Here's a one-shot I was inspired to write by reading a few involving this idea. This is written completely in 1st person and please excuse any tense confusion-like present and past. This is brotherly Alvon. And the boys are 10 in this story and my OC Kevin is 13. This is the cartoon version.
Warning: rape and mild language
Please read on and review for me.
It wasn't supposed to happen. It was blown completely out of proportion. It was just a misunderstanding, a little joke taken the wrong way. I knew I was pushing my limits and I knew it wasn't right, but it was just a joke at the time. No one told me that he was lagging in the sense of humor category.
I've kept it to myself since then. What happened that night. I've refused to think about it, refused to get all emotional about it. I think I'm doing fine actually. No one seems to think anything happened that night. Actually, it's been a while since then, a good few months to be exact.
Of course sometimes I still wake up crying in my sleep, or sometimes I wake up screaming and then I have to come up with some lame dream I had to get my brothers and Dave back to sleep. I'm running out of dreams to give, and I found myself repeating the same dream a few times.
I could tell Simon was becoming skeptical and I knew I had to stop waking up from my nightmares screaming my lungs out so often. After a bit, I finally managed to stop the scream before it came out, even though I'm still in the process of waking up. At first I had to cover my mouth with my hands but now I just lock my throat up until the sensation of the scream dies down.
Now the only problem was my emotions. Trying hard to not think about what had happened and not allowing myself to grieve or whatever the hell it is you do after something like that happens, has made me a little more snappy than normal. And lucky me, the sole person of this unnecessary anger ends up being aimed towards my increasingly pestering younger brother.
My anger flares spontaneously whenever he asks me what's wrong and I know it's because I don't want to talk about it. He takes it as though there is something I need to talk about but I'm constantly insisting that there's nothing wrong but he brushes the statement off. I can feel my limits creeping closer and I know soon I'll snap. I don't know what will happen but I know that soon something will happen. I just don't know what.
At the moment, I'm waiting for dinner to be finished so I can eat because I'm starving. My appetite fluctuates as well. Some days I'm not hungry at all, and some days like today, I'm starving.
I looked away from my younger brother's piercing gaze as he walked into the kitchen. Naturally, he takes a seat right next to me and I can feel a bit of claustrophobia hitting me. I scoot away until I hit the wall. Simon looks at me with calculating eyes and I stare at the table. Why can't he just leave me alone? Dave and Theodore do, so why not him?
He moves closer to me and I can feel his body nearly pressing against mine and I bit back a few panicked breaths as best I can. "Why are you so tense, Alvin?" he asked. I shot him a hot glare.
"Because I'm being smothered by my brother," I retort. Simon arched an eyebrow, looking over our current positions.
"You have more than arm's length from me, Alvin," he said. I looked and saw he was right. My claustrophobia made my mind exaggerate just how close he was. Again, his eyes became observant, looking at me closely, watching my every move.
"Stop staring at me!" I snapped loudly, getting Dave and Theodore's attention.
Simon looked away, humoring me, but I knew he was taking down notes mentally. I huffed and sat back.
"Is dinner done yet?" I asked, my voice tinged with annoyance. Now I'm not so hungry anymore. I needed to get out of there. Simon was too watchful of me and it really put me on edge. But I knew he probably wouldn't let me by if I tried. I felt boxed in. I had the wall on one side, and Simon on the other. As soon as Dave and Theodore sat down, I may start hyperventilating.
I began fidgeting with my hands, growing anxious and getting hot all of a sudden. Simon looked over at me, concern on his face this time. "Alvin, are you ok? You look flushed."
At the statement, Dave came over and looked at me. Damn, I hate being stared at. As if that wasn't enough, he reached over and picked me up, holding me against his chest. If only he knew that the once comforting action was anything but that now.
He put his hand on my forehead and left it there for a moment. He then, to my relief, pulled it back. I kept my arms wrapped around myself and curled into a little ball in his arms, keeping to myself as much as I could.
