She's marrying him. Bella Swan is marrying a leech. She doesn't understand the way I feel about her; not really. She told me she loved me and then proceeded to tell me it didn't matter. But it does, it matters to me. I wish I'd imprinted on her sometimes because then she'd find it harder to resist me and I'd fight harder to win her heart. But it's stupid to wish that. I don't want to be forced to fall in love with someone; to be constantly told by my body that what I'm doing is right; that it has value. Because it doesn't. Look at Sam and Leah. Sam loves Leah; he just doesn't realise it anymore and he never will because he's blinded by his affection for Emily. Leah's a wreck because of what they did to her; I know she's a bitch now but she didn't deserve what they did and, anyway, she used to be nice. Sam thinks he loves Emily; Jared thinks he loves Kim; Paul thinks he loves Rachel. Actually, scratch that last. Paul better love Rachel because if he doesn't I'm going to kill him. More than I already want to. Paul Lahote. The bane of my existence; comes into my house and eats my food and sleeps in my bed. Is it any wonder I ran away to Canada? I can't even sleep in my own house anymore.
But, you know what, he makes Rachel happy and she deserves to be happy. She's been so sad for so long. Rebecca never had the same problem but that's probably because after mom died Becky dedicated her life to fun. She's always been reckless and rebellious and irresponsible but after we lost mom she got even more so. Rachel's the exact opposite; they're identical on the outside but inside they're polar opposites. Rachel is kind and caring and responsible and sensible and patient and understanding and nice whereas Rebecca's flirty and fun and bubbly and air-headed and intolerant and insensitive. I'm glad it was Rachel who came home; she's more like mom and she's more like a mom to me. I had only just turned nine when my mom died; I didn't really understand what was happening but Rachel stepped up to the plate even though she wasn't quite thirteen at the time.
Becky is useless; always was. She was useful to the guys though; she jumped through hoops for them but when it came to her own family she didn't give a damn. She just left everything to Rachel; she always did. When they left to go to college I never missed Becky but I missed Rachel so much. I cried myself to sleep for a long time after she left. It was like losing mom all over again. I remember once we had been invited over to the Clearwaters' for dinner and Sam and Leah had just broken up. I overheard Leah and Sue talking in the kitchen and Leah told her that she had begged Rachel to come home (they're best friends you see) and Rachel wouldn't. She said she couldn't leave Rebecca. I can just imagine her saying that; sweet dependable Rachel who tried to accommodate to everyone. Rebecca wasn't so kind. A year later she married Solomon and moved to Hawaii and left Rachel alone. Bloody typical. Rebecca was a lot more like Billy than she would ever care to admit.
When Rachel came back she was different. I mean, she was still caring and understanding and everything but she was also feisty and unafraid to speak her opinion. Rebecca Black's mousy little twin had finally grown a back-bone. I was proud, I will admit and I wasn't really surprised when Rachel and Paul got together. Without meaning to sound weird, my sister is really pretty and I think Paul would have a hard time resisting her, imprint or no imprint. I was angry though, if I'm honest. I just couldn't help but think, "Why does he get to be happy and I don't?"
I was there for Bella when her precious Cullen wasn't; when he had so cruelly dumped her and fled town. Jerk. I hate him a lot more for that than because of what he is. But believe me, I have no love for leeches; none at all. That's why I left home; the invitation to their wedding: Edward Anthony Masen Cullen and Isabella Marie Swan. My Isabella. Marrying him. My heart actually hurts when I think of it and I get so angry I'm scared of what I might do; of who I might hurt. I couldn't bear to hurt Rachel or Billy. They're all I have left and I have to protect them at all costs. This just happens to be my way of doing that. Sometimes I think about what would have happened had Bella chosen me. My mind goes blank because even though I love her and I know she loves me back, I also know she belongs with him.