"Finally," I exhaled after dismissed me from detention. I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran towards the exit. As I stepped into my car, I texted Brittany.
Hey can I come over?
I put my seatbelt on and waited for her to text me back.
Sorry sanny, artie came over. He wanted to have some alone time.
I scrunched my face together in disgust as I read the text. I really wish she didn't tell me that.
First of all tmi britt and secondly why don't you just kick him out. I want some alone time with you too ; )
San you know we can't do that anymore, I have a boyfriend now
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and tossed my phone to the back of the car.
I seriously can't believe she's blowing me off to be with her crippled boyfriend but whatever. It really doesn't matter. It's not like she was mine's before fucking Artie. And it's not like she wants to be mine anyway, which is why she picked the damn crippled. And it's not like I need her anyway.
Yeah, I'll just keep telling myself that.
I gripped the wheel harder and bit the inside of my cheek while trying to get her off my mind. Which for some reason I always fail at.
God I wish I could be at her place right now.
Well if I can't go over to Britt's might as well haul my ass over to Quinn's and harass the fuck out of her. That always makes me feel better.
I sighed as I started my car and drove towards Quinn's house.
Finally at Quinn's, I grabbed my phone from the backseat and hopped out of my car. Hopefully teasing Quinn about her crush on Midget McMan-hands can get my mind off of her.
I knocked on Quinn's door a couple of times before opening the door and waltzing my way into her house only to find her sitting on her brown leather couch watching television in the living room.
I walked quietly towards the couch, bent down, and got real close to her ear while trying to hold my breath and then whispered into her ear with my best deep horror movie voice.
"Knock, knock Quinn."
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT."
I laughed as I watched Quinn jump and practically roll off the coach while pressing her hand to her heart like a little bitch. After calming down a little bit she turned to see me laughing my ass off while gripping the back of the couch.
She glared. "What the fuck are you doing here Lopez? You scared the ever living shit out of me and stop laughing because I am about two seconds from kicking your fucking ass out of my goddamn house."
I stopped laughing and smirked. "Ooohhh, Quinnie, you just use the Lord's 'name' in vain." I said as a wiggled my finger at her. "You must feel lucky that your parents aren't home to hear that." She snorted and rolled her eyes.
I laughed as Quinn got up and brushed herself off. "Whatever dumbass, is there any reason why you are trespassing in my house because in case you didn't know, you could get arrested for that."
I shrugged. "'Cause I'm bored and I need something to do." I jumped onto her couch, grabbed the remote and started flipping through channels. Quinn sighed and sat next to me.
"Brittany's with Artie." She stated as she stared blankly at the television.
I licked my dry lips. "Yeah."
We both sat in silence as we watched TV. Well Quinn was watching the television. I was just looking at it but I wasn't really watching it. My chest was hurting and I didn't like the fact that I was still thinking about Brittany. Her innocent child-like mind, her gorgeous lips, amazing abs, and legs that go on forever and ever-
"So Santana, I know we talked about this already," Quinn started. "But don't you think you should talk to Brittany?"
I crossed my arms over my chest. "No."
I'm not talking to her. Obviously she doesn't want to be with me if she picked that fucking loser over me.
Quinn sighed. "Look, how would you know if she likes you or not if you don't tell her how you feel?"
"Because," I said, not bothering to give her an actual explanation. Mostly because I don't really have one.
Quinn turned her head and looked at me, waiting for an answer. "Because…"
"Because I can't."
"Why not? Just tell her you love her."
I frowned. "First of all I don't love her." Lie. "Secondly I can't."
"First of all," She mocked. "You're lying, and secondly why?" She said, frustrated.
"Because she's my best friend and she might not like me that way, and even if she does what if I fuck it all up," I whispered feeling the tears build up in my eyes. "You know how bad I am about expressing how I feel towards her, besides I'm no good for her. She's perfect and I'm just," I sighed. "I'm just me."
Quinn bit her lip and lightly placed her hand on my shoulder, as if I was fragile and she was trying not to break me.
Too bad I'm already broken.
"This is why you should tell her. Brittany loves being with you, only God knows why, so maybe if you talk to her something might come out of it," She said smiling.
"What about you and Berry?"
She rolled her eyes. "It's Rachel, and no that's different."
"Really? How is that any different?"
"It just is."
"What part of no do you not understand?"
"The no part."
She rolled her eyes. "Look Santana, my situation is a lot different from yours. You and Britt started off as best friends while me and Rachel started off hating each other."
That's true. "Actually Quinn, Rachel hated you, you didn't," I smirked. "I'm not sure why you keep confusing your pent up lesbianistic sexual frustration towards Rachel as hatred. They're not the same thing."
She took one of the couch pillows and smacked me in the face before I could react.
"Ow, you bitch."
"Santana, look and try to listen, I'm not telling her so shut up."
"Well then I'm not telling Brittany."
Quinn groaned. "Oh God, Santana just tell her."
"Fine, how about this," I said as I hopped off the couch and then put both hands on my hips. "I'll tell Britt if you tell Rachel."
"Uh, no. I'm not telling Rachel first."
I rolled my eyes. "No I mean we will both promise to tell the people we've been lusting over, but if one of us backs out on the promise the other doesn't have to do it."
Quinn raised her eyebrow. "Alright I guess, but do we have a time limit or something."