"Well, you don't have a fever," Dave said thoughtfully. "And I do want you to eat. Would you like to eat in the room?"
I nodded immediately. Open space, lack of scrutinizing gray eyes, and privacy. Eating in the room would be a huge relief right now. Of course, Dave didn't let me go as he walked over to the counter and grabbed a plate and began putting the food onto it.
I felt incredibly hot and breathing was becoming a little more complicated all of a sudden and it took everything I had to not succumb to a panic attack. "Dave, I need to use the bathroom. Can you just leave my plate on my bed?" I asked, thinking quickly.
Dave nodded and moved to put me down, but I practically jumped out of his arms and ran out of the kitchen and upstairs into the bathroom. I locked the door and leaned against it, struggling to catch my breath, but succeeding in causing my panic attack to start again.
I have at least one of these a day.
I put a hand on my stomach, over my diaphragm, hoping to calm the attack down by breathing from there and closing my eyes to concentrate. I had researched how to stop one of these and I knew I had it down since they occurred on a daily basis. But it was a process, and knowing Dave may overhear on his way to the room wasn't helping in calming me down, if anything, the anxiety increased.
My world was spinning now and I moved away from the door and turned the water on, hoping to drown myself out a little. I tossed myself back onto the floor quietly and resumed trying to make this episode stop.
Take a deep breath for seven seconds, hold it for seven seconds, and let it out. Repeat. Gradually, I could feel my breathing getting more controlled, and I relaxed so as to not set it off again. I have to control my emotions more now or else I'm more liable to go through this again, and it may not be while I'm alone.
Letting out a long, deep breath, I stood and turned the water off and looked at myself in the mirror. I adjusted my appearance so it didn't scream anything out of the ordinary just took place before leaving the bathroom and going into the room.
I was afraid to close my eyes, because I was so tired. I didn't want to close my eyes because then I'd fall asleep, and there my nightmares would consume me.
I guess I haven't moved on entirely.
I looked over at my brothers as they slept, their dreams filled with purity and minor challenges. I envied them and their peace of mind…and for their innocence. I looked back up at the ceiling, forcing my eyes to stay open.
After a while, I could feel the sensation of being watched and looked to my right. I inwardly groaned, seeing attentive gray eyes watching me. What, did he have some sort of ability that let him know I was awake or something? I glared at the ceiling, pretending I hadn't seen him.
After a few minutes, I felt him climb into bed with me and my heart started pounding as he lay under the covers as well. I forced myself to calm down, but my heart continued to race. I looked over at him, hoping my eyes didn't give anything away, but at the look in his, I knew they were saying something.
"I know you're hiding something," he cut me off and I looked away. "I know it's something big."
"Leave me alone," I snapped, fighting against my emotions. Simon pulled me closer, but not by much and I looked at him as he did this. "Don't touch me." I pushed him away, but it didn't do much since he was on the bed with me.
He continued to stare at me. "What are you hiding?"
"I want you to leave me alone now," I stated, looking back at the ceiling. He didn't move an inch.
"Alvin, just talk to me… why are you so mad?" he asked. The pounding of my heart has yet to return to normal, and I could feel the emotions I had been fighting back for the last three months bubbling somewhere in my chest, waiting to be let out.
I remained silent, deciding that if I ignored him, maybe he would shut up and leave.
"Well, since you won't talk, I'm just going to stay here," he said and made himself comfortable beside me. He made it a factor to lie close to me and I think he realized it was something I despised now. Why? Why did he always have to know everything? Couldn't he have one thing he didn't know and be ok with it?
I could feel him watching me, and it was driving me crazy. Despite all the open space in our room, him being close to me and watching me was making me feel trapped. I knew if I moved any part of my body, he'd catch it.
I wanted to turn away from him, but I was determined not to. I would be letting my guard down and leaving myself vulnerable.
