to be in love with their wives would decide to change them so easily. The whole thing makes her feel uncomfortable, thoughts about how she's wanted to change herself so much in the past make their way to the surface. She thinks about if it would have felt different, if she had known that Brittany loved her then. Her twirling thoughts are disturbed by Brittany, who knocks on the door and finally steps into Santana's room. Her smiling face makes Santana forget everything in an instant.
They agreed to watch the movies after both of them are finished with their tasks. So now Brittany is lying on Santana's bed, with her notes in her lap, planning and organizing their senior prom. Santana is sitting beside her, with her laptop trying to write an English essay. She tries to focus on her task, but the topic is so boring, she always catches herself thinking back to earlier. She always does that, overthinks everything until she is not really sure of anything and she even questions the most basic things in her life. She feels so content around Brittany nowadays that she lets herself just be when they're together. Sometimes she gets too comfortable and doesn't pay attention though, like right now, and it makes her inner thoughts find their way outside to Brittany.
"Would you change something about me, if you could?" She blurts out, totally out of the blue and it surprises even her that this question actually left her mouth. She immediately regrets her question, but now that it's already out there, she is kind of eager to get an answer.
"What?" Brittany asks startled and mildly confused by Santana's strange question. She turns her head to look at Santana frowning.
"About me, about…" Santana mumbles, trying to formulate her words. "My body." She says reluctantly, already questioning her sanity for starting a conversation about this topic.
"How can you even ask me this?" Brittany asks in a deeply hurt voice while shaking her head in disbelief. She puts down her notes and turns to Santana with her whole body, propping herself up on her elbow. Santana gets scared because Brittany uses the same tone she always uses when she's about to start a fight. (Mostly after Santana asks or says an obviously stupid thing about herself or their relationship.)
"I mean…" Santana tries to organize her thoughts and then explain them to Brittany. "I did once, so…"She trails off while fidgeting with her hands, not really knowing where to take this conversation anymore.
Brittany finally understands what this whole thing is about, so she tries a different approach to prove her that she's thinking about crazy things.
"Lie down!" She commands Santana firmly, surprising her with her tough demeanor.
"Why?" Santana asks her stunned by her order. She doesn't move, so Brittany takes her laptop from her lap and sets it on the bedside table. Then she hovers over her body and shakes her head at her, trying to signal not to question her moves.
"Do it and don't talk until I'm finished!" She tells her and Santana finally obeys, sliding down on the bed and crossing her arms around her torso protecting herself from what's to come. Brittany puts her right leg around Santana's thighs and pulls herself up to lie on top of her, her arm and legs on either side of Santana's body. She presses gently into her body and softly strokes her arms, while hovering over her.
"I love you." She says looking into her eyes and her obvious statement makes Santana cut in already.
"I know!" She replies quickly trying to prove that she doesn't question Brittany's love for herself.
"No, you don't!" Brittany tells her shaking her head.
"But…" Santana tries to argue, but Brittany puts her palm on her mouth to get her to shut her mouth.
"Shhh! I said no talking!" Brittany tells her firmly again, repeating the rules. "What I mean is that…I love you and it involves a lot of things, one of them is that I love you as you are." She explains and then quickly pulls up her palm to replace it with her mouth on Santana's lips. She presses a smacking kiss on her lips.
"But I'm not perfect…"Santana mumbles to her lips, causing Brittany to pull away while rolling her eyes, copying Santana's often uses signature eye-roll.
"Do I have to plaster your mouth or will you just shut up already?" Brittany asks impatiently and her harshness makes Santana finally stay silent.
"Now I will show you something and you will stay silent and listen to me." Brittany repeats the rules once more while pulling up her eyebrows to challenge Santana, but she actually doesn't argue this time and just nods her head.
"Santana Lopez, I love you as you are." Brittany repeats her words, making Santana smile at her a little and let out a little 'aw'. After that, Brittany sets her hands on either side of Santana's head and starts stroking her hair with her fingers.
"I love your hair, because it's the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up lying behind you. I always bury my head into your soft locks and smell you. And then I always know that I'm not dreaming anymore, because no dream can feel this good." Brittany tells her while softly while tangling her fingers in her hair and softly stroking her dark locks. Santana's heart melts hearing these words and she just shakes her head a little not quite believing this is happening to her.
"Close your eyes now!" Brittany instructs her after a few seconds of just simply staring into each other's eyes. Santana immediately does so, eager to hear what more Brittany has to offer.
"I love your nose, because you always scrunch it up when you laugh so freely, or when you try to concentrate on something really hard. And I really like it, when you nuzzle my nose before you kiss me; it always makes me smile and then smile into our kiss that always follows it." She continues then softly kisses the tip of Santana's nose. It tickles Santana's skin, so her nose scrunches up a little causing both of them to let out a few giggles.