"How about before senior prom?"
She nodded, quickly agreeing. "Alright, that sounds like a plan."
"Alright, good." I said looking down at the floor. I hope this somehow motivates Quinn to tell Berry. Well, more importantly, motivates me to tell Britt.
"Yeah?" I said looking back up.
"What if Rachel doesn't like me back," She asked looking up at me with tears in her eyes.
I tilted my head to the side and scratch the back of my head. "I don't know Fabray."
I sighed. This is going to be a long and hard senior year.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
I groaned and slammed my fist against my alarm clock, finally deciding not to press the snooze button again for the third time. I sat up on my bed and tried to get off of it but my foot tangled in my sheets and I rolled right off my bed and onto the floor.
"Great," I mumbled while slowly getting up and rubbing me head.
"Mija," My mom yelled from downstairs. "Are you okay?"
"Si, mami," I grumbled. "I'm fine."
I stumbled into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face until I heard my phone buzzing.
I sighed and dropped my toothbrush in my bathroom and walked back to my bed to check my phone.
Great it's from Brittany.
Hey San, I'm sorry about yesterday =[
Yeah whatever it's cool
My phone buzzed again but I ignored it while I was getting dressed. I slipped on a pair of black skinny jeans and a red tank top with my red vans. I grabbed my bookbag, phone, and leather jacket and ran downstairs to grab a bite to eat.
"Hey mija, woke up late yet again," My mom said sarcastically.
"Whatever mami, I'm tired."
"Yeah that might be because you came in late last night," She said while dropping a plate of pancakes on the table for me to eat. "Where were you, and I could've sworn we had a set curfew."
I rolled my eyes. "Lo siento mami, I was at Quinn's."
She took the seat next to me. "Really, you weren't at Brittany's," She scrunched up her face. "Or at a boy's?"
I snorted. "No, I was definitely not at a boy's house and I wasn't at Brittany's either, I was at Quinn's."
"Well, why haven't you been at Brittany's lately," She asked well staring at me intently. "Did you two get in a fight?"
I sighed. "No mom, she's just busy with her boyfriend that's all," I said trying to finish my food quickly so I can get out of this conversation and head to school.
Well I don't want to be there either. I just don't feel up to playing 21 questions with my mother.
"Aww, do I sense a little jealously that a boy is taking away your best friend time," She laughed.
"Whatever mom, I'm so not jealous over stubbles."
Not at all.
Not even a little bit.
She sighed. "Whatever you say mija, look all I know is that you've been a little sad for a while, and cranky, and that was around the same time Brittany started coming over less."
"Look mom it's nothing," I said raising my voice. "I'm just sick of her picking her loser of a boyfriend over me all the damn time, it's ridiculous."
She glared at me. "Mija don't raise your voice at me," Then her face soften. "And maybe you should tell Brittany how you feel."
"I did, well not exactly, I just told her it annoyed me that she was always hanging around him instead of with her best friend, and she doesn't even hang around Quinn as much anymore."
"That's not what I meant," My mom said as she leaned back in her chair.
I could hear and feel my heart pound harder. "What do you mean?"
She bit her lip. "You know what I mean."
We both stared at each other in silence until I got up.
"Look mami, I gotta go, school is starting in fifteen minutes and I'm going to be late."
I picked up my bag and threw my jacket on and quickly went towards the door. Before I could open it I felt my mom grabbed my shoulder. I sighed and turned around.
"If you need to tell me anything, I'm here okay, no matter what."
I looked down. I couldn't look her in the eyes without wanting to cry and tell her everything. "Okay."
She hesitated but she let go of me and said to have a good day at school.
I finally walked out and close the door behind me. I slipped into my car and started driving towards my school with tears in my eyes. By the time I drove into the school's parking lot, I finally parked and started crying alone in my car. I felt like a loser. A pathetic one.
Why couldn't I just walk into the school and tell her. Lay it all out. Brittany I'm a lesbian and I'm in love with you. That's all I have to say. But knowing Britt she'll probably want me to come out to the whole fucking world before I could have a chance to completely be with her. Not that I blame her or anything. I just don't know if I'm completely ready to say it out loud yet.
I mean yeah I acknowledge the fact that I liked Brittany to Quinn but I never said I was a lesbian.
I mean I don't even remember if me and Quinn even had a talk about our sexuality. But that's probably because we are trying to avoid saying it out loud.
I don't even know if I could say it out loud to myself.
I sighed and banged my head against the steering wheel, looking down at the floor.
Alright all I have to do is say. Just say I'm a lesbian. No one else is here, just me. So I can do this.
Just say it.
"Alright," I whispered. "I'm..."
I exhaled shakily. "I'm a l-lesbian," I stuttered quietly.
"I'm a lesbian," I repeated again to myself, a little louder this time after looking around to see if anyone was peeking in my car.
Alright. That wasn't so bad.
I can do this.
Or at least try.
AN: Hey guys sorry this was a little angsty or whatever. And sorry for taking so long to update lol. I didn't even realize that it's been months. Time goes by so fast when you are taking AP test after AP test and getting ready for graduating. And then graduating lol.
Yay for not being a high schooler anymore! Anywho hoped you enjoyed the chapter. This story is probably going to have at least ten chapters. So anyway, please review. I need opinions because I'm still an inexperience writer.