There was silence between us and I could feel my anxiety rising again. He hasn't taken his eyes off of me since he got on my bed. I was so caught up in my thoughts and trying to calm myself down that when I felt his hand touch mine I completely freaked out.
Sitting up quickly and cradling my hand as though I was burnt was the first thing I did. Simon looked completely caught off guard, but he too sat up. "Alvin?"
I whimpered slightly, feeling the urge to throw something and cry at the same time. "Please, don't touch me…" I whispered, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around myself. I fought against the flashbacks. Simon didn't heed my desire. Or maybe he didn't hear it. But nevertheless, he scooted closer to me and pulled me close. "Simon, don't…"
He heard me this time and pulled his hands back, but stayed close to me. "Alvin, talk to me please. Whatever it is you're hiding, you need to let it out now. You can tell me." I shook my head no.
"It's nothing," I lied, knowing he knew it was a lie. He made me look at him. He searched my eyes, and I let him, not intentionally, but because I was trying to keep my emotions in check, I wasn't tuned in to what he was doing until the last minute, and then I quickly looked away.
Simon was a genius, everyone knew that. He has solved every problem he's come across, and that was a fact. I wondered if he could solve mine. I seriously hoped not. This was something I'd rather take to my grave, even if keeping it to myself was damaging.
I refused to look at him again and so kept my gaze on the bed. The emotions were battling inside me. There were so many I had ignored the past few months, that I had a feeling they were getting closer to coming to the surface. If that were to happen, I hope I'm alone when it does.
"I'm tired," I said, looking at him. He looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn't and nodded. I don't know why he's not fighting with me about it, but I just let it go. He climbed off the bed and went back to his. I laid back and stared at the ceiling, forcing my pent up emotions back down and tiredly closed my eyes.
Simon seemed more thoughtful the past couple of days and though I wasn't used to it, I did take full advantage of it. I was more relaxed without him scanning me like he normally did. But it also set me on edge, wondering why he would be so thoughtful all of a sudden. Ever since that night, he seemed mentally withdrawn, as though performing an experiment in his head.
I've also been feeling the urge to vent, and I knew it wasn't good. I was never alone. Theodore and Dave never left the house. Dave had taken to working at home again because he didn't like the idea of leaving us unsupervised. And Theodore pretty much lived in the kitchen, the Chipettes gone with Miss Miller for a mini vacation for a couple of weeks so he couldn't spend time with Eleanor like normal.
I could feel the urge growing, a tingling in my fingers to grab something a break it, but I tried not to. I couldn't have a breakdown with everyone home all the time. The sensation was hard to ignore, and I groaned, walking around the den, pacing. I had to do something, anything, to ease this urge. If I left the house, I'd suffer agoraphobia, a fear of large places. There could be anyone out there, the world was a large place, a lesson I learned the hard way.
I walked over to the couch and tried sitting for a bit but I was too antsy to just sit around. I got back up and went upstairs. I needed to break something. Right now.
Ok, maybe I overdid it. I looked at my handiwork and though I felt better, I knew Dave and Simon were gonna be pissed.
Every vase upstairs was broken, every mirror was shattered, and every picture frame was cracked. How I did it all without causing too much noise was beyond me. As soon as I started, I blacked out, and now seeing what I had done was surprising. Some of Simon's things in the room were trashed too: some library books, a couple of experiment things, and a microscope. Theodore's stuff was useless to ruin, it consisted of coloring books, crayons and stuffed animals.
I watched Dave walk upstairs, some paperwork in his hands. As soon as his shoe landed on some glass, it broke and he looked down at his foot and then followed the trail down the hallway.
He looked at me, "What on Earth?" He put one and one together and then exclaimed, "Aaaalviiiin!"
I had gotten Simon's reaction all wrong. I watched him clean everything up of his in the room in silence. He hasn't said anything to me since Dave told him what I did. I knew I broke some pretty expensive stuff, and some stuff he'd have to pay for, but he was silent.