"I love your mouth, because you always tell me those amazing things with it and I really appreciate your effort to talk to me more about your feelings. I also love it because you let out the most heavenly sounds with it while we make love to each other. And I love it, because every time I kiss your lips, I feel like we become the same person for a second." Brittany says and her touching words make Santana's eyes burn from the tears that are threatening to come out any second. She takes a deep breath, and then slowly exhales it to calm herself down. Brittany watches her struggle and softly kisses her lips to help her relaxing again, so she can continue.
"Open your eyes honey!" Brittany asks her and Santana thinks it might not be the best idea, when she's busy trying not to cry. But of course she does it; she opens up her eyelids and takes in Brittany's smiling face. She looks like an angel, with her piercing blue eyes that bore into Santana's. Then Brittany opens her mouth to continue her monologue.
"And I love your eyes the most. In the past, you did everything to hide your true feeling from me. You kissed me and touched me, but you always tried to find a way to convince me that it didn't mean anything. But when I looked into your eyes, I saw everything. When I look into your eyes, I can see into your soul." She whispers the last sentence and it makes Santana's heart ache and flutter at the same time. Remembering how much pain she's caused Brittany in the past makes her really sad, but at the same time hearing Brittany's melting words now make her feel so happy. She feels like her heart is squeezed too tightly, it is too small for all her whirling emotions. She is overwhelmed by her them and a few tears escape her eyes. Brittany kisses them away while she starts softly stroking Santana's cheeks.
They stay like that for a few minutes, Santana trying to take in all the things Brittany's told her and Brittany watching her and whispering soothing words to her to calm her down. When Santana pulled herself together a bit, Brittany kisses her forehead and then she suddenly pulls herself up and grabs the hem of Santana's t-shirt.
"Take off your shirt" She asks her, causing Santana to frown confusedly at her request. "Please!" She tries again and it is like a magic word to Santana. She slowly pulls up her t-shirt over her head, and then drops it on the bed. Now her bra is the only thing that covers her chest and it makes her a bit uncomfortable, because she already feels completely naked and exposed in front of Brittany. She wears a simple strapless bra with a front clasp and the exquisite sight almost makes Brittany change her plans. But she has to go through with this, so she shuts her eyes for a second to get her thoughts in line and then she leans in and presses a soft kiss to Santana' neck.
"I love your neck, because the tendons in it always stretch the seconds before you come and it is the hottest thing I've ever seen. And I love it when it is damp a bit in the morning with your sleep sweat, so when I first kiss it in the morning I can taste you. And you are my favorite taste in the world." Brittany continues and Santana's very close to just capture her mouth and kiss her for hours, but she knows that Brittany has some more to say, so she just lets her.
"I love your chest, because as it constantly rises and falls it makes me feel so grateful that you're alive. And knowing that the heart that beats under it is mine?" She asks while pulling up her eyebrows. "It might be the greatest gift I've ever gotten." She answers her own question and presses a soft kiss to the valley between Santana's breasts, while Santana shuts her eyes and lets out a loud sigh. There're no words to express her feeling right now. She just lies under Brittany, trying to contain all the love she has for her in her heart, but she feels like she might explode any second. She snaps out of her emotional struggle, when she feels Brittany touching the clasp of her bra. She opens her eyes immediately and stops Brittany's hand with hers.
"Please don't!" She begs Brittany not to take away her last barrier, stripping her down completely. She doesn't feel in the right emotional state to do that now.
"Trust me!" Brittany asks her. "Can you do that for me?" She whispers and of course Santana won't deny her even in her sensitive state. She reluctantly takes away her hand and shuts her eyes again taking a deep breath, embracing herself from what's to come. Brittany slowly unclasps her bra, while watching her face, scanning her emotions. She gently pulls the cups to the side, revealing Santana's perfect breasts. She's done the same motions at least a thousand times, but this feels entirely different now, there's nothing sexual about it. What she does now, there is nothing physical about it; she wants to emotionally strip down Santana. She brings her right hand to Santana's back to push herself up from the bed a little, while she gently pulls off the bra and then she drops it on the bed. Santana can't bear this anymore, she feels so vulnerable and so overwhelmed by Brittany's tenderness. She covers herself with her hands crossing over her naked chest and lets out a shaky breath.
"Please don't hide from me!" Brittany tells her while setting her hands on Santana's forearms, squeezing them a little. "Not anymore." She almost begs Santana to let her look at her. She is on the edge of tearing up, watching her girlfriend so afraid of her and the words she might say. Santana pulls away her hands hesitantly and Brittany immediately takes them and guides them to her own shoulders, offering herself for Santana to hang on to. She has to stay strong for her, she knows it.
"I love…" Brittany tries to formulate her words, but her slightly cracking voice doesn't convey her confidence in her feelings. "I love your breasts…"She tries again, but her words are like a trigger for Santana.
"But they're fake!" She chokes out as she presses her head into the bed and lets out a heart-breaking sob. All those pent-up feelings she's tried to hide for years are threatening to come out now. All the regret, the blame and the fear she's felt is right here now, again. She's dreaded this moment since that night when Brittany discovered her secret. She's been afraid that it might rip all those old wounds open, she's been so desperate to hide away and forget forever. But she's been most worried about what it might cause for Brittany and their relationship.
