Never Wanted to Leave
He never wanted to leave her.
Never wanted her to feel as if she wasn't enough for him because….because she was. Her scent, the feel of her skin against his fingertips, the tumultuous blackness of her hair as it tumbled down her back. Her soft lips against his, hesitant and waiting to bloom agasint his mouth. How her eyes would pierce him! How her discomfort sent his heart into a riot, why did he love her so? Her naked body sliding against his form draped languidly about her couch, the moonlight illuminating her breasts, full and ripe for him to take. But he never could. He couldn't bring himself to taint her with his darkness even when all he wanted was to take her there on the floor of her own house as her younger brother slept peacefully upstairs and unaware. But he couldn't do it, he loved her too much. Why did he love her? Why? Why a human?
She understood what he was-what he is-and continued to trust him. He didn't deserve her love. He was always on the move, his emotions had been reined in and locked behind a heart too cold and too innocent for the world to see. He was innocent. A woman's pain caused such a rapture, the sight of tears made him soften and melt into a sympathetic being. He was eve prone to smiling, a feat in itself. How long had it been seen he had seen her in that dress, that wedding dress? She was a heaven sent, one of the fallen come to absolve him of his sins. Why couldn't he have said it then when she looked so good? When she was a picture of loveliness with no clear end in sight? Was she married by now? Had that boy found her a man they could both trust. He thought not, he was too stubborn to believe she had moved on. He was still in that same place, craving her blood and her warmth, the frightened racket of her heart, the eyes that were so…Huh. There aren't words to describe them. You can never describe things in perfection when you're in love. It's a feeling, not a word. It needs a whole other language to convey the erratic beating of his heart when she came to him that night, she wouldn't mind.
A new language to describe sorrow, confusion, loneliness. How much of a fool was he now, that his mind was entirely focused on some human. No! She wasn't just "some human", "some human", to him. She was everything. Everything he wanted and everything he could never had. He'd destroy her, make her crave immortality to be with him and while her wish would be pure, it would darken and she'd hate him forever. Sometime, he was fine with that, others…not so much. It would be better if they hated each other, moving on would be simple but their love affair ran too deep. It was carved into his chest now, a burning reminder of what he could've had. He couldn't have her, not when his blood ran through his veins, he'd kill her.
He realized then that he had little confidence in himself when it came to restraint, he feared his own nature, he hated himself. When she wanted him, he asked "why me? Why some demon of the dark?". It still puzzled him, there was a chance that he'd kill her one day but she persisted. She was in love with him. Well, many had declared their love for him. She wasn't any different. No! She is…she's just…you know…completely…utterly…Perfect. But what would've happened? If he had stayed, what repercussions would he have faced? Persecution, fear, envy, lust, bloodlust…Oh gods, lots of bloodlust.
His decision to leave was a good idea…leaving her was best.
Who is he kidding?
He never wanted to leave!
He wanted her bed to sleep in. He wanted her blood to sustain him, her body to please him. He wanted her with every carnal desire in his body. Let sins be made, he wouldn't have cared. Screw his morals, his views on life. If she wanted him and he wanted her…that was love, right? Eternal wanting. Eternal love. An eternity of…them. He could grow to like that, a life where he wouldn't need to fight. But that would never happen, Nobles were still running rampant and by the time he destroys them all, she'll be dead. Then…wouldn't a small vacation be good? Live a lifetime with her and savour it then go off to battle or live without it and never have the chance to love unconditionally again?
It's too hard now. It's too far away. She's forgotten him, please…let her forget him. She deserves a man that'll stick by her, protect her when she's weak, love her when she's fragile, fight her to keep her strength up. She needs humans, needs their pettiness to make her own values and beliefs strong. He shouldn't worry about her, she'll be fine without him. No matter the pain in his chest, he can't go back, she has to learn to live without him before he can come back. Let her experience the coldness of the world without him and then learn to cope with it. He won't be around forever but neither will she. This time apart is beneficial to both, both need to live without the other for a while.
He smiles despite himself, she will be fine. He had never laid eyes on another like her, her strength, her love, her mercy; she's too strong to break without him. But what about him? Is he strong enough for her? Has time eroded his will? No, it has not. He's too strong for that, mental barriers don't shatter easy when you speak of vampire hunters. Especially this one. Even as the daylight fades into night and vampire govern the starry skies, he won't break. He can't. If he broke, what would she say?
"I hate to break you from your inner monologue but…there's a werewolf intent on snapping your neck!"
With a casual eye roll, D jumped into the sky, up against the moon with cape akin to a bat's wing, he pulled his sword back and threw it down.
Vampire Hunter D is not going to break. And Doris Lang is not going to stop loving him, he appreciates it.
"I'm coming Doris, wait for me."
I got my hands on the first, second, and fifth manga adaptations by Saiko Takaki a few days ago and I just...I don't know, I got this idea and I needed to write it. I really want to write another story for VHD but Writer's Block has taken me by surprise. But whatever, hope this was okay :)