A/N: Hi guys! I seriously cannot contain my emotions for that 3x19 kiss ashdlfkjs; and I've just been constantly listening to "Never Let me Go" by Florence + The Machine and just rewinding the Delena scene and sobbing and just like soaking in all the lovely moments so I decided to write it out in Elena's POV. Here youuuuu go! x3
I couldn't sleep, not with Damon in the room. It was impossible to shut my mind off when he was around. He had this hold over me, this force, attacking my thoughts and invading my feelings. I opened my eyes to see him grab a bottle of whiskey and walk towards the window. He was shirtless, completely shirtless, and his lean body grabbed a shirt off the chair, muscles tensed as he wrapped it over himself. He looked out the window, popped his collar and unscrewed the bottle cap nonchalantly. Just watching him amazed me, every single action he did, effortlessly. Pouring the auburn liquid into a plastic cup, not his usual crystal, he sat down with a long sigh before slumping down in his chair and putting his feet up. He looked down at the cup, fiddling with it, before sliding it down his throat. He gulped it as if it solved all his problems, took away all his pain. I was deep in focus when his eyes caught me staring at him and I immediately looked down, trying to force myself back to sleep. I couldn't deal with his intense eyes burning into mine but I opened them once again, only to have him glaring back at me. I rested my head into my pillow and gave him a look that was only meant for him. He understood my silent message, walked to the bed, lied down beside me, second guessing himself, before putting his hand behind his head. I moved to a better angle to see how his face softened before me. He was different in my eyes, he wasn't what everyone thought, he was gentle, loving, caring. I thought I'd been the only to see his unseen side of him until he mentioned Rose earlier that day. He had given her, her last day of paradise before she passed away; he had made sure she had no fear before crossing over between the path of life and death. He'd kept it to himself, like a masked hero, not wanting to let people know he was her savior, her only hope at happiness. I wished he'd told me, instead of keeping it locked inside.
"You never told me about that, what you did for Rose?" I whispered, unsure of what he'd say next.
"Wasn't about you." He replied.
I smiled while pulling my pillow into comfort. He didn't know the effect he had on me, he didn't know that he was my hero, always saving me. I wanted him to admit he had good in him, he always had, and putting up the bad boy exterior was just a facade that I wanted to tear down.
"Why don't you let people see the good in you? I questioned.
He stared up at the ceiling with pain floating down on him, battling in his thoughts.
"Because when people see good, they expect good."
Those words struck something inside of me, rushing to my head too quickly as he faced me.
"And I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations" he finished.
He was talking about me, to me. And I knew that made no sense at all but the pain bursting inside of him was intertwined with his feelings for me. He had said his inner most thoughts out loud to the person that made him think it in the first place. Those ice blue eyes froze at mine, breaking through my soul as he looked at me like I was the only thing he wanted, only thing he needed. The tension between us was too much for me to handle, I could barely look at him, I could barely even be around him. I didn't want to give into the voice screaming in my head to admit there was something there. That there was even something at all. I twisted my body away from him and my breathing quickened as my mind raced, unable to slow down. I shook away the thoughts screaming in my head and put my arm down, only to swift pass his. He gently reacted to my touch, wrapping his fingers around mine and sending my heart into overload.
Looking out from underneath,
Fractured moonlight on the sea
Reflections still look the same to me,
As before I went under.
My body was burning up as I couldn't catch my breath for even a second. I looked to my left and quickly looked away as the tension built up to the point where I couldn't control myself. Before giving into this desire flaming through me, I shot up, grabbed my sweater and ran out the door. As I pulled my sweater over me, my thoughts stained my brain and I tried the hardest to shake them out, to shake this feeling, to shake him. I stopped and braced on a vending machine as the breeze blew, hoping these feelings would just blow away too.
And it's peaceful in the deep,
Cathedral where you cannot breathe,
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under.
