Rage and Grace: Chapter VI: A needed fix

Do you really love me?

Do you really care?

Do you really want me?

At least pretend to love me girl I don't care if that love is real.

How the fuck did my life get like this? Was this working what was I doing? Could I possibly fuck this up any worse than I had? I needed something to make me feel normal... good. I felt like I was losing myself. I mean I realized I was a complete horny mutt, but I'd never been a manipulative horny mutt. I stared up at my ceiling. I heard my cell phone go off and flipped it open. Yep I was rocking an old school flip phone.

"Hey, what's up Edward." I answered.

"A stray vampire is heading your way, we killed off the other of his coven but he escaped, do you think you and Leah could head him off?"

"No problem, where is he?"

"He just crossed in to Washington, as per our agreement we didn't enter Washington." I nodded even though.

"Yeah we'll take care of it."

"Good, he's headed straight for Seattle."

"Thanks, Edward... I needed this."

"Needed this? Embry are you okay?" he asked.

"No... but I will be. Bye."

"Embry? Embry!" I hung up the phone. Fucking perfect life. Killing a vampire is exactly what I needed to get back to who I was. I considered calling Leah but thought better of it. I didn't want her along. This was my kill. I needed it. I tied a pair of athletic shorts to my ankle and headed for the forest in wolf form. Leah please don't be out here. When I heard no response I charged towards in the direction of the vampire.

After hours of running I could finally pick up his scent. I charged to him inhaling his poisonous scent. We met in a thick wooded area. Not exactly a good place for me to fight.

"What the hell are you?" he asked me. I growled at him.

"You're no ordinary wolf..." He charged at me. I tried to maneuver but I didn't have a lot of room to dodge. I took the brunt of his tackle in my shoulder and felt cracking. I whipped my head around and bit at his neck only catching his shoulder. I backed away in to a more open area and sat back on my hind legs giving myself more weapons to use as he jumped at me. I caught him with both my paws but he knocked me over. I rolled back on to him and chomped at his head ripping it off as his index finger ripped in to my right eye.

He stopped struggling as life faded from him. I made my way back home.

Embry... Wait... what Ha Was the only thought she got out before I phased back to my human form. I walked the rest of the distance. Half way I called to check the Jason was in the music store, he was worried about me but he didn't say it... I could tell in the way he didn't joke. Leah had gotten a hold of him too. I snuck in to my house and slipped on some pants shirt, and shoes with my billfold. I still wasn't me.

I walked in to the "Hayloft." it had been a long time since I came here but everyone knew my secret. Didn't even ask for my ID. I just sat down at the bar. I eyed the bartender who I'd known for years, and more importantly knew I didn't drink... ever.
"Wow... rough day at the office?" he asked looking over the large gash on my face.

"Something like that."

"Bloods?" he asked. It was the town way of saying vampires without saying it. I nodded.

"Whatever you need, on the house." I smiled.

"I don't know what I should get... I just need to get shitfaced."

it'd been a long day at the bar. It was quite a feat staying drunk for six hours straight, but I had managed some how. It was 8pm and regulars were just starting to filter in. I payed them no mind and kept my bloodied face away from them. The door swung open.

"Oh how the mighty have fallen." a familiar voice sneered. I ignored it taking another swig of Vodka.

"Hey, asshole, Leah has had everyone looking for you for the last fucking eight hours." I still didn't respond. Jay wasn't worth responding to.

"I still don't see what she sees in a deadbeat, drunk fuck like you, but she made me chase all around town looking for you. If she wasn't amazing in the sack it might not be worth it." The bartender turned to me. As if asking I nodded.

"Sir... I'm going to have to ask you to leave." He said. Jay blew him off.

"Do you how fucking long I've been looking for this bastard?"

"Eight hours, but I'm still going to have to ask you to leave, you're disturbing our paying customers." Jay flashed a fifty and dropped it on the counter.

"Give me whatever piss you drink here and shut the fuck up." the bartender looked at him disgusted.

"I don't want your money I want you to leave.

"Give up Morgan, this little bitch isn't going to leave." I said turning to acknowledge Jay finally.

"What's that fuckass?" he said.

"Back the fuck off Jay, even piss drunk I'm more a man then you'll ever be able to handle." Jay swung at me punching me across the jaw. I took all of it and then returned a stare at Jay.

"Cute." Before slapping him across the face hard enough to drop him. I finished my drink and pushed Jay's fifty to the bartender before walking out.

