I'm sorry.


A little while after breakfast at the Italies' house, Lovino was attempting to take a nap in their living room when an obnoxious ringtone filled the air. He sighed and looked around for his brother's phone. After digging through some cushions, he found it under the couch.

With a roll of his eyes, he yelled "Oi! Feli! Phone!" in the general direction of the kitchen.

"Ve~ is it Ludwig?" his brother asked excitedly.

"No, it's..." Lovino looked down at the caller ID and froze. Matthew Williams (Canada). Why was Matthew calling Feliciano? He let it ring, each trill of the phone weighing down on him with anxious pressure.

"Lovi?" Feliciano paused in the doorway.

"Why is Matthew calling you?" he managed to ask with an air of calmness, voice betraying him a bit in the end as it cracked, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

He noticed Feliciano looked panicked for a split second. "Oh! He wanted to make a pasta! For Alfred! He wanted advice on the noodles and I told him to call me whenever he needed help."

Lovino frowned a bit. "He could have called me."

"But I'm the expert with pasta, Lovi, didn't you tell him that?" Feli asked slightly nervously.

Lovino felt his heart sink, and didn't reply, only snapping "aren't you going to call him back?" while angrily glaring at the floor trying to stop the burning tears from falling.

"Oh! Yes! Silly me, haha," Feliciano laughed anxiously. Lovino chucked the phone into the armchair next to his brother and stomped up the stairs. He could already tell his dinner plans with Matthew were going to go differently than he'd planned.

Matthew was calling Feliciano. Why the hell was Matthew calling Feliciano? Of course Feli was better at pasta, Feli was better at everything, but it's not like he didn't know anything about it. He was Italian for fuck's sake! Couldn't Matthew have just asked him? Wouldn't it make more sense? Lovi huffed angrily and looked at his previously-slammed door.

Maybe there was something else going on. Matthew and Feli did seem to get along well, and they were always smiling around each other like they knew something he didn't. He hated being so fucking oblivious. It's not like he was that Spanish bastard.

Lovino flopped onto his bed, knocking a pillow onto the floor. Maybe...maybe he was just over thinking. Maybe he was afraid because he wasn't used to having prolonged periods of happiness. With a sigh he rolled over and tried to think about something else. Anything else. Turtles, tomatoes, anything.

He heard Feliciano knock on his door but didn't say anything even when his little brother mentioned he was going out.


Matthew shut the door after Feliciano and took a deep breath. The small Italian really drained his energy. Feli had arrived a little after lunch and tried to help Matthew with his pizza for a few hours, before realizing that it was getting too close to dinner time. The Canadian glanced at his watch: one hour until Lovino's arrival. With a small groan, he quickly headed back into his kitchen to conceal all evidence of Feliciano and the Pizza lessons. It had been harder to get the cheerful Italian to leave than he'd planned.

He looked around; his kitchen was a disaster. Matthew sighed and pushed up his sleeves. He rapidly began washing dishes and making a stack to dry. Thankfully he and Lovino were just staying in for the night so he didn't have to worry about changing into nicer clothing. When the last glass was in place on the shelf, he ran to the small closet in the hall, jumping over a dozing Kuma, and grabbed a broom.

He heard the doorbell just as he was putting away his vacuum cleaner. Breathless, he opened the door with a smile. "Hey, Lovi...no..." his smile quickly dropped at the look on his boyfriend's face. The small Italian was staring up at him with a sad, almost accusatory look. "What's wrong?"

He blinked at the Canadian. "Nothing."

Matthew bit his lip. "...alright." He held open the door and took the bag of takeout from Lovino's hands, leaning down to kiss him. He froze and pulled away slowly when Lovino didn't respond, sadness and confusion adding to his concern. He hesitantly leaned forward again but Lovino turned his head slightly.

They ate their dinner in silence, Matthew attempting a few conversations. Lovino looked as if he was having a war in his mind. After dinner, they moved to the living room to watch a movie that the Italian offered no input in picking. Lovino was mostly silent as he sat in the corner of the couch, pulling his feet up under him. He crossed his arms and curled up a little tighter as the introductory credits began.

"Cold?" Matthew asked and received a small nod in response. He took off his large maple leaf sweatshirt and held it out to Lovino. "Here," he said, trying to hand it to him. Lovino looked almost confused, blinking between the warm sweatshirt and the Canadian. "Y-you can keep it," he continued quietly. After a moment of internal freaking out for Matthew, Lovino took it, eyes wide. He pulled it on and tucked his hands into the sleeves.

"Grazie," he mumbled.

Matthew gave a small smile in response and hesitantly scooted closer. "Are you sure you're ok?" he asked quietly as he put an arm around Lovino's shoulders and pulled a blanket over them, thanking the maple leaf Lovino wasn't rejecting him this time. He couldn't express his relief when Lovino leaned into him and rested his head on his shoulder.

"For now," Lovino replied, almost too quiet for Matthew to hear.


As the movie progressed, Lovino found himself unable to pay attention to the plot. Matthew was so fucking sweet. It didn't make sense. Maybe he was overcompensating for something, maybe he was just being his normal self, Lovino wasn't sure.

He curled a little closer to Matthew. If he was losing him, he might as well hold on to the rest of the time he could have. It hurt, but he couldn't resist. He couldn't lose Matthew yet. He knew he was probably being stupid. He knew it would be worse if...no, when. It was always when...when Matthew would leave. But he knew he would hold on as long as possible.