I heard the door open, knowing exactly who had opened it, the only person that turned his way into my heart just like he turned that door. My balance was off as I stood by the machine as my rock, the only thing keeping me away from him. My mouth wouldn't speak the words I had intended to say but finally let out a breathless warning to stop him from coming any closer, I couldn't be close to him or I wouldn't be able to contain what I was feeling at the moment.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles onto the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
"Don't." My mouth chose to say. I looked down into misery, my walls were down and I had to put them back up before they began tumbling down again.
"Why not?" his velvet voice questioned as that was all it took for me to convince myself that this was right. We weren't doing anything wrong. I wasn't with Stefan, he wasn't with anyone. We had playing this game for too long and I wanted to hit home run already before it was too late.
"Elena." He said my name with such ease, such comfort, such desire.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Everything in my body shouted "Go!" and for the first time I listened, for the first time in my life I was doing what I wanted. I wasn't worrying about anything but myself, it was something new, and new what just what I wanted, hell, it was what I needed. I ran towards him with my heart hanging from my chest, letting myself truly open up, leaving my doubts at that vending machine.
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
Our lips touched as fire ignited through my veins and heat boiled onto my skin. My hands placed on his face, while his on my back, we searched for a meaning but instead found each other. The kiss deepened into something so much more, something we hadn't expected. It wasn't lust, it was love and it was crashing into us like waves crashed onto shores. Our bodies together created electricity and we held on like we were the only ones who could light up the whole town. We broke apart for air, but clinged back automatically like magnets as he tilted his head to let his tongue have more access to roam around with mine. I was filled with desire and let him take control as he kissed me more passionately than any romantic movie I've ever seen. Sparks flew as he lifted me upwards, tightened his grip and sunk me in perfectly. Everything didn't exist when I was with him, time stood still as we moved forward with every inch of us holding on for dear life. Caught up in the moment, the blaze between us was too strong for us to stand on our own. He pushed me up against the wall as I tried to breathe but everything in my body shut down. My only purpose was for him and my body made sure to only function where he gripped, where he grabbed, where he touched. My arms suddenly gained life and I wrapped them around his neck, the only place where they could ever belong. He made his kisses short as he moved towards my neck and I swore I was about to explode from the sexual frustration written across me in bold print. I needed him like my life depended on it, like my heart needed to beat with his at the same pace, the same place. My mouth opened and I searched for a moan but nothing came out. His mouth trailed downwards but I pushed him back up to meet those piercing eyes that locked in my soul, those ice blue crystals that swirled into my chocolate ones making my heart spontaneously combust. My body remembered the feeling we had just a second ago as I looked at his soft lips and grabbed him into another kiss as everything raced inside of me like a fucking marathon.
My mind shut off for about five minutes, it was on overload and couldn't take the intensity of my current state. Moans escaped my mouth, and the only other sound we could hear was the sound of our own breaths trying to gasp in air without breaking us apart from each other. His hand roamed all around and my skin burned for him to touch every little part of me. Our tongues went in and out, up and down, side to side, our own very dance that only we knew the rhythm to. I never wanted it to stop until I heard a familiar voice shout my name with confusion. I regained my strength to push him away from me but my insides were screaming to never let go. I looked straight to see my brother standing there and stuttered my words as I tried to tame everything I was feeling inside.
"Oh my god, Jeremy, I-" was all my mouth could say.
"Rose found Mary, she lived in Kansas." Jeremy said awkwardly.
"Okay, then." Damon breathlessly said as he scanned me with his eyes "Let's go."
He walked towards the room without looking back and Jeremy looked at me with eyes full of disappointment. I shot him a sympathy look and as soon as he left my mouth crept up into a smile before turning back into confusion. My mind tried to process what just happened but I stood there, buffering for some kind of doubt to pop up.
A/N: I tried my best guys, this is what my brain decided to come up with. I hope you like it, and please leave a review because I am dying to know what you think! I stopped here because my brain couldn't focus anymore but I think I might write a next chapter with what's going on in her mind when she has that heartbreaking conversation with Damon afterwards. I want to add sympathy to Elena because people have been angry at her about not being able to tell Damon her feelings but she's just in complete confusion right now. She's seventeen and she makes mistakes, give her a break! Tell me your thoughts! And remember to review!