I didn't like that he was quiet. He didn't look at me, or in my direction. It was making me very nervous.
Finally, he finished and looked at me. He walked to the bedroom door and shut it, making me feel caught. He went over to me and sat in front of me on my bed. "What possessed you to go on a breaking spree?" he asked.
"I felt like it," I answered, which was true to an extent. But he didn't need to know everything.
"You broke my stuff because you felt like it?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. I lowered my gaze. "Alvin, I'm trying to understand."
"You don't need to understand!" I snapped, glaring at him. "There's nothing for you to understand! I don't need your attention, your help, or your pity! I don't need any of it, so just stop already!"
Simon blinked at me as I caught my breath. I hadn't meant to yell, but he was getting under my skin, or trying to, and it was making me feel very uneasy.
"Pity?" he asked. "Why would I pity you? Did something happen?" I groaned.
"Don't you ever listen?" I demanded.
"Alvin, there's something you're hiding. Its making you lash out. Clearly, keeping it bottled up isn't the best option."
"Clearly this isn't any of your business!" I retorted.
"Well, clearly I'm making it my business!" he snapped back at me. I sat back in surprise. "I am not going to stop until you tell me what's wrong. I know something happened, because you don't act like this or do these things if you weren't keeping something bottled up. I saw the emotions in your eyes. I know you're not letting them out and because of that, you're always angry or breaking things."
I looked away. "You don't know shit." I saw him narrow his eyes at me.
"No, I don't. So why don't you tell me?" he countered.
"No!" I snapped, glaring heatedly at him. "No, I won't tell you!"
"Why not?" he snapped back, matching my tone, but I could see he was genuinely frustrated with me.
"Because!" I snapped, and realized I had chosen the wrong thing to say. Curiosity ran through Simon's eyes.
"Because why, Alvin?" he asked, his tone softer. I looked away. I could feel the emotions banging against my chest, but I kept them locked away. "What's so bad that you can't tell me?"
"Can we just drop this now?" I asked, cringing inwardly at the weakness my voice held. I saw Simon shake his head at me.
"No, not this time," he answered. The emotions were getting stronger, and I could feel my body aching as the urge to cry hit me. I could barely feel my eyes starting to mist over before I forcefully pushed the tears back.
Little did I know Simon could see what I was doing. I looked up at him and my breath caught as he pulled me into a hug. "Simon, let me go…" I pushed against him, but he tightened his grip. Surely he knew I hated being touched by now. I could feel my panic rising. "Simon, please."
Subconsciously, I clutched at his sides, clinging to his shirt in an attempt to keep my emotions in check. Being in his arms felt good, almost safe… I don't know what he was thinking, doing this, but I knew it was messing up my emotions big time. I tried getting out of his arms again, but he wouldn't let me.
"Please, Simon. Let go," I whispered, fighting my panic and my tears. How can his hugging me make all of my hard work nearly vanish?
"I know what you're doing, Alvin," Simon said, holding me tighter, making my breath catch again and my heart starting to race with my panic. I hoped he wouldn't feel it. "And it's not good for you."
I tried pushing him away again, but he didn't budge. "Simon, please… Please, let me go…" I was trying so hard to fight all of these things trying to take place: my panic attack, my tears, my claustrophobia…everything. But I could feel the tears starting to fill my eyes.
Something about Simon's embrace completely weakened my defenses. I shook my head a bit, trying to get the tears to go back where they belong. I felt Simon wrap his arms around my lower back, pressing our chests together, and I knew he could now feel my racing heart. I tried harder to get out of his arms, but to no avail.
"Simon…" I whispered and eventually just stopped trying and hid my face in his shoulder. I could force the panic attack away, and push my claustrophobia aside as well, but the damned tears wouldn't leave. "I don't wanna cry…" I whispered, rubbing my eyes on his clothed shoulder.
"You have to, Alvin. I can tell you've been keeping whatever this is bottled up for a long time and it's time to let it out," Simon said.
