Chapter 9: Possession of Rage
[Yo everyone. The school year has inspired me to write quicker this time. I guess the piles and piles of English homework haven't been such a default for me :3 Hope you all are having a great school year! Please do enjoy :3]
I sat calmly upon Sasuke's bed. My hands were folded neatly in my lap while my legs were tucked under my body so I could sit on them. My emotionless blue eyes followed Sasuke's pacing back and forth across the room in agitation at what I had just announced.
"Do you want to die?"
He hadn't seemed to fully understand my thoughts and my actions as of this point as if he thought that life was a good reason to put effort into anything, let alone the act of living itself. The fact that I had agreed with him that I had wanted to die appeared to come across the Uchiha as some sort of an astonishment. One that unnerved him to no end.
Occasionally his troubled eyes would flicker over to where I was sitting in the midst of his neurotic striding but then quickly dart back to the cold stone floor beneath him. It was clear to me that he was thinking of a way to devise a new plan, but for what I could not divulge.
Finally after he had calmed himself, Sasuke found the courage in himself to turn to speak with me.
"...Your answer has changed from when we first met," Sasuke sighed as he remembered that I, once, used to not care about whether I lived or died. That I was alright with living or dying. But now I had absolutely no reason to find the need to inquiry about finding a friend nor hesitate upon this as I awaited a bright future that would never come. I was not meant to have a happy ending, as Sasuke had so bluntly proven to me simply by his actions of assisting somebody in murdering me after promising that he would protect me. Now death seemed prominent. I was now willing to take away this futile thing titled life. It would be of no waste to anybody in the first place. I was simply mass taking up space in the world.
I was unnecessary.
"Yes, it has," I responded, not at all looking to justify myself or look for a way around it. If Sasuke wanted an explanation on why, he would simply have to look in a mirror to find that sufficient answer.
In defeat, the sixteen year old dropped onto the bedside on my left. His pitch black eyes were filled with such anguish that I almost felt sympathy for him. Then I wondered what it was I was supposed to be sympathizing about. This was a result of his own misfaults. I needn't be the one feeling sorry for him.
"Do you truly feel that way?" He asked, an elbow leaned against his knee. His forehead was being covered by his hand while he closed his eyes. It seemed to be like he was attaining a headache of some sort.
"Should I feel anyway else?" I inquired gently. I stayed in my solitude on Sasuke's bed, not at all looking to lean over and embrace him or anything even close to the idea.
"You're so willing to throw away your lif-"
"Let me ask you Sasuke, what 'life' is this that you speak of? Is owning such a meaningless existence with no true being called a 'friend' what you call a life? Is living alone without any hope for the future supposed to count? You humor me, Sasuke, with your idle words. I hardly imagine you understand what a life is either," I retorted, feeling this unusual burst of anger in my gut. Who was Sasuke to tell me that I was throwing away my life? Was he not the one out to seek revenge against the world with no plausible reason for it? He was the one who sought no serenity with the world.
That Uchiha had no place in telling me that I was throwing away my life.
Sasuke's response was put on hold momentarily before he could find his tongue to speak again, "I don't care about having a settled life, but atleast I have goals. I don't need 'friends' to be happy. I don't need happiness. But that doesn't mean I intend on dying anytime soon. I'm not a cat who needs any of those."
As soon as he called me a cat I instantly found my blue neko ears drooping lower and there was a burning sensation on my face. I knew the spread array of light freckles across my face were searing with chakra heat as they relocated about my face to form whiskers. There was no mistaking this sensation...I was...Angry.
Never once had Sasuke called me a cat. It never crossed my mind to hear him say such muttony... I never figured he would be the one to categorize me as as merely a cat.
"And I needn't any of those worthless things either before you decided to weed your way into my life," I growled back.
"Oh really? So it's my fault then?" Sasuke questioned coldly, sitting up to stare at me with dark intensity.
"It is all your fault," I admitted harshly, "You made me believe that I could trust you. Turns out I was wrong."
"That's your own fault for believing that. In the world of a shinobi we can't all keep that balance of having ourselves happy and keeping other pets happy as well," Sasuke exclaimed, his words coated in a thick layer of biting ice. His eyes acted as daggers to accompany his words.
"I do not need to be kept happy, but I would prefer that you refrained from telling me things that you had not meant in the first place!" I nearly yelled, hot anger boiling from the pit of my stomach where Nekomata lay, up to the top of my neko ears. I had never experienced rage before... I found I did not like the feeling, but rather would have not spoken at all. It were as though another force was pushing me to speak these harsh things to Sasuke, however, I knew it was all my doing.
"Maybe I did mean them, but you obviously haven't learned that things change as time goes on," Sasuke countered grouchily.
My fist clenched, allowing my nails to dig through the scarless pale skin that stretched over my hand, "How much has changed then? You would kill me?"
"Does it matter? Isn't that what you wanted?"
And that was it.
Sasuke stared at me with his usual apathetic face, but those stone cold eyes of his had softened. He did not dare to make another insulting comment, but he needn't have. I had already done something I had vowed never to do again.
I had gotten angry.
Not only that. No, I had shown the rage.
If one had asked me at the time why I had chosen to simply snap at that moment there would have been no way for me to have answered. I would not have known the proper way to respond. Instead I would have bore my dull blue eyes into yours and waited until you had backed away.
Now I could look back and with ease say, "It was Sasuke Uchiha who slowly revived my broken soul. Now it was Sasuke Uchiha who was breaking it again, and there was no way to compensate for that."
"Yasha..." Sasuke said slowly. As he spoke he lightly slid an arm around my waist...For some reason, I allowed that, "...You yelled... Are you really that angry?"
I 'tsked' and held my head up with the pride I hardly possessed. I tilted it to the right as if to ignore the Uchiha, however I found it within myself to respond.
"You...are a nuisance...That I wish to never see again," I stated, returning to the monotone. With my bit of pride still standing I rose from the bedside and glided to the other end of the cold room.
Not only was Sasuke Uchiha a liar and a pest, but he had provided me with something nobody else had ever since I had supposedly lost my sensei all those years ago. Sasuke gave me that strange thing called love, and I absolutely despised it. It was not just merely the thought that he had taught me how to feel emotions and feel them most for him, but it was the fact that in the end he had decided to play around with them until he fully terminated it by telling me that it would not matter if he killed me or not. I hated emotions... More importantly, through this day, I had found that I hated Sasuke.
When I thought he was a different person than all the rest. When I spent nine months mourning over the fact that I believed he was gone forever. When I actually loved him... He tossed it aside with such distasteful words. He had proved to me that I should never again learn to trust anyone, and if I did, then that trust would eventually be broken again.
Yet I had not so much as left the room yet before Sasuke decided to open that abhorrent mouth of his, "Yasha if you intend on leaving, I hope you understand that Madara does know we're in here... You're not safe by leaving."
"I am sorry I was under the impression that you. Did. Not. Care," I snapped back dully, emphasizing each of the last four words.
"I never said I didn't care-"
"You said it did not matter, therefore, you do not care," I responded icily, throwing the door open in the midst of my fury. Behind the roar of anger in my ears I could hear the slight chuckle of the nekomata in the back of my head.
"But I do-"
For the most repeated time today I had cut off the Uchiha.
"I am going to find Kana. When I find her, I will be taking her out of here, and I will be taking her away from you. I will be leaving and then afterwards I never want to see your face again, Sasuke Uchiha," I hissed angrily before I slammed the door shut with such a force that I had never needed to use before.
Just like that, I walked away from Sasuke.
My only exception had just been taken away. And this time, I was the one who caused it.