This is for the Remember When This Was Fun Contest run by Sadtomato and SingleStrnd.
This story would not have been possible without the amazing help of ChloeCougar who beta's like she's getting paid. And she's not, except in the form of my undying love and gratitude.
I'm thrilled that I actually finished this even though it gave me crazy anxiety. Thank you for taking the time to read. Enjoy.
STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES- These characters belong to Stephanie Myer and I am only borrowing them for fun with no intent of harm or plagiarism. Much like my beta, I only get paid in your sweet reviews, but they are worth more than any dollar amount.
"He jerked off the nipple clamp and whispered in her ear roughly, 'Have you had enough yet?' What in the world are you reading?" Edward gasped, reading aloud.
Bella had thrown the book across the room as soon as she realized Edward was there, but with his lightning speed he had seen the words on the page. The red flush of her cheeks quickly changed from arousal to sheer embarrassment. Bella was positive that if one could die from mortification, this would be the time it happened. She knew she was taking a risk reading the novel in Edward's room, but she was sure she would have heard the door open. She chastised herself for not knowing better.
"It's a, uh, novel?" Bella meant to make a statement but her voice quavered and it came out as a question.
"A novel? Really? Where did you get that?" Edward loomed over the bed and Bella felt as though she were a preteen getting caught looking at dirty magazines.
Edward's face appeared to be half amazed, half disgusted. Inner Bella wanted to lash out and prove that she was a strong, independent woman who could explore her sexual fantasies. On the outside Bella was just trying not to cry. She hadn't been ashamed before, but Edward's reaction made sure she felt that way now.
Although they were both virgins—Edward by choice, Bella by default—she couldn't believe that in his one-hundred-and-some-odd years Edward hadn't seen, at least in the minds of others, these types of sexual proclivities. It wasn't that Bella was looking to be tied up and whipped while calling Edward her master, but s but but he still liked to indulge in fantasies that she felt were a little dirty. Edward allowed little more than kissing between the two, and Bella had become frustrated to the point of seeking to explore elsewhere. She had no interest in being with anyone else; she loved Edward and was willing to wait for marriage as he requested, but she didn't see any reason to not satisfy her own needs alone.
As Bella slid her feet to the ground, looking around for her shoes, she gave an exasperated huff.
"The bookstore, alright? It's not Hemingway or Austen, , , but it's still a novel." Edward's tone had left her feeling indignant and she refused to cry in front of him. "I'm heading home."
Bella tried her hardest to appear nonchalant as she reached to retrieve her book, despite her utter humiliation. The book wasn't expensive and so much of her just wanted to walk away from it, but there was a part of her that didn't want to back down. She just wasn't ready to have this discussion now. As it was, Bella was just getting used to reading this literature herself. Upon first examination of the anthology, there were some racy, but romantic stories. The stories told of love and sex and sensuality. Bella thoroughly enjoyed the stories of young virgins whose first sexual encounter was magical. She felt sure that was how it would be for her and Edward—loving, romantic, and filled with kissing and touching and exploring. The stories she had read so far were never filled with awkward fumbling between two inexperienced and sexually repressed people. It didn't even occur to Bella that Edward would react so harshly.
Edward stood by the large window with his right arm bent above his head resting on the pane. He sighed loudly but made no move to stop Bella. She retrieved the book and slipped on her chucks.
"So, , ,you're going to keep reading that?" Edward appeared to be talking to himself, but Bella clearly knew the question was for her.
"Yes. Why wouldn't I?" She swallowed a large lump in her throat. If only she could know what he was thinking and why he was so upset with her.
"It's smut, Bella. I guess I didn't expect this from you." He remained with his back to her.
Bella was momentarily stunned. She blinked and looked around quickly, letting his words roll around in her head. Part of her wanted to sink into the floor and never have to look Edward in the face again, another part—a larger part—wanted to slap his stone face. Hard. She knew that would be useless and most likely painful, but she couldn't help wanting it badly.
There was nothing more to say right now. Bella grabbed her bag and walked out of the room, , ,heading downstairs. She passed Edward's sister in the hallway, who gave her a sad smile. Bella realized that their conversation had not been private.
"It'll be okay," Alice said sympathetically and patted Bella's arm. If she didn't want to die before, she definitely did now.
