I'm so sorry again, y'all
School was pretty much killing me this semester.
Now that it's summer, the updates should get back to normal.
Thanks to everyone who's still with me and our lovely Romanada.
Lovino was in a bad mood. Well, a worse mood than usual. He was currently sulking in his chair in the mostly-dark living room, trying to avoid all forms of communication, especially with his younger brother who had somehow transformed in to a freaking ball of sunshine, apparently in one of the happiest moods he'd ever been in. Lovino hated it.
Feliciano had been on the phone for about an hour that afternoon in his room, talking animatedly. Lovino wasn't quite sure who was on the other line. He could usually tell when the conversation was with Ludwig, but something about this one seemed different. He sighed to himself. Maybe he was talking to Matthew. Again. Even though the angrier Italian was having a date with him the following evening. Or at least that was what it was supposed to be. Lovino didn't know anymore, with the way everyone had been acting.
"Ciao, Lovi!" Feli waved as he opened their front door, turning on the lights so Lovino wouldn't be sitting in the dark anymore.
"Where are you going?" Lovi snapped.
"Eh...to...Ludwig's!" And there was the note of hesitation that moody Italian had been dreading. Also, Feliciano had already had breakfast with the German so why the hell would he want to be in the bastard's presence for any more than he had to. There were some things Lovino would never understand about his brother. Like the hesitation. It made him think he was lying. They used to tell each other everything.
"You were at the Potato Bastard's this morning." He pointed out in a mumble, breaking their eye contact.
"But I miss him, Lovi!" Feliciano didn't hesitate that time. Lovino wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, particularly because the 'him' was so vague.
"Whatever," he huffed back as Feliciano shut the door behind himself. What did he care what his fratello was doing? Yeah, he hated the potato bastard, but he couldn't bring himself to care as much as usual. Not when Matthew might be wanting to leave him. Especially for Feli. Because if Feliciano was with the bastard, he wasn't with Matthew. And that was good, right? Right. He nodded to himself. But...but what if that made Matthew sad? He hated seeing the Canadian sad. He slammed his face into his hands. Was he being selfish? Was it bad to be selfish in this situation? What even was going on? He mumbled incoherently to himself and sighed.
Then suddenly, with a thought, his head snapped up. He should follow Feliciano to make sure! See where he goes, see if he actually is sneaking around with Matthew, see if Matthew seems happier. He could handle it, right? Wait. What if Feli had left too fast? He hurried out the door but caught no sign of the other Italian. Damn.
He looked down the street in both directions but didn't see anyone. Trying to give his brother the benefit of the doubt, he anxiously began heading in the direction of the Beilschmidt house.
When he arrived, the lights were all off. Just as Lovino was wondering if they could have gone out on a date, a lamp turned on in the living room. He ducked behind a shrub and peeked around, cursing his hair curl for sticking up obviously.
A few minutes later, he slowly peeked out. The potato bastard was just sitting there reading! Feliciano wasn't even there! "Fuck it all!" Lovino mumbled to himself and stomped away in the direction of his boyfriend's house.
This was it, Matthew decided. One more lesson with Feliciano and then he'd be ready to make the perfect pizza for Lovino. The happy Italian had already accepted his request for a final lesson and would be on his way over for dinner. And, feeling accomplished, Matthew had also already invited Lovino to come for their date the next day. He really hoped he was in a better mood. The distance he felt last time was concerning. He wondered if he'd done anything wrong, anything to upset him.
Feliciano arrived right on time, babbling excitedly about how he was so happy Matthew and Lovino could finally admit their love to each other. He kept reassuring the Canadian that of course Lovi loved him back, he was just in a weird mood swing recently.
As the pizza was being assembled and cooked in the oven, Matthew was listening closely to Feliciano's excited ramblings about how professing his love to Romano would make him so happy and how everything was going to be wonderful and his excited plans for potential double dates with him and Ludwig.
"I just wish Ludwig would show his love like you do for Lovi. I know he loves me, but I want some more...closeness? With him it's only sometimes." Feliciano sighed.
"Well...maybe try telling him? Or mention how much you like it when he makes you happy. Maybe he's just not sure how." To be honest, Matthew wasn't completely sure what he was talking about, but his advice seemed to put the small Italian right back into his bubbly mood.
"Oh! Thank you, Matthew! I tell him he makes me happy all the time but I should tell him it makes me even happier when he holds me and kisses me and-" he broke off with a happy squeak and hugged Matthew excitedly.
Matthew tried to smile back but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "What is it?" Feli asked, concerned.
"I'm just really nervous, you know?" Matthew smiled weakly.
Feliciano reached out and patted his hands clenched together on the tabletop. "It'll be fine! Lovi will be so happy!"
Matthew's smile turned more genuine. "Thanks, Feliciano."
Lovino finally made it to his boyfriend's house, which was the complete other direction than the potato bastard's. He was slightly out of breath by the time he got there, probably from the occasional angry stomping he was unconsciously doing.
When he snuck around back and finally got view through the kitchen window, all his breath left him like he was punched in the chest.
Matthew was eating pizza with his brother. Pizza! That was his thing! And they were even cooking together. He had thought that could be their special thing. He furiously wiped away the tears he didn't want coming to his eyes. Stupid crying, blurring his vision and making him feel worse. He sniffled and looked back up again to see Feliciano pat Matthew's clasped hands.
He had been wrong. Seeing Matthew happy with someone else? Yeah, he couldn't handle it. What the hell had he been thinking? He let out a frustrated groan and sent his angriest glare through the window before kicking the nearest shrub and furiously walking back to his house, ranting to himself in a mumble the whole way.
Lovino slammed the door behind him and angrily ascended the stairs, not sure if he was in denial of the hot tears burning his eyes and cheeks or if he just didn't care. He shut his bedroom door, desperately hoping Feliciano wouldn't come in to check on him before bed. If he even came home that night, his mind added unhelpfully. Part of him wanted to yell at his brother, and part of him wanted to ask Matthew why. He wanted reasons. Why had he seemed different, why had Lovino thought he could trust him? Why did Matthew, like everyone else, pick Feliciano over him?
Part of him wanted to stay in his room and never come out again. Part of him just wanted to give up. A large part of him just hated himself. And a very small part wanted Matthew to be happy, no matter what, even if it wasn't with him.
Of course he couldn't make him happy enough. He let out a frustrated scoff. He wasn't a happy person, so there's no way he could make anyone happy. He was worthless besides his inheritance, no one liked him the most, he couldn't do anything right, and he was too angry all the time.
A small thought came to his mind. Maybe there was someone. Someone who, well, not really cared about him, but still thought of him at least. Maybe he was just after his inheritance, but did Lovino really care anymore?
He held his phone in one hand, fingers hesitating over the call button. Lovino must have stood there for over a minute before he dropped his hand, beginning to pace, thoughts racing through his head.
He scrunched his eyes shut, pushed the button and held it to his ear. It rang twice.
"Hey T-turkey? ...it's South Italy..."