"Honey, it's all right!" Brittany tries to soothe her with reassuring words. "I'm here with you. Please let me explain!" She asks her while squeezing her shoulders, trying to give her strength through her touch. It takes a minute or two for Santana to pull herself together a little bit. Brittany gently wipes her tears from her cheeks and presses soft kisses on them, to help her relaxing.
"I'm so sorry..."She repeats her words from the night Brittany's found out about it. "I never should have done it." She says quietly while shaking her head from side to side to back up her disapproving words at her own past action. "How could I be so stupid?" She whispers her question barely audible, not ever sure who she even asks truly. She almost can't believe she did something like that not even two years ago. She would give anything to turn back the time and erase this from her past. And erase the painful reminders of it from her present.
"You were not stupid, Santana." Brittany tells her softly. "And I'm not sorry." She continues in a much more serious tone, her words surprising Santana, as she says the exact opposite of what she's said to her that night.
"You were then, Britt..." Santana reminds her, but Brittany doesn't really need a reminder. She remembers everything she's felt then and she knows exactly why she feels the opposite now.
"I was sorry, because I blamed myself. I was sorry, that you thought that you needed to do this to get attention from people. I was sorry, because I felt that I was not enough for you. I felt incapable of loving you. And I was sorry, because it hurt both of us so much." Brittany confesses her deepest feelings, hoping that her words won't be too painful for Santana to hear. "But I don't feel sorry anymore."
"How can you not, when I hurt you so bad, when I did it? And I didn't even tell you!" Santana replies while shaking her head in disbelief. She feels so much guilt in herself that she almost tries to convince Brittany that what she did was indeed wrong.
"I'm still sorry that you felt the need to do it. But I feel different things when I look at them now, I feel good things." Brittany says almost proudly. She tries to explain, but Santana doesn't really get it. She just frowns at Brittany, trying to understand how her feelings could have changed so much over time. She just can't get her mind around it, so she thinks the next best things might be to ask Brittany.
"What do you feel?" She asks Brittany, her voice full of hesitation, not sure what to expect from her.
"I feel gratefulness, because we've made it through this like all the other obstacles life has thrown in our way. I feel sheer joy, thinking about how far you've come from the insecure girl with a bitchy façade you were then. And every time I look at them, I feel reminded that it is now my obligation to protect your heart and never to make you feel like that you have to change something about yourself. And you may think they are your biggest imperfection, I love them the most, because your imperfections make you perfect for me and most importantly, they make you human." Brittany confesses, opening her heart entirely to Santana, offering everything that's inside of it to her to help her through this.
"I don't want to change them, because that would mean changing your past. And your past is a part of you, a part that defines who you are. And I told you that I love you as you are." With these words, Brittany finishes her heartfelt monologue and sheds a few tears herself, hoping that Santana will finally understand where she's coming from.
For Santana, it takes a few seconds for Brittany's words to sink in. Then she suddenly feels that her heart is not enough to contain all her emotions and her inner struggle is taking over her body. Her face screws up and she starts to shake while she lets out a few sobs, while she grips Brittany's shoulders so hard it might leave marks.
But Brittany's there to comfort her and hold her safe. She presses her body into hers trying to ease her trembling and with her left hand she pulls Santana's head to the crook of her neck. She whispers soothing words into her hair, trying to stop Santana's desperate cries. She softly strokes Santana's hair and holds her close while seconds pass by. Santana feels like she was in a dark tunnel, but Brittany's words showed her the light, blinding her with the sudden brightness. It feels like that now, but she's desperately trying to see again and finally appreciate the light and let it warm her heart.
It takes seconds and then minutes, but Brittany just waits for her like she always does. There is no rush, there is no pressure, there are just them, opened up entirely for each other. It' one of those moments when they feel so connected to each other, that they can't even separate their own feelings and their own selves.
Both of them have managed to calm themselves down now and they just hold each other close, breathe each other in, neither of them wanting to end this moment. This moment, that feels like closure. Closure of something, that's never really been opened up until now, something that both of them has tried to bury deep in their hearts for so long.
But now they can put it behind themselves and move on. Every hurtful word they've told each other and every painful thing they've done to each other, every heartbreak they've caused each other, they've always found a way to do the same. Put behind themselves and move on.
They don't forget them, they remember them as the happening of their past, things that come between them, but in the end made them who they are today. And this is really the only thing that matters, because they love each other as who they are today. They don't forget, but they've let them go.
"I love you" Brittany suddenly whispers softly into Santana's ear. That's the only thing that's left to be said now, the only thing that she truly feels in her heart now. She's given her everything to Santana hoping it will be enough, hoping she will be able to let it go at last.
"I love you too" Santana whispers back to her…
…and with these words, she finally lets it go forever.
Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it!