I could feel my body starting to shake a little and I tightened my grip on Simon's shirt on his sides. I can't cry…I've gone months without doing so, and I can go longer. I removed my hands from his sides and pried his arms from around me and sat up more, glaring into his eyes, holding his hands down.
"I won't," I said firmly, but I could feel the tears in the back of my eyes. Simon merely stared at me.
"Maybe you can tell me what happened," he suggested. I shook my head. That was even crazier than crying!
"I think not," I snapped. Simon sighed, pulling his hands free from mine and folding his arms.
"Alvin, this whole thing is unhealthy. You need to talk about it," he said. I rolled my eyes and looked away. "It's either me or a psychiatrist."
I shot him a cold look. "You wouldn't dare." He arched an eyebrow.
"Try me," he said. I huffed and folded my arms as well.
"I'm not saying anything to you or a shrink," I said. Simon could be too persistent for his own good.
"Maybe Dave then," he said. I glared at him.
"It's not that big of a deal, Simon!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms out. "It's in the past now!"
"Then let it go," he said. I was quiet.
Let it go? I can't. I tried, so many times. But I can't. I lowered my gaze, putting my hands in my lap.
"You don't understand…" I whispered. I saw Simon look at me more closely, and I realized I was opening up. I immediately got defensive and remained quiet.
"What don't I understand, Alvin?" Simon asked me. I didn't acknowledge the question. "I'm trying to help you, Alvin."
I shook my head, trying to tune him out as he continued to try and get me to open up. It must have been a couple of minutes and all I'm hearing is him say, "Just tell me." It's running through my head over and over.
That's all I can hear now, "Just tell me." I covered my ears with my hands, closing my eyes tightly.
"Fine!" I shouted. I threw my hands down, glaring into his shocked gray eyes. "I was raped! Are you happy now? There, I told you!"
I could see he wasn't expecting the problem to be so severe, but I didn't care. I could feel my body trembling again. I had gotten one thing out of my system, but there was still more.
"A-Alvin…" Simon whispered my name, sounding concerned and shocked. "I'm so-"
"Don't even think about it. Don't pity me, I don't need it," I interrupted. "I only told you because you wouldn't shut up. I didn't want to tell you. I don't want your advice, or words or wisdom, or any comfort."
"Tell me what happened," Simon said, completely ignoring what I'd just said. I shook my head stubbornly.
"Did you not hear what I just told you?" I demanded. Simon nodded.
"I'm not giving you advice, or offering you wise words or comfort. I'm waiting for you to tell what happened." Damn smartass.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said.
"But you need to," he said. I sighed. Deep down I did want to talk about it, and be offered advice and comfort. And here Simon was, offering those to me openly. Maybe talking about it was a good idea. I looked up at him, and he smiled reassuringly.
"Alright… I was going to a sleepover with some friends and I was excited. I got a ride from my friend Mike and he picked up Nick and Andy before we all arrived at Kevin's house."
I made sure Simon was keeping up with me, even though I wasn't going fast at all. If anything, I was too slow.
"Go on, Alvin," Simon said gently. I let out a breath.
"I can't…" I curled in on myself. I had tried so hard to forget it, but the more I did, the better I remembered it. "It was just a misunderstanding… A joke gone wrong."
Simon pulled me close again. I gasped and moved away, breathing heavy a bit. "You have claustrophobia," he said, as though he just realized it. I nodded and relaxed as he moved away a bit. "Keep going, Alvin."
I swallowed and looked at my lap.
At the Sleepover
It was fun, we had popcorn and watched a couple scary movies and played his Wii. Then we all started teasing Kevin about his shirt. He wore a pink one.
"That's the same color Alvin's diva girlfriend wears all the time," Andy said with a laugh. I saw Kevin glare at him.
I laughed too, "Maybe Kevin's gay." I missed the look of rage flash through his eyes.
"And then what?" Simon asked me. I didn't answer right away.