"Alice," Bella bit her bottom lip willing the tears away, "can we not? Please?"
The fairy-like brunette acquiesced and stepped aside. Knowing her big brother was listening to her voice as well as her mind, , she practically shouted her thoughts to him.
You jack ass! No one can possibly be this uptight!
But Edward was exactly that uptight and repressed, ,and although he liked to blame it on his upbringing, one would think that over the century he would have moved along—even modestly—with the times. Alas, Edward was stuck in the past and saw women as objects to be cherished and protected. He had left Bella a few months ago for that very same reason. He was determined to protect her from herself and her dangerous choices. Yet again, he saw this as another time that he may have to take care of her. He was all for open-mindedness, as long as it was sane, but this appeared to be a step too far. Much like his fiancé's insistence that she become a vampire at some point and his traitorous family agreeing to it.
Much like now. Who did Alice think she was? And what did she know? She was married! She was well within her rights to do…marital things. Although he hadn't directly seen their acts, he was positive that the things she and Jasper did were less than what Edward considered appropriate even for a married couple. Besides, she didn't, no couldn't understand how sacred their love was. She was mated and in love, but clearly couldn't fathom the rarity and preciousness that was Bella. Bella was human and delicate of body and mind, and for her to be exposed to that filth and for Alice to encourage it was beyond his comprehension.
Edward spent the next several hours attempting to wrap his head around what he had seen. Surely Bella didn't want clamps and pain. The thoughts made him uncomfortable inside and out, he realized. Edward adjusted himself and looked surreptitiously around as if someone were watching him. When he realized what was happening, he convinced himself that the mere thought of Bella was what was enticing him, not the thought of her reading or wanting such dirty things. She couldn't possibly want something like that. He would have to do something about this. She would see that their lovemaking should be special, romantic, and tender. She would understand that "normal" people didn't do that sort of thing.
Bella made her way home in the rain. The giant hulking metal was heavy enough that it kept her from veering off the road, but would have easily saved her should she smash into a tree. At this moment it was crucial as Bella's vision was blurred from holding back the tears. Even alone she wouldn't give in. She continued to bite her plump bottom lip. Maybe Edward was right. She should be ashamed. She should have come to him first and explained that she was interested in exploring their relationship further without breaking his rule. She should have approached the topic more gently and let him know about the fact that she wanted less than savory things in the bedroom—or at least she might.
Bella wanted to fight him but found that Edward had a way of remaining in control. She wanted to be mad at him, but her natural instinct was to be a peacemaker. When Renee hated seeing Phil leave for his ball games, Bella made the decision to come to Forks. Although some couldn't understand, she felt it was just the right thing to do for her mother. Like now, the right thing was just to back down from this conversation with Edward. She drove home sad and defeated but convinced that now just wasn't the time.
Bella pulled up to the small white house she shared with her father, Charlie. She thanked every God she could think of that he wasn't home. Her eyes had dried but she knew she carried a sullen look about her. Although she wanted to curl up in bed with her new novel, she felt that she would be more comfortable emotionally to just reread Romeo and Juliet. At least in that world she could lose herself to young love and ideally romantic notions. Clearly the opposite of what she had been so engrossed in before.
She wiped her muddy feet and pulled off her rain-soaked jacket at the door. Not that Charlie would have minded, but the fact that she would ultimately have to clean it up anyway made her more careful. Bella threw her bag containing the smut on the table and set about preparing dinner for when Charlie did eventually come home. She pulled her thick hair, made damp from the rain, into a ponytail and beginning working on a marinade for the steaks. Preparing for dinner took her mind off of the disagreement with Edward for the moment, and after an hour of prep and a clean kitchen she was feeling a little better. She decided she would continue to enjoy her fantasies and eventually Edward would relax as he did on most other matters. He hadn't been thrilled with the motorcycle or the cliff-jumping and in truth, Edward did more than just question Bella's line of thinking.