I looked down at my phone for the first time since talking to Edward. Ten messages from Leah, and two from Jason. I walked over to the music store. Jason was just finishing locking up. He turned around and saw me.

"Holy shit man, you scared the shit out of me... what happened to you?" I smiled.

"Rough day at the office... don't worry I'll be back to normal tomorrow." he nodded. He didn't ask. I was glad for that... he didn't need to he understood I needed it. I started listening to messages from Leah, they ranged from frantic, to worried, to pissed off, to all of the above. I heard the phone ringing. Leah... again. I let it go to voicemail. I didn't know what to say. Not to mention I was pretty drunk still. I walked home stumbling as I went. I made it in to my house and faceplanted on my bed... I still didn't feel like me... but I felt worse... which felt better.

THUMP. I groaned as I felt a loud sound. I covered my ears closed and my eyes. THUMP THUMP THUMP. Maybe if I ignore it it will stop.

"Embry I know you're in there!" I recognized Leah's voice. The sound stopped. I rolled over covering myself with sheets but the sound didn't continue. I was thankful, but that didn't last long. I heard sound outside of my window. I closed my window right? Of course I did, I wouldn't be so stupid to... I heard the sound of a body landing in my room. ...leave the window open. Stupid stupid stupid.

"Embry!" she yelled. I groaned.

"Shhh... I think I'm hungover" I said covering my head with a pillow.

"I don't care! I was worried to death about you? What was that you said before you stopped shifting. I thought you were dead."

"Well I'm not dead." I said muted behind a pillow.

"And Jay told me you attacked him for no reason."

"I'm sure he told you that..." I said mumbling.

"What's that mean?" She said kicking the bed.

"It means your boyfriend is a sleazeball liar."

"He's got a red handprint on the side of his face! I'm pretty sure you can pick up your fingerprint off it!" she screamed. Lifted the mattress rolling me off the bed. I snickered at the idea of my fingerprints on her boyfriends face. She gasped.

"Oh my God! Did he do that to you?" I'd forgotten about my severely bruised shoulder to ribs. I pulled my pillow away from my face.

"What my..." I watched as Leah's eyes widened looking at my face. I covered my face quickly again, protecting myself from the light and Leah.

"He didn't do that to you... What the hell happened to you?" I groaned.

"Go away Leah." She must have put two and two together.

"That's why you shifted back when I shifted... wasn't it?"


"Tell me what the hell happened to you."

"It's not your problem."

"Embry... we're the only two wolves left, we need to protect each other."

"I took care of it already. Don't worry." I said trying to get her to leave me alone. I wrapped myself up in a blanket hoping if she didn't see the bruises she'd forget about them.

"What happened, what did you take care of."

"Just a vampire... no big deal."

"Just a vampire?!" she nearly screamed.

"I'm the fucking Alpha and you just thought you're going to pick off a vampire on your own without me?" I gave up on her leaving because she obviously wasn't planning on it. I got up and threw on a shirt and started to open my eyes.

"And if that wasn't enough, you never drink, but I was told you drank four six hours straight and picked a fight, Embry... this isn't you." I laughed darkly.

"Maybe this is precisely me."

"No... you're not stupid enough to take on a vampire on your own."

"Stupid enough? I did it. I didn't call you, it wouldn't have been a problem if we were in a more open place."

"We're stronger as a pack." she said. I shook my head.

"A two person pack... You still don't get it. You think this is the first time I've fought a vampire since the Volturi came around?"

"What... but... Why?" She asked. She hadn't needed to fight since then. She didn't get it.

"Because... You've been in no shape to. Because you're scared to."

"I never said..."

"No you didn't, but I know what happened to Jacob still haunts your nightmares." I saw a rare weakness in her eyes.
"For me? You did this to yourself for me?" I finally looked up and down her. She looked like she hadn't changed from the day before, her hair was a mess and her shirt looked wrinkled and messy, her shorts had seen better days... and yet I wanted to jump her bones this moment.

"No... I did it for me. It helps me relax."

"And the bar?"

"That was for the pain." I said. Leah reached out and ran her hand over my gash. I forced myself not to shudder.

"I have to go." I said forcing myself to be standoffish. Cindy's words ran through my head. I wanted to take the moment... but I'd let it go... so I could have more.

Wow it's been a very long time. Well I know this chapter doesn't have the amount of lemons usual, but it's about twice as long as usual I figured I'd come back to it. Remember to review if you want me to keep writing.