"After we all went to bed later, he woke me up and told me he wanted to talk to me…"
I followed him out of the living room and upstairs, into his room. "What's up, Kev?"I asked, rubbing my eyes. He shut the door behind him and I looked over at him when he locked it.
I watched him advance on me, and I stepped back at the look of anger in his eyes. "I'm gonna show you how gay I am, Al."
He pushed me onto the bed and…
"…raped you…" Simon breathed out in shock. I nodded and closed my eyes, remembering the encounter too well.
I gasped as he penetrated me, ripping me. The pain was unbearable and I told him to stop. After that, he kept his hand over my mouth. I watched his face, tears in my eyes. He looked like he was enjoying it, and every time he moaned, I whimpered.
The sensation of him coming burnt and I tried to squirm but he just went harder. He gripped my hips and angled them so he could go in more and I cried. All I could do was cry.
Simon was quiet. I wasn't surprised. It was then I realized I had let a few tears escape from their cage and moved to wipe them away. Simon stopped me though, grabbing my wrists gently.
"You need to cry, Alvin," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I-I can't…" I whispered back, feeling my eyes fill with tears.
"You can, Alvin," he said, pulling me into a hug, but it wasn't tight like before. I knew I could move away, if I wanted. But I didn't want to. I wrapped my arms around his back, clutching his shirt, burying my face in his shoulder.
I realized I was still fighting against my tears. I had spent three months trying not to cry. And now I wanted to, I think.
I pulled back from the embrace and looked at Simon. "I can't…I don't know how."
Simon looked at me, thinking. "You were crying when you told me about it. Maybe, to get closure, you should think about it again. You never cried whenever you thought about it afterward, huh?" I shook my head. "Then do that."
I nodded. It made sense. Maybe it would work. I closed my eyes.
"How's this for gay?" Kevin asked breathlessly as he thrust in and out of me.
My eyes shot open and I looked around before meeting Simon's eyes. "You can do it; it's just a memory now." I was reluctant, but closed my eyes again.
My breath caught with every thrust, each one more painful than the last.
I couldn't believe what was happening. My best friend was raping me. I let out a muffled sob as he shifted my body and managed to go in deeper.
I clawed at his back and sides, trying to push him away, but his size compared to mine was much bigger.
"Shit," he moaned out, and his thrusts went faster and harder, causing my pain to triple and my tears to increase. I felt his orgasm shoot inside of me and it burned as it shot past my torn inside. I couldn't stop crying, even after he pulled out painfully, redressed and left, leaving me on the bed, bleeding, broken and hurt.
I cradled my head in my hands as these images flashed through my mind, my tears rolling down in rivers. I hiccupped slightly as a sob built into my throat and I felt Simon hug me, whispering words of comfort to me.
I awoke later and felt like a ton of weight had been lifted off of me. I sat up and Simon looked over at me from his book on his bed. He smiled at me. "Feel better?"
It took me a moment to catch on to what he meant and I nodded. "A lot actually." Simon nodded.
"I'd expect so. You cried for a good hour before you cried yourself to sleep, and even in your sleep you were crying," he said. I brushed it off, only to prevent myself from blushing at how much I had cried. "But you let out three months' worth of neglected emotions."
I sat cross legged and looked at my brother. "You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" Simon closed his book.
"I don't plan to. But I do want you to see a counselor. You need to get professional help Alvin," he said.
"But I have you," I said. "Don't I?" Simon smiled at me and came over to me.
"You do, Alvin. But I'm not a professional counselor," he said.
"But I don't want to talk to some random person," I complained. Simon chuckled.
"That's why you get to know them. Please, just try it," he insisted. I sighed and nodded.
**Two Weeks Later**
I looked at my counselor in the eyes for the first time. This was our first meeting and I couldn't get past thinking of her as a stranger.
Letting out a deep breath, I said, "I'm Alvin. What's your name?"
That's it, people! I hope you enjoyed it and please review for me.