Edward's own thinking was often conflicted and confused especially when it came to Bella. He knew she was smart and had survived seventeen years without him—although he honestly wasn't sure how at times—but he felt that she needed some form of protection. She didn't often think things through and Edward was sincerely concerned for her. As it was, she had made him agree to attempt intimacy while she was still human. He had hoped by the time it came to that, he could convince her to wait just a little longer. But now? Not only did she want to have marital relations with him while human, she wanted to further test his limits by throwing in unholy images of clamps and domination. As if he didn't want to dominate her body on a daily basis. He pushed his depravity aside for her and here she was calling to it like a siren.
Bella hadn't considered her reading depraved in the least. She knew it was different than what she had been exposed to before, and even somewhat illicit, but she hadn't felt bad about it until Edward's reaction. She was thankful at these times that the two were not married and they could go their separate ways for space. Time and space. That's all they needed right now. Edward would calm down and see how silly he was being about this whole thing. After all, it wasn't as though she had gone and requested to have a St. Andrew's Cross installed in his bedroom. Isabella had been doing some research. Not intended for personal use, but simply because reading and learning came naturally to her. While she might not be of a scientific mind, Bella still sought to understand things which she did not in order to put them into a context she could understand. It was why she enjoyed the romantic aspect of the erotic literature. Make no mistake, Isabella was a realist of the soundest extent. She understood that life was not a fairytale and that no two, no matter how in love, were always happy. But her novels took her away from that. Exploring her darker side was just a new fantasy to escape into.
Bella inhaled deeply and made herself physically relax. She hadn't realized that she had tensed up again and set off upstairs to calm down more fully in the shower. While she was supposed to be calming herself down, Bella found herself getting more worked up. Who did Edward think he was, making her feel foolish for her choice in entertainment? Who was he to decide that her reading was superfluous and inappropriate? No one said he had to pull on the chain of her nipple clamps! She involuntarily lifted her hands to cover her breasts. She wasn't sure if she would like those anyway, but the thought alone left a stirring in her belly. She decided she would forget about Edward for tonight—sort of—and continue to read. He had interrupted her at a particularly good part. The young heroine was allowing the roguish, desperately handsome older man to corrupt her in ways she hadn't realized she wanted to be corrupted.
Bella checked the clock on her desk and calculated that she had several hours before Charlie got home. It was her limited understanding that women didn't require hours on their own, but as a beginner, she was still getting over her own nerves. Pulling her hair from its tight confines, she moved to her dresser for some more comfortable clothing. The pajamas weren't exactly sexy, but she was alone and didn't need to impress anyone else. She snuggled under her covers and picked up where she'd left off.
Xavier was roughly pulling Sabrina's arms above her head, tying them with silken rope to the headboard. Bella clenched her muscles involuntarily. Edward wouldn't have to tie her up; he would be able to hold her wrists fast in one large hand. She wanted to focus on the words on the page, but her mind couldn't help but conjure up images of of Edward covering her body with his own, hard and naked. She set the book down on her night stand and slipped a hand under the covers. Gently, she began stroking over her pajamas, lightly tickling herself. She took a deep breath and pushed her nerves down. This time she imagined Edward sitting outside her window—the way he used to. Watching her, waiting. The more she gave into her voyeuristic fantasy, the lower her hand moved, stroking up and down. She still hadn't braved anything under her pajamas, but this was her time and there was no need to feel rushed.
Edward had spent a good hour brooding alone in his room. Alice had finally stopped flashing him images of Bella bent over the couch while she demanded he go harder.
"Alice, you are thoroughly disgusting and I'd appreciate it if you would mind your own business," Edward huffed.
"You think I want these images, Edward? She's made up her mind and it's not my fault I'm so in tune with the two of you," Alice replied from the other room.
"Well you can just stop. We will…" He hesitated, thinking up the most proper phrase, "do what we do, in private, and , andin a bed like she deserves."
"Great!" Alice yelled out exasperated. "Do it in the bed! Then the couch and on the kitchen counter for all I care! Just stop being an ass and thinking you know what she wants without talking to her!"
Alice had clearly had enough of Edward's nonsense. The fact that she was a woman and a close friend of Bella gave her enough insight to know that, despite Bella's seemingly innocuous appearance, she was an adventurous and curious girl.
