Can I get a Birthday review? Please?

Disclaimer: I see that you are still mocking me...

Warnings: Possible OOCness, Kanda's slightly foul mouth, general slowness of author.

REVIEW, because once you've read this, you cannot unread it.

*Gaki – Brat (I may not be using this correctly, so if you knew different please correct me.)

"I don't care Kanda, you gave her the cookies, you have to put her down to sleep," Lenalee said firmly. The little girl known as Claudette ran circles around the two exorcists. Kanda glowered – it was still fairly early, only about eight. That meant it was time for Claudette to sleep, which she refused to do.


Because Kanda had given her enough cookies to keep her awake for the rest of the night; two chocolate chip cookies earlier that afternoon and then three sugar cookies an hour ago. The result was she was too hyper to go to sleep and Lenalee absolutely refused to even try. You'd think she was given another cup of coffee by the way she was acting.

That meant Kanda was going to have to try and put her down for the night. Much to his disgruntlement.

"Che," Kanda grumbled looking down at the blond thing from hell. He wondered how long it would be before she got dizzy and fell.

He hoped it would be soon.

Lenalee continued, "You'll need to give her a bath," No way in hell, "Read her a story," No, "Or sing to her," No! "And give her a glass of water," Maybe if she was good and didn't annoy the hell out of him; maybe. "If you have any questions you can ask my brother," Lenalee said, disappearing.

Kanda looked at the thing from hell; who slowed to a stop to look at him, "Cookie?" She asked hopefully.

"No," Kanda vetoed the idea that had already gotten him in so much trouble. He was never going to give Claudette a cookie again. It was just too much damn trouble. He sighed, thinking about what to do with the girl.

He didn't really know what to do with her. He hadn't spent much time with children. The few children that did come to the Order were too scared of him to come near him. His own childhood hadn't exactly been normal, so he could draw from that bank of knowledge either.

He sighed, thinking. He would never admit it, but he wished the stupid usagi was there. He was good with the kid. He would probably know how to get the kid to sleep.

"Bath?" The little girl asked him.

Kanda shook his head, "No. You are not sticky," He deemed, running his eyes up and down her. It was true. She was not dirty, sticky, filthy, disgusting or covered in drool like children normally were. Not that he thought she would be – after all, she never left the fairly clean halls of the Order. Aside from a few cookie crumbs, she was pretty much spotless.

"No bath?" Claudette seemed delighted by this. Lenalee always made her take a bath. Claudette didn't like baths. The soap always got in her eyes and Lenalee made her get out before she was done playing. She grinned at Kanda. "Yeah the preeettty guy!" She said, going over to give him a hug. Kanda sidestepped her with ease.

"Kanda, gaki," He corrected her with a hard shove. "Come on," He snapped at her, grabbing her arm firmly. He started to stalk towards her room when she started to cry.

"Oww," Claudette looked at with him with teary eyes and Kanda sighed, loosening his grip. He continued to drag her and Claudette continued to whimper until he stopped.

"What?" He snapped at her.

She reached his arms out to him. "Ne, sooorrry!" She said, obviously wanting to be told it was okay and get a hug.

Kanda really hated it when she cried. It was loud. And snot ran down her face. And then he still ended up having to pick her up. It was disgusting. So he did the most logical thing. He picked her up. Mind you, he held her at arm's length.

Claudette sighed impatiently and reached her arms around her neck. Kanda tried to pull away, but she had already wrapped herself around his neck and pulled himself closer. "Gaki…." He grumbled in annoyance but continued to carry her to her room.

Apparently, she had come off her sugar high, because she buried her face into his neck. "Sleeepppy," She muttered softy.

Kanda sighed, kicking open the door. He plopped her on the bed. Alright, she was sleepy, so that meant she'd go to sleep right?


Claudette sat back up looking offended. "Paj-jam-ies," She grumbled to him. Kanda blinked. What the hell did she mean by that?

She tapped her foot, "Paj-jam-ies," She pointed to a drawer. Kanda – looking a bit lost but not wanting another crying fit – went over and opened the drawer.

Ah, pajamas.

He pulled out a little nightgown with flowers on it. He guessed that was okay. He didn't know what do dress her in. He shrugged and threw it over to her. The fabric landed over her head. She pulled it down, "Put it on," He said.

Claudette sighed, "No looking." Kanda grumbled and turned around, shaking his head in annoyance. There was the rustle of clothing, followed by the sound of humming.

"Done!" Claudette said, flinging himself onto Kanda's back and startling him.

"Che," He growled, pulling her off of him. God, were all kids this hyper? If so, he was never, ever getting involved with one again. Ever.

He sighed and put her back on the bed. "Go to sleep," He ordered her.

Claudette looked up at him innocently, "Thirsty," She stated. Kanda scowled – now he was a water boy. Fantastic.

He grumbled, "Deal with it," He snapped at her.

Claudette sighed looking disappointed. She bit her lip, "S…story?" She whispered quietly. Kanda looked at her alarm. He could sense another crying fit coming on. Damn, kids were such a pain. He let out a noisy say and scooted her over to take a seat.

"What. Story?" He demanded. He wanted her to go off to sleep, then he wanted to meditate, then he wanted to eat soba and sleep. He had no desire to leave the room with a wailing child. Though, admittedly, if he did do that, Lenalee wouldn't be likely to force him to put the thing from hell to sleep again.

Claudette's eyes lit up. She crawled into his lap – much to Kanda's horror and looked up at him. "Princess story!" She declared, curling up in his lap. Kanda attempted to take her off his lap, but she grabbed at his shirt and held on tightly.

Kanda gave up. She'd be asleep soon. Nobody was looking at him. He could deal with this blow to his pride. So long as nobody ever found out about it anyway.

He scratched his head. He didn't know any princess stories. And he didn't' think it would go over well if he said 'once there was a princess and then she died.' Claudette looked at him expectantly, before frowning. "I tell story?" She suggested.

"You'll go to sleep after?" Kanda asked. Claudette nodded enthusiastically. Why the hell not? He nodded his acceptance of this offer.

Claudette settled onto his lap and started off, "Once, there was a preeetty princess," She said. "Her name was…Claudette!" She nodded her approval of her princess. "Then, a really preettty looong haaaired prince came," Kanda could see where this story and sighed, he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the child's voice

He couldn't help but smirk as a whale named Lavi picked them up when a giant wave crashed their boat taking them to their castle.

And of course, he had to smile when the white scaled dragon – nicknamed moyashi - ate the golden cookie.

Kanda stifled a yawn, listening to princess Claudette's and the pretty long haired prince's story. He really should have put a time limit on the….

Claudette looked over at Kanda. She grinned, seeing him asleep. She crawled off his lap, going to turn off the light before climbing back into the bed.

"Night Preeetty haaair," She mumbled, pulling the blanket up over both of them.