Disclaimer: Holdenball Z, which is just DBZ with Goku replaced by Holden Caulfield, is not owned by nedthejanitor, you goddam phonies.

This line-up of contestants today comes courtesy of jcogginsa. Thanks, bro-heem. Or sis-heem, whatever.


"Welcome to Jeopardy, I'm F. Hugh. I would ask you for all of your names, but it would take too long and I don't care. Today, we have our returning champion, the Crane Hermit…"

"I wish to be called Crane Master!"

"…The announcer from the Martial Arts Tournaments…"

"Uh, I have a name, if you want to-"

"Last but not least, we have the big-ass goddamn Ox King. You may have noticed by now, we had to separate the third podium from the others a little bit because Ox King takes up about three or four feet of floor space."

"Hey, at least I was nice enough to move my podium myself," Ox King said in his defense.

"This is true, but that's only because you were the only one who could move a podium in a quick amount of time… well, besides the vast majority of the DBZ cast. And two regular humans, because let's face it, that podium's not very heavy. But now is not the time to begin a podium debate. It's time to look at today's categories. They are:"







"Crane, you have the board."

"The Jerkiest Moments Ever for $100."

Frieza killing this helpless victim was the impetus for Goku to reach the level of Super Saiyan.

BZZ! "Ox King."

"Frieza killed- uh, I mean, 'who is Krillin?'"

Crane: $0
The Tournament Announcer Guy (no way am I looking up his real name): $0

Ox King: $100

"That is correct, Ox King, and may I just say, nice save. You now have control of the board, so please pick a category."

"Oh, let's see… I guess When Stuff Gets Serious for $200."

Shit got serious when it was realized one of the initial two androids was this man.

…BZZT! "Okay, the answer was Dr. Gero. Let's try again. Ox King, pick another category."

After much self-exploration (not that kind you fucking pervs), Ox King said with a defeated sigh, "I'll take the Jerkiest Moments Ever for $200."

While talking to his son who lay next to him on the ground, an injured Goku was kneed in the gut by this fighter.

…BZZT! "Once again, everyone failed to buzz in. I'm starting to contemplating making the amount of time allotted for a quiz prompt limitless until at least one person buzzed in, but then we'd all be here until the next apocalypse. Ox King, you still have the board."

"I don't know how to pronounce that fourth category but… Meem-est DBZ lines?"

"Meme-est," Justin corrected. "Just say 'me' twice."

"Meme-est DBZ Lines. For $100."

In the most famous of meme lines, Vegeta revealed to Nappa that a power level on his scouter was above this number.

…BZZT! "Oh, for fuck's sake, you have YouTube in this universe, right?"

"Yeah, but our lives aren't a TV show like they are where you're from," Ox King said. "The only stuff that's on YouTube that's about any of us is Martial Arts Tournament footage."

"Now if you want to ask us about Spongebob memes…" Crane added, to the laughter of the other two contestants. "Well, does this look unsure to you?" Then the hermit made an attempt at the grumpy Squidward face, causing additional laughter from the other contestants, particularly Ox King, who laughed oafishly and copiously.

"If all of you could please never do any of the things you just did ever again, that'd be great," Justin said. "Ox King, the board is still yours."

"The same category for $200."

Vegeta uttered the weak comeback "Sad for YOOOU" during the end of his fight with this character.

…BZZT! "Why did you pick this category again, Ox King, when it's clear you don't know any of these answers?"

"I don't want to just give up on a category after two tries," Ox King said defensively.

"Well, does that mean you're going to pick it again?"


"…For how much?"

"Oh, uh, $300."

A quote from Piccolo during the Buu saga: "The _s are inert."

BZZ! "Ox King."

"What are balls?"

Crane: $0
The Tournament Announcer Guy (no way am I looking up his real name): $0

Ox King: $400

"Hell of a question for you to be asking, Ox King, considering your balls probably weigh as much as Sherman tanks. But you are correct. We're all very proud of you. Please pick another category."

BZZ! "Tournament Guy, we've gone a long time on this show with nobody buzzing in when they weren't supposed to, why'd you have to go and wreck it?"

"Because I have an issue with your ability to host," The Tournament Announcer said. "Namely, your sarcasm and rudeness toward your contestants. Speaking of that, and since you must not know, my name is Chauncey. It even says so on my podium!"

"Yeah, but man, Tournament Announcer guy is how we've known you for the longest time. It's who you are. Don't make us have to adapt to change, our old conservative hearts can't take it."

Chauncey was getting pretty annoyed. "Damn it, sir, stop ignoring my comments! I'm saying you're unfit to host this show! I'm saying I want to jockey for your position!"

"Oh, do you? Would that be because you only get paid when there's a world tournament in town? Rent on the ol' cardboard box coming up due? Didja have to downgrade from uncooked instant noodles to your own hair? It'd explain your receding hairline."

Chauncey's teeth gritted. Boy, he was getting pissed. I wouldn't want to be Justin right now. Sometimes I'm not sure if I am or if he's another person entirely, but that's another story. "At least I'm good at my job when I do it! And for your information, sir, I live in a nice home!"

"Yeah, I bet it even has three lamps. Look, no one cares if you think you're a better announcer guy than I am. If you think that so damn badly, act on it after we're done with the game. As it stands, you've taken up a shitload of time desperately trying to remind everyone that you exist. Let Ox King pick a category."

"Fine. But this isn't over."

"Oh, joy. Ox King?"

"I'd like the same category for $500."

"Ooh, someone's gotten a little confident! I like that."

When Semi-Perfect Cell angrily asked where Super Vegeta got his amazing power, Vegeta answered "I do a lot of push-ups and sit ups, and I drink plenty of _."

BZZ! "Ox King!"

"What is milk?"

Crane: $0
The Tournament Announcer Guy (no way am I looking up his real name): $0

Ox King: -$100

"Oh, I'm sorry, but that's incorrect. You're thinking of the Ocean dub."


"Nothing. Don't worry about it. Anyone else?"

BZZ! "Crane?"

"What is juice?"

Crane: $500
The Tournament Announcer Guy (no way am I looking up his real name): $0

Ox King: -$100

"Congratulations, that is correct!" DING DONG! "And that sound means we're out of time. Crane, you're the only one here who doesn't suck, so you're champion again."

"You suck hardest of all," Tournament Announcer retorted.

"Alright, Chauncey, you think you have some hosting secret under your belt?"

"Yeah. It's called not being a dick."

"Okay, bitch, let's see you do my job. Tomorrow, I want your ass here at 2 PM sharp, and you're going to host DBZ Jeopardy."

"You're on."