Normally Edward would have gone to Carlisle for advice, but this truly all felt too personal. There was no way he was speaking to Emmett about the subject and having to endure his ridicule, and Jasper wasn't around. The fact remained, though, that Edward didn't really want to talk to anyone about this. He was simply too embarrassed to broach the subject at all. He knew he had to talk to Bella—make her understand that maybe once she was a vampire too they could possibly explore other things, but for the time being, they would have to stick to gentle, tender, and highly delicate lovemaking.
Bella stopped her ministrations when the feelings in her belly grew stronger. She wasn't sure she was ready to keep going just yet. Her fantasy was delectable, but she wanted to prolong it, so she got up to open her window as if to invite Edward in. Climbing back into bed, the scent of rain and the cool breeze brought her thoughts to life. She lay down on her back and slipped her hand inside her pajama pants. Picturing Edward with rain dripping down his chiseled cheeks, she remembered the time they had sat in the rain as he'd told her about how potent and delicious her blood would be, making his body come alive far more than the tofu-like quality of animal blood. The thought of Edward biting her deeply made her quiver slightly. She wasn't afraid; she was turned on. The rumble of Charlie's cruiser brought her out of her lust-filled haze and she shook herself slightly to push the illicit thoughts away. After using the bathroom to clean up and make herself presentable, she headed downstairs.
Carlisle had heard the conversation between Edward and his sister and decided to stay out of it. He knew Edward couldn't be pushed on this and thought it best to let him come when he was ready. They had already discussed the mechanics of vampire/human sex and Edward was well aware of the physical care he would need to take with Bella. Carlisle had wanted to encourage him to take a more verbal route, but Edward would find his own path when the time came. Carlisle always had absolute faith in his prodigal son, even when Edward was lacking it.
It came as no surprise to anyone when Edward slammed his door, cracking the frame, to storm out of the house. In truth, the family was thankful not to have to listen to his brooding and Edward was thankful to be away from their annoying and intrusive thoughts. Rosalie had referred to him as a pansy-assed, , , whiny bitch several times, and no matter how hard he tried, Emmett couldn't stop counting the number of handcuffs and ropes he and Rosalie had destroyed during their escapades. He was actually contemplating using steel cables next time.
Edward ran to his sanctuary of the meadow and lay down in the cold, wet grass. He had fantasized about being with Bella many times but often resorted to reading medical texts to calm himself down. He wanted to touch himself, had thought about it, but didn't need even further ridicule from his family members. They were mated, they were married, and admittedly, they were nowhere near as uptight about sexuality as he had been—ever. Away from their thoughts, he brought his mind back to this afternoon, finding Bella in his room reading. He had been rather harsh with her. Thinking more about it, he was just as embarrassed as she had been only he'd taken his embarrassment out in the form of anger. He hated thinking that he had made Bella feel bad, but what could she have been thinking? If those were the kinds of things she wanted, she was going to be sorely disappointed with his inadequate skills. He had never even touched her breasts let alone thought of putting objects on them! He knew that nipples were a sensitive erogenous zone, but he would have to be very careful to not hurt her when he applied pressure. Palming them would be okay. And putting his mouth on her and gently sucking surely wouldn't hurt, provided he kept his teeth away. He could lick them and swirl his tongue around them. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he could ask Bella to pinch them and pull on them until the skin pebbled and tightened. He liked the thought of watching her touch herself.
Alone in the field, he found his hand drifting down to his soaked slacks. The wet fabric clung to his body and his stone body was more easily outlined. Edward tentatively stroked his hands over his hard cock. He was a little uncomfortable saying that word, even in his head. He had never read erotic novels, , , , but of the little he'd glimpsed from Bella's book he was positive the words penis, vagina, and clitoris were not in there. As much as he detested it, Edward summoned his inner Emmett and began to think of the vocabulary he would use. Would Bella like it if he called it her pussy? Would she want him to talk about her fabulous tits and how he wanted to suck on them until he left marks? He tried to say the words out loud. He felt silly and stunted announcing to no on one in particular, "I want to lick your clit and bury my fingers deep inside your pussy." Somehow it just felt wrong. And yet, the more he thought of those words and imagined himself doing those things to Isabella, he found his hand stroking faster of its own accord. He began to grip himself and rub harder. The monster within began to growl as his hips rocked to the rhythm of his hand.
Her sight, her smell, her taste. Oh God! How would she taste? He knew he wanted to do that. The monster demanded that he be allowed to taste her sweet pussy if Edward wouldn't let him have her blood. The monster wondered if he could do both at the same time. Edward quickly locked that thought away. There was no way he was ready to go there—he may never have that kind of self-control. It occurred to him after sometime that, even though he had never tried any of those things, the thought of doing more than lying on top of Isabella and moving in and out of her held a strong and fascinating appeal. Even more foreign to him was the realization that doing those things, like holding her open while he put his tongue inside her (among other things), wasn't dirty at all, but highly erotic. He wanted to be upset with himself for thinking of Bella in that way, but the more he stroked himself, the less bothered he was.
Bella excused herself from dinner and told Charlie she would clean up in the morning. She was feeling tired and cranky. She didn't want to finish what she had started earlier and didn't even want to read. She wanted to go to sleep and wake up to an Edward that apologized for being an ass and a prude. She knew it wasn't his fault and if she was being honest, she was a shy, silly girl too. Flopping on her small bed, Bella wondered how they would ever get through the wedding night. Would Edward insist on having the lights off? Would she begin to explore eagerly only to realize she had no clue what she was doing? Bella wasn't a naturally confident girl and her total inexperience made her feel even less so. In all the erotica she had read so far, neither were bumbling virgins. There was always one individual who was strong and confident with a sexual power so potent the other individual couldn't help but succumb to it. That one person was able to teach the other the ways of lovemaking , lof dirty, raw, animalistic fucking. And they always both thoroughly enjoyed it. Bella sighed loudly, fearing she had ruined everything before it had ever even happened.
After checking her phone for the fifth time, Bella decided to call it a night. Clearly, Edward was being childish if he was this upset over her choice of reading. She would give him until tomorrow, but then she would make him talk. Despite what Jacob—and even her father—may have thought, Bella and Edward's relationship was not unequal. She held more power than either thought. She knew it, as did Edward. Yes, she let a lot of things go, but there were certain decisions that Bella made that Edward had little say in. She was determined to become a vampire, and although she recognized Edward's objections, he had given in. Of course, she had to agree to marry him first, but it was what she wanted as well. And although it might not turn out to be X-rated material, she had gotten Edward to consent to make love to her before he turned her. Before falling asleep, Bella felt more confident that she could get Edward to at least try some of the things she had read about.
Although she fell asleep easily, her mind worked in overdrive, bombarding her with images of Edward naked, hard, his eyes black with desire. She dreamed of him climbing into her window and peeling back the covers. She looked down to see Edward pulling her towards the bottom of her bed and spreading her knees. She felt his cool breath whisper through her pajama bottoms over her hot pussy. She lifted her bottom helping him to remove her pants. She saw him standing in her darkened room, watching her. Bella palmed her breasts through her flimsy t-shirt and pulled at her nipples with her small hands. She heard Edward growl out a "Yes." Her mind even realized his need for restraint when he whispered, "Harder. Pull harder; I can't do it myself."
With her pants off, she moved her hand down to her wet center. Dream Edward gasped when she pulled off her panties to reveal a smooth opening with just a line of hair to trail directly where she wanted him to touch. Edward commanded her to open her thighs and reveal herself to him. She easily obeyed and delighted at his directness. The ache had never felt so intense in her dreams before. She had had sexual dreams involving Edward, but they'd never went t neverhis far. He usually insisted that they leave their clothes on while they rubbed one another.
"Open your eyes baby."
Bella knew it was too good to be true. Dream Edward would never let her get naked. She would wake up alone and throbbing and unsure of what to do next except start her crappy day turned on and frustrated.
"Bella, please? I need you to be awake for this."
Bella blinked her eyes open to find dark golden ones staring back at her in the dark. She quickly turned on the light, sure she was still dreaming as she used to do when she and Edward first met. But he was still there. Standing and watching her. He handed Bella the novel that was on the nightstand and told her to keep reading from where she had left off.
"Read it to me?" He begged.
He pulled her down to the end of her bed, spreading her legs wide open as he had done in her dream, a, , nd got to his knees.
Excited and pulsing with nerves, Bella began. "He jerked off the nipple clamp and whispered in her ear roughly, 'Have you had enough yet?'"
"I've barely begun," he answered as his tongue finally touched her.